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Fri Aug 19, 2016, 07:26 AM

 

The Crotchgrabber: On a shockingly casual case of sexual assault

On a spring day in recent memory, I was strolling up Ninth Avenue alone, after leaving a bistro lunch with a gentleman caller and my soon-to-finish-N.Y.U. son. It was sunny but not yet steaming. Businessmen had their ties tugged loose or suit jackets slung over their shoulders. There were floral frocks and filmy blouses among the adorably pierced and punked-out goths of Hell’s Kitchen. I could almost feel the financial yoke of my son’s college tuition slipping off my neck.

Then an approaching guy chatting equably with a tall friend dodged at me to grab my crotch. I don’t mean brushed by it maybe accidentally; I mean he grabbed between my legs with a meaty claw, big as a waffle iron. He also called me the C-word with breath that stank of beer. Then he passed on into a sandwich shop with his buddy.

He wore a royal-blue plaid short-sleeve shirt you might find in a J. Crew ad, nicely hemmed jean shorts, and pricey sneakers. He was half my age and twice my weight and had the wide, muscled form cultivated by Equinox aficionados. Translation: he wasn’t dope sick or a flat-out loon.

In case you haven’t been on the receiving end of this sort of assault, you should know the primal physiological response it evokes—in this woman, anyway. The stomach drops, as if you’ve been shoved backward from a skyscraper and are flailing through space. Time dismantles. There are more frames per second, and people’s facial features become very specific. This guy had a squashed-down forehead, wide-set eyes, and heavy but neatly waxed brows.

<keep reading. really, you should.>

http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/the-crotchgrabber

24 replies, 2066 views

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Reply The Crotchgrabber: On a shockingly casual case of sexual assault (Original post)
cali Aug 2016 OP
Solly Mack Aug 2016 #1
cali Aug 2016 #2
NCTraveler Aug 2016 #3
n2doc Aug 2016 #4
cali Aug 2016 #6
n2doc Aug 2016 #8
Ms. Toad Aug 2016 #10
n2doc Aug 2016 #11
Ms. Toad Aug 2016 #17
geek tragedy Aug 2016 #22
mythology Aug 2016 #5
cali Aug 2016 #7
geek tragedy Aug 2016 #9
mythology Aug 2016 #12
geek tragedy Aug 2016 #13
Buckeye_Democrat Aug 2016 #14
closeupready Aug 2016 #21
Behind the Aegis Aug 2016 #15
smirkymonkey Aug 2016 #16
ripcord Aug 2016 #18
cally Aug 2016 #19
Hekate Aug 2016 #20
cali Aug 2016 #23
Liberal_in_LA Aug 2016 #24

Response to cali (Original post)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 10:52 AM

1. K&R

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Response to Solly Mack (Reply #1)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 10:59 AM

2. thanks, Solly. Everyone is so absorbed in Trump shit that almost anything else gets ignored.

 

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Response to cali (Original post)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 11:11 AM

3. K&R. Thanks for sharing. nt.

 

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Response to cali (Original post)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 11:13 AM

4. My God, what sort of mental illness must a person have to be capable of such a thing?

I'm sorry this happened. Too bad a cop didn't see it and arrest the perv.

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Response to n2doc (Reply #4)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 11:15 AM

6. He was arrested. Read the whole article. Very interesting.

 

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Response to cali (Reply #6)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 11:23 AM

8. Ok Thanks. Didn't see the link.n/t

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Response to n2doc (Reply #4)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 02:58 PM

10. This is NOT mental illness - and suggesting it is helps perpetuate the stereotype

that people with mental health conditions are dangerous.

This is penultimate act that is a direct consequence of the rape culture that pervades the world in which we live.

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Response to Ms. Toad (Reply #10)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 03:03 PM

11. Some folks with mental illness ARE dangerous

Sorry, but it is not a normal mind that does these things. It's not some generic "male thing", no matter how much YOU might wish to blame all males for this. "Rape Culture"

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Response to n2doc (Reply #11)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 09:50 PM

17. And far more people without mental illnesses are dangerous.

Some of them are even men with normal minds.

Don't further stigmatize people with mental health issues. Rape and sexual assault is (paraphrased from Timothy Beneke, "Men on Rape," the logical conclusion of how men are socialized. Those behaviors are engaged in predominantly by men without mental health issues.

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Response to cali (Original post)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 11:13 AM

5. I don't get the allure of doing that

 

I guess it's the power trip. But if some of the incidents were designed to as she put it bed her, they seem especially stupid. As one of my female friends said, what's the end game of yelling nice butt at a random woman walking down the street?

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Response to mythology (Reply #5)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 11:16 AM

7. Harassment. Demeaning women. Sexism. Viewing women as objects, not people.

 

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Response to mythology (Reply #5)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 11:29 AM

9. they do it because they can nt

 

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Response to geek tragedy (Reply #9)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 03:43 PM

12. That answer makes no intuitive sense to me though

 

But maybe that's because I don't see the allure of doing something to somebody else just because I "can". Maybe it is as simple as being raised by one parent to respect women, but the other parent to be charitable doesn't respect women (or anybody else for that matter). I mean my biological dad once said that I could call my mom bitch for all he cared but I would call him father and he regularly referred to my mom and the his 3rd wife as "my little albatross".

But in spite of that bad influence and spending a lot of my teens and early 20s doing the world can bite me phase, I've never felt any urge to go grope, harass or worse. I don't exactly feel like not being a dirt bag should be that hard.

I don't say that because I want a cookie for not being a jerk (I want a cookie because I like cookies) but I think it's fundamentally important to understand why people do things and I can't get my head around what would make someone think that sort of thing is okay.

Maybe it is as simple as my mom being a powerful influence and/or being willing to crawl over broken glass to not be my dad. But that seems so precarious in terms of being a piece of crap or not.

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Response to mythology (Reply #12)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 03:57 PM

13. a lack of empathy for other human beings

 

and some primitive enjoyment of demonstrating power and control play into it, I would imagine.

Some people are just awful human beings. Look at Trump.

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Response to cali (Original post)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 04:04 PM

14. There was a girl who kept grabbing my butt-crack and scrotum from behind

... in high school. I looked around and she just smiled each time. I was speechless.

No, we never "hooked up" later. It was too bizarre.

At least I didn't fear that little female could rape me.

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Response to Buckeye_Democrat (Reply #14)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 11:21 PM

21. Women CAN and DO rape men.

 

Some people, of either gender, become sadistic and sexually violent, for a variety of reasons.

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Response to cali (Original post)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 04:53 PM

15. That took guts.

Sadly, most women won't do what she did out of justifiable fear. Those who do, often don't get the satisfying results the author did. Too many people think sexual assault, and that is what she described, is a 'joke' or a 'prank'; it isn't! It is assertion of dominance meant to instill fear, while the abuser gets his (her) jollies.

Sadly, I think this is also a metaphor of the current treatment of women by the government, especially in the realm of reproductive freedom. They grab women by the crotch and try to intimidate them into thinking they have no choice, no rights, and no freedom to protest.

I posted an article in the Sexual Assault Survivors Support group, Judge Dispels The Myth Of The ‘Perfect’ Rape Victim In Powerful Verdict, which might be of interest. I highlighted the following portion in regards to that article, but I think it is just as important here:

No other crime is looked upon with the degree of blameworthiness, suspicion, and doubt as a rape victim. Victim blaming is unfortunately common and is one of the most significant barriers to justice and offender accountability.

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Response to cali (Original post)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 05:24 PM

16. What a disgusting pig!

 

It's all about power for jerks like that. I remember once I was at a crowded frat party up at UVM standing in line for the bar and some guy behind me kept grabbing my butt. I kept telling him to knock it off but he continued to do it. Finally, I turned around and grabbed his crotch as hard as I could. The look of shock on his face was priceless. Most men like that are pathetic and never expect you to really stand up to them.

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Response to cali (Original post)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 09:54 PM

18. I don't understand how that can happen on the street without anyone stepping in

Violence of any kind against women just makes me see red, I have learned to control it though, I have a family and can't go back to jail for beating an abuser.

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Response to cali (Original post)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 10:17 PM

19. K&R

Thanks for posting this

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Response to cali (Original post)

Fri Aug 19, 2016, 11:00 PM

20. It's really sick power. I was 9 months pregnant and pushing a stroller when my butt got grabbed...

...good and hard, by a man passing me on a path. I cursed him loudly, but there was no one else there at that time. At least it was broad daylight. It left me shaken, though.

From the time we are girls we are taught over and over and over that it is up to us to stay safe. So when it turns out we are not, we feel such shame.

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Response to Hekate (Reply #20)

Sat Aug 20, 2016, 12:46 AM

23. +100

 

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Response to cali (Original post)

Sat Aug 20, 2016, 01:02 AM

24. good read

 

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