Fuck Frankie AND Grace

[me b zola]

Last edited Thu Jun 2, 2016, 11:13 PM - Edit history (1)

At the very beginning of the series Frankie and Grace I was given the warning flag. Frankie, an aging hippie-type had adopted two children, one Black and one white. From the beginning the red flags and sirens were blaring. Ugly stereotypes in place, aye. But I watched the show because it was otherwise a very well done and entertaining show. But then, Ugh.

So the wacky, drug/alcohol addicted adopted son decided to search for his natural mother. From there all of the most nasty stereotypes about mothers of relinquishment were released upon the audience. Fears of a "crack whore" for a mother was told to the audience. Gee, that's fucking original.

Then the natural mother came. The show created a cartoon character to be the natural mother. That was bad enough, but then they had Frankie physically abuse the woman and tried to make that seem amusing. NOT. And it only got worse from there.

Dear Hollywood. Please leave adoptees out of your story lines. We are not liberal bonefides to define other characters. We are human fucking beings and your fucking betrayal of us is nasty and insulting. Just fuck off with your idea of adoption, as it has nothing to do with the voice of adoptees, just the voices of those who love to adopt.

PS

Its okay to rec this thread

[yeoman6987]

1. I have never watched the show and never will

I am sick of Netflix trying to force it down the viewer. It is in every string of tv shows. I pass it by.

[demosincebirth]

2. I like it.

[me b zola]

5. Do you like the portaral of adoptees and natural mothers?

That doesn't bother you?

[NV Whino]

3. I really wanted to like that show.

Good cast, but the writing is unimaginative. Waterston, whatever his personal beliefs, is not up to the role. I think Martin Sheen is not a comedian. And, in spite of a mutual respect and personal friendship, I think Tomlinson and Fonda don't have any spark together.

[me b zola]

6. Absent the adoption story line...

...the upper middle class nature of the story made it difficult for me. But I like the show enough to see beyond that. But damn, I don't like the show enough to look past the adoptee story line. Just not cool at all.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

14. I've only watched the show a few minutes here and there. My partner watches.

But the situation you are describing is what my sister is going through with her two boys (brothers adopted as babies).

The younger was in diapers in the car when the mother and boyfriend were arrested stealing car radios. The younger was cocaine addicted at birth.

Now my sister is dealing with the birth mother and aunt meddling with the kids (telling the older "you deserve a car" etc.) and lying about the circumstances of her losing the kids. The mother says she never used drugs while pregnant or at all - my sister has stacks of court reports and medical records that say otherwise but my sister has been counseled by the family therapist the kids need to figure this stuff out on their own. The older (18 yrs) brother ran away and spent a couple days with the birth father - watched the birth father shoot up heroin. Luckily the "father" threw him back.

Luck us. We fit the stereotype.

[me b zola]

15. Just stop

When you speak ill of the child's bio family, you are speaking ill of them. We all have our challenges. My son's father was one big bag of challenges, but it never occurred to me to speak ill of him to my son because of the obvious. My son has been able to build a relationship with his father without toxic input from me. I really try to not do toxic.

It slays me the people who claim to love adoption yet seem to hate adoptees and their natural parents. WTF.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

16. I'm not getting your point.

Did you read the part about my sister not contradicting the mother's blatant verifiable lies? It was hard but she did the right thing.

Yeah, my sister didn't have to speak ill of the birth father. He did it all on his own when he shot heroin in front of the kid and scared the shit out of him. He did the kid a favor.

Not sure what your point is with this thread and why you are telling me to stop.

Everybody's situation is different. And yeah, some kids come from real nightmare situations. Not all but some.

Besides my sister, I have 4 sets of friends with adopted children ranging from 3 years old to senior in high school.

One of my sets of friends fostered and subsequently adopted a boy that came from a similar nightmare situation. He's 5 now.

So out of those 5 couples, my sister and one other couple have kids that come from nightmare drug sistuations.

One couple, my patner's very close friend (he was "maid of honor" lol) has two children, a boy from Russia and a girl from Korea. The boy will be senior in high school next year attending Joffry Ballet. My partner and I see the boy more often because we are delighted to house him when he comes in to our neighborhood for training/classes or airport trips. Both kids are amazing. I have no idea what their situations were besides they were in orphanages.

Our former neighbor and very dear friends adopted a new born child from Mexico. I love that kid more than life itself. I picked him up at the airport when they came home. He's the only baby I would ever hold and the only baby ass I ever wiped. Lol. Long story. I would die for that kid. He will be 7 in July. I know a little about his situation and I know his mother loved him dearly and gave him up out of love. The kid hit the adoption jackpot - so much so I almost feel guilty knowing he has two siblings in Mexico living dirt poor. It sounds crazy and I've never told my friends but I feel like I want to go bring the rest of the family here. Or send them money or something. Weird, I know.

[me b zola]

19. Not weird at all. Quite a loving feeling, actually.

For me, I think it is healthy to care about my sons siblings even though they are from different women. My son's siblings are important to him so by extension they are important to me. I don't "belong" in those circles, yet I support and encourage his relationships with other family members. My son is biological, but too many women would fall into the trap of allowing their adult drama to negatively effect their child. Same for adoptive parents.

In your case of the adoptee from Mexico it sounds as if the mother relinquished due to poverty. This is something that as progressives we should all be empathetic to. Some from the adoptee rights community advocate for adopting a family in crisis rather than just that family's child. I tend to like that idea, and it sounds as though you are open to the idea too. Not weird at all. Could you maybe sponsor this family here in the states?

[StevieM]

20. I don't think the Mexican mother gave him up out of love. I think she probably gave him up

out of desperation. Financial desperation.

Adoption is built on a tragedy. The separation of a child from its blood relatives, and especially its natural mother, is always a tragedy.

[me b zola]

4. How can mothers of relinquesment not speak up against this horrible portrayal of who & what you are?

Make Hollywood fucking stop it!

[Skittles]

7. I ditched it after one episode

[4now]

8. I thought this season was even better then the first season

Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin are really good and the rest of the cast members are starting to shine.
I thought that the adoption episode was kind of lame though.

[me b zola]

10. I was really getting into the show...while my fingers were crossed hoping

...that they would leave the adoption story line alone, because I "knew" where it was going to go. Sigh. Fuck Frankie and Grace/.

[4now]

11. Now that I think about what you are saying. That episode did make me feel uncomfortable

I don't think that it was written very well and they should have done a much better job considering it is such a sensitive subject.
It seemed very contrived and I didn't like how the birth mother was portrayed.

[me b zola]

13. Thank you

My mother (natural) isn't/wasn't a crack whore, and so is the case with most mothers of relinquishment. I know that we have a number of mothers of relinquishment here at DU, and they are all wonderful women who anyone would be proud of. I would so love to kick this nasty stereotype to Mars or beyond.

[Generic Brad]

9. Coming in hot!

That was my takeaway from that episode. I tend to fixate on details rather than the larger story.

The adoption story line aside, I did enjoy the way season 2 ended. This series began with two women who were emotionally devastated and ended with them clearly getting their mojo back. I enjoyed watching their transformation and the the depiction of gay marriage as exactly what it is - marriage.

[me b zola]

12. Well, GB, you can come in hot...or not. Love it!

I look at stories with both a wide lens and a more focused lens. It is when the story comes in with a story line that is fake that I balk, and the story line about the adoptees is more than just fake, it is offensive.

I really enjoyed the show absent the offending parts. I am really kind of peed off that I will be missing the rest of it, as I saw it as good story telling.

[DawgHouse]

17. I haven't seen Frankie and Grace.

Maybe I haven't missed much. Have you see the show on TLC called Long Lost Family? It's about reuniting adopted adults with their birth parents. It's very good and very touching.

[underahedgerow]

18. You're missing out on the technical aspect of the storyline. If they had introduced the biological

mother as anything but a fly-by-night character, they would have had to add in the recurring role. I thought the episode dealt well with the strength and support for son from his 'real' family, in spite of his ongoing issues. From a writing aspect, they addressed the issue, opened the door and closed it.

I'm adopted, and didn't get any triggers from it. I could only wish I'd ended up with a family like that; instead I got the manic-depressed, alcoholic duo from hell, and the psychotic (also adopted) brother who's primary goal was to try to kill and torture me by any means possible. I was thrilled to learn I was adopted because it explained why I didn't belong there, and I left at age 18, went back a few times over the years until I learned I didn't have to own them as my family. Haven't seen or spoken to any of them in over 20 years.

My origins remain a mystery and I'm ok with that. I've looked a few times but no solid leads ever became evident even though I know my entire original birth name. Life isn't about the past and things you can't change, it's about living in this moment, and looking towards the future. You can choose to let the past either take its toll or to savor the grace. I'm immensely grateful that I chose to not let my awful beginnings effect the majority of my life.

I like the show a lot. Yes, it's a tv show produced by people who live in their Malibu and Bel Air bubble. That's where successful tv shows come from; rich white people who live within a small social community comprised of other rich white people, so we can't really expect them to have a wider view on life, now can we? I find the show amusing, and couldn't even tell you any of the storylines. I don't get vested in tv or films, it's disposable amusement in the moment, not a life guide or a learning medium.

[StevieM]

21. The way they opened and closed the door was disgusting.

I am sick of the way that first mothers are portrayed in the media.

The reason why it is so hard for adoptees to find their blood relatives is because their original birth certificates are sealed and hidden from them. Access to that document would make it a whole lot easier.

To some extent life is about the past. Our origins are not irrelevant. That doesn't mean that we are living in the past, just that it continues to color the present.

You might be OK with your origins remaining a mystery, and that is your right. But I am betting that your natural mother has thought of you every single day since the two of you have been separated. I am betting that if you ever found a way to contact her it would be the happiest day of her life.

[StevieM]

22. The producers of the CBS show "Mom" proudly announced that for the first time they were

telling the story of adoption from the birth mother's point of view. Of course, what they really did was tell the story from the adoptive parent's point-of-view about who the natural mother supposedly is.

The show's producers had the PAPs offer a job to the expectant father, and there wasn't even the slightest implication that something coercive was being done.

The mother almost changed her mind in the delivery room because she didn't want to give up the baby after doing all that work in labor.

When she visited the baby several months later she didn't even hold her.

Our society has bought into a work of fiction about adoption and Hollywood loves to reinforce it, often in the most brutal of ways.

[me b zola]

23. Hey Stevie!

I only logged in for you. I have moved on but wanted to tell you how much I have appreciated you and I really am going to miss you.

I pass the baton to you. Use it to beat down hateful and hurtful stereotypes and the straight out lies. Over the years some posters have tried to make my posts seem to be about not being happy with my adoptive family rather than listening to what I had to say. I suggest only using the baton on posters who are out and out hateful, but even then, use it wisely and sparingly.

Love ya forever

[StevieM]

24. I sent you a DU Mail message. (eom)