Porn Industry Irrevocably Damaged by Association with Ted Cruz

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The pornography industry has likely suffered permanent damage as a result of its unfortunate association with the Texas senator Ted Cruz, industry sources said on Tuesday.

Porn, which takes in annual profits of fifteen billion dollars, could see those revenues decimated if, as some industry experts fear, users begin to have intrusive thoughts involving Senator Cruz.

“For porn producers, this is a crisis with no simple solution,” Harland Dorrinson, an industry insider, said. “If you warn viewers not to think about Ted Cruz, there’s a real danger that that’s all they’ll think about.”

In the hours since porn first became associated with the Texas senator, traffic to porn sites has plummeted in what industry sources are ruefully calling “the Cruz effect.”

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/porn-industry-irrevocably-damaged-by-association-with-ted-cruz

[rurallib]

1. This may be truer than Borowitz realizes

I mean the thought of ---- i can't do it --- must go wash my brain ----

[dixiegrrrrl]

8. On a positive note, he could license image of his face as a birth control device.

"Tape this pic to your bedroom mirror, and stare at it closely if you are thinking of having sex"

Would work for me.

[rurallib]

9. "Despite opposing birth control, Senator Cruz has single handedly

caused a huge drop in the US birthrate."

a headline that could happen.

[Xipe Totec]

10. The only known cure for a 4 hour viagra induced erection nt

[dixiegrrrrl]

11. There ya go!!!! Works for both sexes!

[Maven]

2. Borowitz just keeps getting better and better.

K/R

[Warren DeMontague]

3. I haven't been this traumatized since I found out that Ann Coulter likes the Grateful Dead

[GallopingGhost]

12. .

[lindysalsagal]

4. You can't blame Ted for doing something that makes him more sympathetic....

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/06/09/the-shark-from-jaws-is-polling-better-than-all-of-the-2016-candidates/?utm_term=.ab702d9238a9

A June 2015 ABC/Quinnipiac survey found Ted Cruz' national net favorability rationg at -13. ( Meaning, his unfavorable was higher than his favorable.)

That puts him below Huckabee, Walker, Rand Paul, Clinton, Obama, Rubio, and Bernie. In fact, he rates just a little worse than Valdemort. But he's 10-30 points below The Shark from Jaws, Darth Vader and The Terminator.

So, hey- He had nothing to lose: Might as well go for the self-pleasure vote. Couldn't hurt!!

[Big_K]

5. You'll pry my [CENSORED] out of my cold, dead fingers...

Before this self-pleasurer votes for Cruz.

Hell, this just might be the thing that makes abstinence work. Cause thinking of him doing the deed makes an appendage of my body just collapse into my body so fast that it hurt my spine.

[Binkie The Clown]

6. Is it time to boycott porn?

I didn't think so.

[keithbvadu2]

7. A porno with Raphael and KellyAnne? Just wait.

A porno with Raphael and KellyAnne? Just wait.

There was another spokesperson who went from Cruz to Trump - can't remember her name.

There was a porno with Palin/Obama lookalikes... a little bit lookalikes.