I am in favor of Confederate statues. I am definitely not a pigeon.
Two reasons I am definitely not here protesting the removal of this Confederate statue: because I am a white supremacist who wants to protect a racist legacy, or because I am a pigeon who has laid an egg on this statue somewhere.
Listen, like you, I am a human being. I have zero feathers but many gangly appendages covered in skin, and I am flightless. Yet in spite of this, I love these statues, and not because their little metal hats are great places in which to build a foundation of carefully selected twigs, twine and assorted debris, then lay a warm beautiful egg that will someday hatch into a magnificent, glorious bird, the king of the air.
I am one of the “very fine people” whom President Trump was talking about, definitely a person, who was there to protest the taking down of the statue for human reasons that had nothing to do with racism or the nest of vulnerable white eggs currently exposed in that Confederate general’s hat.
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Like all of you, I just want to keep this statue here for reasons that do not have anything to do with wanting to defecate on it, lay eggs on it or perch on it to preen my beautiful gray feathers. Or, of course, racism. Those are just a few of the MULTIPLE reasons that I do not have for wanting this statue to stay exactly where it is, conveniently located near a man on a bench who often eats french fries — a fellow man, I should say, a fellow very fine being who has hideous bone protrusions at the opening to his alimentary canal that he uses to masticate food, just as I do.
Like so many of us here, I do not have a racist bone in my body, though if I did that racist bone would definitely be dense and not hollow. I just want to protect my nest egg — NOT a literal egg in a nest, of course, but one of those metaphorical nest eggs we human beings are always so upset about. Economic anxiety? Yes, I have that. That is what I have. My nest egg, again, is metaphorical, not literally on this statue right now, vulnerable and exposed with its white shell open to the elements. KEEP THAT TORCH AWAY from what is definitely not my only genetic legacy, but a beautifully constructed nest that is unaffiliated with me, a human protester.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/wp/2017/08/17/i-am-in-favor-of-confederate-statues-i-am-definitely-not-a-pigeon/
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