HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » General Discussion (Forum) » Pre-nup agreement gives T...

Fri Jul 13, 2012, 05:48 AM

Pre-nup agreement gives Tom Cruise sole custody

THE pre-nuptial agreement between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes guarantees the Mission Impossible actor sole custody of his wife’s Operating Thetan


Scientology insiders revealed that the ‘pre-nup’ was ‘water tight’ ensuring Cruise would retain the part of his wife’s eternal existence that can control matter, energy, space and time.

A source said: “Tom already has the Operating Thetans of his first two wives which he keeps in his mind fridge.

“He is sad that his latest marriage has come to an end but hopes that by devouring all three Operating Thetans through a secret hole in the middle of his forehead he will gain total dominion over the realm of thought-space and challenge Xenu, the 75 billion year old mega-being, for the title of Lord of the Ultra-Sponge.”

The source added: “Katie was very reluctant to give up the rights to her Thetan and only agreed to it in exchange for $33 million.

“As you can imagine, she is also very sad.”


http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/celebrity/pre-nup-gives-cruise-sole-custody-of-thetans-2012070232593


11 replies, 3186 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 11 replies Author Time Post
Reply Pre-nup agreement gives Tom Cruise sole custody (Original post)
Ichingcarpenter Jul 2012 OP
loli phabay Jul 2012 #1
pinboy3niner Jul 2012 #2
loli phabay Jul 2012 #5
dipsydoodle Jul 2012 #3
Ichingcarpenter Jul 2012 #6
Ichingcarpenter Jul 2012 #7
dipsydoodle Jul 2012 #9
Ichingcarpenter Jul 2012 #10
pinboy3niner Jul 2012 #4
longship Jul 2012 #8
dipsydoodle Jul 2012 #11

Response to Ichingcarpenter (Original post)

Fri Jul 13, 2012, 05:51 AM

1. rofl i read that at least eight times and im still confused

 

wish i had a picture that i saw of the guy from history channel who says yup its aliens would fit this perfectly.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to loli phabay (Reply #1)

Fri Jul 13, 2012, 05:54 AM

2. ...



Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #2)

Fri Jul 13, 2012, 05:57 AM

5. thank you so much i visualised it using my inner member but i couldnt get it to appear until you

 

recieved my thought patterns, love this pic i always think hes still drunk after a date with some sailors and hes reliving it.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Ichingcarpenter (Original post)

Fri Jul 13, 2012, 05:54 AM

3. I didn't pick up it was The Mash at first

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to dipsydoodle (Reply #3)

Fri Jul 13, 2012, 05:57 AM

6. Holmes embraces conventional lunacy

Holmes embraces conventional lunacy
12-07-12

KATIE Holmes has left the world of Scientology for a more normal type of bullshit by experimenting with Catholicism.

Holmes is considering a return to the spiritual values of Dawson's Creek
The former flat heel wearer has severed all ties with Scientologists after her clean-shaven husband informed the organisation that she didn’t exist and was merely Xenu disguised as a mediocre actress.

Holmes said: “I was worried that after all those years of Hubbardism or whatever it’s called, believing in things that require evidence straight away might be like a 300-pound woman trying to run the New York marathon.

“I’m starting with the Pope and all his colourful brand of magical batshittery, then gradually working my way back to normality.

“I’ll hopefully be moving onto being a Methodist by the end of next year as they’re just slightly mental and a bit mean-spirited rather than tits-out crazy.”

Holmes hopes to have finally reached the stage where she stops believing in fairy stories at the same stage as her daughter Suri and has also started to de-bullshit-ise other aspects of her life.

She is currently working with a dietician on what constitutes a healthy weight, how eating less calories than you consume is the only actual way of losing weight in first place and why a dietician actually needs to study for their qualification rather than printing off the internet like a nutritionist.

Helpers are also working to remove the healing crystals from her home, moving the furniture to what looks good rather than what is ‘proper Feng Shui’ and are patiently explaining that acting is just well-paid dressing up rather than the hardest job in the world.

Holmes added: “Somebody suggested I try homeopathy but while I may be Tom Cruise’s ex and an actor, I’m not a complete fucking idiot.”


http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/celebrity/holmes-embraces-conventional-lunacy-2012071234052

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Ichingcarpenter (Reply #6)

Fri Jul 13, 2012, 06:02 AM

7. Bain Capital owns a Medical marijuana Clinic : Attorney General Holder to Act

And put the full force of his department to close it down.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Ichingcarpenter (Reply #6)

Fri Jul 13, 2012, 06:22 AM

9. Can't remember whether you're here or there.

If you're there then these are the other two here.

http://newsthump.com/

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to dipsydoodle (Reply #9)

Fri Jul 13, 2012, 06:34 AM

10. Thanks I forgot about newsthump

I think we all need to keep our sense of humour
when so many things are FUBAR

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Ichingcarpenter (Original post)

Fri Jul 13, 2012, 05:56 AM

4. ROFL!

That's a better explanation than most.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Ichingcarpenter (Original post)

Fri Jul 13, 2012, 06:21 AM

8. "Scientologists Really Believe This"

South Park's send off of Tom Cruise and Scientology is the best thing since Operation Clambake.

As Jay Novella once said, "Get a bowl and some milk because this guy is coo-coo for Cocao Puffs."

Indeed he is, as is any Scientologist true believer.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Ichingcarpenter (Original post)

Fri Jul 13, 2012, 07:02 AM

11. Tom Cruise lawyer threatens to sue National Enquirer

Tom Cruise's lawyer has threatened to sue US publication the National Enquirer, over a cover story branding the actor "a monster".

Bert Fields said the article about Cruise's split from wife Katie Holmes contained "false and vicious lies".

The lawyer said it would cause Cruise "hundreds of millions of dollars of professional and personal damages".

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-18826213

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread