T'was The Night Before Christmas DU Style (With sincere apologies to Major Henry Livingston Jr.)
Last edited Thu Dec 24, 2015, 10:24 AM - Edit history (1)
'Twas the night before Christmas and here in The Function
Not a creature was stirring, not even The Gungeon;
The stockings were hung all over The Lounge with care,
Along with pictures of kittens that are always posted there;
The Berners and Hillers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of candidates gyrated in their heads;
And Skinner in his Snuggie, EarlG in his cap,
and Elad had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the Internet there arose such a boisterous clatter,
I sprang from my Craftmatic to see what's the matter.
Away to the iMac I flew, with absent my trousers,
Logged on the computer and opened the browsers.
I gazed upon my screen all manner of Republican nuttery.
To a political junkie like me, it's all tasty and buttery,
When, instead of some fun, came the worst of letdowns,
I beheld a miniature clown car, and nine tiny clowns,
With a little old driver, so obtuse and lumpy,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Trumpy.
More vapid than baggers, these GOPer hopefuls they came,
And he snorted, and rambled, and called the rest by name;
"Now, CRUZIE! now, BUSHIE! now, HUCKSTER and FROTHEN!
On, CARSIE! on CRISCO! on, AQUABUDDHA and THAT OTHER GUY WHOSE NAME I'VE FORGOTTEN!
To the top of Nashua! to the top of Des Moines!
Now run away! run away! run from my loins!"
As Gadsen flags fly, fluttered by right wing hot air,
The facts, pollsters and pundits avoid, with nary a care.
Before a boisterous crowd of rabid morons they flew,
With the car full of bullshit, and St. Trumpster too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on my iMac
The stumbling and grumbling of each political PAC.
As I scrolled down the browser, I clicked on a link,
On the screen came St. Trumpy, just as my tummy started to sink.
He was dressed, all in Brooks Brothers, from his neck to his foot,
And on his scalp was glued a three-toed sloth or a dead rat to boot;
A bundle of fascistic rhetoric he had rattling in his head,
I plainly saw that he was The Monster from the Republicans' Id.
His eyes -- how they squinted! his dimples how scuzzy!
His cheeks were all swollen, his nose hairs so fuzzy!
His lipless little mouth was drawn up in a smirk,
And his entire countenance confirmed him a jerk;
He gritted his teeth, then he changed to a pout,
And reams of disjointed nonsense he started to shout;
"You're all losers, I'm the best, it's so great to be me,
and I'll kick out the Muslims and Mexicans, with enthusiasm and glee."
The moronic crowd ate him up, this horrible old elf,
And I winced when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A craze of his eye and the dead rat on his head,
Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread;
He spoke endless nonsense, getting a rise out of the crowd;
And emptied their heads, common sense disallowed.
He swerved and bent over and let out a poot.
And the morons ate it all up, this clown for they'd root;
All done, he sprang to the clown car, with the others in tow,
And away they all flew to Carolina, for the rest of the show.
But I heard him exclaim, "Look at them all, they're nothing but suckers.
If I can do one thing well, I can fleece motherfuckers."
The End!
I wish all of you a Happy Holiday and Joyous New Year, Everybody!
And remember, friends don't let friends not vote against Republicans in November 2016.
= new reply since forum marked as read
Happy happy holidays, Mr. Scorpio! May all your fondest dreams come true in the New Year.
(heh heh heh: "his nose hairs how scuzzy." 
)
For that you should get a Major Award!
Merry Christmas!
I was not disappointed!
Well done!
That is hysterical.
