It’s An Honor To Continue Being Valued Over Countless Human Lives
Truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
You see, Im just a humble lightweight, magazine-fed semi-automatic rifle; I never expected this kind of outpouring of affection. But time and time again, youve shown me how much I matter to you. To see so many peoplepeople who could be working to protect and care for human livesactively devoting their time and energy to making sure Im the one whos protected and cared for insteadits beyond touching.
And heres the thing: Its not just one life that Im considered more valuable than. And its not 10 lives, either. Its not even 49 lives. Its many, many hundreds of lives! Including childrens! Each day that Im here and theyre not is another affirmation that you consider me more valuable, more sacred, more inviolable than all of them. Frankly, Im not even sure what Ive done to deserve such incredible treatment.
Now, I dont want to jinx anything, but considering how consistently youve favored me over the lives of your fellow Americansfor example, in July 2012, in December 2012, in December 2015, and on and onI cant imagine youll be altering your priorities anytime soon. So I just want to reiterate how truly grateful I am to the millions of you out there who regularly jump into action at the merest suggestion that any human life might be more valuable than I am, and who stand up proudly and say, No, this particular device is far, far more important than someones child, than someones spouse, than someones parent.
And after last weekend, I know I can count on you to do the same again.
http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/its-honor-continue-being-valued-over-countless-hum-53094