most difficult things we face in life.
But I think they are referring to the many many cases, of which my own mother might have become, but she thought ahead and
signed a living will to prevent that from happening, in her case.
My 86 year old Mom recently, in the past two months, slipped very deeply into dementia. The tragic thing is that after living an
honorable life dedicated to loving and caring for others and God, and courageously working through so much unearned sorrow
throughout her life (genetic health issues, hit by a drunk driver at 60, and many many other things) she is now in a state where it is almost impossible for her to ever feel even a moment of happiness, for weeks on end. Except for perhaps the briefest of seconds in weeks-long periods, she is lost in anxieties, not for the current status quo, but is constantly reliving every agonizing moment of her 86 years, from childhood, through two years ago. She has become unable to form new memories, and can't recall what she was doing five minutes ago, or one minute ago. The older memories stay with her, but those aren't the good and happy ones. It is the painful and tragic ones, and the anxieties of her life, that fill her mind every waking moment. This has been going on for two months now. My father sits by her side at the nursing home every day from 8am-7pm, hoping she will come home soon... but Mom is never going home again. She is stuck in the worst nightmare she ever foresaw for herself: stuck in a nursing home, in a wheelchair and/or a bed, unable to do anything much at all. Sometimes she can feed herself, but mostly, she falls asleep in the middle of her meals. It is a battle to keep her awake, lest she suffer more malnutrition on top of all else. And my father's dementia is progressing now too, as he gets almost zero mental stimulation during his waking hours spent watching her sleep, doing nothing.
And yet, were Mom to suffer a heart attack, kidney failure, a bad stroke, our medical system is geared only towards keeping her technically alive for as long as possible. They would attach her to breathing machines and intubate her all over, force feed her with a tube down her throat, etc. When you are in such a position, either you are suffering extreme discomfort and/or pain, or else you have been drugged into unconsciousness. To be in that situation and be younger and have hope of life and happiness afterwards is one thing. To be in that situation only to be brought back to a life filled with constant misery, is quite something else. Life is not just a bed of thorn-free roses. But it is also not 'life' at all, to be physically and/or mentally in great anguish every conscious moment, with no relief ever to be found except in death.
And the fact is that the largest portion of medical bills generated for people's health care in their final year, is actually in the last week, with machines and other extraordinary measures done to keep them legally alive, when in reality, they are often in pain, or drugged into unconsciousness, or like my mother, lost in painful dementia. This isn't life. This isn't human. And to bankrupt a family to pay for someone's pained and unhappy existence to be extended a week, or two weeks, or a month, when that existence is nothing but misery, or incommunicado, is grotesque, painful, torturous. It's more like being taken to a Black Site, than anything that resembles 'life'. There are much worse things in life, than death. I grieve for my mother every day, many times a day, and when I awaken at night, it is dreams of her that haunt me. She has no peace, and neither do I. But at least I know that she signed the papers that will prevent the torment of futile, inhuman, tortuous attempts to keep her legally alive, all to no end, except to extend her minute-by-minute constant anguish.
The way our society treats death and dying is really monstrous, in my opinion, and too much of it IS about profits for big companies, and very little about being human, and about death being a part of life. We were so much better off when people were allowed to do as my mother always hoped she would, and as her grandparents had, and died at home surrounded by family and things they knew and loved, rather than stuck in an ugly room with a little window surrounded by people that a)she doesn't know, and b)no longer has the capacity to learn who they are, so they will remain nothing but strangers to her, increasing her anxieties. Her worst nightmare for her ultimate end of life situation has come true, and it breaks my heart. I am powerless, except to pray for mercy for her.
And the pull for profits doesn't even cease when we pass from this life.... the funeral business is another nightmare too....
Soapbox, it was these types of things that they were referring to.......
I'm so sorry for your pain, and hope you take comfort though soon in realizing you were blessed with a parent that you did get to have time with, and who was worth missing at the end.
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