Dear Donald Trump: Message Check, Dude
Dear Donald Trump
Yeah, I know you're reading this, though you'll never, ever admit it.
But you can't help yourself. Any attention, any mention, any spotlight, you gotta run stand innit. Pavlov's pooches got nothin' on you, Dude.
Starting to boil? Simmer down, and keep readin'. I'm tryin' to be yer friend.
Yeah, really, I am.
Much more a Charlie Chaplin fan than Three Stooges, and even Laurel & Hardy were a bit iffy for me. I'm just not really entertained by watching grownups flail around making asses of themselves, especially if there's violence involved, actual or threatened.
And there's a fair number of voters like me. You'll need some of us, if you don't want to be the yuuuuuuge-est loser, evah, in a Prexy race.
Word, Dude. I wouldn't lie atcha.
So, granted, I'd vote for Gary Johnson or Cookie Monster the bunny rabbit or, hell, Cthulu Himself, before I'd vote for you, but not everyone who feels the way I do about entertainment might feel that way about the election.
I'm watchin' you attempt to triangulate on the LGBTQ community of voters, maybe pick up a few of us, hey, why not, doesn't cost anything, right? And you get a two-fer, because you can express some I-am-certain-WHOLLY-sincere and deeply felt empathy for us, while at the same time dog-whistling your whiney, terrified, nativist base with ratcheted-up bluster about SKEERY MOOSLIMS and IMMIGRANTS and TERROR and ISIL and other code words.
Here's the deal, puffy orangey Dude:
Telling us, the LGBTQ community, that you're gonna protect us from the skeery peeps?
That's sweet, really. Props to you for the try. I'm, like, touched that you thought it worth your oh-so-valuable time to turn the radiance of your brilliant powerful protection in my direction, even though it's totally mis-focused.
Because, creative combover Dude, the people who are skeery to us?
They're not exactly skeery solely because they're foaming-at-the-mouth-Muslim-terra-ist-immigrant-ey types. Yeah, those are skeery, but it's not exactly like there's a whole LOT of them yanno?
When it comes down to the assholes who are MOST likely to maim, kill, mug, bully, hate on, exploit, injure, discriminate, damage us, the ones we've known ALL OUR LIVES, the ones who've been the painful backing track to a long fight to have our basic humanity recognized?
Well, fo' shizzle, massive moneyclip Dude, almost NONE of them are from Middle-Easty sounding places and lurking into 'Murka through Mexico with the "ISIS Easy Terra Manual" hidden in their backpack liner.
Nope.
You wanna protect us from the skeery peeps?
Check out yer audience at any campaign rally.
THOSE are the skeery peeps, sartorial smarm Dude.
Oh, yeah.
And look in the mirror.
Listen to some of yer own speechifications. The ones where you promise bullies you'll pay their legal expenses if they go all bovver on anyone who disagrees with you. The ones where you allow as how terrible things SHOULD happen to people you don't like, people who are 'different' from yer white, penis-endowed goon posse.
You want to maybe make a few LGBTQ people think you might be something other than an apocalyptic fucking disaster for us, not to mention America?
Why not take out after some real, honest-to-goodness, born-and-raised native-son homophobes right here in the America you wanna "make great again"?
Naaaaaaaaaaaah, you never will.
But anyway, hope you've enjoyed reading anyway, 'cause, after all, it is all about YOU, right?
kindly,
Bright
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