Trump's trip schedule

[nitpicker]

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-39979189

(snip)
Riyadh - Saturday-Sunday 20-21 May

Mr Trump will attend the Arab Islamic American Summit in Riyadh and speak about his "hopes of a peaceful vision of Islam", in what aides say will be a speech the president hopes will resonate worldwide and express "a common vision of peace, progress and prosperity".
(snip)
The summit agenda is expected to focus on combating Islamist militants and the growing regional influence of Iran. Mr Trump has been a fierce critic of the Iran deal which eased sanctions in return for a curb on its nuclear activities.

(snip)
Israel and the West Bank - Monday-Tuesday 22-23 May

On Monday, Mr Trump will fly to Tel Aviv and travel on to Jerusalem where he will meet President Reuven Rivlin. He is due to visit the Church of the Holy Sepulchre as well as the Western Wall before holding talks with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.
(snip)
On Tuesday, Mr Trump will travel to Bethlehem in the West Bank for talks with Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas. Peace talks with Israel will top the agenda and Mr Trump is expected to express his support for Palestinian "self-determination".
(snip)

Rome and Brussels - Wednesday 24 May

President Trump will arrive early in Rome and have an audience with Pope Francis. The two men have appeared at odds on many subjects including climate change and the plight of refugees, but the Pope has said he will give the president an open-minded hearing.

Later, Mr Trump flies to Brussels where he will be greeted by King Philippe of Belgium and Prime Minister Charles Michel.

Brussels - Thursday 25 May

After talks with EU leaders and France's new President Emmanuel Macron, Mr Trump will attend a meeting of Nato leaders. This will be closely watched after Mr Trump's conflicting pronouncements on the alliance. During his campaign, he called Nato "obsolete", although in April he reversed his stance. The US leader is expected to repeat his demand that other Nato members increase their contributions.

Sicily - Friday 26 May

The last stop on Mr Trump's tour will be the picturesque Sicilian town of Taormina where he will attend a G7 summit. Correspondents say the other G7 leaders are eager to hear Mr Trump's thoughts on trade and other issues at first hand. Mr Trump's national security adviser has said that the president will "press America's economic agenda and call for greater security co-operation".

[jmowreader]

1. Oh boy

20-21 May
After calling Muslims every rotten name in the book, Trump will attempt to kiss and make up. Expect a sheet of shoe-proof glass to be placed between Trump and the audience.

22-23 May
Trump's first and last trip to Israel will be highlighted by a visit with Yossi Cohen, Director of Mossad.

24 May
After having had his testicles mailed back to the United States by Director Cohen as a show of gratitude for providing highly classified Israeli intelligence to Russia, the Pope will demonstrate the skills he learned as a nightclub bouncer on Mr. Trump by throwing him out the window. Unfortunately for world peace, the Pope will only throw him out of a first-floor window.

25 May
NATO leaders will be issued "invoices" for all the money Mr. Trump claims they owe him for keeping their countries safe over the years. Mr. Trump will learn how to say "go fuck yourself" into at least twelve different languages.

26 May
Mr Trump will present himself at the G7 summit and read - badly - a prepared statement. He will then slip out the back door and meet with the people who funded his last three buildings.

27-29 May
Exhausted from his whirlwind tour, he will proceed to spend the next three days on his Scottish golf course. The Secret Service will once again be required to rent hotel rooms and golf carts from him.

30 May
Impeachment hearings will begin in the House of Representatives. They will attempt to remove him from office on charges of being crazier than a shithouse rat.

[HipChick]

2. K&R