I have an advance copy of Trump's inaugural address, in case anyone's interested

[DFW]

"My fellow Americans: it'll be great, believe me. Shit, it's cold out here. I'm done. Where's my limo?"

In keeping with the length of his attention span, you understand........

[Takket]

1. BENGHAZZZZZZZZIIIIIII!!!

[DFW]

6. Not any more

They're done with places most Republicans couldn't find on a map, or even tell you the continent where it is located.

[mopinko]

13. yeah, gotta be careful about that now.

the deplorables might start to wonder if it is in russia.

[DFW]

39. They are probably already wonderin why it is not.

If it ain't in wonderful Russia, who cares, right?

Too bad these people don't make enough to visit Russia in droves. Then they could see for themselves this white man's paradise they think they admire so greatly.

[TexasProgresive]

2. That'll make time for all the "A" list performers.

[DFW]

5. They all cancelled.

He's now down to the Topeka Junior High School Marching Band and a poem read by Kelsey Grammer.

[Initech]

7. And the Trump Family Jug Band!

[DFW]

9. Cameo appearance! n/t

[Initech]

11. And here's their first song!

[forgotmylogin]

15. Megan Mullaly recently discussed this on Colbert:

[DFW]

17. He can't carry a tune any more than he can carry a truck n/t

[TexasProgresive]

10. I thought I was being ironic.

[Chipper Chat]

24. Ted Nugent performing

"Pussy Snatch Fever"

[Gidney N Cloyd]

3. "...now here's Mike and Kellyanne with the details."

[treestar]

4. while I won't watch it and want to ignore it

I am kind of curious.

It's a solemn occasion and Orange Ass just can't rise to it.

Will his minions write something that at least sounds professional or will he again break the rules and say something outlandish?

[ginnyinWI]

8. I think he will disappoint his followers

He will not be bold, he will not be the anti-Washington mover and shaker. He will look exactly like any other guy getting sworn in. He'll be boring.

His only talent is being the huckster and con man, his only skill. If he's not doing that, he's mediocre and boring.


Soon after he is sworn in, I predict he will delegate 98% to his chosen officials and focus on being the face for the media and little else. Those cabinet members and officials are who to be wary of.

He's rightly scared of having a press conference where he'd have to answer a real, in depth question about something serious. Twitter is where he wants to be, where he can pick the topic (a trivial one) and expound on it with falsehoods and brags.

Class clown, dunce, bully, faking his way through life. Voted in by chumps, and also by people who were anyone-but-Hilary.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

12. Thank you, my dear DFW! It's perfect!

[jaxind]

14. Yeah...

Yeah...now that Hillary is no longer in politics, Benghazi is a closed issue!

[Mendocino]

18. Ben Ghazi,

can he sing?

[forgotmylogin]

16. I'd replace "limo" with "helicopter" that

takes off right from the platform, blowing away all the bunting and wigs and scarves in the annoyed crowd.

[lunatica]

19. Nah! You wrote in complete sentences

Not gonna be That much verbiage. Take out all the pronouns, the verbs, all commas and periods and the entire "My fellow Americans:... and you've nailed it.

[niyad]

20. pretty sure that is too coherent for the orange one.

[DFW]

25. I'm not totally fluent in Republicanese

I need to take a course in dumbing down. Using an apostrophe to form a plural, spelling "lose" with a double "o," spelling "too" with a single "o," etc.

[niyad]

26. see, even the fact that you know the difference means you can never be dumbed down enough

to be fluent in that awful snarling that passes for language amoung those "people" (and I use that word most advisedly)

[DFW]

28. The difference is:

Even some of the oddball languages I know (Swedish, Catalan, Dutch) all have hard and fast rules. Republicanese is a language whose rules are like an amœba, changing shape with every second, and never the same if you take your eyes off it for more than a second.

[niyad]

29. "words mean what I say they mean"

[DFW]

30. Like Ned Beatty's character in "Shooter," Sen. Charles Meachum of Montana

"The truth is what I say it is!"

[lark]

21. Nah, he'll drag it out for awhile.

Lots of biglys and yooges and you losers and I'm the best, smartest ever, you are going to be so glad you put me in this office. All the while he'll be internally laughing at the rubes who he totally conned and some will be conned to their deaths when they get sick and ACA is no longer available and nothing at all has replaced the subsidies, it's just afford it or die and he will be totally fine with that.

[pipi_k]

22. Well, following his usual pattern

of speech, I would add "It'll be great" a couple of more times, as he tends to repeat himself.

Maybe something like

"My fellow Americans: it'll be great, believe me. Really great. Shit, it's cold out here. But I promise you, it'll be great. I'm done. Where's my limo?"

[DFW]

23. I did forget the repetition

My bad!

[KamaAina]

27. Attention span? Is that what they're calling it these days?

[DFW]

41. Span to be interpreted loosely in this case

Like the "span" between one side of a dime to the other.

[summerschild]

31. I have a feeling I won't have any reason to get a copy.

I doubt it will be long enough to cover the bottom of the bird's cage here.

[DFW]

32. Look on the bright side

It will be short enough, predictable enough and boring enough to learn by heart in less than a minute.
Don't watch on TV, though, unless you haven't eaten for 24 hours prior...........

[GaYellowDawg]

33. That's pretty good, DFW.

Not easy for me to chuckle about any of this, but that worked.

[DFW]

34. Put it this way:

Laughing beats slitting our wrists or jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, and they seem like about the only other reasonable options at this point.

[GaYellowDawg]

35. Well...

Walking around in a daze and repeatedly saying, "What the FUCK?!?" has worked for me so far. But I have to transition to something else.

[DFW]

36. I've heard

Most doctors recommend not doing that for more than 30 days consecutively, for fear of addiction.....

[lindysalsagal]

37. No way. He'll tell us he's Einstein, Ghandi, Muhammud Ali, and the next coming

al rolled into one.

THEN-

He'll start dropping names. That could take an hour, if anyone's there to listen.

[DFW]

38. The only Gandhi he's ever heard of is Indira

He may also vaguely recognize the name of Sanjay, but he wouldn't know who that was, either.

He'll know Cotton Gandhi and Gandhi Dapples, and probably think he's been spelling them wrong all these years.

[Lionel Mandrake]

40. k&r