Top 10 Conservative Idiots #26: Why Would God Let Trump Happen? Edition

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Last edited Mon May 9, 2016, 01:27 PM - Edit history (1)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #26: Why Would God Let Trump Happen? Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! So I saw Dream Theater last night. Absolutely incredible show. My favorite thing about the metal community is that everyone follows and listens to the same bands. I saw lots of Iron Maiden, Pink Floyd, Rush, Symphony X, Opeth shirts, you name it. But the show was incredible. They have this new album out that's a 2 1/2 hour double disc concept album they put out called "The Astonishing". The album itself is unreal, but seeing it live is indescribable - it really is like seeing a movie unfold before your very eyes with a live band in front of it! I've been a fan of theirs a long time but until last night I had no idea how much range James LaBrie had in his voice. He sang both the male and female parts. Seriously, name any voice actor out there and I'm sure chances are good that they couldn't do what LaBrie is doing. If you have the chance see this show. And buy the album while you're at it, support the metal! And especially support boundary-pushing bands like Dream Theater! So let’s get to it. But first Stephen Colbert wants to know why would God let Donald Trump happen?

This is kind of our first special edition for the 2016 elections here. Because now that Donald Trump has triumphed over all contenders, we can’t bring you the Trump free edition that we promised. But you know folks, let’s talk series finales. You know – those gigantic episodes where they kind of wrap everything up in a nice, neat package and send off all your favorite characters, round up your favorite guest stars, have some crazy plot twists, that sort of thing. And for Obama, before he packs up his White House for good, that series finale was last week’s White House Correspondents Dinner. And a series finale can either be great, or it can be a shit show. Breaking Bad – awesome finale. Dexter – shit show. M*A*S*H – great finale. Seinfeld – shit show. Well you get the idea. You know what they say – all great things must come to an end. Anyway the series finale for the Obama administration is arguably the White House Correspondents Dinner. And this year? It was about half way between being great and being a complete shit show. But speaking of shit shows, not one, but the top 2 slots are going to go to the Bathroom Police (1, 2). In the first slot the AFA is turning up the insanity in regards to North Carolina's HB-2, but in the second slot we're going to show you that it's not all doom and gloom for the transgendered community. At number 3 and 4 we're going to recap Obama's send off with the White House Correspondents Dinner recap. Taking the 5th seed, is the biggest loser of the GOP - Ted Cruz, and we'll have Donald Trump's reactions to some of his comments. At number 6 and 7 is well, Trumpenfuror himself. At number six we're going to tell you how he spent Cinco De Mayo, while the 7th slot is going to talk about his biggest supporters - racist uncles. In the number 8 slot, we're going to talk about the Donald Trump Deflectors (8) which would not only make an awesome cheerleading squad, but people who are actually in power don't like the fact that he might actually wield power. At number 9, Dennis Hastert (9) is attempting to use the GOP "Get out of jail free" card. And finally this week, because I don't want you to get burned out on Donald Trump news, we’re going to talk about poop. Because I am a 12 year old (metaphorically of course). Wait, don’t go! And more specifically, we’re going to Akron, Ohio for this one. It turns out that a serial pooper (10) is on the loose, and this story is even crazier than you would think it is. Not to mention there’s lots of articles filled with bad puns and poop jokes for your amusement! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key !


[font size="8"]The Bathroom Police[/font]


Sigh… North Carolina’s HB-2 law isn’t going away any time soon. In fact things are getting worse than ever for America’s transgendered community. But before I get into it this week, can we talk about some of the things Caitlyn Jenner has been doing? Are you guys fine with that? I knew you would be! I mean did we really need to know that she used the ladies’ room at Trump Tower in New York City? What purpose did that serve? It would have made more of a statement if she used the ladies’ room at a Target in Greensboro.

A video that she posted on Facebook Wednesday shows Jenner walking in and out of Trump International Hotel and Tower in New York City for a bathroom break -- in the women's room.
"A trans woman in New York, I gotta take a pee. Anyways, Oh my God, Trump International Tower, I love this," Jenner says in the video.
She also knocks Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz for his stance on a controversial North Carolina law, which requires people to use the bathroom that corresponds with their "biological sex" stated on their birth certificate, rather than how they self-identify.
After leaving the bathroom in the luxury Trump property on Columbus Circle in Manhattan, Jenner quips: "By the way, Ted, nobody got molested."
http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/28/politics/caitlyn-jenner-bathroom-trump-tower-donald-trump/

Great that she took some pot shots at Ted Cruz. But how is this a controversy! It’s 2016! And she was in New York City, where that’s allowed! I mean come on people!!! But do we really need her on the cover of the SI Swimsuit Issue? I feel like this is going to hurt the trans community more than it is going to help:

Caitlyn Jenner is reportedly posing nude for the cover of Sports Illustrated, wearing "nothing but an American flag and her Olympic medal."
Caitlyn Jenner uses the women's bathroom in Trump Towers
It will be the first time the former athlete will pose with her gold medal since the bombshell July 2015 Vanity Fair profile in which Jenner came out as transgender. This year marks the 40th anniversary of the 66-year-old's world decathlon record at the 1976 Montreal Summer Games; a source told Us Weekly, "She's excited about that."

Jenner refers to the medal as her "most prized possession," but has said that she tries not to flaunt it because she never wanted her children to feel overshadowed by her achievements.

Since coming out, Jenner has become a highly visible figure in the trans community, most recently talking about her right to use women's restrooms and working on a guest spot on the Amazon drama "Transparent."

Read more: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/caitlyn-jenner-to-pose-nude-for-sports-illustrated-cover/

I can seriously picture the heads of MRAs, frat boys, and all the other SI Swimsuit Issue subscribers doing this:

But North Carolina’s HB-2 may be overturned because it is a direct violation of the Civil Rights Act passed in 1964:

The Department of Justice told North Carolina's governor on Wednesday that a new state law limiting restroom access for transgender people violates the U.S. Civil Rights Act.

In a letter to Republican Governor Pat McCrory that was seen by Reuters, the Justice Department said the state was "engaging in a pattern or practice of discrimination against transgender state employees," and it had until Monday to address the issue.

McCrory's office did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

In March, North Carolina became the first state in the country to require transgender people to use restrooms in public buildings and schools that match the sex on their birth certificate instead of one that matches their gender identity.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/north-carolina-transgender-law-violates-civil-rights-law-us/ar-BBsEsV8?li=BBnbfcL

But in an even greater act of defiance than Caitlyn Jenner using the ladies’ room at Trump Tower, the bullies who created HB-2 are calling the kettle black:

North Carolina Republican lawmakers vowed to defy a federal order to repeal or stop enforcing a controversial anti-LGBT law.

The U.S. Department of Justice on Wednesday found the law violated the federal Civil Rights Act and Title IX, and officials ordered lawmakers to comply with those laws by next week or risk billions of dollars in federal education funding.

But House Speaker Tim Moore indicated Thursday that he and his fellow Republicans had no intention of meeting the federally mandated deadline, reported The News & Observer.

“We will take no action by Monday,” Moore said. “That deadline will come and go. We don’t ever want to lose any money, but we’re not going to get bullied by the Obama administration to take action prior to Monday’s date. That’s not how this works.”

http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/nc-republicans-vow-to-defy-obama-order-to-fix-anti-lgbt-law-were-not-going-to-get-bullied/comments/#disqus

You guys directly violated a federal civil rights law! There’s only one thing I have to say about that!

Last week after I reported that an AFA attorney admitted that she would “shoot to kill” anyone who dares use the bathroom with which they most identify, or a cop who would beat the shit out of trans people, the American Family Asshats admitted that they were doing this:

But rather than take a moment of reflection and realize that what’s really at work here is regular old transphobia and fear-mongering being used to hit back at the LGBT community for having scored a number of recent victories at the state and federal level, conservatives are trying to invent the problem to justify their barbaric solution. For an obvious example, look no further than designated hate group American Family Association, whose director of governmental affairs, Sandy Rios, just admitted that her organization has been sending men into women’s bathrooms at Target in the hopes of eliciting a reaction.

Why Target? The store recently outraged Republicans by publicly standing with the LGBT community and saying its customers can use whichever bathroom they feel most comfortable with. This set in motion the usual calls for boycotts, the usual right-wing smears, and now this… a movement to harass women in Target bathrooms so they are scared enough to demand the policy change.
http://www.addictinginfo.org/2016/05/02/christian-group-admits-to-sending-men-into-womens-bathrooms-to-scare-you-into-hating-trans-people/

You know AFA, by continuing to harass and threaten trans people, you’re not helping your case. In fact you’re only advancing the cause for these laws to get overturned by SCOTUS (which they will eventually) and you’re only making yourselves look like assholes here. As evidence, I give you exhibit A:

Anti-LGBT activists appear to be filming themselves terrorizing Target stores while yelling at the store and its customers to “repent” — in one case leading to 911 calls about an active shooter.

In at least three instances this week, protesters — who identify themselves as Christians — are seen screaming throughout the aisles of the store about the retailer’s policy on transgender-friendly restrooms.

In the video above, purportedly shot in Portland, Oregon, a man is seen abruptly clapping his hands in the back of a store before bellowing: “Target, this is your wake-up call!”

He goes on to decry “transvestites” as defying God’s will.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/protesters-invade-target-stores-to-preach_us_5728acf7e4b0bc9cb044862e

And yes there is tape of this:

But if you want to see what an actual sex crime that the GOP is afraid of looks like, once again, why the people committing these atrocities are not trans people! Instead the fundies are guiltier of sex crimes than just about anybody!

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2016/05/05/duggar-linked-ministry-building-a-retreat-where-christian-dads-can-trade-their-teen-daughters/
It’s becoming increasingly clear that when TLC decided to promote a story of the fundamentalist Christian Duggar family, they weren’t just idolizing right-wing anti-gay bigots, they were legitimizing a toxic cult that for years had lived in the shadows and now – thanks to increasing exposure – has begun to fester and grow.

“Quiverfull,” the fundamentalist movement run by a man named Vaughn Ohlman, works to silence and control women in ways that wouldn’t seem entirely out of place in regions controlled by the Taliban. Its “pitch” is that women should be subservient to their husbands, and relied on primarily for household chores and churning out babies. (The “full” quiver in the name is a nod to the number of children each family is encouraged to have – as many as possible.)...

Enter Ohlman’s brand new “retreat” designed specifically for Christian dads to meet up and plan who they will give their daughters to, particularly troublesome ones who may be nearly out of high school and haven’t found a husband yet....

“Unforeseen contingencies” might include the fact that nowhere in Let Them Marry Ministries’ lengthy post is the consent of the children ever acknowledged. “Let them marry” really means “let us marry them off.”

Holy fucking shit. So let me see if I can follow their logic, or lack thereof: It’s not OK for trans people to use the restroom of their choice. But it’s OK for the Quiverfull movement to overpopulate the planet and sell young women off into sex slavery, and they look the other way on child rape. Ain’t these people great?

[font size="8"]The Bathroom Police Pt. 2[/font]


So it's not all doom and gloom for the trans community. In fact governor Pat McCrory not only has a sad, he is taking it out on the people he's accusing of creating the backlash against HB-2. But before I explain why, can we get the Sad Hulk Music?

[div class="excerpt"] http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/davidbadash/watch_pat_mccrory_says_hb2_didn_t_cause_backlash_this_was_started_by_the_left
Governor Pat McCrory says that HB2 is not to blame for the billions of dollars and thousands of jobs lost in North Carolina. His sweeping anti-LGBT law, parts of which were declared illegal by the U.S. Dept. of Justice Wednesday afternoon, has been specifically mentioned by countless corporations and performers as the reason they are refusing to do business in the Tar Heel state. McCrory denied any and all responsibility for HB2 and its effects, despite having called for the law after Charlotte passed a nondiscrimination ordinance, and despite having signed HB2 into law less than 12 hours after it was first introduced into the General Assembly.

"I don't think it was HB2 that caused it, regardless of what you and the national press might say," Gov. McCrory said early Wednesday evening at the N.C. Chamber Annual Government Affairs Conference.

"This was started by the left," the Republican governor insisted, despite the fact that nine other North Carolina municipalities have had the same or similar ordinances for years, with no push back from previous governors or state lawmakers. "In fact most of the national media thinks the right started this issue, it was the political left," he repeated.

McCrory, after having discussed the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance, and ignoring Charlotte's failed nondiscrimination ordinance last year, then claimed "this was never an issue until just recently, and it came out of the woodwork. And it came, this particular issue, came from the political left," McCrory again repeated.

Can I be the first to call out McCrory on this? Because we all know what we are thinking with this one!



But even though it's bullshit here's where things are looking up. Oregon is doing everything right that North Carolina should have done.

[div class="excerpt"] http://www.oregonlive.com/education/index.ssf/2016/05/oregon_lays_out_sweeping_prote.html
Transgender students across Oregon should be able to use the bathrooms, names and pronouns they want, according to unprecedented guidelines released Thursday by the Oregon Department of Education.

In a sweeping 15-page document the department issued what are likely to be controversial suggestions for Oregon educators — directing them to allow transgender females to play girls sports, for example, and transgender boys to wear tuxedos to prom.

They also suggest school leaders use transgender students' preferred names, even if that differs from a legal name, on all transcripts and diplomas. And they say the state will require no proof before changing a student's gender in Oregon records.

"A student who says she is a girl and wishes to be regarded that way throughout the school day should be respected and treated like any other girl," the document reads. "So too with a student who says he is a boy."

That's how it should be done!

But... it gets even better! First Target is not the only store fighting back against HB-2 and the AFA. Other companies have joined in:

[div class="excerpt"]http://www.newnownext.com/starbucks-barnes-noble-join-target-in-instituting-trans-friendly-bathroom-policies/05/2016/
Starbucks, Hudson’s Bay Co.—parent company to Lord & Taylor and Saks Fifth Avenue—and Barnes & Noble have all come out in support of trans people’s rights to use the bathrooms that best align with their gender identities.


There's talk from the DOJ that North Carolina might repeal HB-2 as early as next week. Oh wait.... they're not doing that.

[div class="excerpt"] http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/davidbadash/north_carolina_s_gop_speaker_of_the_house_is_lying_his_ass_off
On Wednesday, the U.S. Dept. of Justice officially notified the State of North Carolina, in a letter to Gov. McCrory, that HB2 is illegal. The DOJ, in its three-page letter explaining why HB2 is illegal, demanded Gov. McCrory respond by Monday at 6:00 PM EDT, stating if he will cease enforcing HB2.

The DOJ noted that if the governor missed the deadline, it could withhold hundreds of millions, and possibly billions of dollars in federal funding.

Enter North Carolina's grandstanding Speaker of the House, GOP Rep. Tim Moore. Thursday afternoon, Moore held a press conference blaming President Obama, and, spectacularly, stating North Carolina had no intention of meeting the DOJ deadline.

“We will take no action by Monday,” Moore told reporters Thursday, as reported by Colin Campbell of the News & Observer. “That deadline will come and go. We don't ever want to lose any money, but we're not going to get bullied by the Obama administration to take action prior to Monday's date. That's not how this works.”

But this is the same party who said they would not be bullied by Obama! They're only doing.... exactly.... what..... they said they would.... do...? But you know what? Every time that Christian people think they're entitled to harass an innocent trans person just needing to take a piss, because a sex crime "might take place", I'm going to fight back by showing actual really fucked up things they do in regards to sex while claiming to be Christian. Are you guys OK with that? I knew you would be! Like this!

[div class="excerpt"] Earlier today, we posted about a Christian group planning on holding a retreat for parents who wanted to marry off their children. Making matters worse, the host of the event, Vaughn Ohlman, suggested that the kids could be as young as their early teens.

As of tonight, however, that event has been canceled.

The retreat — and that word seems particularly apt here — was slated to take place at Camp Hiawatha in Wichita, Kansas, a campground owned by the Salvation Army. The group denied any involvement with Ohlman’s organization Let Them Marry once the story went viral online:

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/05/05/christian-mans-retreat-to-arrange-marriages-for-kids-has-been-canceled/?utm_source=SilverpopMailing&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=friendlyatheist_050616UTC050521_daily&utm_content=&spMailingID=51319515&spUserID=MTE4MTY1MzAzMTE5S0&spJobID=920742067&spReportId=OTIwNzQyMDY3S0

Yes! Arranged marriages are a thing in America for some reason. Or this:

[div class="excerpt"]http://www.alternet.org/tea-party-and-right/purity-balls-plan-b-and-bad-sex-policy-inside-americas-virginity-obsession

The men and girls in the photos hold hands and embrace – the young women are in long white dresses, the men in suits or military regalia. If some of the girls in the pictures weren't so young - Laila and Maya Sa up there are seven and five years old, respectively - the portraits could be mistaken for wedding or prom pictures. What they actually capture, though, are images of those who participate in purity balls – father-daughter dances featuring girls who pledge to remain virgins until marriage and fathers who promise to protect their daughters' chastity.

The images from Swedish photographer David Magnusson's new book, Purity, are beautiful, disturbing and tell a distinctly American story – a story wherein a girl's virginity is held up as a moral ideal above all else, a story in which the most important characteristic of a young woman is whether or not she is sexually active. This narrative of good girls and bad girls, pure girls and dirty girls, is one that follows young women throughout their lives. Purity balls simply lay that dichotomy bare. In a clip from a Nightline Prime episode on these disconcerting events , a father tells his braces-clad daughter, "You are married to the Lord, and your father is your boyfriend." (Update: As part of a purity event over the weekend sponsored by the Las Vegas police department, one of its officers told girls that if they had pre-marital sex they would end up rape victims, gang members, drug addicts or prostitutes.)

So by following their logic again - it's not OK for trans people to use the bathroom of their choice or identify by the gender they feel the most comfortable with. But the Christian right has absolutely no problem with selling the idea of arranged marriages. And they're also perfectly OK with a creepy dance where daughters pledge their virginity to their fathers. #FundiesSoCreepy

[font size="8"]White House Correspondents Dinner Recap Pt. 1[/font]

Boom. So if the Obama administration were a TV series, the final state of the union which was given back in February, would be the penultimate episode, like Breaking Bad’s “Granite State”, or the Sopranos’ “The Blue Comet”.. The White House Correspondents Dinner (WHCD) or “Nerd Prom” as it’s often called, would be the series finale. And just like any good series finale, the WHCD was chock full of the things you’d expect from a great series finale – you’d bring back series regulars, fan favorites, maybe have an exciting plot twist at the end which long time viewers weren’t expecting. And any series finale can go two ways – the first is that it can be spectacular, like Breaking Bad, M*A*S*H, or The Sopranos. Or it can be like Seinfeld or Dexter, and be a complete shit show. This was the latter. Rather than have fan favorite guest stars return and maybe the plot twist you were expecting, instead you got Larry Willmore. Love him or hate him, let’s roll tape and let you decide.

But more specifically here’s a transcript of some of the remarks that Mr. Wilmore made:

Comedy Central star Larry Wilmore was the entertainer at the White House correspondents’ dinner on Saturday night, where he delivered a roast full of insults for everyone: President Obama, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and of course, the media. There were some audible gasps in the room at some of this material, and we’ll probably be debating for a while whether he went too far. Here are some of his harshest burns:
— “Welcome to Negro Night here in Washington. Or as Fox News will report, ‘Two thugs disrupt elegant dinner in DC.'”
—  “Nice to be here, though, at the White House correspondents’ dinner where, as you know, they’re gonna call it next year, ‘Donald Trump Hosts a Luxurious Dinner Paid For By Mexico.'
— “A little bit about me: I am a black man who replaced a white man who pretended to be a TV newscaster. So yeah, in that way, Lester Holt and I have a lot in common.”
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/reliable-source/wp/2016/05/01/larry-wilmores-harshest-burns-in-his-white-house-correspondents-dinner-speech/?tid=a_inl

But see here’s the thing – Stephen Colbert – who did the WHCD in 2006 in the early days of the Colbert Report – crushed it. I mean most of what he said back then still rings true 10 years later. I mean was Larry Wilmore attempting to do the same thing? But the president himself had some great stuff at his final big WHCD dinner speech. Let’s first roll tape and then discuss:

Some of his best jokes (yes, against Donald Trump).
Even in absentia, Donald Trump was the most talked-about person in the room at the so-called “nerd prom.”
On April 30, Saturday night, at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner—an annual see-and-be-seen event where Administration officials hobnob with the Washington press corp alongside a crazy quilt of celebrities from across the cultural spectrum—the billionaire Republican frontrunner was more conspicuous by his absence. (Trump, like Hillary Clinton, Democratic frontrunner, was on the campaign trail.)
Still, Trump became the punchline for a barrage of stinging jokes by President Obama in what was generally regarded as a command performance at the president’s eighth and final Correspondents’ Dinner.
<snip>
“The Republican establishment is incredulous that he’s the likely nominee. Shocking!” Obama said. “They say Donald lacks the foreign policy experience to be president. But in fairness, he has spent years meeting with leaders from around the world: Ms Sweden, Ms. Argentina, Ms. Azerbaijan.”
And, then:
“And there’s one area where Donald’s experience could be invaluable. That’s closing Guantanamo,” the president continued. “Because Trump knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground.”
http://fortune.com/2016/05/01/obama-white-house-correspondents-dinner/

Oh snap!!! He didn’t go there did he! But in typical Top 10 fashion, let’s fact check that shit and see if there’s any truth to President Obama’s statement shall we?

On the campaign trail, Donald Trump recently talked about his philosophy on settling lawsuits. CBS News took a closer look at a few cases Trump settled in the late 2000s that revealed some things about Trump's business dealings.
According to Forbes, the GOP presidential candidate's wealth is now estimated at $4.5 billion. Trump started making money when he actually owned buildings. But today, he doesn't own nearly 40 percent of the 62 buildings that bear his name.
Trump began licensing deals when he started to see the market going soft in the mid-2000s. Putting his name on projects -- but not owning them -- meant he would not be responsible if the developments failed.
The Trump licensing partnership often works like this: A company wants to develop a property, and Trump either manages the property or just puts his name on it and gets a fee.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/gop-candidate-donald-trump-licenses-his-name-real-estate-lawsuits-over-failed-developments/

“I’m not exactly sure how Mr. Obama feels about this subject! See I make the best decisions, I use the best words, and I have a gigantic penis. I’m the best real estate broker in the entire world! I will build the best wall, I will hire the best contractors, and Mexico is going to pay for it!”

But wait – go back to this part from that last article.

Investors say the Trump name was a great selling point, and they thought if it was good enough for Trump, it must be a safe bet.

Think about that statement for a minute. If it was good enough for Trump, it must be a safe bet. Um… excuse me? Have you been paying attention to the same Trump that I have been paying to??? Go back and read that statement again. Read it several times if you have to. But there is definitely truth to what President Obama is saying! And Mr. Trump’s comment?




[font size="8"]White House Correspondents Dinner Recap Pt. 2[/font]


Well the insanity didn’t just stop with Larry Wilmore’s speech. The real batshit insanity that nearly turned the final WHCD for Obama into a total shit show happened at the after party. Can I get the appropriate music for this entry?

How much do I love the Lonely Island? Let me count the ways!

So here’s what made the series finale for the Obama administration turn from what should have been a celebration of the last 8 years into a complete shit show:

For an event held at the soaring U.S. Institute of Peace building in Foggy Bottom, the swanky afterparty hosted by MSNBC following the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner sure saw some conflict.
In the early-morning hours of Sunday, a scuffle broke out between Fox News correspondent Jesse Watters and Ryan Grim, the Huffington Post’s Washington bureau chief. The fight — unusual among a tuxedo-clad crowd more used to venting their differences with Twitter snarks — briefly caused ripples in the party, where political staffers and journalists were grooving to tunes spun by DJ Biz Markie and noshing on mini servings of chili cheese fries.
[The 2016 White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner: The fashion, the fights, the parties, the jokes, the guests]
Here’s how it went down, per several witness: Grim and Watters were among a group located in a heated tent just outside the main party area. The two apparently don’t have a personal relationship, but Grim realized who Watters was and recalled a beef he had with the “O’Reilly Factor” correspondent that dated back to 2009, when Watters, known as an “ambush journalist,” had engineered an on-camera confrontation of writer Amanda Terkel, now a HuffPo colleague of Grim. Terkel’s account of the incident was headlined “I Was Followed, Harassed, And Ambushed By Bill O’Reilly’s Producer.”
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/reliable-source/wp/2016/05/01/nerdy-fight-breaks-out-at-whcd-afterparty-between-fox-news-and-huffington-post-reporters/

Whoa! Let’s stop there for a minute! So this entire thing stems from a beef from the 2009 WHCD when O’Reilly’s producer had a beef with the Huffington Post and took it out on the writer that was sent there to cover the event. But here’s my favorite part of this story:

Asked for comment, a Fox spokeswoman said the most Washington thing ever: “Jesse will address the issue tomorrow night on The O’Reilly Factor.” Meanwhile, Grim was unrepentant. “Ambush guy can’t take getting ambushed,” he said. “Maybe he should think about his life choices.”

[font size="8"]Ted Cruz [/font]


So audience, I need your help to decide the appropriate music for this entry. Can you help me out here? Choice #1:

Or:

Or:

Or:

Or my personal favorite:

Yeah let’s go with that one.

So Ted Cruz is gone ladies and gentlemen! We have lost another one!

Ted Cruz dropped out of the presidential race on Tuesday night, ending one of the best-organized campaigns of 2016 after a series of stinging defeats left Donald Trump as the only candidate capable of clinching the nomination outright.
Cruz had appeared eager to go all the way to Cleveland to contest the Republican convention, but a string of massive losses in the Northeast and his subsequent defeat in Indiana convinced his team there was no way forward.
“From the beginning I’ve said that I would continue on as long as there was a viable path to victory,” Cruz said, with his wife Heidi by his side. “Tonight I’m sorry to say it appears that path has been foreclosed.”
http://www.politico.com/story/2016/05/ted-cruz-drops-out-of-presidential-race-222763

But he didn’t go quietly. He couldn’t leave without taking a few pot shots at Trumpenfuror.

Ted Cruz laid into Donald Trump with his most personal and toughest criticism since the GOP presidential campaign began, calling him a "pathological liar" on Tuesday who doesn't understand the difference between the truth and lies. 
Cruz prefaced his comments by saying that for the first time, he wanted to say exactly what he thought of Trump after the front-runner suggested Cruz's father might have had something to do with the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.
The Texas senator accused Trump of being both disingenuous and self-aggrandizing, saying Trump was a "narcissist" at a level "I don't think this country has ever seen."
"Donald Trump is such a narcissist that Barack Obama looks at him and says, 'Dude, what's your problem?' " Cruz said. 
“Whatever lie he’s telling, in that minute he believes it, Cruz added. "But the man is utterly amoral. Morality does not exist for him.”
http://www.thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/278514-cruz-trump-is-an-utterly-amoral-bully-narcissist-and

Wait… morality doesn’t exist for him? Do you belong to the same GOP as last year or the same GOP in the last few weeks? Dennis Hastert – this guy was a tick away from being president, and he’s a child rapist. You know what he’s getting? He’s getting the GOP “pray for forgiveness” get out of jail free card! That’s moral? What the hell? We’ll talk about that later on. But back to Cruz, let’s post some choice quotes from the man and see what Mr. Trump says. Like:

CRUZ: I'm going to tell you what I really think of Donald Trump. This man is a pathological liar. He doesn't know the difference between truth and lies. He lies practically every word that comes out of his mouth. And in a pattern that I think is straight out of a psychology textbook, his response is to accuse everybody else of lying.”
http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2016/05/03/cruz_explodes_pathological_liar_trump_a_narcissist_at_a_level_i_dont_think_this_country_has_ever_seen.html

Trump: “I’m not exactly sure how Mr. Cruz feels on this issue. I always tell the truth! Even when I lie! I’m a real life Tony Montana! You know, everyone loves Scarface because he always fought back against the establishment and that’s what I’m doing! And just like Tony, I also have a gigantic penis! Don’t ask me how I know that!”

Or:

CRUZ: The man is utterly amoral. Morality does not exist for him. It's why he went after Heidi directly and smeared my wife, attacked her. Apparently she's not pretty enough for Donald Trump. I may be biased, but I think if he's making that allegation, he's also legally blind.

Trump: “How dare you! I’m very moral! I’m the most moral guy you are ever going to meet! My wife is very hot. In fact she’s the hottest woman on the planet and she’ll make an unbelievably hot first lady. I mean come on, how many countries on earth can say their first lady is the hottest woman on the planet?”

Or:

If you care about immigration, Donald is laughing at you. And he's telling the moneyed elites he doesn't believe what he's saying. He's not going to build a wall. That's what he told The New York Times. He will betray you on ever you issue across the board. And his strategy of being a bully in particular is directed at women. Donald has a real problem with women.

Trump: “I’ve got a real problem with women? How dare you again sir! I have an amazing record with women. I know – my wife is scalding hot and my daughter is also scalding hot! And hey I’m not the one who did this to your wife after finding out you lost to me!”

And yes this happened:

.

While I don’t usually post satire articles in the Top 10, I have to give mention to this Borowitz Report, which brilliantly says what we’re all thinking:

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The United States Senate declared an official day of mourning on Wednesday to mark the impending return of Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) to the legislative body.

Ordering all flags at the U.S. Capitol to half-staff, the Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, announced the day of mourning in a somber proclamation. “We mark this day with a deep personal sense of loss that will never completely heal,” he said.

To recognize Cruz’s return, which is expected to be imminent, McConnell said that the Senate would suspend all work for the day. “Ordinarily our members would welcome a day off,” he said. “But not for this.”

In a rare moment of consensus for this bitterly divided chamber, both Republicans and Democrats expressed their sorrow, but the news of Cruz’s return seemed to cut the deepest among Republicans, many of whom now regret their decision not to endorse the Texas senator for President.

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/senate-officially-mourns-return-of-ted-cruz

[font size="8"]Donald Trump [/font]


So for this entry we really got to talk about how Trumpenfuror celebrated Cinco De Mayo. I mean this is about as batshit crazy as it gets. Do I need to remind everyone of how low Trump is polling with the Latino community?

PRINCETON, N.J. -- Presidential candidate Donald Trump has a major image problem among U.S. Hispanics, with 77% saying they view him unfavorably and just 12% viewing him favorably. This gives Trump by far the most negative image among Hispanics of any of the four Republican candidates. He also has a much more negative image among Hispanics than the two Democratic candidates.
http://www.gallup.com/poll/189887/trump-major-image-problem-hispanics.aspx

That’s right! His numbers are not just low, but a negative 77% rating among Hispanic and Latino voters! To give you an idea of how low of a number that is, right now, *I* have a polling approval rating among the Latino community of 0%. Well hey nobody asked!

But how did Donald Trump celebrate Cinco De Mayo? By posting this bizarre picture of himself eating a taco salad made at Trump Tower:

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/donald-trump-cinco-de-mayo

Donald Trump, the Republican Party's presumptive presidential nominee, celebrated Cinco de Mayo Thursday with a Tex-Mex taco bowl in New York.

"I love Hispanics!" Trump posted to social media, with a photo of the billionaire hunched over a barely-touched taco bowl purportedly from the Trump Tower Grill.

A recent Gallup poll found nearly 80 percent of Hispanics have an unfavorable view of Trump.

So he eats a taco salad and claims he loves Hispanics? That would be like me listening to a Norwegian black metal band and going “I LOVE NORWAY!!!!” I mean remember our Taco Bell hating friend Clem O’Connor (see Idiots #10)? To put things in perspective, that guy has more of a respect for Mexican culture than Donald Trump does! *AND* he has a higher approval rating among Latino voters than Donald Trump does! So let’s throw the Tweet up there:




By the way let’s zoom in on that shall we?




Yes! The placemat he’s using for his taco salad is none other than a picture of his first wife Marla Maples! Well done! #MYWIFE!!!



But Samantha Bee, formerly of the Daily Show, had a great response:

"The best taco bowls are made by hardworking immigrants who don't like being called rapists by a rich prick. I love inauthentic Mexican food!"

And in case you were wondering, this indeed backfired on him big time:

http://bigstory.ap.org/article/1412ed6de0454abc9d81e892e5fc53e6/trumps-cinco-de-mayo-post-draws-ire-some-latinos
NEW YORK (AP) — Donald Trump's social media post on Thursday to mark Cinco de Mayo immediately went viral, spawning criticism from some Latino groups that found it offensive and pandering.

Trump took to Twitter and Facebook with a picture of himself eating a taco bowl and the caption: "Happy Cinco de Mayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!"

The post generated tens of thousands of retweets and seemingly as many jokes. But not everyone found it amusing.

Janet Murguia, president of the National Council of La Raza, the nation's largest Hispanic civil rights organization, tweeted a short time later that the Republican presidential front-runner's post was "clueless, offensive and self-promoting."

"Eating a taco or wearing a sombrero doesn't cut it w/our community in 2016," Murguia tweeted.

And here’s the top 3 most liked responses on Facebook in response to Trumpenfuror’s Tweet:

"Can the taco bowl be president instead of Trump?" (143,912 likes)

" Equivalent to: 'Happy Black History Month! The best fried chicken is made at Trump Tower Grill. I love The Blacks!'" (88,009 likes)

"What do this taco bowl and Donald Trump have in common...? There is nothing authentic about either of them." (65,150 likes)

By the way in case you were wondering, the New York Eater reviewed the taco salad at Trump Tower. In a city filled with amazing food, why would anyone choose to eat something that’s bland and tasteless? #TrumpFoodSoBland

I also ordered "beef tacos" ($13.50) which turned out to be a fried tortilla bowl heaped with romaine lettuce, grated yellow cheese, and plain ground beef that was so devoid of flavor, it rendered an insult to Mexicans every bit as profound as Trump’s previous pronouncements. Trump food is bland food.
http://ny.eater.com/2016/1/21/10809092/nyc-donald-trump-restuarant

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]


Donald Trump, congratulations! You just won the Republican primary without having to wait for the RNC! What are you going to do?

Trump: “I’m not just going to go to Disneyland, no. I am going to go to Disney World, buy Epcot Center, gut it, and turn it into my personal billiards room! Because that’s what true winners like me who are very smart, very rich, and very good with money would do!”

So hypothetical situation time. You’re Donald Trump and you just won the GOP primaries last week. Now what do you do? Start picking vice presidents? Well he named some names, and those names don’t exactly agree with his choice:

It’s a time-honored tradition for politicians to deny any interest in the vice presidency. But this year, with the possibility of Donald J. Trump as the Republican nominee, they really mean it.
“Never,” said Chris Schrimpf, a spokesman for Gov. John Kasich of Ohio, who is still running against Mr. Trump. “No chance.”
“Hahahahahahahahaha,” wrote Sally Bradshaw, a senior adviser to Jeb Bush, when asked if he would consider it.
“Scott Walker has a visceral negative reaction to Trump’s character,” said Ed Goeas, a longtime adviser to the Wisconsin governor.
Or, as Senator Lindsey Graham put it, “That’s like buying a ticket on the Titanic.”
A remarkable range of leading Republicans, including Gov. Nikki Haley of South Carolina and Senator Jeff Flake of Arizona, have been emphatic publicly or with their advisers and allies that they do not want to be considered as Mr. Trump’s running mate. The recoiling amounts to a rare rebuke for a front-runner: Politicians usually signal that they are not interested politely through back channels, or submit to the selection process, if only to burnish their national profiles.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/01/us/politics/donald-trump-vice-president.html?_r=0

But one guy who might be open for consideration is a favorite punching bag here at the Top 10 and that’s David Duke:

http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/david-duke-hails-donald-trump-thwarting-jewish-supremacists-who-control-our-country
On his radio program today, white nationalist leader David Duke celebrated Donald Trump’s “amazing victory” in the Indiana primary, which allowed him to become the presumptive Republican nominee for president, hailing Trump for terrifying wealthy “Jewish extremists” and exposing the “Jewish supremacists who control our country.”

Trump, who earlier this year briefly refused to reject Duke’s endorsement, has been a favorite of white nationalist leaders like Duke, who predicted that the GOP presidential candidate will rehabilitate the image of Adolf Hitler.

And we’ve often said here that Donald Trump is the perfect leader for the KKK, and calling him “Trumpenfuror” and “Adolf Hitler Jr” maybe taking things a bit too far, methinks. Well not really especially when you figure that Donald Trump is the candidate of choice for white supremacists. Like this guy:

Former KKK leader David Duke isn’t the only high-profile white nationalist who has declared himself to be on team Trump.
In an interview with Richmond, Virginia, NBC affiliate WWBT, a man identified only as the “imperial wizard for the Rebel Brigade of the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan” weighed in on the 2016 presidential election and declared his support for Republican candidate Donald Trump. 
“I think Donald Trump would be best for the job,” he told anchor Chris Thomas. “The reason a lot of a lot of Klan members like Donald Trump is because a lot of what he believes, we believe in.” 
The KKK leader added that he doesn’t support Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), despite seeing eye-to-eye with him on a few issues, because he doesn’t consider the Canadian-born lawmaker to be an American citizen.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/virginia-imperial-wizard-kkk-donald-trump_us_5728e38be4b016f37893bbce

[font size="8"]The Donald Trump Deflectors [/font]


Sorry GOP but you own this one. Donald Trump is the candidate you created. I don’t want to talk about Donald Trump all the time, quite frankly I’m getting sick of it, but now that he’s inexplicably the front runner he’s going to be on the national stage all the time. The rest of the world is probably laughing at us. This is just jaw-droppingly stupid:

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/this-is-astounding

So many stories in presidential politics, in all politics, are more sound and fury than substance. This one isn't. It's hard to overstate how big a deal it is. Donald Trump caught a lot of grief during the primaries for putting several of his companies through bankruptcies during his career. He's also made a point of arguing that he'd bring his brand of "deal-making" to the presidency. It now seems like both of those things may have been way more significant than maybe anyone realized.

On CNBC this morning Trump suggested that one strategy he'll use for reducing the national debt is having bond holders accept "haircuts". To be clear what that means, he'll try to get people who own US Treasury bonds and are owned X to accept X/2, or some reduced amount of what they are owed.

That's called defaulting on a debt obligation.

In other words, he wants to put the US through something like bankruptcy. Now, to be clear, in the world of business this is not at all uncommon. In a bankruptcy proceeding almost everyone takes a haircut. Many lose everything. You were owed $7 million and you have to accept $2 million. It often happens in simple business negotiations too. Things aren't going great. Debt has to be restructured to help the company survive. A creditor thinks they might lose everything so they'll accept 50 cents on the dollar.

Wait so he wants to bankrupt America so it can pull itself back up? Excuse me? Have you seen how much debt the US is in already?

But here’s where the GOP doesn’t want anything to do with Trump. First there’s a list of people who *DO NOT* want to be Donald Trump’s VP:

Donald Trump is looking for a Republican, likely with political experience, to be his running mate as he shifts toward the general election.
The real estate mogul has boasted about his business chops, insisting he would be a strong president for the economy, jobs and the military while conceding that he could benefit from a vice president with congressional connections and experience to help pass his agenda.
On Thursday, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee set the odds that his running mate will be a former rival, suggesting during an interview with CNBC that there is “probably a 40 percent chance” that his veep will be one of the 16 candidates who ran against him for president.
http://www.politico.com/blogs/2016-gop-primary-live-updates-and-results/2016/05/donald-trump-vp-refuse-222863

John McCain is calling out that Trump’s victory has hurt his reelection chances:

“If Donald Trump is at the top of the ticket, here in Arizona, with over 30 percent of the vote being the Hispanic vote, no doubt that this may be the race of my life,” McCain said, according to a recording of the event obtained by POLITICO. “If you listen or watch Hispanic media in the state and in the country, you will see that it is all anti-Trump. The Hispanic community is roused and angry in a way that I've never seen in 30 years.”
http://www.politico.com/story/2016/05/trump-latinos-mccain-222810

Even Sean Hannity is suggesting that Paul Ryan is leading a circular firing squad against Trump:

Hannity spent the majority of his program railing against Republicans for failing to fall in line behind Trump, who he officially endorsed on Twitter Thursday night.
Before his show aired, Hannity tweeted to Ryan, "You have to be kidding me on @realDonaldTrump. Establishment out to sabotage GOP nominee, yet they betrayed the base #Pathetic"
He then suggested that Ryan is leading a "circular firing squad" on Trump as the nominee.
http://www.politico.com/story/2016/05/sean-hannity-no-paul-ryan-support-222883

[font size="8"]Dennis Hastert [/font]


So the GOP loves to “pray for forgiveness”. And they will do just about anything to save their own from getting indicted for the most evil shit imaginable. Like Dennis Hastert for instance. I briefly mentioned this last week but we need to bring it into the spotlight this week.

(CNN)Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert on Wednesday was sentenced to 15 months in prison and ordered to pay $250,000 to a victims' fund in a hush money case that revealed he was being accused of sexually abusing young boys as a teacher in Illinois.
He was also sentenced to two years of supervised release once he finishes his prison term.
For the first time, Hastert, 74, admitted to Judge Thomas M. Durkin in open court that he abused an unspecified number of boys.
One of the survivors of Hastert's abuse, Scott Cross, described the fallout from his actions in court.
"As a 17-year-old boy I was devastated," said Cross, who was previously identified as individual D and is the brother of a Hastert political supporter. "I tried to figure out why Coach Hastert had singled me out. I felt terribly alone. Today I understand I did nothing to bring this on, but at age 17, I could not understand what happened or why."
http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/27/politics/dennis-hastert-sentencing/

Holy fucking shit! You know I think there’s a cell mate in a Pennsylvania penitentiary who would make a perfect match for Dennis. I mean Jesus. First you have sex with an underage teenage boy. Then you pay him off to keep quiet. Then the check… fucking bounces! Could this be just as bad or worse than the Penn State situation? Um… I think it’s worse. You have a guy who’s the former SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE doing this and then bribing his victims to keep quiet. This is about as evil as it gets folks! But it gets better! Or… worse?

Invoking God, Prominent GOP’ers Write Letters for Dennis Hastert, Sexual Abuser of Four Boys
April 25, 2016 by Terry Firma 331 Comments
More than 40 people of prominence have written letters to a judge, requesting mercy for Dennis Hastert, the former Speaker of the House who is awaiting sentencing in a bank fraud and perjury case.
Formally, Hastert is merely facing the music for illegally-structured cash withdrawals, and for lying to federal authorities about what the cash was for. But it’s Hastert’s sexual abuse of at least four boys under his care that has most people a lot more upset. The cash was hush money that Hastert paid to someone who knew his secret. The statute of limitations has run out on the child abuse, so Hastert faces at most six month in jail — for skirting banking regulations, and for his fibs to the FBI.
But even that measly sentence is inhumane, believes Tom DeLay, the former U.S. House Majority Leader, and no stranger to financial shenanigans himself.
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/04/25/invoking-god-prominent-gopers-write-letters-for-dennis-hastert-sexual-abuser-of-four-boys/?utm_source=SilverpopMailing&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=friendlyatheist_042516UTC050409_daily&utm_content=&spMailingID=51230789&spUserID=MTE4MTY1MzAzMTE5S0&spJobID=903185020&spReportId=OTAzMTg1MDIwS0

Let’s stop there for a minute. So who is an ally of Dennis Hastert? Why it’s another former GOP House speaker who was indicted for criminal fraud, among other crimes – Tom DeLay! Let’s continue.

a letter defending Hastert’s character, DeLay referenced not only Hastert’s ill health, but also his faith, writing
“He is a good man that loves the Lord. He doesn’t deserve what he is going through.”
Four other congressmen also sent letters asking the court for leniency in Hastert’s sentencing. They are former California representatives John T. Doolittle and David Dreier, former Connecticut representative Porter Goss, and former Illinois representative Thomas Ewing. All are law-and-order Republicans.

Wow, what a plethora of conservative Christian white men! Gee tell me more! And they’re all pulling the GOP’s favorite “get out of jail free” card which if you guessed… *drum roll*… is… wait for it… “pray for forgiveness”! Why it’s the same thing Robert Bentley is trying to invoke to get him off the hook!




[font size="8"]Serial Poopers[/font]


Grab your seats ladies, and gentlemen, boys and girls, LGBT and gender non conformers. Or should I say gather your toilets? I am going to channel my inner 12 year old male humor for this entry. Because we have a serial pooper on the loose! And to go with this story, lots of articles filled with bad puns and poop jokes! I mean come on, in the words of the late, great George Carlin, what’s a comedy show without some shit jokes? Let’s go to Akron, Ohio for this story, shall we?

TORONTO – Police are looking to the public for help identifying a man believed responsible for a series of bizarre vandalisms in one Akron, Ohio neighbourhood over the last three years.
Specifically, the “serial pooper” is believed to have left as many as 100 defecations at various locations around Akron’s Castle Homes neighbourhood.
His preferred targets? Cars, front lawns, even children’s toys.
“My mother-in-law walked out of our house one day, and the kids’ front yard slide had to be sanitized,” Castle Homes resident Rob Brunson told WKYC News in Cleveland, Ohio.
http://globalnews.ca/news/1879545/police-in-ohio-on-the-hunt-for-serial-pooper/

Children’s toys??? Hey AFA! You want to know what an actual bathroom crime looks like? I mean what’s more creepy than a guy taking a shit on children’s playground equipment? Well so this guy in Ohio isn’t the first to be a serial pooper. You might remember this story from last year when a Norwegian golf course reported a similar story:

Stavanger Golf Club in south-west Norway has, for the last ten years, been the victim of an unknown culprit who has been using several of the course's holes as a toilet.
Greenskeeper, Kenneth Tennfjord, is the man tasked with dealing with the perpetrator’s deposits.

“He has a couple of favourite holes,” he told Norwegian newspaper, Rogaland Avis. “And we know it is a man because the poos are too massive to be from a woman,” Tennfjord says.

Tennfjord has also noticed a change in the quality and consistency of the man’s nocturnal number twos. “In the early years the stools were relatively hard but they’ve changed. Perhaps he’s been taking laxatives or maybe he doesn’t have the best diet,” says Tennfjord.

The poos were first noticed in 2005. Then, like now, they tended to be accompanied by toilet paper.  
http://www.thelocal.no/20150723/norwegian-golf-course-plagued-by-serial-pooper

My favorite part of that story is that he goes out of his way to make sure that he brings a roll of toilet paper with him. I mean come on if you're going to do the nasty in public, you got to make sure you have a clean ass right? But let’s go back to Ohio for a minute. The story of the Serial Pooper is a disgusting one, and it may have gone as far back as last year. But the pooper is still at large. Whether or not this is the same one that surfaced in Ohio City last week may or may not be the same one. Ohio City is a suburb of Cleveland, which isn’t too far from Akron where the original incidents took place:

The people of Ohio City, Ohio, are wishing they could just flush and forget about a recent rash of incidents involving human feces found in their yards or even on walkways to local businesses.
"I have found wads of poop! And I have had to clean it up myself," Ohio City local, Libby Mayich, told ABC5.
“It’s very disgusting,” said a man only identified as Mark. “You call 9-1-1 and say 'Hey man, I see somebody in somebody yard. They taking a trow or a dump! Or they taking a urine.' By the time police come, they probably be gone.”
Despite all of the signs telling residents to pick up after their furry friends, this “serial pooper” squats on undeterred.
While this story might literally sound like a load of crap, Cleveland police have stated that the perpetrator of this rather distasteful crime would face charges of public indecency and potentially charges of criminal damage or vandalism.
http://www.mrctv.org/blog/ohio-city-residents-are-dealing-serial-pooper

Load of crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Excuse me a minute!

The Castle Homes neighborhood in Akron, Ohio is currently in the midst of a crapstorm- a serial crapper has been leaving steaming piles of hatred on parked cars and, in at least one incident, on toys left in the front yard.
The man is currently wanted for 19 different illegal dumps in Castle Homes, but Akron police believe he may be responsible for dropping over one hundred smelly deposits in the last two years.
http://www.neatorama.com/2015/03/14/Neighborhood-In-Akron-Ohio-Plagued-By-Public-Pooper/

Crapstorm! Excuse me a minute again…

But you know, after the first 19 counts of public defecation, do you stop there or do you go for the full 20? Decisions, decisions!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]A-Rod Gets Wood[/font]

You know I’m kind of disappointed in the audience here. This is where I would have announced the winners of the Top 10 troll off vs. the white supremacists who are trying to rig the Hugo Awards, but we had no takers. None. What’s a guy got to do to get a hashtag promoted? Yeah I know we lack the marketing departments of Bill Maher, Trevor Noah, or John Oliver, but still… so to get you to remind you to participate next time, I’m instead going to leave you with this unseeable image from a recent Red Sox vs. Yankees game at Fenway – what was A-Rod doing? #ARodGetsWood



You’re welcome.

See you next week!

Ed. Note: The Top 10 is now on Twitter! Follow us at @DUInitechTop10, and you can interact with the hash tags in this edition! Your comment might even be posted! So do it now why don't you?

[awoke_in_2003]

1. “He has a couple of favourite holes,”

Okay, I just regained control of myself- I lost it for a few minutes. K&R

[Initech]

2. That was my other favorite part of the story!

[awoke_in_2003]

3. I couldn't

stop laughing for several minutes. But then, I'm strange.

On edit: "serial pooper" already had me going. It was kind of a mix of "cereal pooper" and instead of the Zodiac Killer, imagining the Zodiac Pooper. Once I read that line I just lost it.

[Initech]

6. They talked about this story on my local radio here.

And I could not stop laughing when they reported it. I always try to find the craziest thing I can for #10 and I figured there's nothing crazier than a serial pooper!

[sufrommich]

4. Awesome.

[malaise]

5. Delish

K & R - way too good

[Initech]

7. We need some more support!

[Initech]

8. K for Monday!