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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsThis year might break me
I've always been relatively tough. I was in foster homes from the time I was 16 months through 9 years. I wasn't an especially calm or nice child, I suppose, since my stays only lasted for more than 3 months on two occasions. After that, I spent most of my teen years hitchhiking around the country, followed by 18 years of service; following that, some decades of dealing with my mental and social issues.
The year started out strangely with all of the celebrity (and others, which wouldn't really be considered celebrities, but were significant to me as they guided me through their lives of science, literature, and more) deaths, which just kept happening as the year progressed.
I've been under a lot of stress lately as I attempt to figure out how I am going to take care of my family and keep them from being thrown on the street if we lose the house.
In addition, there has been a lot of drama with friends here in the Corpus Christi area - and of course the horrible events of the last week and dealing with locals that can't see the issues involved.
Now, two hours ago, our neighbor's 20 year old son took his own life with a handgun in his back yard. I'm afraid I'm going to lose it. My social phobia prevents me from discussing this with anyone except my wife, who is also overburdened with all of this. To top it all off, I'm feeling horrible about myself because of the fact that every single post in the Facebook group for our HOA is talking about praying for the family and it's driving me crazy, though I'll never say anything to them about it.
Anyway, I just needed a place to vent, sorry.
qnr
(16,190 posts)I know I should talk to someone, but I don't know how to do it.
rug
(82,333 posts)Your family takes priority over the house.
qnr
(16,190 posts)to make it about the house, just brought it up because it adds so much to the overall stress level.
patricia92243
(12,590 posts)control of. Such as, don't read the HOA stuff, don't watch disturbing events on tv, etc.
I have found to watch more of the silly or funny stuff on tv - at least for a little while - does me good. Listen to soothing music. Eat comfort food. Go to the DU Lounge.
Hang in there. Sounds like you have overcome great obstacles in your life before, and I guarantee that you will continue to do so.
qnr
(16,190 posts)usually nothing more than questions about the pool and mowing schedule. However, I do know what you mean, I regularly follow the news online and discuss issues on Google+ and Twitter. Maybe I'll work on my photography for a while, I've been ignoring it for a long time.
patricia92243
(12,590 posts)contest that we have here in the Photography Forum.
Good luck. Keep us posted on how you are doing. I can tell you are a trooper and it WILL all work out.
qnr
(16,190 posts)so maybe soon.
think
(11,641 posts)And be aware of your physical health too. Sleep, diet, and exercise are very important for your over all well being. It's easy to forget when one is overwhelmed.
Prayer was helpful for me. And meditation can be helpful too.
Reading and learning online can be a great outlet as well. Not just about your situation but learning new stuff that interests you.
Sorry to hear you are going through some tough times. Wish I had better wisdom and advice to share...
qnr
(16,190 posts)new things. Most of the time I just learn them for the sake of learning them. Being a diabetic, I do keep track of my health; however, to be honest, my bicycle, which I love to ride for both pleasure and exercise has been sitting broken and unused for almost two years now - that was always a great stress releaser for me.
Prayer wouldn't be an option for me, I've attempted meditation in the past with no results, but this might be a good time to try again.
Thank you, your advice was actually very useful, and I'll work on some of the items.
mercuryblues
(14,491 posts)you have a lot of stressors happening at the same time, please take a step back. Look at them as objectively as you can. Many of the stressors you can not change, but you can change how you deal with them. Take 3 days and unplug from FB and TV news. FWIW I agree with you on praying for the families. That does nothing to stop the violence.
Take some time and just play with your family, even a game of go fish or a picnic lunch at the park. You all need a break, if just for a few hours. Keep positive people in your life, close and negative people at arms length. Run a hot bath for your wife. Taking a bath is proven to reduce stress levels. Never feel sorry for having to vent, everyone needs to at times.
qnr
(16,190 posts)through on some of it
AgadorSparticus
(7,963 posts)qnr
(16,190 posts)Even though I have social issues, it doesn't mean I don't like engaging, and I certainly love the support.
area51
(11,868 posts)qnr
(16,190 posts)Lunabell
(5,919 posts)I wish I could help but I won't be praying, I will be sending positive vibes your way. Hope things work out for you and your family.
qnr
(16,190 posts)pretty resilient. The current hurdle is a tough, but once we're past it things should be OK.
Behind the Aegis
(53,829 posts)I saw in another response you aren't sure where to turn, I'd like to suggest the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Their hotline is 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org . While they are only open during the week, and they don't provide counseling, they may be able to help point you in a direction for your area where you can get some help, or a friendly ear.
Sometimes, it does help just to vent to strangers, like DU, but to work out some issues, you can look for those trained to do it. I know many people are even afraid to broach the subject, but, just in case the need ever arises, National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1‑800‑273‑TALK (8255) (they also have a live chat feature you can find here). Don't ever feel ashamed or embarrassed to ask for or seek help!
I also saw in another post you talked about taking up photography again. There is a currently a photo contest in the Photography Group here at DU. Maybe give it a whirl! There are some crazy creative people in that group and they are very supportive and give great, supportive feedback.
Be well!
qnr
(16,190 posts)The VA does have some mental health programs that I might look in to at some time in the future. The thing is, I've been stoic and withdrawn for most of my life. Technically, I don't really even know how I'm supposed to be feeling. I just know that this year is really making me feel horrible, sleepless, like things are totally out of control and that I'm essentially pretty much worthless. However, even with that, it would take a substantial amount in addition to this for me to even think about contemplating suicide, that is something that has just never had any appeal to me whatsoever.
I've actually been part of the photography group for many years, though I haven't been at all active in it for a very long time. To be totally honest, the contest would be the opposite of helpful for me with my social phobia. If I accidentally won, I'd have to do something involving working with a group of people.
I am starting to get a little more active in it though, and I do love photography, so that will probably help some.
I'll try to be well, thanks! I'm just going to goof off with my family for the weekend and not worry about the house and bills.
Madam Mossfern
(2,340 posts)and it does really help. I was always a stoic, and proud of it. Then I realized that maybe that wasn't so much of a positive thing as I thought. Because of dire circumstances in my life I decided to go into therapy just to see what I really wanted; there were some major decisions coming up and I needed to know what I really wanted.
You have no idea of how much it helped!
Most of the advice here is spot on. Stay away from negative stuff. Take good care of your health - get enough sleep, eat right (I don't agree with the comfort food advice) Do some exercise, even if it's a long walk when you're stressed and stay connected with your family, even if it's playing board games. I severed ties with 'friends' who were negative.
Check in here if you're feeling low. We do care.
qnr
(16,190 posts)is pretty good (overall too, I've been on DU for 15 years now, and have seen a lot of it given heheh).
I'm going to mellow out significantly for a while.
justiceischeap
(14,040 posts)They have a list of folks that would gladly take over that task for you should you win.
I have mental health issues myself and got into photography as a way to get out of my house and head. I now have a great groups of friends that I made through photography--one of whom offered me a place to live when I was recently evicted (and where I am writing this from).
But I encourage you to give the photography thing a try again. We use a different part of our brains for creativity and activating that part can do wonders for relieving mental stress and improving mental health.
joshcryer
(62,265 posts)Has literally been week after week of total bullshit.
qnr
(16,190 posts)was definitely adding to my stress. Grimmie, Pulse, the two year old boy...
joshcryer
(62,265 posts)I have my demons as well.
Surya Gayatri
(15,445 posts)But, as your survival so far proves, things change, situations evolve.
Inside each of us is a peaceful, translucent core where we can go to find strength and sustenance.
Your best self, the part of you that wrote this, can guide you there.
qnr
(16,190 posts)It has always kind of interested me that I have never once in my life been bored. I can always find something that interests me. Not sure whether that is a good thing or a bad thing, because it always involves my being deeply involved/interested in things and never just settling down and relaxing.
Festivito
(13,452 posts)Don't be upset on how to vent. Some pray. Some post. Some talk with friends, neighbors, relatives. Some burden their spouse. Not to worry. It is all better than keeping it inside.
Your neighbors seem to mean something to you. If face to face consoling is not easy, your writing is certainly good enough I would say after reading your post.
Be well.
qnr
(16,190 posts)I think I need to think of myself sometimes, just in an effort to get out of this. I don't dislike myself or anything, but I tend to concentrate on the needs of everyone else first.
You must take care of yourself first. What help can you be to others if you are not around? None at all!
qnr
(16,190 posts)Vattel
(9,289 posts)I think talking with the right mental health professional might be helpful. Doing that really helped me recover from PTSD. Now I control my stress through exercise. It makes all the difference for me. Everyone is different and so I can't say what you should do. Just wanted to add my two cents.
qnr
(16,190 posts)a matter of having taken care of myself in most matters since I left toddlerhood, I'm just don't really feel ready to rely on someone else like a mental health professional, even though I know I probably should.
bigwillq
(72,790 posts)Hang in there.
qnr
(16,190 posts)this month has just been exceptional.
KingCharlemagne
(7,908 posts)a plug for the value of counseling and talk therapy.
I finally after 56 years started seeing a therapist for my rage issues. He is a young guy working on his Phd. in Psychology and smart as a whip. our weekly one-hour sessions are a Godsend. Its nice to have someone with whom I can totally let my hair down without having to give a shit what people will think.
Couple of my friends told me you may need to try several counselors before you find one who works. but I can't rec it highly enough.
PM me for more info or if u have questions.
qnr
(16,190 posts)to threads like this. I generally don't either, though probably for different reasons. I can feel for the people, but I can never think of anything to say that I think will help them, so I just keep quiet.
I will try to work on myself until I get the the point where I can visit a mental health professional. In one part of my head, I know that it is most likely necessary, and a good thing; other parts of my brain fight the thought strenuously though, with (to me) pretty valid arguments.
Thank you for the offer, I will keep it in mind and PM you if necessary.
Jitter65
(3,089 posts)Rant all that you need to. Your family is your sheltering tree. Stay in their shade. They need and love you. I love you though I don't know you. We are in this somehow together. You are important to your family remember that.
qnr
(16,190 posts)have an almost excruciatingly open relation between all of us. There are issues of course, but we all rely on each other. Unfortunately; however, there is one aspect of this that I can not discuss with them, and it's the one that brings in the most actual stress. :/
Thank you so much for your support, it helps a lot.
rurallib
(62,344 posts)best I can do is hope that the craziness in your life settles down and you have time and energy to focus on your family.
We had a neighbor commit suicide with a handgun in his yard on halloween night many years ago. My oldest girl got fleeting glimpses of it from her bedroom window. Time heals.
qnr
(16,190 posts)However; the support given more than makes up for the lack of them.
I'm sorry that she had to deal with that. Luckily my family didn't actually see it happen. I've been on scene for a lot of deaths over the years, and it never became easy.
merrily
(45,251 posts)qnr
(16,190 posts)merrily
(45,251 posts)GreenPartyVoter
(72,377 posts)qnr
(16,190 posts)I'd probably be quivering in fear IRL over an impending hug, but I'd still appreciate it!
Squinch
(50,773 posts)Take whatever help is available.
I wish I could take the pain away.
qnr
(16,190 posts)I am trying to learn to accept help this year. It's a process with my mental/emotional/social issues, but I seem to be making progress.
Squinch
(50,773 posts)and become healthy and content.
Keep us posted. Best to you.
GoneOffShore
(17,309 posts)Despite all our differences, I think most people who post here genuinely care about our fellow DU'ers.
qnr
(16,190 posts)times, I do know that there is a true thread of caring and companionship here.
Thanks!
ehrnst
(32,640 posts)qnr
(16,190 posts)villager
(26,001 posts)At least, during its best moments, there is community here..
And please take care.
qnr
(16,190 posts)and I will.
yardwork
(61,415 posts)qnr
(16,190 posts)Hortensis
(58,785 posts)I'm glad you find community here where you have belonged so long, but the best suggestion I have is to back off from politics themselves during this period. I say this because I've done it myself when it's gotten too sickening and worrisome.
Visit DU for what it can give you in a good way, but also seek what continues to be good and reassuring in the world, and will go on no matter what. Follow some other interest to a community that is enthused about gardening, video games, the Napoleonic era, whatever makes you happy.
qnr
(16,190 posts)making some homemade peach/mango/coconut ice cream and pizza from scratch for the family. I'm also working on some new designs for my store.
840high
(17,196 posts)qnr
(16,190 posts)essme
(1,207 posts)I am so sorry- what a hellacious year. Maybe try getting out in nature somewhere?
qnr
(16,190 posts)nature trails right at our doorstep. They added a new subdivision though :/
I'll probably head out to Padre Island National Seashore soon.
longtimelistener
(2 posts)You sound strong and good at playing bad hands that life has dealt you. I'm sure you'll overcome this all the same. You won't need it, but I'll be praying for you and sending good vibes your way. Take care.
qnr
(16,190 posts)Thanks for the kind words and welcome!
OhioBlue
(5,126 posts)You have already been given some good advice and lots of support. My life experiences are different from yours, but I can only offer what helps me calm down when I reach a similar feeling to the one you described. Nature and water are the top two. Going to a beach or island and looking out on the water, be it a lake or the ocean seem to calm me down and help me reset. We also have a local State park that I love to visit with my son, take hikes, bike rides, or fish, which seems to help. I share a love of photography. It is the perfect things sometimes when social anxiety hits to be behind a camera. hugs to you qnr.