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Quite Brilliant: (Original Post) kpete Dec 2017 OP
Wow! treestar Dec 2017 #1
Wait a minute! PJMcK Dec 2017 #2
Yes. n/t kag Dec 2017 #10
Wonderful! MineralMan Dec 2017 #3
A perfect nutshell, as in wrapped up in a. marble falls Dec 2017 #4
Then tell him to "smile" at the end of it. nt TeamPooka Dec 2017 #5
Exactly. narnian60 Dec 2017 #22
I get the gist of this mountain grammy Dec 2017 #6
A male friend of mine got written up for telling a co-worker she looked good since she Irish_Dem Dec 2017 #11
I think its a sad world when mountain grammy Dec 2017 #13
Times have changed grammy. Irish_Dem Dec 2017 #14
Yeah, I know mountain grammy Dec 2017 #17
Yes same here. Irish_Dem Dec 2017 #18
True that.. mountain grammy Dec 2017 #19
We can say something nice to someone. Mariana Dec 2017 #15
"Michelle Wolf - Nice Lady" on HBO is a must-see for feminists of all genders. SleeplessinSoCal Dec 2017 #7
Well, when the day comes when I cant tell someone that they Ferrets are Cool Dec 2017 #8
Say it, by all means. Mariana Dec 2017 #16
Exactly, just don't say it to random women and or co-workers. Irish_Dem Dec 2017 #20
Here's another, even more pointed RandomAccess Dec 2017 #9
Yea neither of these work. Egnever Dec 2017 #12
Wow, had never thought of it that way. Spot on. Irish_Dem Dec 2017 #21


(82,383 posts)
1. Wow!
Sat Dec 16, 2017, 03:09 PM
Dec 2017

Why is there a need to tell a woman she is "pretty?" It's usually quite obvious and probably she already knows.

mountain grammy

(26,685 posts)
6. I get the gist of this
Sat Dec 16, 2017, 04:50 PM
Dec 2017

But can we still tell someone they look nice, or good, or like you’ve lost weight. I do it all the time when I see someone I know.. really, where are the boundaries?

I kind of like being complimented when I’ve taken some time to look good..at 70, I feel invisible but wasn’t always.


(48,445 posts)
11. A male friend of mine got written up for telling a co-worker she looked good since she
Sat Dec 16, 2017, 07:45 PM
Dec 2017

lost weight and he liked her outfit.

I told him personal comments about female co-workers are out of place on the job.
If it is a social situation that might be different. But he should keep his thoughts to himself from now on.

mountain grammy

(26,685 posts)
13. I think its a sad world when
Sat Dec 16, 2017, 08:06 PM
Dec 2017

We can’t say something nice to someone. If it’s said with a sexual innuendo its out of line but a compliment is often just that.
Maybe I should just stay out of this.


(48,445 posts)
14. Times have changed grammy.
Sat Dec 16, 2017, 08:11 PM
Dec 2017

Young women don't know if these comments are harmless or have strings or hidden agendas attached, especially coming from older married men. It makes them uncomfortable.

mountain grammy

(26,685 posts)
17. Yeah, I know
Sat Dec 16, 2017, 08:58 PM
Dec 2017

Spent over 40 years out there and sexism and harassment were rampant. I’m sure that’s still the case. But not everyone‘s a creep, thank goodness.

Good thing I’m 70 and out of it. Invisible.


(48,445 posts)
18. Yes same here.
Sat Dec 16, 2017, 09:03 PM
Dec 2017

When we were young it was rampant. High time that things are finally changing.
The point is, hard to tell at first who is a good guy and who is a creep.
And young women should not have to try and figure it out on the job.


(14,863 posts)
15. We can say something nice to someone.
Sat Dec 16, 2017, 08:15 PM
Dec 2017

If we're at work, it's certainly appropriate to say something that's both complimentary and relevant to the job. But is it really necessary to comment on the appearance of someone while we're on the clock? Why can't it wait until later?

Ferrets are Cool

(21,126 posts)
8. Well, when the day comes when I cant tell someone that they
Sat Dec 16, 2017, 05:28 PM
Dec 2017

look "nice today", I may as well just fucking die.


(14,863 posts)
16. Say it, by all means.
Sat Dec 16, 2017, 08:18 PM
Dec 2017

To your partner, your close friends and your intimate acquaintances. Say it to people whom you know will appreciate it.


(48,445 posts)
20. Exactly, just don't say it to random women and or co-workers.
Sat Dec 16, 2017, 09:09 PM
Dec 2017

I think the transition to a harassment free society is not an easy one.

You put it in very good terms.



(21,506 posts)
12. Yea neither of these work.
Sat Dec 16, 2017, 08:03 PM
Dec 2017

the first one the guy is disturbed by it because he is homophobic and the second one says it is because it is his first time.

IMHO Men that are afraid to compliment other men are afraid of how they will be perceived when they do it...Is he gay?

And men who are afraid because someone compliments them is again a case of homophobia. Would the second story work the same if it was a woman complimenting a man?

When we can't even genuinely compliment people we are losing something in our society in my opinion. Of course there is a wide variance between Nice hat and woot sexy legs babe!

None of this stuff fits into nice little black and white packages and that is why Zero tolerance does not work.


(48,445 posts)
21. Wow, had never thought of it that way. Spot on.
Sat Dec 16, 2017, 09:12 PM
Dec 2017

"Homophobia towards gay men is rooted in the fear that another man will treat you like you treat women."

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