Fat "acceptance" - from the PoV of a fat person

[nadine_mn]

I am morbidly obese - not pleasantly plump, not just overweight, not "plus" sized.

And I hate it. I engage in the behavior that led to my fatness - not because it was a goal to be fat, but because eating is my go to coping mechanism. I eat when I am stressed, bored, happy, sad, etc. And I don't exercise enough.

It becomes a vicious circle of self-defeating behavior - I know I would feel better if I exercised, but it hurts to exercise because I'm fat, I get depressed, I eat. Somewhere in there I have to break that cycle. But that is not what this post is about.

I get really, really pissed at people who say fat acceptance is a bad - that it encourages people to be fat. No, that would be fat encouragement. Or people who say that making seats in theaters, planes, etc will only encourage people to be fatter. Or that showing overweight people in media: magazines, tv, movies will make being overweight "normal".

As a fat person, let me debunk this attitude right now. I have never in all my years gone to a place that had larger, more comfortable seats and said to myself "well, damn... I can now eat more. Look I even have room to grow". What I do think when I see people who like me represented in media in a positive way is that hey - I am more than my weight. People might actually enjoy my company, my opinion or my $$ at their establishment.

What it does "encourage" is for people like me to get out and socialize, take part in events, and be around other people and enjoy my life. W hen that happens, I eat less, get out more, even get in a little exercise. I feel better about myself and get motivated to do it again. By no means am I saying that it is the responsibility of others, of businesses etc to make special accommodations or that they have a responsibility for my happiness.

I have said no to outings because I know damn well sitting in too small of a seat will make me miserable. I am not motivated to lose weight so I can go next time - instead I stay home, self-isolate and feel crappy. I know that I am not the only overweight person who just feels defeated at the idea of leaving the house, so they stay away from friends, family and the more a person isolates themselves, the more prone to depression they are. And one way to cope with depression is to eat. Some people drink, some exercise, some smoke - some over eat.

Now some people, DO get motivated by this - so if that is you - good for you! (No sarcasm) Seriously, whatever works is great. This is not a demand for places to be fat friendly so I get off my ass.

To me fat acceptance is not saying "wahoo everyone get fatter." To me fat acceptance is just acknowledging the fact that someone is overweight, without judgment or stereotyping someone as lazy, smelly, slow, etc. You know, not being a jerk.

Fat shaming doesn't work for me - never has. Trust me, I know I am fat, I know I eat too much and exercise too little. Laughing, mocking, sneering, telling me that you are "just concerned for my health" - all that does is hurt my feelings.
And I don't understand why some people think that is ok - I don't go around doing that to you. I feel the same way for people who are very thin, when people yell at them to eat a sandwich - I don't understand why people think that is ok either.

Nothing can ruin a day when you have just lost a pound (if overweight) or gained a pound (if you need to) like some asshat commenting on what is on your plate or how you look. And most of the time, these asshats get very offended if you call them out on their behavior and will claim that they are just trying to be helpful.

I was waddling around the track at the Y one day, huffing and puffing along. One of the trainers was running laps and as he passed by he said something like "keep up the good work". Seriously made my day and sure enough, I was motivated to keep on going. That is what fat acceptance is to me and I wish more people would understand that.

[RKP5637]

1. K&R !!!!! n/t

[Baobab]

13. Some of it may be the body trying to protect people against toxic stuff in the environment

Shedding toxic stuff seems to help us lose weight. There are a lot of 'obesogens" which are endocrine disrupting chemicals, for example in plastic things, non stick cookware, flame retardants, etc.

That said, I think your essay is good and I agree with you..

[spinbaby]

24. You're right

There's evidence that some chemicals in our environment cause insulin resistance and insulin resistance causes fat.

[Baobab]

25. a great many chemicals in the environment, not just a few, and they ae building up rapidly.

its causing at least $150B euros a year of health problems in Europe.

[arithia]

27. There are a lot of misconceptions about fat out there that aren't helping, either

For years, "low fat" and "no fat" was the big thing. It was removed from foods and replaced by large amounts of refined salts and artificial sweeteners (both dangerous on their own). Problem is, the body NEEDS fat to survive. Your brain is frakin *MADE* of fat.

If people's fat intake drops too low, they will be unable to process certain needed vitamins, they will be at higher risk for depression, increased cancer risk, heart disease (you need that HDL cholesterol, yet another demonized term)... you're also more likely to overeat because the stomach will not signal the brain to say that it's full.

I struggled with my weight for years. I ballooned up due to medical problems in the "No fat" era of the 90s. It took over a decade to get it off- and it took me learning to make peace with butter, coconut and olive oils to get there.

[Silver_Witch]

97. Very true And coincidentally dementia has risen!

I think we have tifind a way to include fat in our diet and minimize sugar!

[Feron]

137. IR does not cause weight gain.

If your insulin resistance is unmanaged, then part of the pathology is that your appetite will be significantly boosted. However it is possible to lose weight with untreated IR with just CICO, but you will be miserable throughout the entire process and any weight loss will most likely be unsustainable due to a voracious appetite.

I'm insulin resistant and I need meds, a low carb diet, and exercise to make my body more insulin sensitive. I've also lost 100 lbs and ,as for hunger, it's under control as long as I stay on the met and keep up the healthy lifestyle.

[SusanCalvin]

2. Thank you.

[Skittles]

3. long-time defender of overweight people here

I don't understand why people need to be so cruel, and I trash the taunters when I see it. Including here on DU - WHY to people feel the need to comment on Christie's weight - WHY?

[liberalmike27]

103. Addictions

While it isn't popular these days to make fun of heroin, cocaine, or weed addicts, or prescription pill junkies, or even alcoholics, food addiction is still in the category of an addiction,of which we're allowed to poke fun. I've said before it's the worst addiction there is, because you can't just quit eating. You've got to moderate eating. Ask any smoker if they can stop two packs a day, and just smoke six to eight cigarettes a day, for the rest of their lives. Most of them will laugh at you, as it's virtually impossible.

Worse, while losing weight is not easy, but often possible, at least when you are young, it's incredibly hard to keep it off, to stay slim. Your chances are <2%. See, fat cells don't just disappear. They shrink. And they emit chemicals into the bloodstream, to tell the brain you're hungry. The more deflated cells there are, the more that chemical tells the brain you're hungry. So you're in a perpetual state of hunger, even when you've eaten.

And man, I'm so with you on the seats. I actually complained at the Olive Garden, and she brought a chair without rails--I hate those rails on the side, as they cut into my legs, and I have to eat the whole time, while I'm in pain. The great thing about it?--they actually replaced all of their narrow chairs with armrests, with just regular straight-back chairs. It was a little embarrassing, but when you get older, you just get tired of putting up with this kind of thing, and it's harder to get red-faced about stuff.

The best solution is to not get fat--parents, heed this advice. Get your kids out running around, playing. Try to implant the idea in their minds to eat "enough" food to sate hunger, and don't ask "Do you want more? More?" I had a grandmother who was like that--I think she enjoyed me partaking of her handiwork, and she was a brilliant country-cook. It's a lifetime of damage you're doing, making for an awkward child, that will likely be socially backward, and unhappy, be promoted less often, and not progress in life being held back by their obesity.

[Marr]

113. Well, you can't stop drinking, either.

Last edited Sun Jun 5, 2016, 06:42 PM - Edit history (1)

But you can choose not to drink alcohol.

The same could apply to food. If your diet consists of primarily lean meats and vegetables, prepared in ways that don't add hundreds of calories to every serving, you can pretty much eat as much as you like.

Our problem is that our food has become ludicrously calorie dense, and ridiculously tasty. One meal at McDonalds weighs about as much, calorically, as five home-prepped meals of the variety I just described. It's insane.

[Drahthaardogs]

124. That is bullshit.

Not everyone who has weight issues eats poorly. I have been a powerlifter for decades and watch my diet closely. I eat very clean but I still must be very careful to maintain weight. I have a friend who eats three big Macs at a sitting and is skinny as a rail

[crim son]

127. The fact that somebody else can eat three Big Macs at one sitting

and stays skinny means nothing. One of my good friends got a BA in Nutrition. Her entire family was overweight and they ate in a manner she believed was healthy. Well, it wasn't Big Macs every day, but it wasn't unusually healthy either. Homemade baked goods are still baked goods. A meal that is 2/3 meat and carbs is going to put on the weight. Not all veggies are equal. I see this all the time, where smart people somehow don't know what it means to actually eat well. Dessert should not be an every day deal! Don't butter the string beans, just enjoy their flavor. I'm sure you will argue with me but I'm fifty-two and have watched people screw up all my life, while complaining that they don't understand where the weight comes from. I do.

[Marr]

131. Yep, I've seen the same thing.

I even read a sort of informal study recently that looked at this. When people cited a friend who eats a ton of junk food and stays thin, it was generally because that friend had some odd (by their standards, anyway) eating habits. They might eat three cheeseburgers with you at lunch, and not eat again until lunch the following day.

And people fool themselves in amazing ways with food, doubling or even tripling portions without consciously acknowledging it, preparing otherwise low calorie foods in ways that leave them weighing about the same as fast food, etc.

[Drahthaardogs]

134. First of all

Unless you are a five year old girl with pigtails, it's a VEGETABLE, okay? It is hard to have a serious discussion about nutrition when someone uses "kiddie words"

Secondly, I know my macro nutrient intake down to the grams. Like I said, I routinely bench press 400 lbs for multiple reps every ten days. I have been at this game a long, long time. I routinely keep my BF at about 22%, when I used to bodybuild, I would get down to 6-7%/

Some guys have fits dieting, and some do not. It is a metabolism thing. Just like some guys are NEVER going to bench 500 lbs, others can.

Diet and nutrition and adding muscle when eliminating fat has kind of been my hobby for twenty five years. Yeah, I think I know a little bit more about it than the average person.

Do you know your macros?

[Marr]

133. No it isn't.

I do powelifting, too-- have for years now. I also watch my diet closely and help others do the same. I've met a lot of people who didn't log snacks, who doubled portions without counting it, who put lots of butter on their veggies and counted only the veggies, etc., but I've never met anyone who defied the first law of thermodynamics.

And it really doesn't matter what your friend eats at one sitting. That's one sitting. He may not have eaten again the rest of the day, or he might go a day without eating each week. He might even do all that and describe himself as a big eater.

[Drahthaardogs]

135. Then you know that genetics play a huge role.

I can still toss up four plates for reps with a pause on a bench. I know guys who will NEVER do it. I also know that at my weight and bodyfat percentage, I should be able to eat about 4000 calories per day and maintain. I CANNOT do that. If I go much about 2000, I will gan FAT. It is just how my metabolism works.

[Marr]

138. I'm the same way.

I've tried eating at the levels that most trainers suggest, and I get stronger, certainly, but I also get much fatter than expected. For whatever reason, I just can't eat that much.

I'm not saying we're all the same, I'm saying we can all learn to eat in a range that works for us and ultimately, it is about how much is going in vs. how much is being expended.

[Drahthaardogs]

140. Yes, but there is this too

For me to be really really lean, I have to eat about 1200 calories a day. That is next to starvation for a person my size. As such, I generally stay around 22% bodyfat. Fatter than I should be, but it is very hard for me to get down around 12-15% without being uncomfortable all the time.

[nadine_mn]

139. The more I read about sugar addiction, the more I wish

it was talked about without the stigma of it being a "self-control" issue.

I have days where all I think about is sugar - constantly craving something sweet like a zombie craving brains.

I am not even hungry - it's just a craving. And I find myself thinking about when I go to bed and first thing when I wake up.

I have gone for periods of time when I have greatly reduced my intake of sugar, and the change in mood, change in my taste buds - fantastic. But good lord, all it takes is a really good 'hit' of something sweet - brownie, birthday cake, etc...and it wakes up that craving all over again.

And sugar is in everything - when you see that many yogurts (touted as healthy) has as much sugar as a candy bar, it can be frustrating. Stuff that doesn't even need sugar has it added. I have done the MyFitnessPlan calorie counter and it tracks fat, sugar, sodium - and I am stunned how at the end of the day when I think I have done really well at limiting sugar, to see I am still over the recommended amount.

[rhett o rick]

4. Great post. We have strict social rules against deriding people for their race, their gender,

and more recent is growing acceptance of LGBT, but we still belittle people that are heavier than average. I particularly don't like Jay Leno when he mocks "fat people". It's not funny. It seems to me that some people look to find others that they can classify as inferior and then mock them. It's part of the bully culture that is rampant in our culture.

[nadine_mn]

8. The need people have to tear down others

for race, gender, age, weight, who they love, etc - says so much more about the person doing the belittling than the about the person they are targeting.

And spare me the "oh no it's the PC police" - no it's the don't be a jackass police

[meow2u3]

21. You're absolutely right!

It's wrong to put down people because they're obese. If you want people to lose weight, don't taunt them--it'll only make them eat more and gain even more weight.
Instead, encourage people by positive reinforcement. Small, gradual diet changes are longer lasting than sudden, radical ones. You get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar, a lesson fat basher haven't seemed to learn.

Note: I'm also obese--about 90 lbs. overweight and type 2 diabetic. I also am exercise averse because every time I tried to work out, it was nothing less than painful.

[brer cat]

5. Excellent post, nadine!

Thank you.

[mdbl]

6. Live and let live!

[cagefreesoylentgreen]

7. ^

Personally, I never question why someone might be overweight to any degree, and it's because of a story I learned from my father.

My father was a doctor in a West Texas town that had many veterans from World War II, mainly from the Pacific theater. One day, my father had a grossly obese older gentleman in his examination room. Of course, the gentleman suffered numerous health problems owing to his obesity, and my father prescribed that he go on a diet.

"Oh no, Doc, I swore when I got out of that camp, I'd never go hungry again!"

It turned out the gentleman was a survivor of the Bataan Death March and was incarcerated by the Japanese in a POW camp. Not only did many men die on the March, but I've seen statistics that suggest as many as three in four men died as prisoners of the Japanese from starvation, disease, torture, abuse, and medical experimentation.

My father was a young boy during the Japanese occupation of China in the late 1930s-1940s, and he also had up close and personal experience with the Japanese. And really, are you going to tell a death camp survivor he can't have his ice cream?

My father never told me exactly what he did for that older gentleman, only that "we worked it out." But since hearing this story, I've never judged anyone for their weight, because I don't know where they've been and I don't know their story. It's none of my business really. And I find it galling when people who'd otherwise never slam someone for their race or gender happily taking someone down for their weight.

[nadine_mn]

11. what an amazing story

And so true - we never know where someone is coming from and it is foolish to pretend that we do.

Thank you for sharing that.

[Fast Walker 52]

16. wow, great story

[Feron]

148. He can still have his ice cream..

But portion control is needed.

There's this common fallacy that you have to be hungry and sans any desserts if you are on any sort of diet. You don't. Just budget the food you want in the day's calorie allotment.

Most people simply have no idea just how many calories they consume vs how many they actually need. Also it's common for people to think that they haven't eaten enough food if they aren't full. Satiety is confused as still being hungry.

While all obese people should be treated kindly, there usually isn't a psychological pathology behind their weight.

[Live and Learn]

9. Ignore the blamers. They blame the poor for being poor, the sick for being sick, etc.

All because they need to boost their own self esteem.

[oregonjen]

120. I agree, it's so they can boost their own self esteem

Bullies have very low self esteem, thus the bullying. The Internet in particular allows the bullying to happen without having to show their face.

This is a great op with very thoughtful replies.

[Dems to Win]

10. Keep Up The Good Work!

When I see a morbidly obese person hauling all their weight around the track, I admire them. I know I couldn't carry all those pounds across the room. When you walk anywhere, you are working really hard, and that's worthy of a 'Keep up the good work!'

I've never been morbidly obese, but I've been overweight. I have found that the old adage of 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away' has some profound truths. I eat an apple every day, in addition to anything else I eat, and it really helps keep my digestive system moving, which helps me to keep my weight at a reasonable number. It's my one and only piece of health advice that I share freely with anyone, overweight or not, so I offer it to you.

[KT2000]

12. just read a book - Body of Truth

by Harriet Brown. It is an eye opener about facts about weight and illness and mortality. Increased mortality was found in the very thin and the very heavy but not by much.
Much of what we believe about weight and health has been generated by a very profitable weight-loss industry that includes doctors.

People who say they are only concerned about the overweight person's health are subscribing to myths rather than facts. I feel it is a cover for cruelty - it is an act of contempt not kindness.
Often people who suffer depravation diets as a lifestyle resent deeply anyone who is not suffering as they do. An overweight person is a visible assault on their self-image.

[Texasgal]

18. I had a family member

that yo-yo dieted for years and finally succumbed to a heart attack at the young age of 45.

All those years of fad diets and pills finally caught up to her, atleast this is what her doctor said.

It was very sad, she was not extremely overweight but she was always trying to lose, every holiday or family get together she'd be telling us all about the new "cabbage" diet or some other pill that would finally have her shed her weight.

[KT2000]

44. how sad

I feel she was probably caught up in the self-hatred many women feel for not being perfect, especially with weight. Women have worked for equality only to have many fall into the trap of not being perfect. It is a tortured life as I have seen in friends.

In the 70's the average age for a girl to start dieting was 14, now it is 8!

[SusanCalvin]

32. Thank you for the information.

And I agree with your opinion.

[laundry_queen]

34. That sounds like an interesting book

I might have to go get it and read it. I have thin parents and I'm obese. My parents are really, really horrible to me under the guise of 'caring about my health' but they never do anything to actually help me, they just make comments. I'm a grown, 40 year old woman, and I actually eat decently and exercise quite a bit, but I'm obese (have PCOS, insulin resistance for years, had gestational diabetes with my pregnancies starting 19 years ago and just recently got the type 2 diagnosis). My parents who are naturally thin cannot wait to get their comments in at every opportunity. But then, I'm pretty sure my mother has an eating disorder and she sees me being fat as a direct reflection of her parenting abilities (subconsciously).

[KT2000]

43. and I know that hurts

it is often felt as "you're not good enough." No matter what it is a criticism.

A point Brown made was that the strength and power women have won has been hampered by this obsession with weight. We internalize the messages and take it out on ourselves. She wondered what she could have accomplished in her life if she did not have the self-recriminations about being overweight. I look at it as being shackled even though we have new opportunities.

The book make me really think about the weight obsession. If you look at the Pacific Islanders, they are generally large and proud of it. The women are considered beautiful if they are heavy.

I would suggest the book - especially for your mother. You could give it to her and tell her you are no longer a prisoner of the phobia that is sweeping this country. There are many things other than eating that are putting the weight on all of us such as certain chemicals we are exposed to from fetal development throughout our lives.

Tidbit: Her very ill anorexic daughter would be stopped on the street by people who told her how attractive and thin she was! When the daughter recovered and gained weight, no one told her she was attractive any more. ???? Something sick is going on.

[laundry_queen]

52. Wow, that's crazy

You are right, something sick is going on.

I do know that there is a LOT I haven't done because of my weight.

You have sold me on the book. Off to amazon

[nadine_mn]

78. "an overweight person is a visible assault on their self-image"

There is a corollary to this as well: my mom is a narcissist. Her body type is thin and willowy - the opposite of my body type. By age 10, at a normal healthy weight I probably weighed the same as her. Which meant I was "fat" and this represented poorly upon her. I was supposed to be her mirror image (she dressed us in matching outfits, etc) and so the assault on my weight began.

What followed was years and years of humiliation and fat shaming and her constantly telling me how much my weight embarrassed and inconvenienced her. Of course to the outside world, this was masked as concerned about my health. The more she insulted me, the more I turned to food.

[KT2000]

112. Mothers and daughters!

I am so glad you started the post because many of us have been raised to feel shame for weight issues. We all really need to start talking about this because it is a big secret so many are living with and it is creating a handicap in women where there should not be one.
Your mother is really extreme but I bet there are many like her. The matching outfits part is pretty revealing of where her head was at.

My mother had the doctor prescribe diet pills (dexadrine, black beauties) for my sister when she was in high school. She then had me take them and I was probably 5 lb overweight at the time (age 12).

My sister, finally in her 60's, told me that our mother made her feel like a circus clown for being overweight and she finally realized that she was never that much overweight. She has lived her whole life though with shame about her body.

Why don't you get a copy of the book Body of Truth by Harriet Brown and give it to your mother after you read it. Brown does not get into the mother/daughter issue but it may help set you free from those negative messages you have heard for so long. And it may show your mother why her criticisms do not work anymore.

As Brown says - a person without body image shame is the person who is grateful for a body that performs well for them - their legs and arms work, their brains work well etc.

(I have no financial interest in the book - I had to review it and found it so honest and liberating)

[TexasMommaWithAHat]

102. Diabetes 2 increases greatly with weight gain

I know, I'm almost at that point, so I've lost ten pounds so far. It's hard, but not impossible, but - damn - I love to eat foods that just aren't good for me. Anyway, I have fifty pounds to go.

Blindness, amputations, liver failure, kidney failure, heart failure...these are some of the results of diabetes, and I'd rather not have any of them.

The link between diabetes 2 is clear, and diabetes 2 is going to be an epidemic in this country if we don't get control of our weight.

(And let's not even discuss the financial costs. )

[liberalmike27]

104. While This is True

Rock climbing is bad for your health, as you might fall and die, as are many extreme sports, or even less extreme sports like Football. People exhibit all sorts of bad behavior, that don't get called out nearly as much as fat people do.

Part of the book they talked about above likely points out, you can be obese, and still stay in shape, walk, run, or play tennis, racquetball, and do other sports. In fact it's probably more important, as to your health that you do stay in shape. My dad was thin as a rail, and died of a heart-attack at 39. I'm 60, and morbidly obese, or as I like to call it, really fat. But I walk a mile and a half each day, and I garden during the Summer. I could do more, but I don't.

Plenty of things can kill you. I've found I've been smart enough to avoid a lot of pitfalls that have befallen many other much thinner people. If someone figures out a way to give folks a pill, they'll make a mint. I know self-help authors have made a fortune on fat-solutions, and it's the biggest section of the self-help area, which sells more books than the rest, and is about 40% of the market (self help).

[liberalmike27]

105. Probably Due To

The fact that we're all brainwashed into thinking it's always a personal failing when we don't succeed, when in fact MOST people don't succeed. There are only so many CEO jobs out there. In truth, it's a systemic failure, a failure in the way we look at success too.

[Ms. Toad]

153. It is actually less true than we are led to believe.

I have Type 2 diabetes. It is true that I was obese when diagnosed. It is also true that I was still obese when my blood glucose levels were consistently within normal ranges (within 3 days after diagnosis) and my A1C in the normal range (5 months after diagnosis - the first test post diagnosis).

It is also true that 8 months later, at "normal" weight (62 lbs lighter), my insulin resistance is virtually identical to what it was the day of diagnosis. if I eat more than 20 net carbs in a 3 hour period, my blood glucose creeps out of the normal range. In theory, losing 10-15% of your body weight, especially when newly diagnosed, decreases insulin resistance. I've lost 31.4%, with virtually no change. That said, my diabetes is completely controlled, and short of an oral glucose tolerance test no medical professional would suspect that I have diabetes except that I disclose it. (I had to keep reminding the array of new doctors I've seen recently who were pleased as punch to tell me that since I was normal weight and not diabetic, I had lots more options for my cancer treatment. Err . . . doc . . . look at the chart where I clearly disclosed that I have diabetes.)

My diabetes comes from my skinny-as-a-rail grandfather, my normal weight uncle, and my overweight but very physically active mother (who also lost significant weight post-diagnosis - but whose A1C is not within normal range because she chooses to follow the ADA recommendations, rather than avoiding the carbs her body cannot handle). In fact, everyone my age or older in my family has diabetes. Period. No weight-based exceptions. No non-couch-potato-exceptions.

Aside from the people in my family who have T2 diabetes and who are not overweight, I know many more similarly situated. I also know many obese people who do not have T2 diabetes. My strong suspicion is that it is a broken glucose metabolism that makes it more likely that people with diabetes are obese than the other way around.

But - the results of diabetes, including obesity, are not inevitable and for many people diabetes does not have to be a chronic progressive disease, if you eat a diet that is based on watching BG response to foods, and altering food intake to control BG.

I'm happy to be "normal" weight again, but my current weight does not contribute to my ability to avoid the consequences of diabetes.

[Marr]

114. Severely underweight people are often that way due to serious illness.

The illness brought on the weight condition, rather than the other way around. It isn't exactly a fair comparison. Being overweight has been shown to increase the risks of a whole range of health problems.

[KT2000]

116. the stats beg further research

and so far the interpretation is supposition.

Your statement that overweight has been shown to increase risks of a whole range etc - has not been born out by actual research. It is a meme repeated over and over again though and that is the point.

For example, dioxin is a known risk factor for diabetes but the popular myth is that it is just being overweight that predisposes a person to diabetes.
Phthalates are implicated in weight gain and are stored in fat tissue.

[Marr]

129. It most certainly has been born out by the research.

http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/effects/

And obesity is a very reliable predictor of diabetes. You can develop Type 2 diabetes in a variety of ways, but past a certain point, obesity guarantees it.

[KT2000]

170. you said being overweight

is a risk factor for a whole range of health problems. The diabetes example was to show that there are many factors leading to health problems.
My father who was thin and ate a very healthy diet and got lots of exercise developed type 2 diabetes in adulthood. My sister who is overweight developed type 2 diabetes in adulthood. People would assume that my sister developed diabetes because she was overweight - in other words - her fault. Since my father was not overweight the explanation for his case could be chemical exposure, genetics etc. That might mean my sister developed it due to genetics.
It is much more complicated that to say obesity is a risk factor for a whole range of health problems.

An example is a study that said 400,000 people die each year from obesity. The CDC said 26,000 people die each year from obesity. The news went with the 400,00 story.

[passiveporcupine]

122. I'd like to see some kind of study that proves that

However, being thin does not mean you are healthy.

Obesity is a serious epidemic in the U.S., but the problem, doctors say, is that we are putting too much weight on weight. When the CDC released obesity numbers last week, we cheered that the rate had fallen so drastically for children ages 2 to 5, even though obesity rates overall remained relatively flat. People with stellar metabolisms and magical genes may not look the part, but they can have the same medical issues as an obese person: type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and out-of-control blood sugar. It should be obvious, but a culture obsessed with weight doesn’t always remember that appearances of health can be skin deep.

http://time.com/14407/the-hidden-dangers-of-skinny-fat/

My BIL died a few years ago at 57, and he has always been thin and fit. He was a wood worker and walked daily on top of his physical job, and took care of all his yard work (involved a lot of weed whacking in summer and snow plowing in winter. He did remodels on the homes he bought and lived in, which is also physical. And he ate right. Ate very healthy, no much alcohol, no smoking. But he had cholesterol problems and ended up with a stent and then congestive heart failure. It ran in his family.

So yes, it's not necessarily the weight that is the problem, but heredity and how you care for yourself. Sometimes because of heredity, you can't do enough to stay alive.

[Marr]

130. Of course being thin doesn't, in and of itself, mean that you're healthy.

And being obese doesn't, in and of itself, mean that you're unhealthy or even un-fit. But it does mean that you're at higher risk for a range of health problems. Thin people can get all the same conditions, absolutely-- but extra weight puts you at greater risk, and for some conditions, like Type 2 diabetes, it practically guarantees it.

[Fast Walker 52]

14. great post-- it is really clarifying!

keep up the good work!

[aikoaiko]

15. Fat acceptance means saying I'm not a worthless, ugly piece of shit or that I should just die.

Its too much for some people to grant.

[Wounded Bear]

17. Well said...

Best of luck, whatever the outcome. I really mean that. We all need help and a little acceptance in our lives, unconditional acceptance.

[ErikJ]

19. Not all food is equal. U cant eat too much of some.

I think what has kept me within 5 pound range my whole life is being very aware of WHAT I eat. Yes to nuts, whole grains, fruits, potatoes, chicken etc. Absolutely no to junk foods and mushy white wheat breads and crackers. After years of eating healthy foods the thought of junk foods like candy and cookies will turn you off. Except in certain limited social situations where its courteous .... and FREE. lol

[passiveporcupine]

29. I'm glad you are able to stick to your healthly diet

But do you understand one point in her message about why people over-eat, or eat the wrong foods? It's not that we don't know what is bad for us. It's that we eat for psychological reasons,and just like quitting smoking, quitting eating 'comfort foods' and comfortable portions, is an addiction that is driven by psychological needs.

[ErikJ]

160. Well if u are in tremendous emotional distress I agree.

The spring of 2015 I was under incredible stress and depression. THe last thing on my mind was eating healthy. So I didnt eat anything but I eventually forced my self to eat some of my favorite foods like baked chicken and au gratin potatoes and ice cream.

But I soon snapped out of it and went back to my comfort health foods. I hate eating very sweet and fiber devoid junk foods etc. ...........Because Ive trained myself that way over the decades to like healthier foods. Thats the key.

I doubt an obese person can be in the kind of deep emotional distress all the time needing comfort junk food like I did.

Every person should make the rational decision some time in their lives to like healthy food and hate junk food. Their health will improve and so their mental state will improve. Healthy happy mind in a healthy body principle.

[Texasgal]

30. I think you've missed the entire point here.

[SusanCalvin]

33. That is nice and I agree, but

I, too, think you missed the point.

[Logical]

61. That whoosh sound is the whole post meaning going past you

[Skittles]

67. I eat a constant diet of junk food and have never been overweight

go figure

[AtheistCrusader]

108. Must be free range and firm junk food.

It's that cage-grown and soft mushy junk food that gets you, so I hear.

[awoke_in_2003]

109. That's because...

you are constantly kicking ass

[JanMichael]

125. your internal anger burns calories. i have a little bit of that but nothing like you...

...and my wonderful spouse thtwudbeme.

yiu freaks can drink like fish and eat shit but stillbe thin. i have to work harder at that...

[ErikJ]

156. Well you probably will be or are diabetic then.

There are a great many people that eat a junk food diet and are thin but become diabetic as a result. Excess of sugar is toxic to the body chemistry.

[Skittles]

159. sorry to disappoint you

not even close

[ErikJ]

161. So youre not even hypoglycemic yet?

You must be superman?

[Skittles]

162. nope

the only real health "issue" I seem to have is low blood pressure

[ErikJ]

163. Low blood pressure can be a symptom of hypoglycemia

and or diabetes 2.

[Skittles]

164. sorry to disappoint again!

I've had low blood pressure all my life

I'm a 52 gallon platelet donor so I get the numbers regularly - I'm fit enough to donate

[ErikJ]

165. U cant fool mother nature

Either youre eating healthy junk food, lol, or you will develop something sooner or later.
U cant feed your body garbage and expect to remain healthy. Thats not the way nature works.

[Skittles]

166. everyone develops something "sooner or later"

EVERYONE

I am nearing sixty and still work 12 hour night shifts and can swim across lakes - I must be doing something right

[ErikJ]

167. Congratulations. If u eat only junk food and are still

alive let alone healthy as an ox I would recommend donating your body to science once youre done with it. lol.
But there have been lots of seemingly healthy people that run marathons with no symproms then suddenly drop dead in the middle of it from whatever usually unsymptomatic heart problems.

[Skittles]

168. my coworkers who are obsessed with health eating are constantly falling asleep

there's nothing unusual about me - I MOVE, I exercise almost daily - a sedentary lifestyle will do you in far more than your diet, I believe

[ErikJ]

169. Yes exercise is important. But how do u even maintain regular bowel movements

if u eat so much junk food which is WAY too low in fiber. Unless you eat all popcorn and potato chips which have fiber.

Bowel cancer is also an epidemic right now also because of all the junk food low fiber in the American diet. Whens the last time u had a colonoscopy. And exercise wont take care of your bowels.

[Skittles]

171. lol, I do eat a lot of popcorn and potato chips

I've had a colonoscopy - all is good

[ErikJ]

173. Well if u'r telling the truth youre very lucky and more power to ya.

Youre one in a million.

[Skittles]

174. check out this stat

the last time I called in sick to work was 09/11/01 (purely coincidental)

I am definitely different

[Warpy]

177. Maybe you just don't have the whole story

No one does.

Some people are thin, no matter what they eat. Some people are fat, no matter what they don't eat.

The point of the article (that you missed completely) is that nobody is a piece of shit because they don't eat what you think they should eat and they don't look the way you think they should look.

Hell, some of us out here are even old and wrinkly and saggy and you're just going to have to deal with that one, too.

[AtheistCrusader]

107. Bullshit.

Calories is calories. More in than out, and your body will store them. Period. I don't care how many GMO-free Cruelty-Free Cage-Free fruits and potatoes you eat. If you eat more than you burn, your body will store it.

You COMPLETELY MISSED every fucking reason the OP listed that this is hard, and why, and that's extremely annoying. (Particularly because I am struggling with the same, and eat for the same reasons.)

Before you ever offer anyone any advice again, please stop and READ WHAT THEY ACTUALLY SAID THEY HAVE AN ISSUE WITH, and then READ IT AGAIN to make sure you actually understood what was said. Thanks in advance.

[ErikJ]

158. lol. Not as simple as that. Calories is NOT calories.

Especially excess sugar calories. If u take in more sugar calories compared to the proper proteins and fats calories you will probably gain weight and or become diabetic. Its a scientifically proven fact. Excess sugar can really screw up your whole metabolism and organs.

[AtheistCrusader]

188. That is A factor in managing weight yes.

Sugar is sugar. Glucose/Fructose/Sucrose, your body does the same things with them regardless of whether it came from a paper packet or an orange. Granted, the refined kind lacks any sort of moderator like fiber, to slow digestion and smooth out an insulin spike, but you can add refined sugars to prepared things that do contain fiber and achieve the same result.

So in principle, the problem is still the raw amount of it. If you manage the totals, and still don't achieve desired results, probably some mitigating factor, like what the sugar is packaged in. But that's a back seat to the total energy intake. More than you burn; the body will store it. Our bodies are still prepared to feast/famine through hard times, but easily obtained calories in grotesque amounts are so readily available, they are practically falling from the sky. And we move less than ever before, doing office work and things like that.

And you still didn't hear a fucking thing the OP said, and your suggestions help not in the slightest.

[spooky3]

20. Thank you for sharing these insights.

[MadDAsHell]

22. Great post! nt

[arithia]

23. *long clap*

Time and time again, studies have found that even concern trolling people over their weight exacerbates the problem.

Consuming food (especially foods we enjoy) produces dopamine and lowers stress hormones. Make someone miserable and stressed, they are going to seek out more dopamine. It's really that f*cking simple.

Some people are perfectly fit while overweight. Some people are encouraged to keep on extra pounds as a result of medical problems. Others are heavy due to chronic medical problems that you might not see and the person can do nothing about. When you add in other factors such as race, economic status, gender and the crap that passes for "nutritious" food these days (aka pizza being classified as a vegetable), weight becomes a very complex social issue that is best discussed by a patient and their doctor... not by the random jack@ss on the subway or the cubicle next door.

[ErikJ]

26. There does seem to be some genetic component to it

I think many of todays problems like overweight and hoarding etc have a big genetic component.

In times of famine I'm sure the heavier people could survive longer just living on their fat reserves and then have more kids as a result. And then in times of economic chaos hoarders would survive longer and better with their extra supplies of everything which they could trade for food or services much longer than others and so passing passing on their genes.

In modern times most people never experiencing such hard times would tend to laugh and scoff at this. But history is rife with thousands of such catastrophic famines and economic calamities. We are spoiled and short lived so have no perspective.

[laundry_queen]

41. Damn right and my oldest 2 children are an obvious example

I'm obese. I've always struggled with my weight - as a teen I stayed normal weight b/c my parents tried to shame and starve me into staying a normal weight. I skipped meals, exercised excessively (we're talking 3-4 hours a day) etc. When I met my now-ex H he was the first one to not care about my weight. He told me to stop worrying about food because it stressed him out (he was naturally thin and never had to think about it) So I did, I cooked his favorites, and I gained weight and he didn't care (which was so novel for me, weight was all my parents ever cared about, both of them being naturally thin didn't understand why I was 'thick' as a child).

Our first child was very thin, just like my ex. She was a skinny baby, so skinny that every doctor we saw was concerned about her weight. They were always telling me to fatten her up with cream and oil, lol. "her head is too big for her body" I was told. I thought, she's very healthy and she's breastfed, so she must be the weight she was meant to be, why would I want to feed her extra stuff she doesn't need? She was in the 5th percentile on the growth chart when she was 10 months old. She barely at solids at that point, even though I tried. She just would pick at them. She loved Cheerios though, lol.

My second child was pudgy from the start. She was slow to start, but gained weight like crazy by 6 months old. She was well over the 100th percentile on the growth charts on breastmilk alone. The weird thing is she ate less than baby #1 did, only every 4-6 hours from birth (oldest was every 1.5 hours till she was 1, lol). She also started on solids very late. Every doctor, except my family doctor who knew me well, talked to me about trying to get her to not weigh so much. I was like, seriously? All this kid is eating is breastmilk, she's happy and healthy, wtf?? After what I went through with baby #1, I was just fucking exasperated with the medical community at this point. No wonder people become obsessed about their weight, it starts so young.

Anyhow my older two girls are 3 years apart. As they grew up, people thought they were twins because they were so close in size, lol. My oldest is now almost 19 and has turned into a skinny, junk food eating couch potato. I doubt she weighs 110 lbs soaking wet, she wears a size 0-2. My 2nd daughter is almost 16 and is quite large, and much taller as well (she has 2 inches on me, 3 inches on her older sister). She's about a size 12-14. She eats salads all the time, and exercises constantly (she likes sports and is on some sports teams, she likes to bike around town, and enjoys running).

They were like that FROM BIRTH. I wish I could scan in (you know the days before digital cameras) pictures of each of them at a year. One has ribs showing, the other one looks like the michelin man. My younger 2 daughters (yes 4 total) are somewhere in between the 2 genetic extremes.

My dad's family is Ukrainian, and they come from an area of Ukraine that was constantly at war (it changed hands 3 times in their lives before they came to Canada). I have no doubt my ancestors were probably starved at some point. And with the genes I had, my parents did exactly the wrong things for me as a child - high carb all the time, low fat, formula fed etc and I think that's why I have issues. No one else in my extended family has the same issues (I was the only one who was formula fed, interestingly enough and soy formula at that). Oh, and I had antibiotics constantly as a child - for every sniffle. My gut microbia was likely destroyed. Add to that my mom's eating disordered thinking, and her manipulating me with food and, well, it's no surprise I'm obese. It was a recipe on how to make an obese adult actually. But it started with genetics, imo. And the proof is my 2 oldest daughters.

[kag]

106. Very interesting.

I've been thinking about the genetics the entire time I've been reading this OP and the comments. Your comment reinforces my belief about body types, weight, and eating habits. Genetics MUST be heavily (no pun intended) involved.

Both of my kids (boy, 19 and girl, 17) have similar body types to my husband and myself. Not fat, but not skinny either. I've never worried about either of them, and because I was fat-shamed as a teenager I always swore I would never make my kids obsess over their weight or eating habits.

But my daughter has two very good friends who are rail-thin. One of them eats constantly. I'm always kind of annoyed when she comes over, because the first thing she does is go to the pantry and the fridge to see what we have to eat. The other is less obtrusive about it, but I swear the girl lives on sugar and fat. True story--when we take her out to eat, if possible she'll order a plate of french fries, a plate of bacon, and a soda. Nothing else. Then she'll get dessert. And both of these girls are TINY. They don't have an ounce of fat on their bodies.

I can only think it must be mostly genetics.

[Drahthaardogs]

56. I am a very large man who has competed in powerlifting for thirty years.

I weigh 275 lbs even though I am just under six feet. I wear a size eight hat though and a size thirteen ring. I can bench press well over five hundred pounds with a pause and squat upwards of seven hundred pounds. I am about 22% body fat.

I only eat about 2400 calories a day, and if I eat more, I will gain fat. A man my size with the exercise I do and the muscle I carry should need a lot more food to maintain. I don't. I have fought my weight all my life and expect I will have to do it to the grave. My metabolism sucks.

[Logical]

28. Many idiots on the DU love making fun of Christies weight, etc. Disgusting. Should be banned IMO.

[awoke_in_2003]

110. I alerted on every one I saw...

I don't use alert function very often, but a few thing will trigger it automatically for me.

[Logical]

117. Good idea, thanks for this. Anyone's appearance should not be a topic of insult. nt

[nadine_mn]

141. Esp when there are soooo many real reasons to criticize him

I find myself in the position of defending him because "progressives" are focused on his weight rather than his policies and guess which has more power to do people harm?

[harrose]

142. Sorry... no sympathy for Christie.

He's a Rethug. Pure and simple. I hate body-shaming, but if doing so will help to get him out of a position where he can ruin people's lives, then I'll hold my nose and do it. I'd rather have people out of the clutches of Rethugs than worry about their hurt feelings.

[Texasgal]

150. *sigh*

Another poster that dosen't get it.

[Ms. Toad]

155. Condeming body-shaming has NOTHING to do with sympathy for Christie.

It has to do with condemning the message you send to everyone you love with a body similar to Christie's about how you really feel about them.

[passiveporcupine]

31. Thank you Nadine,

That was a well written and excellent post. I too am much too overweight, and for health reasons, it seems impossible to ever lose weight again. I've fought weight my whole life, because of psychological issues.

I hope you are doing OK right now (depression, etc.). I wish you success in any endeavor to be healthier, whether it means losing weight or not. I know you would love to be slim (so would I...when I was slim was the only time I ever 'liked' myself. I was pretty when I was slim and I think I'm ugly now so I don't go out in public until I absolutely have to (necessary shopping, etc.) I hope some day we can find a way to help people get over the problems that keep them overweight, as the recidivism after weight loss is way too high. And like others who are overweight, I've yo-yoed too much and now have decided I'm just not going to do that to myself any more. I hate the fact that to lose weight, my every waking moment has to be focused on diet...it becomes an obsession. But I still can't stop thinking about how 'weak' I am that I can't just cut calories and lose weight. I can't exercise because of health problems. I beat myself up every day over this.

I just wanted to reach out to you for being so brave to bring this up.

[SusanCalvin]

35. Thank you, passiveporcupine.

I gave up near-anorexia (fortunately not the real thing, which I realize is a whole 'nother animal) and yo-yo a long time ago.

I've always wondered whether yo-yo is more harmful than obesity, and whether it's taken into account in studies.

I don't know you IRL, but I feel you are beautiful.

[passiveporcupine]

38. Awww...thanks Susan

[jeff47]

69. They have studied yo-yo vs obesity and yo-yo was much, much more damaging.

All of the conditions typically attributed to "fat people" were far more prevalent and worse in the yo-yo dieters.

[SusanCalvin]

89. Ha! That's what I always suspected. nt

[nadine_mn]

37. Thank you for your support and kind words

I know all about beating yourself up... I am trying mindfulness...I am supposed to stop and think about what I am feeling when I eat. Well, that just makes me laugh. Usually my feeling is "oh hey - a cookie." I also eat to chew - which is weird, but I totally understand a dog's need to gnaw on a bone. I may not be physically hungry, but I feel the urge to just chew.
But there is also the fact that I am completely addicted to sugar. And it is in everything - it is so hard to cut out.

Your comment has shown how beautiful you are and how much the world is missing out by you not going out more. We need more support from people like you in the world as opposed to so much ugliness.

I hope that the next time you feel you are "weak" you know that someone thinks you are really strong and is giving you a big hug from the across the internet

[passiveporcupine]

39. Thanks sweetie. Same for you!

Big hugs.

[Angel Martin]

63. exercise, exercise, exercise

that's the secret.

One thing about exercise, the bigger you are the more calories you burn per hour of walking etc.

I know how hard it is to exercise when depressed (believe me I know) but try to do anything you can. And when you do feel better, do more.

Good luck !

[SusanCalvin]

92. I agree (based on my experience only) if you can do enough that you enjoy.

Only time I've gotten enough was in high school, where a conveniently located dance studio let me attend all the lessons I wanted for a flat monthly rate. Two or three hours of ballet every weekday will whip it right off you. But that circumstance was a lucky fluke I've never been able to recreate.

Other types of exercise I actively dislike. I've tried, but I just don't want to. And doing dance by myself with DVDs doesn't work either.

Fortunately I walk a reasonable amount at my job. I think I'd try real hard not to take a job where I seldom moved much.

And, as you might guess, what I *really* hate is being nagged and badgered about it. Especially at work, which has started to happen and seems to be gradually getting worse.

[tom_kelly]

36. A lot of people have their own demons, whether

it be drugs, drink, eating, starving, cutting, etc. Its common for people to act out on someone else when they see something in them they don't like about them self. They may see it as a lack of self control which makes them angry and fearful.

I'll put you in my prayers for strength and courage. Peace, Nadine.

[hopemountain]

40. thank you, nadine_mn - your post

is valuable to those of us who sincerely seek to be better people. i also appreciate all of the responses - but, most especially, passiveporcupine's.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

42. People don't realize this:

The more you diet, the slower your metabolism gets.


There was a scientific study of people who had been on The Biggest Loser. All but one of them had regained their lost weight. It also said that "this person X burns 312 fewer calories per day than a normal person at her weight". These people were back to morbidly obese.

There are many hormones regulating appetite and metabolism. The biggest problem I know about is hypothyroidism and its most common form is an auto-immune disease, Hashimoto's disease.

Doctors are not interested in finding out from simple blood tests what kind of thyroid hormone a person should get and how much. It's like pulling teeth. People who don't know any better just say "eat less". There are an estimated 40 million people in the U.S. that have either an overactive or underactive thyroid. Because of our shitty healthcare system, I can't get an insurance company to pay for a simple blood test concerning a disease I've had for fifty years.

This is after having my parents and grandparents yell at me constantly when I was a kid that I would starve to death because I barely ate anything. I was normal weight then. They wanted me to stuff myself, and eat things I'm allergic to and/or can't stand. They did their damndest to make me eat too much and have an eating disorder, and this was before we had the concept of eating disorders. I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full.

This was before they found out about super tasters, and also I have multiple food allergies. Super tasters don't like bitter foods, sour foods or alcohol.

If I eat the slightest bit of things in the deadly nightshade family, I will have to go to bed for two days with extreme fatigue, like I have the flu or something, because my body is using all its energy to fight the allergen. I also have the usual animal hair/pollen/plant matter allergies. If I go work in the garden, my arms will break out.

And then there's always some physics major who thinks metabolism is a simple calories in/calories out mechanism like an equation. It's a lot more complicated than that. I'm not a doctor.

[scottie55]

46. Don't Diet / Eat Healthy Food ONLY

After a while you stop craving the poison we call the American diet.

[NobodyHere]

50. Diet is a bad word

It implies that your change in eating habits is temporary. If you really want to change your weight permanently then you have to change your lifestyle permanently.

When I was in the military I ate and exercised liked I was 150 lbs and I weighed 150 lbs.

When I got out I ate more junk food and exercised a lot less and I got up to 200 lbs.

I'm trying to get down to 150 again and I'm changing my eating and exercise to like I was in the military (I'm in the 180s right now). However I know that if I go back to my old junk food eating habits I'll go back up to 200.

When someone tells me they're on a diet I usually ask them, "How long can you keep that up for?"

[scottie55]

66. Diet Means Going Without - Going Hungry In Most People's Minds

I don't diet.

I eat one huge salad, one serving of beans, one huge bowl of vegetable soup every day.

When I am hungry I eat fruit, or other healthy snacks and walk every night.

I have lost 30 lbs from my all time high, and am slowly losing more, and am NEVER HUNGRY.

Eating stuff that makes me healthy isn't a diet.

Look up Joel Fuhrman on YouTube and watch every one of his videos.

The more you eat the good stuff, the less you crave the poison that is killing our country.

[NobodyHere]

71. I looked him up

He has a lot of good stuff to say but honestly some of his claims border on quackery.

[Pacifist Patriot]

119. I don't like that the word diet has changed from...

simply "what you eat" to "the effort expended not to eat."

I was able to start controlling my weight when I shifted my thinking from deprivation to simply changing what my diet consisted of...and increasing my activity level.

I could not agree with you more!

[Manifestor_of_Light]

149. When you eat fewer calories than normal, your body thinks you are starving.

And your body slows your metabolism in response. This is what the study of the people on The Biggest Loser found.

They gained back the weight they had lost, and their metabolisms had slowed down in response to restricted-calorie diets.

After they gained the weight back, they still burned fewer calories than a normal person would that was the same size they were.

[Major Nikon]

172. That's what most people assume it means due to the way it's used

Everyone has a diet, some just keep track.

In the spring and fall I exercise a lot more than I do in the summer and winter, so I have to eat more during those periods to keep from losing lean muscle mass. During the off seasons I have to eat less to keep from packing on pounds. I'm on a diet all the time. I don't track every single calorie, but I weigh myself every morning and adjust what I eat based on the trends I see.

Rather than looking at it as a diet, I think the best approach is to think of it as a lifestyle. Most people don't pack on extra weight overnight, and they shouldn't be looking for overnight solutions to address it.

[NobodyHere]

176. Well while we're on proper word meaning

Most people don't know that 2000 calories is different from 2000 Calories.

[Major Nikon]

187. True, but I'm not sure that context is all that relevant outside a laboratory setting

I don't know of any food label that would use the latter convention, and if they did I'm not sure you'd want to eat it.

[NobodyHere]

191. Well if you tried living on a 2000 calorie/day diet

You'd starve to death.

[raging moderate]

47. has anyone thought about the glowing TV food ads?

Last edited Sun Jun 5, 2016, 09:36 AM - Edit history (1)

I have wondered whether we have been conditioned much as Pavlov's dogs were conditioned, just because of those TV ads in which the food glows as if with an inner heavenly light? And then there are always social happiness references. And also of course there are usually subtle links to sexual gratification in the ads, so they get us with several of the most basic biological imperatives. Are we being conditioned to eat too much of the wrong things? It can't be an accident; when I was young, most people were not at all fat, and now, most people are. My husband and I both had too little to eat as kids and we are still pretty thin now, but then I can't eat a whole lot without getting a stomach ache. Anyway, when I think that some of the fat people I know are some of the nicest, and I think my son is actually nicer now that he is fat. I mean, you shouldn't feel bad about it. Just do your best. Maybe stay off French fries and doughnuts most of the time, and eat lots of vegetables and whole wheat. But otherwise, just live your life and be nice to those you meet. And be happy.

[scottie55]

48. They Are Brainwashing Us To Eat Poison

I think about it all the time.

Go to XYZ restaurant and for only $10 you can eat 3,000 calories of poison (fat, processed grain, fat dripping meat, and chicken etc.) Doesn't it look good on the screen pouring the cheese (the worst food in the world) all over the poison you think you crave?

[SusanCalvin]

53. Yep. nt

[SusanCalvin]

55. Thank you for a very interesting post. I'm sorry for your issues.

On a selfish note, you sound like you might know a bit about thyroid issues.

I've been puzzled by mine for quite a while.

I was harangued, many years ago, into going on levothyroxine even though I felt fine. I feel no different since I started taking it, and have had no weight loss. Falls in the category of just one more thing I have to do.

I recently asked my GP what causes loss of thyroid function. She seemed surprised to be asked, and then basically shrugged. Said it was a common condition and the response was boilerplate and virtually always worked.

Call me silly, but when something in my body stops working, I find I'd kinda like to know why, even if belatedly.

[uppityperson]

60. Hi, thyroids are very sensitive to radiation and it's estimated that 1/3 of americans have an under

functioning thyroid. There are a couple autoimmune diseases also, but for most the exact reason is unknown. But radiation definitely hurts thyroids, even the general background stuff we are now exposed to, or were exposed to if a child downwind during the nuke tests, etc.

Also, people think low thyroid only affects weight but it does a whole lot more. I found out I had a problem when my resting pulse was over 120 and I could hardly walk. It was like my metabolism was running a marathon all the time, so moving on top of that was too much. People who have carpal tunnel syndrome, fibromyalgia or depression should be tested because those are a couple other things that can pop up with an underfunctioning thyroid. I had to be very proactive in finding a doctor who would "allow" me to be on armour thyroid, natural thyroid, when the synthetics didn't work for me. I finally found a good endocrinologist who loves thyroid stuff, but makes his living off diabetics. He's in Seattle though, so sorry.

Good luck to you and pm if you want more info.

[SusanCalvin]

62. Well, I grew up smack dab in the middle of the nuclear test era, so maybe that's it.

I test fine every year on the same dose, and based on what research I've done it seems the best option, but it just bugs me to have a part of my body fail and not only to not know why but to have my doctor (whom I adore) not really care why.

Carpal tunnel related to thyroid?? Who knew....!

[Manifestor_of_Light]

68. My mother had the same disease I had at the same age.

She got Hashi's at 11 years old, before they had the atomic bomb, and the only treatment was natural Armour thyroid, which was a waste product from the slaughterhouse. Pig or sheep glands.

Now they want you on synthetic thyroid which is T4 only. A lot of people don't do well on it.

The online expert is named Mary Shomon and she is at www.verywell.com.

Also there is www.stopthethyroidmadness.com

I still don't know why I can't get some simple blood tests run for more information since I have had this disease for 50 years.

I had teachers tell me I was "Brilliant" and "genius" since I started reading at age three. Then in junior high and high school, when I got this disease, they called me "slow" and "lazy". WTF? I had to go home and crash every afternoon for three hours after 8 hours of school, then get up about 7:30 or 8 and eat dinner and study or practice music some.
Teenagers aren't supposed to need 12 hours of sleep a day, but I got called slow and lazy.

I am still looking for a doctor who will listen to me and run those blood tests other than TSH. TSH is produced by the pituitary, not the thyroid, to kick start the thyroid, so it doesn't tell you a whole lot. But most doctors test that and that's it.

In medical school, they trash Armour thyroid and say the dosage is inconsistent, yada yada. They actually teach them this in medical school. Doctors have been using it for over 100 years.

I once shut up a board-certified endocrinologist when he gave me the standard speech about how Armour had dosage that varied, blah de blah. I said, "I read the label. It says 'United States Pharmacopoeia, biologically assayed'.

That shut him up. The USP is an independent organization that tests medications for purity, safety and consistency.

I once had an idiot doctor in San Antonio take me completely OFF thyroid. You do that, you will die eventually. I got to the point where only sheer willpower got me out of bed. After five years I went to a doctor who saw the swelling in my neck which is called myxedema. He said I had the worst case he had ever seen and that I would have gone into a coma and died within about two weeks, had he not put me back on Armour.

[SusanCalvin]

88. Wow, what scary symptoms.

No, I've never had anything like that - I just got told, after a blood test somewhere around my late 40s or early 50s, that I had low thyroid and needed to take the medicine. I resisted for years, so it couldn't have been too bad.

Thank you very much for the information.

[scottie55]

45. Dieting Is Deadly - Eating Healthy Is The ONLY Answer

Eat To Live

Watch this video (and all his others) over, and over, and begin living a great active life.

Eating non crap is the only answer.

No 3 hour gym sessions, or even sweat.

Broccoli has over 1,000 nutrients in it.

More than all the food at McDonald's combined!

[Bernardo de La Paz]

77. Absolutely true. Been saying for years. Thanks for posting video support (only watched a bit so far)

[Tien1985]

49. Thank you for this

I am so frustrated right now. I eat mainly chicken, veggies, fruit and very few whole grains. I can't lose weight unless I eat 1000 cal a day or less--I know, I've painstaking counted and recorded. Of course, I feel like I'm starving and I'm too tired to enjoy anything.

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with Hashi's and its all been down hill since then. I struggle not to gain weight and finding a doctor who appropriately treats Hashi's is a chore--every time I've had to move its been hell.

Although I'd like to be more fit, I'm more than my weight. I don't know why some people think that's an imposition.

[Solly Mack]

51. K&R

[AuntPatsy]

54. Well worth the read for everyone that comes to this site....I hope your words alter

some of the lop sided judgemental like bs that some people display with words...

The best of luck to you

[SusanCalvin]

57. Bookmarked, BTW. Thank you (and responders) again.

[mnhtnbb]

58. I was struck by this thought in your post

" instead I stay home, self-isolate and feel crappy. I know that I am not the only overweight person who just feels defeated at the idea of leaving the house, so they stay away from friends, family and the more a person isolates themselves, the more prone to depression they are. "

You also mentioned depression here:

"I know I would feel better if I exercised, but it hurts to exercise because I'm fat, I get depressed, I eat."

There is definitely a connection between obesity and depression.

You might find the information in these links interesting: http://www.obesityaction.org/educational-resources/resource-articles-2/obesity-related-diseases/obesity-and-depression-an-intertwined-challenge

particularly this conclusion:

In a 2008 review of study outcomes in the Journal of Clinical Psychology (Markowitz et al.), the authors urged clinicians to integrate the treatment of these two diseases and cautioned that dieting, which can worsen mood, and anti-depressants, which can cause weight gain, should be minimized. The authors also recommended that exercise and stress reduction, which have been shown to be effective treatments for both diseases, should be considered a first-line defense.

While we still have much to learn about the association between obesity and depression, this much is clear: the link between the two conditions is clear.

And this link on dealing with depression: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/dealing-with-depression.htm


I like some of the suggestions in the above link about how to get more exercise, especially getting involved with pets. Don't know if you have a cat or dog or have allergies and that might not be an option, but pets are wonderful at boosting your spirits. My rescue dog, Snowy, loves our walks and she is the reason I usually walk for well over an hour/day. If you do like dogs, but can't have one where you live (and aren't allergic) I'll bet someone you know has a dog that would love an extra walk now and then. Although playing with a kitty isn't as much exercise as walking a dog, the benefit of
feeling better from the playful interaction and sharing love with a sweet kitty might make you feel more like getting out of the house to take a walk around the block more often.


I hope you find a way to break the cycle you mention and begin to feel better about yourself. Change is hard. Really, really hard. It's really helpful to have a group that cheers you on whenever
anyone is working to change behavior or break old habits.

Take care and thanks for sharing your perspective with us.

[nadine_mn]

80. Pretty much my depression and weight go hand in hand

I have a whole crapload of trauma in my past and eating was (still is) my coping skill. I engaged in a whole host of other harmful coping mechanisms, but overeating is the main one.

I went to an outpatient program for my depression and suicidal thoughts earlier this year - all of the therapists and nurses were wonderful and understanding. Then there was the psychiatrist who checked in on us patients a couple of times a week to gives us various types of meds to try. He kept telling me that some of the meds he was giving me had appetite suppression benefits - and I kept explaining to him "I don't eat because I am HUNGRY"

He looked at me like I was speaking in tongues. An alcoholic doesn't drink vodka because they are thirsty. His advice was for me to "just eat celery". The urge to smack him was strong - he said this as though it was some damn miracle cure that he just invented.

On a happy note - yes I have wonderful dogs. I usually walk them late at night to avoid other people. I haven't walked them in a while, mainly due to pain. We just lost our kitty last month - he was so sweet.

[mnhtnbb]

83. I am so sorry to hear about your kitty.

We had two kitty boys--not brothers but from two different litters born a few days apart in the same house--who had been raised together.
They were such buddies. Mouse has been gone for almost 7 years now (in fact we adopted my rescue dog, Snowy, not long after he passed)
and his brother, Simba, lived another 3 years, tolerating Snowy and eventually cuddling up with her. There isn't a day goes by that I don't
think about either one or both the kitties. My husband and I are both 'seniors', though, and enjoy traveling. It's much easier to take
Snowy to the pet resort--which she loves--or bring her with us on car trips, though, than it is to leave kitties. So, no more kitties until
we've decided our travel days are over.

The pain preventing exercise contributing to weight preventing exercise cycle is another tough one. I know losing just a few pounds makes a difference
in how well my knees tolerate walking with Snowy. I was visiting with some neighbors the other day--who also bring their dog out to wait with
their girls for the school bus in the morning--complaining about how it's not just an old wives' tale that your joints are effective barometers at forecasting
coming weather changes. Boy, we have had them this spring, too, where we live. We've had a lot of rain. It's one other benefit, though, to walking
with Snowy in that we've gotten to know some neighbors--particularly the ones with kids--who are out waiting for the bus in the morning.

[SusanCalvin]

94. I'm sorry for your loss.

And I just gave that psychiatrist a virtual smack upside the head.

[DemMomma4Sanders]

59. Maybe, its hard for me to relate though.

When I see soeone select unhealthy junk im not upset because their going to get fat, Im upset....hateful even that they'd support a company that might as well be setting out to kill us all, poison us all.

Yes, Im not proud, but in that moment I hate that person.

[SusanCalvin]

64. Try hating the corporations that are pushing it.

Or, in general, try hating virtually uncontrolled corporations. Uncontrolled growth = cancer on society.

Oh wait, I see you said that. Took me a second.

Mmmmmmm, no, sort of. Please hate the corporation.

[DemMomma4Sanders]

121. I do, i do. I tell people as much as possible to the point of seeming overzealous

but i just can't help it when I see it. Its rubs me the way seeing someone throw a cigarrette butt into a stream does. Its bone grinding.

When I see an overweight parent feeds their kid junkfood I feel like ripping my hair out. All I can think is "what a selfish, self absorbed child abuser". Thats just how I am built. I love my planet and the children more than I will ever care for dissociated fools who don't understand the gift they're destroying, who ignore the truth and decieve themselves with disastrous results for every living thing.

[nadine_mn]

143. The "self aborbed child abuser" may just be uninformed or doing the best they can

Sure some parents do know better and still feed their kids crap. But there is so much misinformation out there about what is healthy and what isn't.

There are many poor people who are overweight but still malnourished because junk food is so much cheaper and available.

In the 50's and 60's people thought that over-processed food (like TV dinners) were healthier because they were made in clean efficient factories.

When I was in school, we still had home ec and I actually learned how to cook - my mom never cooked. She fed us a constant diet of frozen pizza and mac and cheese. She always stayed around 100-110 lbs, and I just blew past that.

Basic cooking skills and nutrition knowledge seems like a no brainer for so many, but it really isn't.

[Ms. Toad]

157. Let me give you another perspective.

I was raped at age 19. From then until age 39, I was 20-65 lbs above where feel most comfortable. It was a completely subconscious attempt to make myself invisible to those who might otherwise see me as a target for sexual aggression. At age 39 I had a very abrupt awakening, courtesy of having lost a significant amount of weight - and spending the morning of a prison visit frantically searching my closet for something I wasn't finding until I realized what I was searching for was something that would make me look fat - the first time in 20 years I had any awareness of why it has been so hard for me to maintain a weight at which I am comfortable.

I am far from alone as a woman who carries extra weight, either consciously or subconsciously, to deter unwanted aggressive sexual behavior from men. The blog post I wrote about this garnered more responses than any other I've written - many from women who recognized themselves.

So, at age 39, slightly more than half of my life had been spent developing habits subconsciously designed to maintain my weight somewhere between overweight and obese.

In the most recent third of my life, I have lost weight several times - and have been successful in maintaining it for as long as 5 years. But physical habits of half a lifetime die hard, and when my life is stressed I revert to convenience, taste, and old habits, and the weight piles back on.

Recently, I have been working 80-100 hours a week. I am the sole breadwinner, with a spouse who has mild cognitive impairment consistent with the early stages of Alzheimers, an adult daughter with three chronic diseases that put her at risk for a half-dozen or more cancers and leaves her constantly fatigued and unable to complete college or work full time, I've had now 4 significant illnesses during this time period (2009 to present). I'm also the only one capable of hearing the medical discussions we need to have with various doctors, of doing taxes, of reviewing medical bills ($60-$100,000 a year) so, on top of my work week, I have to make time for the household things no one is capable of - or inclined to do. When I'm driving home between midnight and 2 AM, knowing that my spouse and daughter will have had a pissing contest over who has to do the dishes - I resort to quick, available, and tasty comfort food because I know I need to eat something. That typically means a hamburger and onion rings, or fried cheese, fried macaroni, and onion rings, and maybe a rice krispie treat. It was often the only respite I had in the work day that started long before noon. And when I get home, I do the dishes, because the path of least resistance is all I can manage - and it is far easier to do the dishes than it is to play peacemaker and get one of them to do it.

So while you're sneering at some overweight person making bad food choices, try to remember that you really have no clue about what led to that moment you are witnessing.

[DemMomma4Sanders]

178. Your life experience is anything but average.

The momentary disgust i feel for an individual passes quick and i begin to do as u say I should....put myself in their shoes.

For an individual...this is how I feel. Not for a Parent. They don't deserve that consideration before the health and welfare of the children are concidered.

I was raped, grew up in group homes where a pat on the back was much less common than foreign appendages in my orifices.


None of this gives me the right to shove "comfort" food in my childs mouth simply because I'm overwhelmed. Its easy to prepare meals that will feed for days while managing multiple tasks around the house. When you have children YOU'RE comfort, convenience comes after their care. No matter your past.

Its possible, moreover its my DUTY and its my childs right to recieve as healthful and nourishing an environment as I am intellectually capable of providing for them.

I really hate when people bring up their past to excuse bad habits and crimes. There are millions of immigrants maintaining America today who suffered far worse yet maintain better familial bonds than the average caucasian family in the US.

Im not sneering at obese people who are damning their children to a life as miserable as their own....my face remains rather stonelike in that moment.

I hate them with every fiber of my being. I hate their assumptions that they've had it harder than everyone else, I hate their neglect for their children.....and i hate their excuses that allow the vicious cycle to continue.

[Dorian Gray]

182. Here comes the calvary

riding their high horses into the war!

(Everybody knows better than everybody else.)

[Ms. Toad]

183. Whether your face shows it or not, you are sneering.

Believe me, people feel your "stony" visage in the same way they experience a literal sneer. Different people react to and cope with the aftermath trauma differently. For me, weight was the only longstanding impact - it is not an excuse, it was my mind/body's subconscious way of letting me cope for two decades. The reality is that any habit nurtured for over half of my life is hard to break.You might want two consider where your disproportionate emotional reaction is coming from.

But go on sitting on your high horse judging the rest of the world, since it seems you enjoy the spot. Just know that it is not a helpful place to be because, as the OP pointed out, that judgment helps reinforce the very cycle that disgusts you.

[DemMomma4Sanders]

184. There is no high horse. There are wrong, destructive ways to raise a child

and feeding them convenience food is one of them.

No reinforcing what is common knowledge, bad eating habits=bad health does not reinforce the behavior of overeating. The choice and addiction to high carb/sugar food reinforces the behavior by creating dependency and tolerance.

You may eat more, and as far as I'm concerned thats you're business, but someone is surely more likely to feed their children better if schools and doctors contribute to an atmosphere where parents actually feel public shame for treating their kids as a second or third priority.

[Ms. Toad]

186. Shame is NEVER productive.

All it does is demoralize people who already feel helpless, overwhelmed, depressed, etc. and make it harder for them to make good choices because you've made them feel even more like a piece of worthless trash than they already did before they encountered you.

So, NO, people are NOT more likely to feed their children better if they are shamed. We've been doing shame for decades - that is a large contributor to where we are today.

In addition, shame drives people underground. When you go to your doctor you need to be able to honestly tell them what you and your children are eating (if it is medically relevant). If your doctor is participating in the shaming (and believe me, most already are), what happens is the parent doesn't disclose the things they expect the doctor to shame them for.

If the public shames them when they are out to eat at fast food restaurants that are increasingly improving their nutrition, they will shift toward feeding their children at home where the cheap, easy choices are even less nutritious than most fast-food fare.

So, again, get off your high horse and stop judging and shaming people. That's the entire point of the OP. Shame is not helpful, and it is no more helpful to parents than it is to an individual. If what people are feeding their kids bothers you so much that you can't hide your disgust, find a volunteer program that is based in carrots, rather than sticks, and plug yourself in. Just stop doing more damage by looking down your nose at people who are making choices you don't approve of.

[pacalo]

65. I can tell you this, nadine ...

Your honesty is refreshing & I hope all your dreams come true.

[demigoddess]

70. I am an overweight person, also. I might have been able to lose it

at some point but I gave birth to a severely retarded child and a lot of my job since over all of those years was to sit quietly for many hours a day. At first it was getting formula down her. It took 1 1/2 hours to get an ounce or so down her. At 2 and a half she still wasn't eating well, so she went to a special school, which meant 3 hours a day in the car, and working with her at meals, I had to sit very quietly next to her for her lesson. For an hour per meal. Then she started public school, and she would be so traumatized by the teachers, that I would have to sit and hold her for 2 hours every afternoon when she got home. The first time she learned to eat it took 2 years, the second time one year and a half, the next time, one year. After that i had to sit nearby as she ate because she choked a lot. Can't tell you how many times, I didn't know if she would be alive in a few minutes. Now she is older and it still takes an hour for her to eat a meal and I have to sit by to get her more milk, help her with another spoon or help her if she chokes. The doctor says I should eat more green vegetables, I love vegetables and eat them. But then there is the stress involved with a child like this. So I eat a cookie or something that I shouldn't. I just can't make the doctor understand. so thanks for your post, it let me get something off my chest.

[dawg]

85. You sound like an amazingly tough woman.

Maybe you really are a demigoddess, who knows?

We should really think twice before we make *any* snap judgments about people. We don't know their circumstances, or what else they may be dealing with.

[nadine_mn]

145. You are such an amazing woman

I cannot begin to imagine the amount of stress you have gone through and what something that is taken for granted - a meal with their child - is something that is such a challenge for you and your daughter to face everyday.

The patience and love you have is truly extraordinary and your daughter is lucky to have you.

I wish the best for you and your child - lots of love and thank you for sharing.

[demigoddess]

192. I'v also seen her do things that would make any mother d**m proud!!!

Things that she did without any prompting, and were kindnesses. Put it this way, she thinks babies are precious and she loved to play with her younger brothers, and watch over them.

[TexasBushwhacker]

72. When someone (usually my brother) comments on my weight

I tell him "I'm fat, not blind."

[nadine_mn]

81. I am always tempted to look around in surprise

when someone mentions my weight and freak out like it just happened, then thank them profusely for pointing it out.

I usually think of that afterwards though - my first reaction is either tears or anger depending on the day.

[SusanCalvin]

96. It is so incredibly rude for them to do that.

I find it appalling that some think it's OK or even helpful.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall when you try out the first reaction.

[JNelson6563]

73. Excellent post!

We need to get the fuck over ourselves and let people just be. Everyone has their struggle, just because someone may have one that can be seen doesn't make it right to add to it.

[OnDoutside]

74. Great post, Nadine ! Keep fighting the fight, one day it will all click in place

What I took from your excellent post is that you have identified the two critical issues

I engage in the behavior that led to my fatness - not because it was a goal to be fat, but because eating is my go to coping mechanism. I eat when I am stressed, bored, happy, sad, etc. And I don't exercise enough.

There are so many people in the same particular boat as you, who've taken a big step in diagnosing what the problem is. The question is how to break out of that cycle ? You're so correct about the "keep up the good work", so many respond far better to positivity than "you're wasting your time" negativity.

[MerryBlooms]

75. Rec & Kick.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

76. Cool post. Fat takes a long time to add and should take a long time to come off.

Exercise helps metabolism, but the real key is healthy eating.

When the body gets an excess of high calorie / low nutrient foods it craves nutrients so it craves more and more food. The calorie load actually reduces the percentage of nutrients absorbed. So it becomes a vicious circle. See post above http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=7882190

Crash diets crash and burn. Unbalanced fad diets don't satisfy the body. Gradual but steady and relentless improvement will win. Don't make big sudden changes but make substitutions more and more over time.

Little by little change your diet to replace low nutrient high carbohydrate foods with high nutrient foods with a bonus for high fiber foods.

So over an extended period of time while you deal with the sources of issues that send you to comfort food, find other comfort foods that give you a filled feeling but also give you lots of nutrients. Maybe such as a bowl of cereal with lots of fruit in it instead of a bowl of ice cream. Whatever works for you (delicious) replacing whatever you've been using.

There's lots of nutrients out there. Have FUN finding nutritious food that you find delicious.

Best wishes and thanks for posting.

[Scuba]

79. K&R

[FailureToCommunicate]

82. Thanks for this important discussion...

and, "keep up the good work"

[jalan48]

84. We're all just people-have a great Sunday!

[athena]

86. Please don't feel bad about your weight.

Your weight is just a physical feature, just like your height and your eye color. I firmly believe that you cannot change your weight, just as you cannot change your height or your real eye color.

I am not overweight myself, but my spouse is "obese". So I know about the guilt and self-loathing that overweight people feel on a daily basis. I have found, personally, that I can't really control my weight. Years ago, I had to go on some medication that caused me to lose about 20 pounds. I wasn't eating any differently or exercising any more than before. Some people congratulated me; others expressed concern. When I got off the medication, I gradually gained the weight back. Later, I had to have a shot of Depo Provera for a medical procedure, and that caused me to put on about 10 pounds, which also came off after six months or so. Again, I had not changed my behavior.

I once read about how Ella Fitzgerald used to wish she were thin. How sad that someone with such a beautiful voice, who continues to brighten people's lives to this day, couldn't be completely happy with herself. We need to love ourselves and each other for who we are, not for what we look like.

Please just focus on loving yourself. You are so much more than your weight. Some of us out there know that.

[nadine_mn]

146. Thank you

It is so sad to think how quick we are to dismiss someone with brilliance, talent or just a generosity of spirit because of their weight. To stereotype an amazing singer or author or scientist as lazy or lacking willpower, instead of focusing on what they have to offer - we as a society miss out.

[dawg]

87. Excellent post.

Different people have different metabolisms, and it's cruel to shame people over something that is extremely difficult - maybe even impossible for some - for them to control.

It's like going down to the homeless shelters to mock the poor. It's an ignorant and hateful thing to do.

[Surya Gayatri]

90. Having been hypothyroid and subject to weight swings since adolescence, I sympathize completely.

That said, I've never had the misfortune of being morbidly obese.

The vicious cycle of weight gain/no exercise that you describe is SO familiar.

My former neighbor had a similar problem with mobid obesity and recently underwent bariatric surgery. The post-op phase hasn't been easy, but she has lost half of her former weight in the six months since the operation.

Wishing you courage to deal with this intractable and life-threatening issue.

[CrispyQ]

91. I was 50-60 pounds overweight for a long time.

I was the fittest fat girl you ever saw. Aerobics, weight lifting, stretching. I did it all & never lost a pound. Finally I said fuck it & stopped exercising. A few years ago I went off some medications & I lost 50 pounds in two months. If I had a dime for every time someone said to me, "You'd be a pretty girl if you just lost some weight." Once a man I didn't even know approached me in the cafeteria at work & told me that if I would stop eating lunch I could probably lose some weight. I had to bite my tongue to keep from telling him to fuck off.

If people's mean spiritedness were as apparent as being overweight, it would sure make life easier. You could see them coming & turn the other way.

Hang in there!

[FlaGranny]

93. I had been morbidly obese

but I have managed to lose 105 pounds over the last 6-7 years. In the past several months I backslid and gained 15 pounds back. It's been a lifelong struggle. I want to lose about 30 pounds more. It sure has been a struggle. I eat sometimes from boredom, but mostly I just love to eat and have a weakness for sweets too. I'm not an emotional eater. If I were I'd weight 500 pounds I guess. I know how much it hurts for someone to make remarks about your weight too.

I can really empathize on the exercise because my knees are shot. I can't walk far. I'm in the process now of scheduling knee replacement surgery. One thing that has gotten me through the pain is Depo-Medrol injections from my rheumatologist. They have made it possible to go to the gym, which I have done for the past 2 years. Right now I am miserable because I can't have the Depo-Medrol before surgery as it increases the chance for an infection. At the gym (Silver Sneakers membership), I ride the recumbent Exercycle and do weight training. I have put on muscle weight, hard to tell how much, but I am physically strong and healthy. When I get my knees fixed I'll be able to walk my dog again and that should help with the weight.

P.S. If you are a candidate, Depo-Medrol is a wonderful drug if you have osteoarthritis of the knees and/or back. Takes away most of the pain and discomfort and makes you feel normal for weeks and weeks. Ask your doctor about it.

[nadine_mn]

98. I had lost about 40 lbs

Which was a fantastic start. This was about 3 yrs ago... I was swimming, the recumbent bike and was doing weekly gentle yoga. I felt great.

Then I had a really bad family emergency that I didn't have the coping skills for - I went back to old habits.

It is so hard to go back and start all over. I know I have to and its normal but I get defeated easily when I look at how much I was able to do.

I wish there were more group exercises designed for morbidly obese - we have certain limitations that other people don't have. A lot of instructors don't know what to do with us

I am going to talk to my dr about pain management Thank you

[FlaGranny]

100. A senior class

would be good. Don't know how old you are, but Silver Sneakers programs do chair exercises and allow you to go at your own pace, but I don't know if they accept non-SS people. Wouldn't hurt to ask.

I can tell you that even though I've been going to the gym for 2 years now, it is still difficult to get motivated to go. I'm afraid not to go, though, because I'm afraid I'll wind up weak and debilitated. On Tuesday I'll be 76 years old. No way I want to be using walkers and wheelchairs.

[retrowire]

95. you is what you is!

And that's amazing no matter what.

It truly is what's inside that counts.

[emulatorloo]

99. Thanks so much for posting this. Obesity runs in my family.

I hope to come back and post something longer but so busy today.

But in the meantime, wanted to say what an excellent thoughtful post. Kick and Rec

[nolabear]

101. Here's an additional thing worth looking into.

If you, like me, have spent your life wondering why you find it insanely hard to lose weight in your legs, and if those "fat" legs hurt to touch with any pressure, and if they are heavy and stiff, you might have a condition called Lipedema or, in the UK, lipoedema. In short, lymphatic fluid collects in the fat cells and swells them. It's progressive, it's got treatments but no cure, and doctors who have fat shamed women (it's hormonally driven and birtuallynonexistent in men) for eons are only beginning to know about it.

Look it up. Might help someone sometime.

[merrily]

111. I can't say I know how you feel, because I've never faced that daily.

I will just say that I am sorry you feel bad and people are not helpful. I wish you all the best. I think, most of all, I wish you your own acceptance, being at peace and able to accept yourself and know true happiness, no matter where your weight is at the moment. Second, I wish you people around you who are truly able to accept you at any weight. We all are so much more than our looks or our weight. If we're not, we should damn well be trying to be. Peace.

[Runningdawg]

115. I retired from nursing

in part because of the generally accepted attitudes towards overweight patients. In some cases it was nothing short of blatant discrimination. I myself, slightly overweight for most of my life, was a target.
I developed intense pain in my L foot. I went to the Dr and without examining the foot he said "well of course your feet hurt, loose weight" explaining that only one foot hurt, did nothing to persuade him. The second opinion was the same.
After several months, the pain intensified. I had to do something. I asked a friend who was an x-ray tech to give it a flash. Although neither of us were trained to read x-rays, it would have been clear to most anyone there was an olive-sized mass in my foot.
Armed with my x-ray and new determination I visited a 3rd Dr. Surprise #3 turned out to be one of the good guys. He diagnosed a tumor and scheduled me for surgery. By the time of this 3rd visit the tumor had displaced bones near it.
Not only did I need a surgery to remove the benign tumor, I need two more surgeries to correct the bones and tissues it had damaged. This also led to deformity of my foot and damaged nerves. To this day, I need a shoe 1-1/2 size larger and in a wide with for only the damaged foot.
To add insult to injury imagine my surprise when I learned I could not sue the first 2 for malpractice - because they had not given a diagnosis or any treatment. Nothing is going to change until excess weight is treated like other medical conditions - with the full arsenal of treatments available: drugs, surgery, counseling and physical therapy. Sad to say, I do not believe it will happen in my lifetime.

[nadine_mn]

147. I am so sorry - I have been lucky to have a doctor

who listens to me and encourages me. But I know my grandmother was terrified of going to a doctor because when she had in the past, he had so degraded her for her weight she vowed never to go again. She had stomach cancer later in life, the pain must have been unbearable but because of how she had been treated in the past, she refused to go until it was too late.

I know so many overweight people who have the same fear - will not go to the doctor because the first thing out a physician's mouth is "well you know, X would be better and Y wouldn't hurt so much if you just lost weight"

And that is the end of the conversation. Like we don't KNOW that, but hey I am here to have this suspicious mole on my neck checked out. But as soon as I can I will just drop that excess weight like nothing - for crying out loud if weight loss was as simple as that, we wouldn't have such a problem.

[Vinca]

118. Great post.

Some people don't get it that food is as addictive as a drug. Probably more so since you cannot exist for very long without it. You can give up booze, you can give up cigarettes, you can give up drugs, but you can't give up food. It's always there, always within reach, always too easy to fall back on. Except for a few days in 1984 (after I'd turned myself in to the Diet Center and lived on about 500 calories for months) when I looked in the mirror and saw thin, I've always been overweight in varying degrees. Now that I've hit an age where I don't think of myself as old, but I can get a senior discount if I want it, I've decided not to obsess about it anymore. I'll never be a size 2 or 4 unless I buy one for each thigh. "Playboy" will never call begging for a photo shoot. As long as I feel reasonably healthy, reasonably happy and can go about my life, I'm not going to let it own me anymore.

[Bigredhunk]

123. Wow!

Well done. This is outstanding!

[MFM008]

126. I know this struggle

like the back of my hand.
good luck, peace.

[Dustlawyer]

128. We can be an uncaring, sorry, hurtful lot, no better than

school kids picking on one kid that is either fat, or mentally challenged, different etc.

I am sitting next to my brother in ICU who is dying from cirrhosis of the liver. He started drinking in HS. About the time he got the nick name "Woody" from the show Cheers. He was likable but slow. The drinking made him pretend he was better than he was, at least more accomplished, he was/is still a good person. As he entered the workforce it got worse. Co-workers gripes about having to always show him how to do things he should already know. He finally ended up being forced to do just manual labor at 5'7" 130 lbs. He ruptured 3 disks and became disabled and hooked on pain meds too!

Maybe he would be better if we had all been better people to each other. Words can kill! Watch which ones you use!

[1939]

136. Back in the late 1940s

There was a hit song called the "Too Fat Polka". The chorus went:

"I don't want her
You can have her
She's too fat for me"

I remember in 3rd grade five or six boys gathering round a chubby girl singing that.

[Dustlawyer]

152. I'm sorry for the hurt you have had to endure.

Not that it makes it any better, but I know you understand the problem of people openly expressing negative statements, gestures, whatever, lies with them, not you. You recognize and admit where you have a problem and what to do to solve it. These hateful, insecure people are acting out to convince themselves they are better than you.

I have worked with a few people like that. Let's just say they learn quickly if properly motivated to not pull that crap around me or to any MORE of the staff! Sorry, had one in particular in mind. Since it was caused by his insecurities and inexperience he had to leave, he could not learn to modify/moderate his behavior. He was really openly ugly to almost everyone, except to those above him who had to be stabbed in the back until dead!

It took me a while to understand it, but once I did I learned that the people who, as adults, felt the need to belittle people for their seeming imperfections are the ones with a problem. Understanding they are the one with the problem might take some of the sting of their behavior.

[1939]

180. Well, thank you for the words

It wasn't me that was hurt. I was just a skinny little boy then looking on. The girl had a very pretty face though. I wonder, almost 70 years later, what she looks like now. This was back in 1948 when the song was playing on every radio. Arthur Godfrey, Frankie Yankovic, and the Andrews Sisters all had 78RPM record versions of it. Polka bands, playing in American Legion halls and Moose lodges are still playing it, because it is a catchy tune. Go on You Tube and search for "Too Fat Polka".

[Lithos]

132. K&R

So many good points about weight, body image, motivation, acceptance and what constitutes praise and support.

L-

[Prism]

144. Can I give you some honest advice?

And I was where you once were. I was always heavily built, but was athletic in high school and college - more muscle than fat. Once I had a desk job in my 20's, forget it, it was a mess. I think I topped out at 290 at 5'11" at my worst ten years ago. Which, isn't quite morbidly obese, but it's bad enough. I came down to a muscley 190 finally and felt and looked great. (I use past tense, because I just finished a bulk and feel fat as hell. I will do until I trim back down to 180-190).

But I do want to pass along a few things I've learned on my journey.

1. There's no such thing as motivation. There is only discipline. If you wake up and don't feel like doing something, forget it. You'll never get around to do it. Motivation is feeling like doing something. Discipline is doing something even if you really don't want to. If you rely on motivation to save you, you are setting yourself up for failure.

There's a great pair of articles here about it: http://www.wisdomination.com/screw-motivation-what-you-need-is-discipline/

2. You keep saying diet and exercise. You say exercise is painful for you. Ok, if that's the case, start with diet. Start somewhere you can control. I think a lot of overweight people decide "I'm going to diet and exercise!" then they bust out chicken and vegetables and try to go jogging. Oh god, no. That sucks. It's absolutely miserable. There's no way on earth you'll stick with it. That's not what changing your life is, making some radical shift your body and mind cannot endure. I just started cutting, and believe me, there's a small bag of doritos in that meal plan. And low carb butter pecan ice cream. If you deny yourself your comforts, you'll fail.

Don't worry about exercise. If you can take evening walks and things, great. But step 1 is calorie counting. If you do no exercise, but still count your calories, you will lose weight. Exercise is important. Weight training and cardio will improve your health and well-being, but if you're not there yet, you're not there yet. Take it one little bit at a time. If you try to change everything at once, it will overwhelm you, and you'll feel like a failure.

3. Find a constructive outlet for depression. A lot of people say, "Fat = lazy" No, fat = depressed most of the time. I can't give overarching advice here. Step One for you might not even be diet and exercise. It might be finding a way to channel your depression so that you're not perpetuating your situation. Diet and exercise will reverse things. But maybe you're at the point where you just need to stop things. So really sit down and try to find ways where, when your weight triggers depression, you can find something to do that makes you happy without exacerbating the problem.

There are definitely times where I'm overstressed, I'm all out of fucks to give, and I'm this close to going, "Hello, Dominoes?!" But then I occupy myself. Cleaning the apartment, running errands, just walking or jogging somewhere. Any activity that carries you away from your impulses.

Anyway, all that said, I wish the best for you. And I'll certainly not judge you. Been there. I remember trying to fly during my "bad times". The tray table doesn't quite come down, and then you feel horrible. But the reward, "Why does this plane seat feel so damn roomy?!" is worth it.

You can get there. Don't let anyone tell you you can't.

[NobodyHere]

151. I agree discipline is very important

Excellent post overall

[KentuckyWoman]

175. Good post

thank you

[BreweryYardRat]

179. You can do it...and here's a couple of hints.

I used to be 70 pounds heavier than I should be. Now that's all gone -- I'd like to drop 10 more pounds, but it's not critical.

Try making exercise into your coping mechanism. It doesn't have to be your coping mechanism all of the time, just most of the time. Doesn't cure the depression, but it does make it easier to bear.

Oh, and try substituting chocolate-flavored craft beer when you're craving sweets. A pint of chocolate ice cream has something like 1200 -- 1400 calories. A good chocolate bar (Lindt, Ghirardelli, etc...) has about 500 -- 600 calories. The richest, highest-calorie chocolate imperial stout I've ever had (Brooklyn Brewery's seasonal Double Chocolate imperial stout) only had 300 calories per bottle, and they usually run about 200-250 calories.

[GreenPartyVoter]

181. Thank you for posting this! *hugs* I know exactly what you are

saying, having been morbidly obese myself up until very recently. (And since food is still my coping mechanism, it is possible I will be again one day.)

[GOLGO 13]

185. Keep going to the track as often as you can. Eventually you'll be doing it automatically

without even really thinking it. Best wishes.

[alarimer]

189. Thank you for sharing.

I don't understand anyone's need to be a jerk to someone else. My only guess is that it makes them feel superior, but why they need that, I don't know.

We all need to be kinder to ourselves; maybe then we'd be kinder to others.

People seem to think that the only reason we fail at fixing ourselves is a lack of willpower and that failure to change whatever we are wanting to change means there is something wrong with our character. I certainly don't agree with this, although I berate myself time and time again for not going to the gym after work like I should. Or for eating poorly or whatever. Which means I have at least bought into the notion a little bit.

Our society is poisonous in many ways, especially for women. So I think the movement towards acceptance is by and large a good thing. We are human, we have flaws. But that doesn't makes us less worthy.

[KamaAina]

190. Fat shaming doesn't work for me, either

Many of my favorite females are large and soft.