Roosevelt: "Will Hirohito be my new best friend?"
Dissociated Press: Roosevelt: "It would be great if we got along with Hirohito."
President Franklin Roosevelt faced a fresh round of criticism over his administrations ties to the Japanese Emperor when he asked if Hirohito would be his new best friend. It was only a few weeks ago when combined forces of the Japanese Navy and Air Force attacked and destroyed most of Pearl Harbor. President Roosevelt immediately dismissed these claims despite corroboration from virtually the entire US Military and intelligence services.
Last week he hosted an envoy of Japanese dignitaries and entertained them in a private conference room at the White House and refused to allow access to the American press. The Japanese envoys however took multiple pictures that were immediately duplicated and dropped from planes on the people being beaten and raped in Nanking. Franklin dismissed this as littering and famously said “You think we're good guys?” He also asserted that there was no way to know if Pearl Harbor was attacked by Japan or Korea or China or just some skinny laundromat owners with pilot licenses. “I think it would be great if we got along with Japan,” he said in one of his rambling sometimes incoherent fireside chats.
“He has also repeatedly been claiming there is “no way to tell whose flying in those little biddy planes way up in the sky” adding “Anybody could paint a red circle on a plane wing.” Since then it has been discovered that most of Roosevelt's family and cabinet have been engaged in lucrative private business arrangements with Japanese businessmen with close ties to the Emperor and that Roosevelt himself was on the hook for millions of dollars from Japanese bankers. Roosevelt denied it all as a “Tempest in a teapot” a coincidence and a hoax. “The Republicans are just trying to distract the America people from their failed economic policies and the beat down I gave them in my third election.”
Today in a move that outraged most of the military he placed Admiral Kimmel, the Commander at Pearl Harbor in charge of the entire Pacific theater and fired Admiral Halsey and Admiral Nimetz who he described as hot shot showboaters without a lick of sense. He also announced he had no intention of not greatly expanding his family fortune and that he was sick of all the lazy white people who were not contributing to the economy and promised to ship them off to Scotland and Ireland as soon as he could make them build the boats to do it. He also announced plans to deregulate business and dismantle unions to permit wealthy friends to plunder and degrade the country like there is no tomorrow. “There is no tomorrow,” he announced merrily.
Democrats in the Senate and House refused to condemn the President or interrupt his reign of villainy and terror even though many of them described him privately as unhinged, immoral, deranged, corrupt, stupid and venal. “We have to stick together even if he destroys the country and drags us all to hell” they said.
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