My co-worker lectured me on rudeness of a large tip

[Liberal_in_LA]

Dear Abby: My co-workers and I recently went out to eat and I was put in an awkward situation. One of them announced that I had left a big tip when I paid my bill. Abby, I always leave a generous tip. I was raised well below the poverty line, and my mother's tips literally determined how much we would be able to eat that day.

The co-worker who said it became upset with me and began lecturing me about how "rude" it is to leave a large tip, especially when you're with other people. She even said it "degrades" the server.



My mom may have raised me differently than most people, but I was taught that it's OK to leave a big tip as long as you don't announce it to everyone. Was what I did considered rude?

Generous in Connecticut

‌

Dear Generous: No. The person who was rude was your co-worker, for making a spectacle. She probably did it because your tip made hers appear to be stingy. Diners leave tips based upon the quality of the service they receive. If you felt your server merited it, you were right to leave a large tip.

P.S. I have never heard of a server feeling "degraded" because of a large tip. Grateful, yes. Degraded, never!

http://www.sfgate.com/entertainment/article/My-co-worker-lectured-me-on-rudeness-of-a-large-3674421.php

[SoutherDem]

1. Anyone who has ever worked as a server in a restaurant knows

what it is like to give good service and get a lousy tip. They also know how good it makes you feel when you do get a generous tip.
The cheapskate simply was embarrassed.
While I may adjust the actual amount based on service I usually leave at least 20%. Once you have worked in the job, you understand.

[Liberal_in_LA]

2. I leave larger than 20% sometimes. Certainly hope I wasn't "Degrading" anyone

[yardwork]

47. You weren't. The coworker referenced in the letter made that up to justify her stinginess.

[LynneSin]

84. If I leave a 15% tip it means the service was crappy

If I feel I need to leave less than that I'm going to be speaking to a manager about the travesty of the service, but that very rarely happens.

Decent service usually is around 20% minimum. You can always tell those who were former service industry workers - we all tip well.

When I've dined with a group of people where the bill is divided amongst the group I can always tell who the bad tippers are - they are the ones who make it a point to nose around and see what everyone is tipping. And honestly, I think sometimes I put extra on my tips because I know there are going to be at least 1-2 people in the group that will try to stiff the waitperson. I shouldn't have to compensate for bad tippers but I also feel that our waitperson shouldn't suffer either.

[Liberal_in_LA]

102. I was standing outside a London hotel, when my cab drove up, an American couple asked to share

When we got to the destination. They both jumped out, the man handed the cabbie $10 (exactly half the fare) and they both took off. That left me with the cabbie. I tipped on the whole fare. The other couple were Americans vacationing in London, so I KNOW they could afford the fare. also they had to KNOW that I would have to make up the tip or look like a total cheap skate. grrrrr.

[Booster]

3. Agreed. I have never left less than 20% no matter how bad the service was. The main reason

I tip generously is because I know damn good and well that I could never do their job.

[JaneQPublic]

5. Me, too, for a couple of reasons.

Because 20% isn't too much for someone who works on his/her feet all day and probably without benefits.

And because a few extra bucks in the hands of people earning tips will probably do more good for the economy than my keeping the money in the bank.

[coalition_unwilling]

21. You have some excellent karma awaiting you and I applaud your spirit! - n/t

[JaneQPublic]

49. Thanks! But it's also because the math is easier for 20% ;-) (nt)

[Booster]

74. lol That's one of my main reasons also.

[coalition_unwilling]

88. Definitely a bit easier than 15% or some other fraction. Because 25% is

the same as 1/4, that often works for me too. I always try to leave cash for the tip, figuring the wait staff will get to hold on to more than if I just add it to the cc line (b/c of mandatory withholding rules).

[stevenleser]

112. I always did too. Then I became a server to earn some extra cash a few years back and then

I understood why you have to do it. That money is an expected part of their income. They make a special low minimum wage outside of tips and so to take the tip part away or lower it is a horrific thing to do to someone.

[Scootaloo]

11. I've heard comments...

where people actually shit on the service for wanting tips. Apparently they're all "greedy college kids" who "need to get a real job" and "stop being bums."

'Cause waiting on a table that expects you to babysit their spaghetti-covered kids while they go outside to have a smoke is not work, d'n'cha know.

[NYC Liberal]

23. I always ask the question of those people: if all servers "got real jobs", who would wait on them?

[Scootaloo]

26. The mind boggles

[Warpy]

12. I lasted 3 weeks as a waitress

in a chain restaurant because heavy trays and arthritis weren't a great combination. Ever since then, I've tipped generously.

I can imagine what my reaction would have been to that clod of a co-irker and it would not have been pretty.

[MADem]

25. "Co-irker!!" I love it! nt

[stuntcat]

89. Me too.

And this was when I was 20 yrs old! But the trays were too heavy for me, I couldn't do it. The restaurant let me be a hostess instead.

Waiting tables is a VERY tough job.

[roguevalley]

15. When I eat out I leave one forth to one third of the bill as a tip. They work hard

the grouser is a pure 100% dick

[Fla Dem]

41. Always leave at least 20%, but often wonder if the server actually gets the full tip.

I have heard that in some eating establishments, all tips are pooled and then split among all the wait staff, as well as any hostess on duty. For those of you who have worked in the restaurant business, is this the rule? Or just in a minority of places. If it is the rule, how do servers feel when a customer leaves a healthy tip "for them" but then have to pool it and then some servers who are not as highly motivated, get the same thing. I would think a system like that would cause a lot of friction and be a de-motivater.

I worked a concession stand for many summers, and while not as tough as restaurant job, it was still tough. I have great respect for any server who really makes you feel welcome and provides excellent service.

[obamanut2012]

52. Usually the wait staff keep their tips -- BUT

sometimes the bartender and/or bar back, runner, and busser get a cut. It depends, but that's usually in nicer places. From what I know, it's much lesson to pool tips nowadays.

Also, wait staff get taxed on a certain $ of tips, even if they don't make that amount.

I have to have horrible, rude service to leave less than 20%.

[antigone382]

98. I've never worked in a restaurant where we pooled tips.

We did often pay out the hostess, server's assistants, and front expo (the person who trays up the plates in the window and puts the finishing touches on them).

However, working as a pizza carnie at music festivals, we did pool the tips and split them at the end based on the number of hours worked. I think that was an effort to keep people from working one shift, getting a night's worth of tips, and taking off to enjoy the music with their free bracelet. I never complained about that though.

[Rowdyboy]

4. I did 3 months as a waiter nearly 30 years ago and now that I can afford it, 20% is starting.....

I have to be pissed to leave less, 15% is the minimum.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

6. Minimum wage is $2.13 per hour for restaurant workers, is it not?

I was in a nice non-chain restaurant a couple of weeks ago, had an excellent server, she really made us feel welcome. Hubby left her a nice tip, we talked to the manager and told him how good she was at her job.

And the food at this place is good. It's NOT grease and hot spices, like a lot of places (Joe's Crab Shack, I'm lookin' at you. YUCK. It's hard to get a good piece of bony fish (NOT trash fish like catfish and telapia) these days.
I had a wonderful piece of trout with pecan crunchy topping on it. Good stuff!!!

The waitress was practically in tears and hubby put his arm around her to comfort her. It's amazing how a little bit of compassion and humanity for a working person's situation can go so far to make their day.

That is why I sympathize with the checkers at wallyworld. I tell them they must be tired and having a long day, and tell them not to work too hard and that there should be sackers to do part of the work.

before you flame me, We have one choice for many items that is 20 miles away and that
is wallyworld. We also have a kroger and lowe's but that is all. We have no grocery stores in our town because they were crushed by the juggernaut of wallyworld all over rural america.

We don't have choices in rural america. I'm not driving 150 miles to Dallas just to go to a Whole Paycheck.

[Liberal_in_LA]

8. +100

[Scootaloo]

9. Which is why foreigners are such awful tippers...

Servers in places like Europe or Australia or Brazil or Japan? They are paid a freaking wage.

And the awful thing is, the worst tables are always the worst tippers.

[MADem]

27. Foreigners don't understand the American tipping system.

Anywhere from ten to eighteen percent is factored into the actual bill in some restaurants in some countries. In a few places you are also charged a "bread and tablecloth" fee--a set price every diner pays for sitting down at the table. A few (insert currency) on the tray is a tip, a nice gesture, in many places, and that's all that is required--other places expect a more formal and set amount.

I always try to learn the tipping customs before I visit a country so that I don't screw up. Some places you really need a lot of small bills and change, otherwise you're hosed.

Baksheesh guide (not brand new but still in the ballpark): http://www.cntraveler.com/travel-tips/travel-etiquette/2008/12/Etiquette-101-Tipping-Guide

[obamanut2012]

55. I think most understand it very well

They just make believe they don't. This has been my experience with European friends.

[quakerboy]

148. Your friends are faulty then

Sorry for bagging on your friends, but the kind of people who would understand but pretend they didnt aren't my kind of people.

We have been participating in a website, couchsurfing.org. We have had some really cool visitors from overseas. The first timers are pretty oblivious. The more well traveled understand that tipping is expected, but still have some trouble with it, as there are different levels expected in different countries, and somewhat from state to state. Some states do not depress the wages of servers as much as others. And here in the US the expectation can vary even by individual location. At a quick cart or a fast food joint, your spare change into the tip jar is generally appreciated. Try to leave that at a nicer restaurant, and you are a cheapskate. And then the currency difference is tougher for some than for others as well.

Ive made up some tips after the fact, so as not to embarrass my guests, and most of them ask afterwards if they gave the proper amount. Its been about 50/50, at least by my standards. I generally try to take them places I know the people, so it's not an issue, they know I will make it up the next time if it seems low.

[obamanut2012]

157. Then I guess lots of other people's friends are "faulty," too

I also have friends who have been servers in NYC and Disney World. and they've had the same experience. They've heard diners snickering over it.

There are a lot of people out there who like to save a buck, and they aren't all Americans.

[quakerboy]

160. This is true

There are a lot of faulty people out there. All over this world. Probably beyond it as well.

[laundry_queen]

68. I'll have to keep this in mind

I usually tip between 15-20% and when I read these threads I feel like a total cheapskate. But I didn't realize it was legal to pay servers below minimum wage in the US. That's just fucking crazy. They have to pay min wage at least here (Canada). Plus we have universal health care. And I have friends from school who work in restaurants and they make GOOD money. In fact, even though they could get summer jobs in their field, they choose to work in restaurants till they get their degree because the money is better as a waiter/waitress than it is as a bookkeeper, for instance. Most restaurants around here pay quite a bit more than min wage, plus tips. So when I do visit the US I'll remember the extra big tip.

[xmas74]

90. It's commonly called a "waitress wage".

The idea is that they'll make up the rest to equal minimum wage in tips. And they have to claim all their tips so they can be taxed.

Technically, if they don't make enough tips to make minimum wage the employer would have to pay the amount up to that point but I've never heard of it happening.

Oh, and if able, always leave your tip in cash. I've worked in places where the manager would extract a percentage of each tip left on a credit card or (back in the day) written into a check. Not really fair but that's life.

[Sirveri]

133. That's not actually true in CA, they have to pay minimum wage.

So 7.50 plus tips. Glad to see we're getting with the times in that department. But it's not very well known, and the current minimum wage is still pretty pathetic.

[xmas74]

159. That's the federal wage.

Each state can vary but on the federal level that's what is supposed to be the absolute minimum.

[Sirveri]

162. Right, I think CA is 8$/hr. Point is the same though.

Get four tables an hour with 2 or 3 dollars from each and you pull in 18$/hr, assuming you don't split with the kitchen, that's not really that bad right now.

[xmas74]

163. Problem is quite often

you split with the kitchen, with the hostess, with the bartender, with the bussers, even with other waitresses.

Once you have to pool your tips you're screwed.

[Scootaloo]

122. 20% is standard

Even shit service is 20% tip (and a talk with the manager if you must) because, well... how good would YOUR service be if you made less than $3 an hour and had school loans, rent, and grocery bills to pay off with that?

One more word of advice for restaurant dining; never ask to speak to the chef, unless you intend to praise his kitchen artistry. Do so in public, if so, and with enough volume that other tables can hear. In every other instance, speak with the manager. It's not a question of etiquette, so much as personal safety for you and your loved ones. There is something wrong with every chef and every cook. all of us. We are like injured bears, and the only thing keeping you safe is that door to the kitchen. Once that barrier is breached by you, or by us, there's no guarantee of what happens next. It's safest to just understand that we are, the world over, sociopaths with access to large, sharp objects and very little left to lose.

[WinstonSmith4740]

145. But I'll bet...

the folks out there waiting tables made some serious money working with you! I always made great tips with crazy chefs!

[quakerboy]

149. Is it standard, or should it be standard?

I worked a job that required an extensive amount of eating out, often a few meals a day. We were only allowed to expense 15%, and my understanding was that was the limit for tax purposes.

When we occasionally got service that was above or beyond, or if my group was obnoxious or something, I would add some out of my pocket. But to make it 20% on every tip would have eaten most of my own wage. I wasn't making all that much, and I was paying for several people each time.


A couple sidenotes, I find it odd that the wage varies so much for servers, between states. I believe Oregon is at or near our minimum wage, where some states are so much lower its rediculous. Also, I have as yet to meet a server who would prefer to have a more euro system where they got a better wage, but not really getting tips.

[cstanleytech]

10. We still have a grocery store here (an IGA) but its just cheaper for us with our limited budget

shop the 25 minutes it takes to get to the city and shop by whats on sale at the grocery stores there as the IGAs prices are just so high for the majority of what we need to buy with our limited funds.
The brightside though is I know I am not screwing the employees at IGA as this IGA already does that to their employees as they pay next to dirt and always have and they provide zero benefits.

[obamanut2012]

54. Catfish isn't a "trash fish"

You must have never had good catfish.

[Arkansas Granny]

58. I'll second that. I've never heard catfish called "trash fish" before.

[Chan790]

64. Outside of the south, it really is.

For one thing, it's rather shelf unstable so it has no transportability. It's thought of as being "muddy" and "gritty". It freezes badly so it has to be cooked and shipped in processed foods or shipped raw with a short-shelf life and the realization it's already nearly past by the time it comes to market.

I'm only in MD so a day on the truck away from prime catfishing waters and catfish is the cheap trashy fish sold for nuggets and fish-fry in the supermarket. $1.99/lb. versus an average of $5.99 for anything else.

[Arkansas Granny]

75. If that's the case, then I feel sorry for y'all. The catfish we get around here is delicious.

I didn't realize it transposted so poorly.

[xmas74]

91. A person really has to know how to cook it right

and it has to be cleaned well or it has a muddy, gritty taste.

If done right it's wonderful. Best I've ever had was at a bbq place. The owner was making some and offered it to a few customers, free of charge. Wonderful!

[Go Vols]

96. Most catfish

here is farm raised,no muddy or gritty taste and goes for 4-5 bucks a pound for filets.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

108. They are bottom feeders are they not?

Like the placostomus that sucks up the algae in your aquarium, and shellfish which are not kosher (trayf).

[xmas74]

127. I'm used to someone catching it

and then cooking it up. None of that fancy-shmancy farm raised for us!

[Bluenorthwest]

66. In some States, yes, in others no. Here in Oregon, they get minimum wage of $8.80 an hour

and they get all of that as well as tips. And we in Oregon tip well and tip often....

[Lydia Leftcoast]

71. And restaurant prices are no higher in Oregon than in other states

despite what the righties claim.

[LynneSin]

85. Just as an FYI catfish is a really great fish

It's all in how you prepare it. I'm a big fan of catfish but I would never get it at a place like Joe's Crab Shack. Hell I'd go to a Long John Silver's for seafood before eating at a Joe's Crab Shack.

[cstanleytech]

7. I leave what I can afford

(not that I can afford to eat out except once a month if I am lucky) and if I can afford more I leave more if the service warrants it, after all the waiters and staff dont get paid alot usually and they need to make a living to.

[calimary]

13. If you should question this, I recently found one answer that will dispel all doubts.

http://stainedapron.com/

"Tip yer waitress" isn't just a one-liner. It's enlightened self-interest. And it's just plain a good thing to do, morally. Good karma. Believe me, they notice. I sure did when I waited tables during college. Waiting tables is damn hard work! One place I worked, at school, tips were all you got.

[Liberal_in_LA]

105. good link. Going to check it out. thanks.

[woodsprite]

14. How much (or do you) tip for counter service?

I'm talking a pizza joint or Dunkin Donuts. They always
have their tip jars on the counter.

[Delphinus]

36. When I go to the coffeeshop,

whether local or Starbucks, I give $.50 per drink.

[Marrah_G]

40. I go to Dunkins a couple times a day

I leave the change. At a restaurant where the servers get paid next to nothing I leave 20-25%

[msanthrope]

61. I leave a buck in the jar. 2, if my kid has taken her sweet time ordering....

I usually tip 20% at restaurants to start, more if the service warrants it.

[xxqqqzme]

16. My son worked as a server for a

high end local chain. The food was wonderful and the service was always top notch. I learned from him to tip in cash as the tip added in on your credit card receipt is what is reported to the IRS as 'earnings'. Knowing how hard he worked and how often he had to put up w/ jerks; I always leave 20% or more. I could not do that job ever....I would dump something on some jerks head.

When I was a paralegal I worked for a worker's comp attorney. We had a young waitress on disability because a wise ass kicked her, when she told him there was a 20 minute wait for a table!

[Liberal_in_LA]

107. I hope the kicker when to jail

[customerserviceguy]

152. I often tip 10% to 15% on the card

with a few bucks more in cash. As I used to say when David Patterson was chief executive of this state, "The Governor doesn't have to see everything!"

[ErikJ]

17. Tipping in Japan or leaving gratuity is often viewed as being rude.

There is no tipping in any situation in Japan – cabs, restaurants, personal care. To tip someone is actually a little insulting; the services you’ve asked for are covered by the price given, so why pay more?

If you are in a large area like Tokyo and can’t speak any Japanese, a waiter or waitress might take the extra money you happen to leave rather than force themselves to deal with the awkward situation of explaining the concept of no tipping in broken English.

Just remind yourself: a price is a price.

http://matadornetwork.com/abroad/10-japanese-customs-you-must-know-before-a-trip-to-japan/

I think I'm turning Japanese.

[LynneSin]

86. I think before traveling to any country you should understand tipping policies

[toddwv]

18. I worked as a server for MANY years.

Large tips are always appreciated. Servers know which regulars tip and which ones don't.

Serving tables is mentally and physically exhausting. There is a lot of prep work before the shift even begins and then cleanup at the end of the night.

Then there's the customers. Most are quite friendly. Others... I swear there were some that just went out to eat so that they could make their server's lives miserable.

And the old adage "Don't mess with the person who brings you your food" is certainly true.

All in all, it's a great job at the right restaurant, a living hell at the wrong one.

[KansDem]

70. "Servers know which regulars tip and which ones don't."

There's a restaurant I've been going to for years. I like the "breakfast burrito" and like to drown in with salsa. Well, a couple of years ago the owner wanted to cut expenses a bit and started having his servers bring the salsa in a small, plastic cup (they used to bring it in a large, ceramic bowl). Anyway, one of the servers brought me the "new and improved" portion of salsa, but also the larger bowl as well. She knew I liked a lot of salsa. I usually tipped 20% and would leave $2 for the $10 meal (including coffee or tea), but this time I left an extra dollar.

Well, word must have got around the restaurant because everytime I go in to eat and order the breakfast burrito, I get the bigger bowl of salsa, and I tip $3.

It's a break even scenario, though. I'm given the "senior's discount" (10%) although I'm not quite a senior yet, so I figure I save a dollar on my meal which I add to the tip on the table!

It's a "win-win" for all!

[Spitfire of ATJ]

19. I know someone who was a waitress and worked bar who liked the job but not the pay

I suggested she apply at the local country club. She got the job.

Now she has business types showing off to their clients by giving her $100 tips. She told me a large outdoor debutante party tipped her $5000.

I told her they probably paid more than that for their daughter's shoes.

[Phlem]

20. I do the same.

Pay it forward.

Usually the thing that you need most is the thing you need to be giving most.

-p

[John Robinson]

22. 10% can

In general I will pay 10%

[MADem]

24. How very cheap a tip that is. nt

[DiverDave]

30. Why?

are you so broke?
Or are you just a troll that cant think of something better to do?
10% of the early bird must really set you back.
I bet you like to keep your server running so you can look like a big cheese, huh?
We had a name for people like you at the places I worked in, it was: asshole.
Now go away

[Iggo]

72. .

[DiverDave]

97. ty, and notice the

classic hit and RUN tactic of the
americon troller. <merlin perkins voice>

[Javaman]

87. Rule of thumb, tight wad...

first double the tax on your bill. Then add to that the merit of the service.

10%? who in this day in age tips 10%?

scrooge mcduck, that's who.

[kestrel91316]

92. I hope your reputation for generosity precedes you wherever you go.

[patrice]

116. If you can't afford 5% more, SHOULD you even be eating out? Kinda ir-re$pon$ible don't you think?

[madokie]

28. I'd really be in trouble then

because when we eat out I tip the waitress as I should and then when I pay for the meal I tip the cook. After all they're the ones who cooked my meal. At first my wife thought I was crazy but after she thought about it she realized that the cook is the overlooked person in all this. You know what we get some mighty fine meals served to us too. Grant you we only eat out maybe twice a month so we're not exactly gadabouts by no means and most times its at the same restaurant.
Tip the cook as well is what madokie says

[a la izquierda]

29. 20% to start...

I waited tables in Beverly Hills, a truly awful experience.

In Mexico, the tip is often factored into the bill, though it's very clear when you should tip.

[patrice]

118. Agree.

[Sherman A1]

31. I start with 20%

and I always order either coffee or tea. Depending upon how often my drink is refilled the tip fluctuates as the drink is really the only thing the wait staff can control. The food is done by the cook and comes out how and when it comes out. I worked as a busboy for several years and I know how hard the work really is, but I am also the customer and have expectations of a satisfactory dining experience.

[etherealtruth]

32. I start at 20%

... the only circumstance that will lower that is rude service (it is rare, but it does happen)

[JHB]

33. Apparently I've been "degrading" waitpersons for decades

Funny, back when I was on the other side of the order pad, or the guy delivering dinner to the door, I never once felt degraded by a big tip.

What was degrading was the people who treated you like an idiot because you were in a serving job, and having to bite down on the first dozen appropriate responses. They were usually lousy tippers, too. I had no idea it was actually a show of respect!

[canoeist52]

34. My husband's father used to say, "If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to go out".

Seriously, tipping is part of the deal, if your too stingy to tip, eat at home.

[Delphinus]

37. Agree with

your FIL 110%! Tipping is part of the deal - if I can't afford to tip, I don't go. (And, yes, that has stopped me from going to coffeeshops, because of not having the right amount of tip.)

[JHB]

59. +1

[xxqqqzme]

121. Agree. I'll stay home if I cannot

afford the tip.

[TBF]

35. My mom waitressed - and I also start at 20%. nt

[trixicopper]

38. "Rude" to leave a large tip? Not in the real world.

Having been a server/bartender for (I hate to say it) 35+ years, there is NO such thing as a tip that is too big. A generous tip is NEVER offensive or degrading. Since tips are 95 to 100% of my income I won't turn any of them down. We are taxed on a percentage of our sales+ any credit card tips above that percentage. I have had many a pay check that was $0 for 2 weeks work after taxes. I also live in a state with if not the highest minimum wage, it's in the top 3. How those poor people in states that have exemptions for tipped employees live I don't know. There is no way their pay checks can even cover their taxes.

Servers also tip out at the end of their shifts to the Hostess, Bussers, Bartenders, Cooks and Dishwashers. We tip everybody. Where I've worked for the last 10 years has a system where all the servers tip into a pool at the end of their shifts a percentage of their sales. This money is split between all the other employees and paid to them every pay day. Of course this does not include any extra tips a server may tip one of the above mentioned people who have gone the extra mile for them. In my experience this seems to be a reasonably fair way to handle things.

I've always been lucky enough to make a living in this industry. I would have to work at least twice the hours that I do now at any other job to make the same money. Working with the public is always "interesting". It is heartening that most people are very nice. There are of course people that should never be allowed out in public. Fortunately they are the minority.

[Lisa0825]

135. Welcome to DU!

I'm a former server, and your assessment is spot on!

[Sirveri]

39. I hate the concept of tips.

That's not to say that I don't leave tips (15-25% typically), I realize the situation that the waiters are in, and it's not their fault. But why can't the employers simply pay a living wage and then price the food accordingly? They are performing labor, PAY THEM. They don't work for me, I am the customer, I do not own the business, they work for the business owner, the business owner needs to pay them a living wage. Then all this discussion of tipping, the douchebag non/low-tippers, all of that would go away, and it would be a job just like any other. Do away with this ridiculous law where the owners get to pay their employees less than minimum wage.

Ehh screw it, I'll just move to Europe.

[bbgrunt]

119. yes. It baffles me that people here don't have a broader

view of the origins of this policy. It basically forces workers to depend on the kindness of strangers and moral coercion to make a living. Imagine if teachers had to rely on the willingness of students to fork up tips for their services or nurses had to rely on tips to survive......

I guess it is getting to that point with declining wages and the forces set against unions. The tipping imperative promots a system of bribery to get anything done....and the rich can always afford the bribe while the 99% will end up with no services.

While living in Australia where service is included in the price and tipping is viewed as demeaning, I did not find the service better, but the servers maintained a sense of self esteem and didn't put up with rude, demanding or unreasonable behavior by guests. Their wages were set at a living minimum. Tipping was seen as an attempt to get them to fawn over customers.

While I understand the need to tip generously here, I wonder why so many good liberals would rather shame people into tipping generously than fight for a living wage for all so that certain parts of the labor force did not have to behave like fawning slave labor.

[Texas Lawyer]

129. When I heard that someone was claiming the waitress would be denigrated by a large tip, I started to

think of jobs where people would be offended by a tip:

I think a tip would offend most doctors or nurses or lawyers or police officers or judges or sports referees ...

Why don't you tip doctors or nurses?

Certainly, that's a field where you want to encourage the very best service.

It can't be simply because they are rich -- many doctors may be well compensated and have little financial need for a tip, but that is certainly not true of all nurses.

I think the suggestion that a large tip would denigrate a waiter is ridiculous, but the idea that you would denigrate your nurse if you tried to tip her at the end of a hospital stay does not seem ridiculous, but I'm not sue why.

[H2O Man]

42. I gotta

big tip for the co-worker.

[bemildred]

43. It's none of her f**king business. nt

[Buns_of_Fire]

44. I'm lazy, so it's always at least 20%.

Let's say the bottom line is $22.15. Now I know that includes tax, so I probably needn't tip on the whole amount. But screw it, I'll take the bottom line anyway (I imagine most people do).

That's when I drag out my trusty left hand and start ticking it off as I count up by five. "Let's see... 5, 10, 15, 20... Okay, that's four, plus another for the overage. Five bucks. That works."

I'm happy, they're happy, and I barely had to shift my brain out of neutral. And since my total tab is rarely over $25 (hell, $22.15 is even high for me!), I don't even have to drag out my right hand that often.

Best of all, though, I don't have to try to figure out how to subdivide a penny.

[yardwork]

50. Here's my system. I round up, drop a zero to get 10%, then double it.

So for a $22.15 bill I would tip $5 too, because I'd round up to $25, 10% of which is $2.50, doubled is $5.00. Easy!

[Buns_of_Fire]

67. Yep, that works, too! (Even though I notice you introduced some advanced cipherin', there.)

I guess the point (yours and mine, too) is that it's just so easy not to be a cheapass jerk to the waitstaff.

[Phentex]

78. I kinda do that, too...

I definitely round up before figuring the 20%. Some of my dinner mates will exclude the tax first before they figure the tip which is just another cheapskate thing to do if you ask me. When I am with them I tend to tip even more.

[yellowcanine]

45. It is ok to ask fellow diners what might be an appropriate tip. It is not ok to lecture someone

about leaving too large a tip. In general it is best for everyone to tip as they feel appropriate and not notice what others are tipping. There are exceptions, such as one where someone buys the meal and the other diner says, "I will get the tip." and then proceeds to drop a very stingy tip on the table. In that case it is up to the other person to quietly correct the situation if they can - but correct it as graciously as possible if not. I have actually had to do this with my dear mother, who doesn't understand tipping. Now I just make sure I put an appropriate tip on the credit card slip. The only times it is inappropriate to leave an overly large tip is when the tipper is obviously trying to curry inappropriate favor (in other words a bribe) with the server or to obviously "show up" other diners. But if someone tries to discreetly leave a larger tip and someone else gets nosy the shame is on the nosy person, not the big tipper.

One general caveat on "quality of service" and tipping. Yes, very good service should be rewarded. But it is not the server's fault if the meal is improperly cooked and you said nothing about it so don't punish the server for that. For not noticing that your water glass is empty, or for not asking if you need anything else, yes, tip the minimum. (still 15% imo.)

I don't see how a larger than usual tip "degrades" the server unless it it is obviously a bribe with the implication of some kind of inappropriate reward, such as sexual services or not noticing that you stuffed the silverware into your purse.

My favorite large tip story is a friend of mine who always eats at the same restaurant on the anniversary of his brother's death and leaves a $100 tip in his memory with a note explaining the situation (it was his brother's favorite restaurant).

[KurtNYC]

46. My theory: The criticism that people issue at others is most fitting for the person criticizing

It is projection and sometimes, people use a phrase that THEY found particularly hurtful when it was said to them and the most hurtful criticism is the stuff which is on the mark.

[demwing]

48. Reservoir Dogs - Mr. Pink Doesn't Tip (explicit language warning)

[demwing]

51. 15% is the minimum

20% if the service was good

If the service sucked so bad that a low/no tip was called for, the manager should hear about it, politely. Maybe they're understaffed, or something else happened out of their control, and the manager can make it up to you. That's their job, to manage the business. Let it come off your bill, not their tip.

Don't take it out on the wait staff (after all, they control was goes on yer plate people)!

[vi5]

53. I always leave at least 20%...

The few times I haven't have been when the service was downright horrible, rude, and noticeably bad. And even then, for bad service I only left 15%. And those occassions I could probably count the number of times that happened on one hand, and that's after almost 35 years of paying my own way for things.

[greymattermom]

56. If you really love the food, tip the kitchen too.

In many upscale places the chefs/cooks make less than the wait staff, and have no health insurance. Think about that the next time you're eating out. It's a great thing to occasionally tip the kitchen staff.

[Chan790]

62. One of my favorite chefs when he opened his new restaurant...

didn't hire any table servers (just bussers and bartenders) and used the kitchen staff to service the dining room expressly for the purpose of insuring the tips went to the people he thought did the most to make his restaurant one of the best in NYC: the kitchen. He's also one of the most-vocal restauranteurs I've ever met about the importance of paying well and providing benefits if you want to have and keep the best people.

If I was a restauranteur that's probably how I'd view it too.

[yellowcanine]

115. In many restaurants the servers are required to pass on a percentage of the tips to the kitchen.

As well as other dining room staff. Some restaurants pool all of the tips, recognizing that a large dining party which generates big tips puts pressure on everyone and everyone should benefit. Also gives incentives for servers to cooperate rather than compete which is better for customers. Nothing more annoying that a server ignoring you just because she is not assigned to your table.

[Bettie]

57. Your co-worker is a jerk

We always leave good tips, starting at about 20%. I'll leave more if I've gotten good service or the server is friendly.

I'm constantly told I over tip. The people who tell me this are the people I generally choose not to go out with because they are exceptionally demanding and consistently rude to servers.

I've never been a server...I'd hate the job and be terrible at it, but I do enjoy eating out sometimes. So, I give a decent tip.

You know what is sad to me? I know a woman who is really, really good at being a waitress. She loves the job too (for whatever reason) but cannot keep doing it because, well, the pay is terrible.

Society needs people who do all sorts of jobs, it seems silly that some are designated "not worthy of decent pay".

[Not Me]

60. I have never worked in a tip bearing job,

but have many family members and friends who do, and I know how much of a difference this makes.
20% is a starting point for us.

I also have a friend, who a few times a year, will tip *extravagantly* (his term) for someone who goes far out of their way.
I am talking like 100%+ tip. He is not wealthy, and it might mean he has to cut back a little that month, but he says it does his heart good.

We recently took our first real vacation in a long time to Mexico. The hotel was all inclusive and we spent very little of what we had budgeted for the trip. On the last day, I realized that the housekeeper (who had done an outstanding job) was there all 7 days, I guess without a day off. She was working the floor, and was likely holding our room until after we vacated. I called her down, and thanked her and gave her $200USD. Tears began to roll down her cheeks, and must have said thank you a thousand times.
As my friend Tom says, it does your heart good.

(edit typo)

[Liberal_in_LA]

100. awesome story. Tip for people staying in hotels - try to find your housekeeper and tip her

in person. Sometimes, when you vacate the room, other personnel come in (like the guy who takes away the rollaway bed) AND grabs the tip.

Find your housekeeper in the hallway and give her a tip in person. that's the best way. Otherwise, I leave it under the pillow hoping she finds it. But that's not guaranteed. Some hotels have another employee come through and grab the dirty bedding. sigh...

[Manifestor_of_Light]

111. I remember my mom telling my grandmother to tip the hotel maid.

Grandmother, being naive, said "Oh they make LOTS of money". Yeahhh suuuure.

I tip five dollars a day in a hotel. I use one of their little note pads, put the money under the paper, and write FOR THE MAID POR LA LIMPIADORA MUCHAS GRACIAS! Those people bust ass and need to be tipped.

Let me know if my Espanol needs correction.

[1-Old-Man]

63. When it comes to tipping time I always round up.

I think the smallest tip I have left in years was at least 20% and I have gone way higher than that. That person who is waiting the table is at just about the bottom rung on the national pay-scale and I'll be damned if I'll be the one to be stingy with them.

[CrispyQ]

65. Wow. They'll come up with anything to justify their stinginess.

Degrading the server?

[Iggo]

69. Your coworker's a cheap-ass bastard.

[Posteritatis]

95. Yep. That's really all there is to this one. (nt)

[reflection]

73. I waited tables through high school and college

because of the flexibility of the schedule.

It can be so hard at times, almost a controlled panic, when you know there are 5-10 different issues (each with a resolve time of just a few minutes) pulling at you in different directions.

Throw in 8-10 coworkers with the same dynamic and it becomes just exciting and volatile.

So I have major respect for servers, especially when I know they have pretty much been lifers at it.

I have been going to a little hole-in-the-wall restored house restaurant, once a month like clockwork, for 23 years. I generally tip 30% if I'm not thin on funds, but never less than 20%. I've watched the turnover and had hundreds of different severs. Not once did I ever get a vibe that any of them were demeaned in any way.

Heck, I once waited on a young guy my age that left me a $50 on a $60 tab. He also seemed genuinely nice. I suspect he was also trying to impress his date but it never crossed my mind to feel bad or insulted I just figured I ran into someone really cool.

[Liberal_in_LA]

103. I've heard that men tip more when with a date

[Gormy Cuss]

76. Geez, "Generous" needed to ask Dear Abby?

When I've been in that situation I just told the co-worker that tipping is personal and the size of the tip I left was none of his/her business.

Had a co-worker ever suggested that I was degrading the server by leaving a bigger tip I would have laughed out loud and thrown an extra buck on the table to degrade the server even more.

[reflection]

77. I like your style

Maybe, on my rudest day, would add:

"I am so sorry if I ever gave you the impression I gave a shit about your unsolicited and wrong-headed opinions of my tipping methods. It was in poor taste of me to lead you on that way."

[Phentex]

82. I need to memorize this!...

Got one friend who gets perturbed by my generous tipping. She wasn't always this way but for some reason, it bugs her now. And on top of that, SHE is the picky customer...mayo on the side, no tomatoes, extra dressing, blah blah blah. She's part of a group that meets once a month so I don't have a say on whether she's there or not. Last time she saw my tip she made a big deal out of it and when I said "Who cares? What's it to you?!" she snorted it must be nice to be rich. My total bill WITH the generous tip was a whopping $15.00. Hardly five star dining but the waiter was great and very efficient in spite of her. Before she could say anything else, another friend piped up, "I left more than 20%, so save it!"

I think I should make a point now of telling her much I'm going to tip just to piss her off. But I need to add your comment.

[Gormy Cuss]

132. Isn't it weird when some one scolds you for being generous?

It's not as if you took the money out of the co-worker's pocket.

[southernyankeebelle]

79. Honey you hold your head high and don't be afraid to leave a good tip if you can afford to.

I don't know a waitress that works with my daughter who would feel degraded at all. They aren't working there for fun. I'd say your friend was embrassed because her tip wasn't as big.

[Doctor_J]

80. I usually drink water at restaurants, and thus leave 25% or so

to make up for the fact that there's no drink on my tab

[Woody Woodpecker]

81. Most recently I took my parents out for dinner for my dad's birthday

and the waiter had ignored us frequently and walked past us as if we didn't exist. The food was fine, but the waiter wasn't. He was hitting on girls.

My parents knew the manager of the restaurant, and simply informed the manager that the waiter wasn't doing his job.

I wound up giving him under standard tipping rate because he didn't merit any money from us, but we didn't want to look like a-holes even though the manager knew it wasn't us.

[aquart]

83. You can leave a large tip any time you damn well please.

People who work for tips are not degraded by tips.

But your co-worker was raised by some very ugly, mean-spirited, self-justifying people.

on edit: Doesn't hurt to hand out money in hospitals either, where they never expect tips.

[1StrongBlackMan]

93. As a former Server and Bar-tender, I'm so glad ...

that most here are good tippers.

One thing I do, in addition to tipping 20% minimum, is to TIP IN CASH.

Whether I am paying the bill with cash or putting it on a card, I always tip in cash because:

1) The owner is going to calculate the tip at 15%, regardless of what you leave, unless you indicate a higher tip on the receipt;

2) I have worked at far too many places where the employer gives the server a maximum of 15%, regardless of what the customer leaves, and pockets the rest.

3) And, it is my way of ensuring that the wait-staff actually gets the tip. Again, I worked at a couple places where "I guess that party of 8 you served didn't leave a tip (when I knew they had)."

[littlewolf]

104. I didn't know that ... I will tip in cash from now on ...

I always just put it on my card ....

[1StrongBlackMan]

110. And when you do ...

Watch the servers' eyes light up.

The cash tips goes directly into the server's pocket ... that day (and are untaxed); whereas, tips added to a card are taxed and gets distributed to the server in their paycheck (if at all) ... at least that's how it worked for me, 30+ years ago.

[littlewolf]

124. ok here is a question ...

lets say the tab is 40 bucks .... I give her 50 and tell her to keep the
change .... (have done this often ... they are very happy .. )
but since the tip is tied to the check ie: not a separate cash transaction ..
does she still get to keep it all?

[1StrongBlackMan]

126. Maybe ...

If you are paying with a card and the employer is honest, yes; the server will get the $10 tip (minus what she/he is taxed on it).

If you pay cash, yes; the server gets the entire tip (without being taxed on it).

[quakerboy]

151. I believe that the IRS has clamped down on that

My understanding is that servers are now taxed on an assumed minimum percentage of tips, whether they got them or not. Cant recall, but I thought it was 10-15%

[1StrongBlackMan]

155. This is true ...

I believe I read it's 8%.

[dhill926]

138. thanks for this.....

didn't realize it. Cash from now on.....

[quakerboy]

150. I would be curious

What I have often done was to round up and add a dollar to my card, and then leave cash on the table for the rest. So a bill of 52.25 would be paid with 54.00 on the card, and then 10-15 cash on the table.

I always figured then I might look like a cheap tipper to any nosy manager playing middleman, but still get the money into the pockets of the persons who deserve it.

[1StrongBlackMan]

156. Actually ...

when a manager (or server) sees someone leaving $10-15 on the table they pretty much know what's happenning ... and the server is happy, since on a $52.25 bill, the server general expects to get the $7.75 change on the $60.00 the customer is likely to pay.

[jonthebru]

94. Who cares what the other person says.

15% is 1.50 for 10.00 round up for different numbers, don't tip to anything less that a quarter, round up. Darn, the stories I could tell but I would use up all your time and you may die laughing for which I would be responsible.
15% tip.

[ohheckyeah]

99. Even 40 years ago I

never left less than $1.00 tip and sometimes my bill was $3.00.

We recently had an anniversary party/luncheon for my parents and 18% was added to the bill for the servers because it was a group of 30 people. After the bill was paid, my brother handed the servers another $20 and I also handed them $20. It was funny because a couple of days later my dad was trying to find out without actually asking if the servers were well taken care of - he was pleased to know they each got $60 in tips.

[Egalitarian Thug]

101. Newsflash, your coworker is a stingy asshole. n/t

[littlewolf]

106. I normal service is 15 pct.

good service 20 .... outstanding service 25% ...

it is funny ... my company allows 10 percent when we travel ...
anything else comes out of pocket ....
and part of what they do is hospitality managing resturants and hotels ..
among other things ....

[patrice]

109. Ask the co-worker what minimum wage is & when was the last time they worked for it. nt

[patrice]

113. Ask the co-worker how many hours s/he has to work to make rent/mortgage or car payment.

[patrice]

114. and what effect that amount of time might have upon quality of family life. nt

[4th law of robotics]

117. If you can't afford to eat out (and tip) bring a lunch

If you can then leave a decent tip.

I suppose if they're absolutely awful I could see stiffing someone (hasn't happened yet).

But for decent service: 15%. For good service: 20%. For great service at a place I intend to return to: 20+% rounded up to the nearest dollar (or nearest 5, depending on the bill).

[TrogL]

120. I tip large in bars

I can't drink so if I'm in a bar, I'm knocking back Cokes all night which tend to be $1 or even free. A beer is $5 or more. At the end of the night I'll leave a tip as if I had drunk beer instead of Coke.

[DCKit]

123. Dayum, the coworker had the nerve to go threre.

Somebody point her out. I don't think any of us will be arrested for bashing her around a bit. God, it reminds me of the time(s) I've had family members leave less than 5%., and I tried to make up the difference... only to have them snatch it.

[Rabid_Rabbit]

125. $5 minimum

and then 20%+. Their pay is so low that the only way they can survive is with tips
And always in cash even if the rest of the meal is on cc.
I was at a local Italian restaurant with my 2 kids and they accidentally forgot my order. The manager apologized and comped my meal. When it came time to pay I just left the meal price as an additional tip because I was already willing to pay that much for our dinner that night.
You really have to mess up not get a tip from me.

[hughee99]

128. I hate waitresses and try to degrade them at every opportunity

with large tips. They HATE that. If I had a dollar for every waitress who told me off and ran off crying because of a large tip... I'd have no more money than I do now.

On a side note, I was in Ireland a few years back and left a 20 Punt tip on a 60 Punt round at the bar (it was a lot of Guinness). One of the bartenders chased me down because I "forgot" money on the bar. I was surprised by the look of shock on her face when I thanked her and told her it was a tip.

My Irish friends told me later that the reason the pints were more expensive was because in Ireland, they paid their workers better and they didn't have to rely on tips, but tipping is a hard habit to break. I didn't think the beer was any more expensive than a typical bar in Boston.

[PassingFair]

137. Ha! Brits are like that too. My cousin, a Londoner, was EMBARASSED by my tipping in a pub.

He forced me to take the money back up.

When we traveled to France on a subsequent trip with him,
I noticed that if he went into a restaurant to get a table, we
were frequently turned away, whereas I could walk into the
SAME RESTAURANT a few minutes later and get a table....

Turns out the French DIDN'T LIKE TO WAIT ON THE BRITS,
because they are such LOUSY tippers (well, by cousin sure is),
but as an American diners, nothing was too good for our group!

[left is right]

130. Indiana has 7% sales tax

My habit is rounding the tax up to the next whole dollar and multiplying by 3. Extraordinary service might get a few dollars on top of this amount. If service has been less than adequate and the total tax is less than $.25 cents over the dollar amount, I might truncate to the whole dollar. But they still get 19 to 20%. I am just OCD enough to hate anything but zeroes to the right of the decimal.

[Th1onein]

131. I don't go out to eat unless I can leave a LARGE tip

I ALWAYS leave at least 1/3rd of the bill, and most of the time half, and sometimes, 100%.

I used to be a waitress, and I supported my children on my tips. I know that there are people out there who are going to stiff that waitperson, and I am going to try my best to make up for that.

If I can't afford to tip that much, then I figure I can't afford to go out to eat, either.

[tclambert]

134. Just call her Mr. Pink.

&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PL87ECDDCCBFB036CA

[marble falls]

136. As a 61 year old waiter I can't say that I have never had a tip large enough to insult me.

[WillParkinson]

139. As a server, and someone who depends on tips...

I say "Thank you Generous In Connecticut"!

When Paul and I go out I always leave a very generous tip. It's not expected, but you can always tell the server appreciates it. And I guarantee you that they always remember us the next time.

[mnhtnbb]

140. I recently spent several days with girlfriends I've known for >50 years. We were in DC.

One of the women--very well traveled and educated (lives in FL--and yes, is a Dem) announced that she
never tips 20% on the cost of a bottle of wine bought for the table! I could not believe it. She tried to intimidate
our other friend and me into NOT leaving 20% tip on the cost of the wine. I refused and told her--trying to make
a joke--that maybe she'd lived in FL too long because that seemed really stingy to me. (I've never seen
her be that stingy on anything else and we've been getting together for trips for several years.)

Has anybody else run into this sentiment?

[NRaleighLiberal]

141. My wife and I are big tippers. My uncle, brother, and two good friends - all quite wealthy -

are horrible tippers.

My feeling in general - the generosity of people is inversely proportional to their wealth - at a point - people who value money much too highly become greedy and miserable.

[Hotler]

142. With republicans it is all about selfishness. n/t

[tpsbmam]

143. "What is it about being served that makes people forget their manners?"

I kid you not, that's the front page this week of our local weekly independent paper, Mountain Xpress (Asheville, NC). I picked it up today and immediately thought of your thread.

I found it online when I got home -- four paragraphs from the article, The Tipping Point:

Still, Gilfillan, like many servers, is paid slightly more than $2 an hour, a standard restaurant practice (the federal minimum wage does not apply to tipped employees). "We rely on tips to make our living," she says. As is the case with many servers, the wages go to pay the income tax on her tips.

Many people either aren't aware that servers live exclusively on tips or they feign ignorance, Gilfillan says. Even though Gilfillan is friendly and mentally capable — she's holding down a double major in French and psychology at UNCA — she ticks off a number of stories about people flat refusing to leave her a gratuity. U.S. News & World Report says that all service providers should be tipped from 18 to 22 percent, calling the 10 to 15 percent tip “archaic.” Twenty percent seems to be the industry standard for good service (Condé Nast Traveler backs this up) and even more for exceptional service.


Although, on plenty of days Gilfillan and her co-workers walk out with pockets of cash, she says that watching parties leave $3 (or even nothing) on a check of $100 is a common occurrence. Gilfillan shrugs. "I just don't think they see us as real people," she says.

Still, tourists will fawn over artists in the River Arts District, but not so much when they’re jotting down orders at their dinner table. McGee says servers sometimes are reduced to food-carrying machines in the minds of some diners — ever hear the termwaitron? "People don't want to see their server's humanity so much," McGee says.

Hmmmmmmm, sounds to me like it's the people who stiff the wait staff who are insulting them.....well, I'll be damned! Thought it had to be "over" tipping that's insulting.

[Liberal_in_LA]

161. good find. going to read the whole thing

[dflprincess]

144. I rarely tip below 20% and usually more - and I always try to leave the tip in cash

even when I'm using the debit card for the rest of the bill. I feel guilty when I have to add the tip to the receipt. I'd rather there not be a paper trail. Given how hard they work and the lousy pay, I have no problem if some tips go under or unreported.

[Walk away]

146. I put myself through college waiting tables....

I tip way over my means. It makes me feel good and makes the people who bring my food really happy. Your friend must be a Libertarian. They are all greedy, cheap bastards!

[limpyhobbler]

147. 20% for waiter/waitress. Almost like a robot. I don't want to think about it at all.

Usually at least $3 for a pizza driver, or more if it is raining or they had a long drive.

I would rather people just got paid more and tipping could end. But in real life if I didn't leave at least 20% I would feel like I stole their wages, since the tips are an expected part of the pay.

[liberal N proud]

153. Searvers rely on tips to survive.

[retread]

154. "She even said it "degrades" the server. " This is the old degrades the recipient argument used

to justify any kind of redistribution of wealth to the poor and powerless , e.g., welfare "reform."

[LWolf]

158. During the time of my life that my 2nd job was waiting on tables,

those tips kept food on the table for my family.

I ALWAYS tip generously.