The Onion Invites Greg Gianforte To Physically Assault Our Entire Editorial Staff
‘The Onion’ Invites Republican Candidate Greg Gianforte To Physically Assault Our Entire Editorial Staff
http://www.theonion.com/article/onion-invites-republican-candidate-greg-gianforte--56117
Given the important policies they oversee and the highly public nature of their work, it is to be expected that our government officials will at times come into conflict with the press, especially amid the tense political circumstances in which we now find ourselves. And it is not unusual for these tensions to reach an explosive flash point, as they did last night in Montana when Republican congressional candidate Greg Gianforte attacked a reporter from The Guardian for asking what was a shamefully antagonistic and prying question regarding the Republicans’ proposed healthcare bill.
In light of these events, our editorial board would like to state our unwavering support of Mr. Gianforte and invite him to physically assault every member of The Onion’s news staff.
It has always been the belief of this storied publication that elected officials and the press have important roles to play in our democracy: namely, that the former sets the policies that guide our nation, and the latter subserviently provides a mouthpiece to trumpet the will and intentions of the ruling class without question and without complaint. We here at The Onion are fully aware that our own reporters, like all members of the power-mad, out-of-control media, frequently overstep these sacred boundaries by scrutinizing the decisions and actions that those in mighty seats of authority, such as Mr. Gianforte, do not wish to discuss. And in such instances, it is important—imperative, even—that those who hold the reins of power put us in our place and punish us, preferably with considerable physical force, so that we never again commit such improper transgressions.
If any of our journalists have ever made Mr. Gianforte feel threatened in any way at all, whether by holding a recorder too close to his face, writing a story that did not paint him in a positive light, or disrespectfully seeking clarification on a point he or his party might have made, we encourage him to use his fists, knees, elbows, or a blunt object of his choice to make it known through repeated physical blows how we have upset him.
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Bring it!
