In Apparent Fit of Pique, Donald Trump Fires Entire Staff

[MineralMan]

As of today, May 15, 2017, the West Wing of the White House is empty, except for one lonely, angry, apparently confused man. Late this afternoon, Donald Trump emerged from the presidential lavatory. cell phone in hand, and shouted, "You're Fired! You're all fired! Get out! Leave! Now!"

It is unknown what the reason was for this outburst from the current occupant of the West Wing, and calls to telephones in that part of the White House are currently not being answered. This reporter did reach the Secret Service office there, but was told that no comment could be made, due to security precautions.

President Trump is noted for being unable to use any of the technology available to him in the White House, so it is likely that he cannot call out for assistance. Despite being told that he must press 9 before dialing an outside number, this information appears not to have gotten through to the President.

He would be able, of course, to pick up the Red Phone and speak to Vladimir Putin through an interpreter. Perhaps that will be how he reaches out. However, we have had no word from the Kremlin as of the time of this writing.

Check back frequently for updates, which will be posted as soon as someone hears from the President.

{satire, sort of}

[Eliot Rosewater]

1. Barely satire, jesus this guy is a dick.

[burfman]

2. Got me laughing!

Thanks!

[MineralMan]

4. Well, alternative news is often more informative than ordinary news.

That's what I find, anyhow.

[irisblue]

3. For one tenth of a second...

[Historic NY]

5. If he'd only fire himself.

[PsychoBabble]

6. LOL at just reading the headline, I knew what was coming ...

But deadly funny anyway ... and close to SAD.

[MineralMan]

7. Breaking: Update on White House Staff Firings

Following an earlier story, this reporter went to the White House directly. As an accredited member of the White House Press Corpse, I was allowed to go as far as the media room. However, before I could get there, Sean Spicer popped up from behind a shrubbery near the entrance and motioned to me.

Spicer, who is referred to as "Shouty Spice" by the media elites, sputtered and stuttered, but was understood to say, "It was his cell phone. His cell phone! Ivanka hid the battery yesterday. That was it! The President went into his water closet to tweet, but..." With that, Spicer fled, waving his arms wildly.

As it turned out, the door to the media center was locked, so this reporter was unable to gain entrance. We still do not know the state of the West Wing or of the President.

{...and so the story continues to develop....}

[lunatica]

8. The scariest part is that this could actually be true!

[MineralMan]

11. If it were true, Donald would be on his way out.

Sadly, his paranoia and narcissism has not been enough so far to get him out of the White House. Perhaps it will, eventually.

[fantase56]

9. holy shit MM.....

you really had me going on that one

[MineralMan]

10. Such are my strange goals...

Getting people going and the like...

[Ohioblue22]

12. gd clickbait ....

[MineralMan]

13. Seems to have worked, eh?

[Ohioblue22]

17. sure did you feel better?

[MineralMan]

18. I'm feeling just fine, thanks. You?

[Ohioblue22]

19. excuse my while i roll my eyes

[Hekate]

14. I turned on the tv machine at 4:00, less than an hour ago, and really, what fresh hell is this?

Your version of reality can hardly compete with the real thing any more.

[MineralMan]

15. I know!

Too weird by half.

[Hortensis]

16. Lol--because it so could be (almost) true.

Laughing's good. Warriors laugh to keep themselves in the groove.