Trump Says Sleeping Only Four Hours a Day Not Affecting His Ability to Cljjryff

[madokie]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump tweeted early Wednesday morning that his practice of sleeping only four hours a day was having no impact whatsoever on his ability to cljjryff.

Trump, who repeatedly touted his high energy level during the 2016 campaign, tweeted that, despite his gruelling Presidential schedule, he still had enormous reserves of stamina, which he called “stamgygygyggy.”

In the same tweetstorm, he lashed out at news reports questioning his fitness for office, denouncing them as “fakequez%(™.”

The White House said that, despite pleas from his legal team to delete his Twitter feed, Trump planned to continue tweeting, and that Education Secretary Betsy DeVos would continue to spell-check his tweets.


http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-says-sleeping-only-four-hours-a-day-not-affecting-his-ability-to-cljjryff?mbid=nl_053117%20Borowitz%20Newsletter%20


Satire from the Borowitz Report

[Else You Are Mad]

1. When Borowitz and the Onion...

Become not only probable but possible, you know there is something wrong. Something seriously wrong.

[JHan]

2. lol

[yardwork]

3. I haven't laughed this much in months. I've been laughing all day.

[sarah FAILIN]

4. Just saying..

http://www.asha.org/PRPSpecificTopic.aspx?folderid=8589935289&section=Signs_and_Symptoms

[malaise]

5. Too good

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

6. I do appreciate the humor there,

but if Trump really is sleeping only 4 hours a day you can assume he's essentially psychotic. Despite many myths of the virtues of little sleep, the reality is that people need somewhere between 6 and 9 hours of sleep a night. Anyone chronically short of sleep is like someone who is drunk, with the same crappy judgement, and so on.

[JenniferJuniper]

7. Anyone remember Professor Stanley Unwin

(or happen to be a Small Faces fan)?

"Are you all sitty comftybold two-square on your botty?"

Making up nonsense words is probably the next best career move he could make.

[rickford66]

9. Wasn't he Prof. Irwin Corey ?

[JenniferJuniper]

11. Different professors

[link:

|


Unwin was more covfefeesque.

[Honeycombe8]

8. LOL! Priceless. nt

[smirkymonkey]

10. The thing is, he has not been cljjryff-ering very effectively lately.

I think a serious look at his fitness for office is in order. His stamgygygyggy seems to be running out and I think he needs a thorough health check before he continues to assume the duties of his office.