BREAKING NEWS: Trump designates Trump Tower Escalator as newest National Monument.
The President made the announcement during his trip to Utah, where he announced he was reducing the size of protected lands on two other National Monuments, Bears' Ears and Grand Staircase Escalante.
"Everyone kept on talking about this Grand Staircase Escalante, Esca-lan-te, they kept on going on and on about it, like it was some big deal or something," Trump said. "I looked at it, and you know what? Turns out, it was just a bunch of rocks. Can you believe it? I bet you didn't know that. There's not even a real staircase there. And I thought to myself, why are we bothering protecting a bunch of rocks and dirt when we could actually protect a real staircase. And so I thought about it, and I thought, I wonder what's the one actual, real staircase in this country that ought to be protected? And as we all know, it's the escalator in the lobby of the greatest building in New York City--and many people are even saying the world--Trump Tower."
"I mean, if you ask me, it's more than a fair trade," Trump added. "I mean, you're giving up a bunch of rocks that people insist is a staircase, but if you ask me, it's a Fake Staircase. It's not real. It's fake. And that's a new term that I just gave you--Fake Staircase. So we have this Fake Staircase that no one wants to see, nobody cares about, so I'll just remove it from our protected lands, but in exchange, I'm going to give you a staircase that everyone loves. So really, everybody wins. I mean, it's the staircase that I rode down on right before I announced I was running for President. And what could be more historic than that? Plus it's got lots and lots of gold, big, beautiful gold and marble, which is something that the Fake Staircase could never possibly give anyone. You put the two side by side, and it's not even a close comparison. This is going to be a staircase that the entire country is going to be proud of and cherish and love like they've never loved anything before. Believe me, you're going to love it. And you're going to thank me for preserving it for all future generations, trust me when I say that."
Details at Eleven.
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