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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsSATIRE: Donald Trumps speech on Islam LEAKED!: Asthma-laila-kumbaya to all!
By Wajahat Ali | 3 mins ago
President Trump heads later this week to Saudi Arabia, where he will deliver a speech on Islam. Wajahat Ali got the (satirical) scoop
(RNS) Ass-slam-aloo-kim. Love being in Saudi Arabia with my boy, Salman here. Really loved Abdullah. Really did. He loved me, too, you know. Saudis always loved me, really. And I love them! We did great business together. Made wonderful buildings and resorts. Not as good as Mar-a-Lago, but well get there. Well get there.
You know who else loves me? Muslims. They love me, really. Dont believe the FAKE NEWS or the LIBERAL MEDIA. Fifteen percent of them voted for the Donald. Because they know I love the Islam. I love the Islam and Islam loves me.
Now, my base hates Islam, and my adviser Steve Bannon wants WW3 with you, but we agree to disagree, am I right? Im sure some of you dont like me, either, but trust me, Im a nice guy. Youll learn to love me.
Listen, I gotta say, love this four wives thing. Im only at three right now. Just kidding. Love Melania. Isnt she great? Shes great. Wonderful first lady. Your ladies are great, too. Beautiful Im sure. I just cant see them.
But I love what they say in Saudi about the right hand possessions. I know my right hand could grab a lot. Its a big hand. Big fingers. Really. Could grab a lot. More than Obama, let me tell you. 3 to 5 million more than Clinton. Wait, sorry, off topic.
Oh, I forgot, Ramada Inn Mubarak. OK hotels, but GREAT religious tradition. No food for a month. Not even water, right? Thats amazing. Thats discipline. I respect that.
I read the Quran on YouTube. Saw a video. Made by Muhammad, a great Prophet. Really great. Hes doing great things.
You know what I really love? The peaceful Islam he preached. Thats the Islam of Saudi Arabia. We need more of that right now. We all agree theres a threat. You know it, right? You guys are facing the danger, am I right? Liberals dont give it a name, but I do. Its not Islam, its RADICAL ISLAMIC TERROR. Thats the Islam which I said hates us. Thats bad Islam. Bad Islam hates me, and you, which is why I hate them. Which is totally opposite from Saudi Islam. Thats the good Islam. Thats the Islam Donald Trump loves.
So were united in our love of me and our love of peace and our love of killing RADICAL ISLAMIC TERROR. Also, we both hate Iran. Hate Iran. Iran is a problem. Am I right? Gotta take care of Iran. Although I love the Shia. Love the Shia! You know Lebanon has the Shia. Ive done business there. Great businessmen. Great food, and women even blond women. Weve made a lot of money together.
And Saudi Arabia and I, were gonna obliterate ISIS and were gonna make big, shiny, beautiful buildings.
(Wajahat Ali is is a New York Times op-ed contributor, recovering attorney and author of the play The Domestic Crusaders)
http://religionnews.com/2017/05/18/satire-donald-trumps-speech-on-islam-leaked/
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SATIRE: Donald Trumps speech on Islam LEAKED!: Asthma-laila-kumbaya to all! (Original Post)
kpete
May 2017
OP
MyOwnPeace
(16,925 posts)1. I know it's.......
meant to be funny, but I can honestly say that I could see Cheeto saying just that!
eissa
(4,238 posts)3. Hilarious!
Can totally hear him saying every word!