Senate Officially Mourns Return of Ted Cruz

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The United States Senate declared an official day of mourning on Wednesday to mark the impending return of Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) to the legislative body.

Ordering all flags at the U.S. Capitol to half-staff, the Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, announced the day of mourning in a somber proclamation. “We mark this day with a deep personal sense of loss that will never completely heal,” he said.

To recognize Cruz’s return, which is expected to be imminent, McConnell said that the Senate would suspend all work for the day. “Ordinarily our members would welcome a day off,” he said. “But not for this.”

In a rare moment of consensus for this bitterly divided chamber, both Republicans and Democrats expressed their sorrow, but the news of Cruz’s return seemed to cut the deepest among Republicans, many of whom now regret their decision not to endorse the Texas senator for President.

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/senate-officially-mourns-return-of-ted-cruz

[elleng]

1. “Ordinarily our members would welcome a day off,” he said. “But not for this.”

[no_hypocrisy]

2. Expect Ted Cruz to put a hold on every single Trump nomination.

Ted returns to the Senate with a long memory.

[UTUSN]

3. Bwah-HAH - who's sorrier, Senate or Texas?!1 n/t

[rurallib]

4. They actually have this week off

So McConnell will try to move the Senate to an undisclosed location so Ted can't find it Monday.

Look in a low population state that begins with a vowel

[FrodosPet]

5. Here?

[Skink]

6. Deal was made. Cruz is sizing black robes now.

[Volaris]

8. Don't you talk that Crazy Talk around here!

shame on you for even suggesting such a thing lol
Icky and Gawd forbid.

The Constitution would need a Mr.Clean Magic Eraser for all the filth that a Judge Cruz would end up getting on it.

[Skink]

9. Don't worry he's Canadian

Not on the short list

[Initech]

7. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!