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qnr

(16,190 posts)
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 01:35 AM Jul 2016

This year might break me

I've always been relatively tough. I was in foster homes from the time I was 16 months through 9 years. I wasn't an especially calm or nice child, I suppose, since my stays only lasted for more than 3 months on two occasions. After that, I spent most of my teen years hitchhiking around the country, followed by 18 years of service; following that, some decades of dealing with my mental and social issues.

The year started out strangely with all of the celebrity (and others, which wouldn't really be considered celebrities, but were significant to me as they guided me through their lives of science, literature, and more) deaths, which just kept happening as the year progressed.

I've been under a lot of stress lately as I attempt to figure out how I am going to take care of my family and keep them from being thrown on the street if we lose the house.

In addition, there has been a lot of drama with friends here in the Corpus Christi area - and of course the horrible events of the last week and dealing with locals that can't see the issues involved.

Now, two hours ago, our neighbor's 20 year old son took his own life with a handgun in his back yard. I'm afraid I'm going to lose it. My social phobia prevents me from discussing this with anyone except my wife, who is also overburdened with all of this. To top it all off, I'm feeling horrible about myself because of the fact that every single post in the Facebook group for our HOA is talking about praying for the family and it's driving me crazy, though I'll never say anything to them about it.

Anyway, I just needed a place to vent, sorry.

68 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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This year might break me (Original Post) qnr Jul 2016 OP
Hugs shenmue Jul 2016 #1
Thank you so much. qnr Jul 2016 #2
Hang in there. rug Jul 2016 #3
Thank you. I do understand what you mean - didn't mean qnr Jul 2016 #4
Sounds like you might need to take a little break from some of the activities that you do have patricia92243 Jul 2016 #5
Thanks. In general, I don't watch television, and the HOA is qnr Jul 2016 #10
That would be great!! We all at DU can enjoy them if you enter the monthly patricia92243 Jul 2016 #24
Thanks = I'm working on setting up some projects, qnr Jul 2016 #35
I wish you peace. I've no great words of wisdom but it's good to talk with people. think Jul 2016 #6
Thank you. Yes, i have also been deeply involved in learning qnr Jul 2016 #12
Even though mercuryblues Jul 2016 #7
Thank you. There is some good advice there. We will follow qnr Jul 2016 #14
Hang in there! Sending Prayers and good thoughts your way. AgadorSparticus Jul 2016 #8
Thank you, I appreciate it very much. qnr Jul 2016 #16
I'm so sorry. area51 Jul 2016 #9
Thank you, I really do appeciate the support. qnr Jul 2016 #17
You're going through a lot. Lunabell Jul 2016 #11
Thank you for the vibes. The family is qnr Jul 2016 #18
I am sorry to hear you are having these problems. Behind the Aegis Jul 2016 #13
Thank you very much. I appreciate the thoughts on paths to take. qnr Jul 2016 #19
This is a great place to vent Madam Mossfern Jul 2016 #28
Thank you, I agree, most of the advice I see here qnr Jul 2016 #36
Hosting photo contests isn't mandatory for winners justiceischeap Jul 2016 #31
It started for me with Grimmie. joshcryer Jul 2016 #15
Yeah, I know, that whole Orlando week qnr Jul 2016 #20
Best wishes qnr. joshcryer Jul 2016 #22
With you in solidarity. The feeling of being overwhelmed can become unbearable in the moment. Surya Gayatri Jul 2016 #21
Thank you, I'm working on finding it. qnr Jul 2016 #38
Glad you vented. I wish your families well through sad trying times. Festivito Jul 2016 #23
Thank you. I appreciate your thoughts. qnr Jul 2016 #39
If I may. Festivito Jul 2016 #63
Indeed, a good point. n/t qnr Jul 2016 #65
Sorry to hear about your stress. Vattel Jul 2016 #25
Thank you. I really should do it. It's mostly qnr Jul 2016 #40
It won't break you. You are strong. bigwillq Jul 2016 #26
Thank you. Most of the time I know that. qnr Jul 2016 #41
I don't usually reply to threads like these but I wanted to put in KingCharlemagne Jul 2016 #27
Thanks. I understand what you mean about not replying qnr Jul 2016 #42
You are not alone. Jitter65 Jul 2016 #29
Thanks - I know you're right, and in general we qnr Jul 2016 #43
oh how I wish I had some magical power to grant wishes rurallib Jul 2016 #30
Thank you. Indeed, magical powers would be awesome. qnr Jul 2016 #44
I'm glad you vented. I wish I knew something useful to reply. merrily Jul 2016 #32
Thank you - your taking the time to reply does a lot qnr Jul 2016 #45
You're more than welcome. Please feel better. merrily Jul 2016 #60
*huge hug* GreenPartyVoter Jul 2016 #33
Thanks! qnr Jul 2016 #46
Hang on. You can get through. Squinch Jul 2016 #34
Thank you. I appreciate the thoughts very much. qnr Jul 2016 #47
It is VERY difficult if you are not used to it, but I found it to be the way to crack the walls Squinch Jul 2016 #52
You've got a ready made support group here at DU. GoneOffShore Jul 2016 #37
I agree, as angry as some threads can make me at qnr Jul 2016 #48
Hugs. I see you. I hear you. (nt) ehrnst Jul 2016 #49
It's appreciated - hugs back n/t qnr Jul 2016 #50
God, what a horrifying event. Keep posting here as needed. villager Jul 2016 #51
Thank you. I agree about the community qnr Jul 2016 #53
I am sorry for what you are going through. yardwork Jul 2016 #54
I appreciate that very much, thank you :D n/t qnr Jul 2016 #56
Villager, I'm so sorry this is all piling up like this. Hortensis Jul 2016 #55
Thank you. You're right - I'm distracting myself by qnr Jul 2016 #57
Hugs for you and your wife. 840high Jul 2016 #58
Thank you so much n/t qnr Jul 2016 #61
Vibes to you and your wife essme Jul 2016 #59
Thank you. That's a good idea. We used to have qnr Jul 2016 #62
Never really felt the need to register and post until now, but you are worth it longtimelistener Jul 2016 #64
Thank you - it is an interesting feeling getting your first post. qnr Jul 2016 #66
I'm sorry for what you are going through. OhioBlue Jul 2016 #67
Thank you, that is excellent advice qnr Jul 2016 #68

qnr

(16,190 posts)
4. Thank you. I do understand what you mean - didn't mean
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 01:49 AM
Jul 2016

to make it about the house, just brought it up because it adds so much to the overall stress level.

patricia92243

(12,590 posts)
5. Sounds like you might need to take a little break from some of the activities that you do have
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 02:15 AM
Jul 2016

control of. Such as, don't read the HOA stuff, don't watch disturbing events on tv, etc.

I have found to watch more of the silly or funny stuff on tv - at least for a little while - does me good. Listen to soothing music. Eat comfort food. Go to the DU Lounge.

Hang in there. Sounds like you have overcome great obstacles in your life before, and I guarantee that you will continue to do so.

qnr

(16,190 posts)
10. Thanks. In general, I don't watch television, and the HOA is
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 02:51 AM
Jul 2016

usually nothing more than questions about the pool and mowing schedule. However, I do know what you mean, I regularly follow the news online and discuss issues on Google+ and Twitter. Maybe I'll work on my photography for a while, I've been ignoring it for a long time.

patricia92243

(12,590 posts)
24. That would be great!! We all at DU can enjoy them if you enter the monthly
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 07:21 AM
Jul 2016

contest that we have here in the Photography Forum.

Good luck. Keep us posted on how you are doing. I can tell you are a trooper and it WILL all work out.

 

think

(11,641 posts)
6. I wish you peace. I've no great words of wisdom but it's good to talk with people.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 02:37 AM
Jul 2016

And be aware of your physical health too. Sleep, diet, and exercise are very important for your over all well being. It's easy to forget when one is overwhelmed.

Prayer was helpful for me. And meditation can be helpful too.

Reading and learning online can be a great outlet as well. Not just about your situation but learning new stuff that interests you.

Sorry to hear you are going through some tough times. Wish I had better wisdom and advice to share...


qnr

(16,190 posts)
12. Thank you. Yes, i have also been deeply involved in learning
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 03:00 AM
Jul 2016

new things. Most of the time I just learn them for the sake of learning them. Being a diabetic, I do keep track of my health; however, to be honest, my bicycle, which I love to ride for both pleasure and exercise has been sitting broken and unused for almost two years now - that was always a great stress releaser for me.

Prayer wouldn't be an option for me, I've attempted meditation in the past with no results, but this might be a good time to try again.

Thank you, your advice was actually very useful, and I'll work on some of the items.

mercuryblues

(14,491 posts)
7. Even though
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 02:37 AM
Jul 2016

you have a lot of stressors happening at the same time, please take a step back. Look at them as objectively as you can. Many of the stressors you can not change, but you can change how you deal with them. Take 3 days and unplug from FB and TV news. FWIW I agree with you on praying for the families. That does nothing to stop the violence.

Take some time and just play with your family, even a game of go fish or a picnic lunch at the park. You all need a break, if just for a few hours. Keep positive people in your life, close and negative people at arms length. Run a hot bath for your wife. Taking a bath is proven to reduce stress levels. Never feel sorry for having to vent, everyone needs to at times.


qnr

(16,190 posts)
16. Thank you, I appreciate it very much.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 03:54 AM
Jul 2016

Even though I have social issues, it doesn't mean I don't like engaging, and I certainly love the support.

Lunabell

(5,919 posts)
11. You're going through a lot.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 03:00 AM
Jul 2016

I wish I could help but I won't be praying, I will be sending positive vibes your way. Hope things work out for you and your family.

qnr

(16,190 posts)
18. Thank you for the vibes. The family is
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 04:13 AM
Jul 2016

pretty resilient. The current hurdle is a tough, but once we're past it things should be OK.

Behind the Aegis

(53,829 posts)
13. I am sorry to hear you are having these problems.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 03:15 AM
Jul 2016

I saw in another response you aren't sure where to turn, I'd like to suggest the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Their hotline is 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org . While they are only open during the week, and they don't provide counseling, they may be able to help point you in a direction for your area where you can get some help, or a friendly ear.

Sometimes, it does help just to vent to strangers, like DU, but to work out some issues, you can look for those trained to do it. I know many people are even afraid to broach the subject, but, just in case the need ever arises, National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1‑800‑273‑TALK (8255) (they also have a live chat feature you can find here). Don't ever feel ashamed or embarrassed to ask for or seek help!

I also saw in another post you talked about taking up photography again. There is a currently a photo contest in the Photography Group here at DU. Maybe give it a whirl! There are some crazy creative people in that group and they are very supportive and give great, supportive feedback.

Be well!

qnr

(16,190 posts)
19. Thank you very much. I appreciate the thoughts on paths to take.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 04:23 AM
Jul 2016

The VA does have some mental health programs that I might look in to at some time in the future. The thing is, I've been stoic and withdrawn for most of my life. Technically, I don't really even know how I'm supposed to be feeling. I just know that this year is really making me feel horrible, sleepless, like things are totally out of control and that I'm essentially pretty much worthless. However, even with that, it would take a substantial amount in addition to this for me to even think about contemplating suicide, that is something that has just never had any appeal to me whatsoever.

I've actually been part of the photography group for many years, though I haven't been at all active in it for a very long time. To be totally honest, the contest would be the opposite of helpful for me with my social phobia. If I accidentally won, I'd have to do something involving working with a group of people.
I am starting to get a little more active in it though, and I do love photography, so that will probably help some.

I'll try to be well, thanks! I'm just going to goof off with my family for the weekend and not worry about the house and bills.

Madam Mossfern

(2,340 posts)
28. This is a great place to vent
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 08:15 AM
Jul 2016

and it does really help. I was always a stoic, and proud of it. Then I realized that maybe that wasn't so much of a positive thing as I thought. Because of dire circumstances in my life I decided to go into therapy just to see what I really wanted; there were some major decisions coming up and I needed to know what I really wanted.

You have no idea of how much it helped!

Most of the advice here is spot on. Stay away from negative stuff. Take good care of your health - get enough sleep, eat right (I don't agree with the comfort food advice) Do some exercise, even if it's a long walk when you're stressed and stay connected with your family, even if it's playing board games. I severed ties with 'friends' who were negative.

Check in here if you're feeling low. We do care.

qnr

(16,190 posts)
36. Thank you, I agree, most of the advice I see here
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 04:19 PM
Jul 2016

is pretty good (overall too, I've been on DU for 15 years now, and have seen a lot of it given heheh).

I'm going to mellow out significantly for a while.

justiceischeap

(14,040 posts)
31. Hosting photo contests isn't mandatory for winners
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 08:35 AM
Jul 2016

They have a list of folks that would gladly take over that task for you should you win.

I have mental health issues myself and got into photography as a way to get out of my house and head. I now have a great groups of friends that I made through photography--one of whom offered me a place to live when I was recently evicted (and where I am writing this from).

But I encourage you to give the photography thing a try again. We use a different part of our brains for creativity and activating that part can do wonders for relieving mental stress and improving mental health.

qnr

(16,190 posts)
20. Yeah, I know, that whole Orlando week
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 04:25 AM
Jul 2016

was definitely adding to my stress. Grimmie, Pulse, the two year old boy...

 

Surya Gayatri

(15,445 posts)
21. With you in solidarity. The feeling of being overwhelmed can become unbearable in the moment.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 05:23 AM
Jul 2016

But, as your survival so far proves, things change, situations evolve.

Inside each of us is a peaceful, translucent core where we can go to find strength and sustenance.

Your best self, the part of you that wrote this, can guide you there.

qnr

(16,190 posts)
38. Thank you, I'm working on finding it.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 04:22 PM
Jul 2016

It has always kind of interested me that I have never once in my life been bored. I can always find something that interests me. Not sure whether that is a good thing or a bad thing, because it always involves my being deeply involved/interested in things and never just settling down and relaxing.

Festivito

(13,452 posts)
23. Glad you vented. I wish your families well through sad trying times.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 06:02 AM
Jul 2016

Don't be upset on how to vent. Some pray. Some post. Some talk with friends, neighbors, relatives. Some burden their spouse. Not to worry. It is all better than keeping it inside.

Your neighbors seem to mean something to you. If face to face consoling is not easy, your writing is certainly good enough I would say after reading your post.

Be well.

qnr

(16,190 posts)
39. Thank you. I appreciate your thoughts.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 04:25 PM
Jul 2016

I think I need to think of myself sometimes, just in an effort to get out of this. I don't dislike myself or anything, but I tend to concentrate on the needs of everyone else first.

Festivito

(13,452 posts)
63. If I may.
Sun Jul 10, 2016, 12:58 AM
Jul 2016

You must take care of yourself first. What help can you be to others if you are not around? None at all!

 

Vattel

(9,289 posts)
25. Sorry to hear about your stress.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 07:47 AM
Jul 2016

I think talking with the right mental health professional might be helpful. Doing that really helped me recover from PTSD. Now I control my stress through exercise. It makes all the difference for me. Everyone is different and so I can't say what you should do. Just wanted to add my two cents.

qnr

(16,190 posts)
40. Thank you. I really should do it. It's mostly
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 04:28 PM
Jul 2016

a matter of having taken care of myself in most matters since I left toddlerhood, I'm just don't really feel ready to rely on someone else like a mental health professional, even though I know I probably should.

 

KingCharlemagne

(7,908 posts)
27. I don't usually reply to threads like these but I wanted to put in
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 08:05 AM
Jul 2016

a plug for the value of counseling and talk therapy.

I finally after 56 years started seeing a therapist for my rage issues. He is a young guy working on his Phd. in Psychology and smart as a whip. our weekly one-hour sessions are a Godsend. Its nice to have someone with whom I can totally let my hair down without having to give a shit what people will think.

Couple of my friends told me you may need to try several counselors before you find one who works. but I can't rec it highly enough.

PM me for more info or if u have questions.

qnr

(16,190 posts)
42. Thanks. I understand what you mean about not replying
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 04:34 PM
Jul 2016

to threads like this. I generally don't either, though probably for different reasons. I can feel for the people, but I can never think of anything to say that I think will help them, so I just keep quiet.

I will try to work on myself until I get the the point where I can visit a mental health professional. In one part of my head, I know that it is most likely necessary, and a good thing; other parts of my brain fight the thought strenuously though, with (to me) pretty valid arguments.

Thank you for the offer, I will keep it in mind and PM you if necessary.

 

Jitter65

(3,089 posts)
29. You are not alone.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 08:23 AM
Jul 2016

Rant all that you need to. Your family is your sheltering tree. Stay in their shade. They need and love you. I love you though I don't know you. We are in this somehow together. You are important to your family remember that.

qnr

(16,190 posts)
43. Thanks - I know you're right, and in general we
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 04:37 PM
Jul 2016

have an almost excruciatingly open relation between all of us. There are issues of course, but we all rely on each other. Unfortunately; however, there is one aspect of this that I can not discuss with them, and it's the one that brings in the most actual stress. :/

Thank you so much for your support, it helps a lot.

rurallib

(62,344 posts)
30. oh how I wish I had some magical power to grant wishes
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 08:33 AM
Jul 2016

best I can do is hope that the craziness in your life settles down and you have time and energy to focus on your family.

We had a neighbor commit suicide with a handgun in his yard on halloween night many years ago. My oldest girl got fleeting glimpses of it from her bedroom window. Time heals.

qnr

(16,190 posts)
44. Thank you. Indeed, magical powers would be awesome.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 04:44 PM
Jul 2016

However; the support given more than makes up for the lack of them.

I'm sorry that she had to deal with that. Luckily my family didn't actually see it happen. I've been on scene for a lot of deaths over the years, and it never became easy.

Squinch

(50,773 posts)
34. Hang on. You can get through.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 12:00 PM
Jul 2016

Take whatever help is available.

I wish I could take the pain away.

qnr

(16,190 posts)
47. Thank you. I appreciate the thoughts very much.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 04:48 PM
Jul 2016

I am trying to learn to accept help this year. It's a process with my mental/emotional/social issues, but I seem to be making progress.

Squinch

(50,773 posts)
52. It is VERY difficult if you are not used to it, but I found it to be the way to crack the walls
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 06:10 PM
Jul 2016

and become healthy and content.

Keep us posted. Best to you.

GoneOffShore

(17,309 posts)
37. You've got a ready made support group here at DU.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 04:21 PM
Jul 2016

Despite all our differences, I think most people who post here genuinely care about our fellow DU'ers.

qnr

(16,190 posts)
48. I agree, as angry as some threads can make me at
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 04:49 PM
Jul 2016

times, I do know that there is a true thread of caring and companionship here.

Thanks!

 

villager

(26,001 posts)
51. God, what a horrifying event. Keep posting here as needed.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 05:11 PM
Jul 2016

At least, during its best moments, there is community here..

And please take care.

Hortensis

(58,785 posts)
55. Villager, I'm so sorry this is all piling up like this.
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 06:34 PM
Jul 2016

I'm glad you find community here where you have belonged so long, but the best suggestion I have is to back off from politics themselves during this period. I say this because I've done it myself when it's gotten too sickening and worrisome.

Visit DU for what it can give you in a good way, but also seek what continues to be good and reassuring in the world, and will go on no matter what. Follow some other interest to a community that is enthused about gardening, video games, the Napoleonic era, whatever makes you happy.


qnr

(16,190 posts)
57. Thank you. You're right - I'm distracting myself by
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 07:18 PM
Jul 2016

making some homemade peach/mango/coconut ice cream and pizza from scratch for the family. I'm also working on some new designs for my store.

essme

(1,207 posts)
59. Vibes to you and your wife
Sat Jul 9, 2016, 09:09 PM
Jul 2016

I am so sorry- what a hellacious year. Maybe try getting out in nature somewhere?

qnr

(16,190 posts)
62. Thank you. That's a good idea. We used to have
Sun Jul 10, 2016, 12:22 AM
Jul 2016

nature trails right at our doorstep. They added a new subdivision though :/

I'll probably head out to Padre Island National Seashore soon.

64. Never really felt the need to register and post until now, but you are worth it
Sun Jul 10, 2016, 02:09 AM
Jul 2016

You sound strong and good at playing bad hands that life has dealt you. I'm sure you'll overcome this all the same. You won't need it, but I'll be praying for you and sending good vibes your way. Take care.

qnr

(16,190 posts)
66. Thank you - it is an interesting feeling getting your first post.
Sun Jul 10, 2016, 02:15 AM
Jul 2016

Thanks for the kind words and welcome!

OhioBlue

(5,126 posts)
67. I'm sorry for what you are going through.
Sun Jul 10, 2016, 02:40 AM
Jul 2016

You have already been given some good advice and lots of support. My life experiences are different from yours, but I can only offer what helps me calm down when I reach a similar feeling to the one you described. Nature and water are the top two. Going to a beach or island and looking out on the water, be it a lake or the ocean seem to calm me down and help me reset. We also have a local State park that I love to visit with my son, take hikes, bike rides, or fish, which seems to help. I share a love of photography. It is the perfect things sometimes when social anxiety hits to be behind a camera. hugs to you qnr.

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