Pastor outed on Ashley Madison commits suicide

[Doingto]

Source: CNN

John Gibson was a pastor and seminary professor. When he wasn't teaching at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary, one of his favorite pastimes was fixing cars.
He was married with two children. His daughter, Callie, was teaching in front of 250 college students when she got the call. Her father had killed himself.

It was August 24, six days after hackers exposed the names of millions of people who had signed up for Ashley Madison, the notorious site for those seeking affairs. Gibson's name was on the list.
His wife, Christi, discovered her husband's body.
"It was a moment that life doesn't prepare you for," she told CNNMoney. "I had to call my kids. How do you tell your kids that their dad is gone and that he took his own life?"


Read more: http://money.cnn.com/2015/09/08/technology/ashley-madison-suicide/

---

Some here will say that he got what he deserved.
I don't think cheaters deserve death. His children , who would certainly want him alive, would agree with me.

Rest in peace.

[tabasco]

1. He didn't "get" anything

He gave it to himself.

[Blue_Adept]

2. +1 Empathy Points

[tabasco]

20. Lacked the moral courage to face his misdeeds

so he willingly devastated his family by killing himself.

I've only got so much empathy to go around. Not gonna waste it on bums like this.

[Matariki]

44. Yuck.

Ugly posts. No doubt the reason you have "only got so much empathy to go around" is because you have very little empathy at all.

I don't know if that is something you can work on or if lack of empathy is a deficiency that can't be overcome.

[tabasco]

48. Yawn.

Go ahead and have a pity party for every person who kills himself.

I'll continue to develop my conclusions on a case-by-case basis.

[crim son]

49. Before you judge people who kill themselves

you have to ask why some people who face the same level of grief and pain, do not kill themselves. You appear to believe the answer lies in some sort of moral courage or internal strength. As a clinically depressed person who has battled suicidal impulses for most of her life, I feel comfortable informing you that you are dead wrong.

[reddread]

73. very kind of you to offer insight

I tend to think of people without empathy or altruistic tendencies
to be Republicans.

[LanternWaste]

51. predicated on a dramatic lack of all necessary relevant knowledge of each individual case...

"I'll continue to develop my conclusions on a case-by-case basis."

Which are wholly predicated on a dramatic lack of all necessary relevant knowledge of each individual case, whilst pretending to know who does or does not posses moral courage...

[Elmer S. E. Dump]

45. You obviously no NOTHING about suicide or mental health. Revolting.

[tabasco]

50. Hitler killed himself.

We gonna have a big pity party for him too?

[Elmer S. E. Dump]

53. Wow. You don't understand the difference in motive between the two?

No need to reply. This is sick.

[cyberswede]

77. good lord. nt

[sarisataka]

80. Never mind

you are not worth it

[notadmblnd]

55. Maybe he felt that suicide would devastate his family less than living with the knowlege

that he was a cheat, a liar and a hypocrite. Yeah, it was the selfish thing to do. They still have to live with it. He doesn't though.

[angrychair]

70. You need an intervention

Your post regarding the very serious and personal issues of people with very real mental and emotional challenges is disturbing.
The very fact that he had a membership on AM was very likely a manifestation of his depression. It is very common for emotionally challenged and depressed people to seek whatever companionship they can in an attempt to fill a void that often cannot be filled.
When confronted with these actions, that sometimes conflict with social norms and their peer and family values, the embarrassment and judgement can cause them to slide further into depression and push them deeper down the rabbit hole and foster suicidal thoughts and actions as well. Untreated clinical depression can be a very dark prison.
Your callous opinion of this man is unwarranted.

[NutmegYankee]

79. +1 nt

[KingCharlemagne]

86. +Infinity! - nt

[SusanaMontana41]

88. Tyler. Clementi. eom

[yeoman6987]

13. The hackers should be ashamed of themselves

[Doingto]

68. "getting" isn't defined as something other people give you

I don't know which dictionary you use. Did you ever get a sandwich?

[Evergreen Emerald]

3. I wonder what the goal was in outing those names?

I believe this must have been an unintended consequence. But really, what purpose did it serve? Rather than waste time on sex sites, why didn't they out corruption in financial institutions, etc?

[restorefreedom]

5. soooo many things

their talents could have been used for that would have been better than this

[bucolic_frolic]

7. Goal, if any

involved hypocrisy. All the moral do-gooders in all walks of life
who at least ostensibly believe others should live a good life too,
but they themselves lead a double life, so they are able to do
what they want but the underlings should abide by the laws and rules.

That's not to condone or moralize, that's just to describe.

Life is good at the top! Where you can moralize and fornicate,
live in wooded estate mansion in pristine wilderness and own a company
that pollutes, have mistresses outside the home and a rolodex of
international travelers.

I doubt those who stole the information and published thought a wit
about the disruption to people's lives. They are culpable, surely, but
so is a system of moral duality.

[jtuck004]

9. Terrorism and theft. It's the same folks stealing your credit card data. They are criminals, and so

are people who support their actions. No different than people who blow up the World Trade Center, or pedophiles who molest children or people who liked seeing all these names displayed.

They and their self-righteous supporters are just out to hurt people.

[Babel_17]

17. Thinking out loud: Because it was a relatively easy, but high profile, target

The ads that AM used might have played a part. They show a well to do guy who some might find as looking over-processed, too stereotypical. The target of his lust comes across as being a trophy, the just desserts of his successful life, and gung-ho attitude.

So, rich people, and the ads targeting them delineate the class differences between the target audience, and those viewing AM ads through a pop up window (including at porn sites).

"Ashley Madison: For Winners"

"Ashley Madison: Not for losers"

"If you weren't a loser you could have this"

"You're a loser"

I see that as a possible progression of how the ads are perceived. It's a technique that can drum up business as the "cure" for being "a loser" is to sign up.

But to lower level hackers, or good ones that are bored, the AM ads, combined with their bad security, was some lulz begging to happen.

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/lulz

P.S. This kind of relates to how it can be hard to understand "Anonymous".

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anonymous_%28group%29

And I might as well include that Batman quote, as delivered by Michael Caine.

[Indydem]

29. They said exactly what it was.

AM was a scam. It was a service where millions of men paid to be matched with women who didn't exist. They were profiles created out of whole cloth to entice men to join an expensive service on the hopes of cheating.

The likelihood most of the men who joined the service ever saw so much as a pubic hair in the deal is slim.

The hackers were malcontents who were either customers, or thought the customers shouldn't be shafted, so they ruined the company.

Their manifesto before the release:

"Avid Life Media has failed to take down Ashley Madison and Established Men. We have explained the fraud, deceit, and stupidity of ALM and their members. Now everyone gets to see their data.

Find someone you know in here? Keep in mind the site is a scam with thousands of fake female profiles. See ashley madison fake profile lawsuit; 90-95% of actual users are male. Chances are your man signed up on the world's biggest affair site, but never had one. He just tried to. If that distinction matters."

[jomin41]

47. I think the site was somewhat of a scam.

[restorefreedom]

4. maybe there was a mental health issue

not saying some people aren't just cheatin scum. but if he was depressed or something, he may have looked for happiness elsewhere and it would explain suicide as well.

most people who get busted don't kill themselves

in any case, rip

[roamer65]

90. I highly suspect you are right.

[jtuck004]

6. "Some here will say that he got what he deserve"> The very passionate - often with a nose just small

enough to stick in a stranger's bedroom, and the stench of self-righteousness following them like a cloud of dirt followed Pigpen.

Too common. Like roaches.

I would far rather have an AM customer next door than any member of the meddlesome, snoopy, and worthless scarlet letter brigade.

[SoapBox]

8. Ditto.

I would be curious to know how Holy and monogamous the hackers are.

[Demeter]

31. I'd prefer neither

The adulterous tend to suicide, the righteous are usually murdered by their long-suffering nearest....

I have lived next to one busybody bitch for coming up on 20 years now, and there only two reasons there hasn't been a murder:

1) I don't have time
2) I don't have means

[jtuck004]

33. lol n/t

[Kelvin Mace]

10. This is the problem when your belief system is so rigid

and so judgmental. This is one instance where Republican hypocrisy would have saved a life.

I am so sorry for his family, and for him.

[LiberalFighter]

11. Another way that religion kills.

[whatthehey]

12. So if I reported a pastor for embezzling, and he committed suicide

the fault would be with me and not with his shame at being a known miscreant? Go too far, heck a few small baby steps, down that road and you get the insanity that it's the fault of a witness not a perpetrator if there are any ramifications from any misdeeds at all.

Hackers didn't kill him. Repressed hypocritical lust and its concomitant shame did. If you think lust and adultery are evil, as Baptist theologians nigh universally do, then the best course of action in order would be 1) Adjust your behavior to match your beliefs 2) Adjust your beliefs to match your behavior 3) Give in to your desires and accept yourself as a "sinner".... The option of "kill yourself and hope twisted ethical know-nothings blame the people who revealed your desire for adultery, rather than you as having and acting upon that desire" is probably around number 47.

Cheaters are not given death. This particular cheater wasn't either. This one chose it rather than reconcile his bronze age trumpeted moral code with his actual, freely chosen and unforced behavior. Blaming people who simply pointed out that behavior is absolutely ludicrous. If you think revealed adultery is worth your life, do not engage in, or more likely in this exact case given the real m-f ratio, do not seek adultery. It's that simple.

[padfun]

15. I agree. As I read this thread..

I half expected some poster to blame Obama next.

[Kurska]

21. Adultery isn't a crime

That is the big difference.

[tabasco]

26. Still a crime in 21 states. A felony in Michigan and Wisconsin.

But not a crime in Louisiana.

http://archive.freep.com/article/20140417/FEATURES01/304170139/adultery-illegal-21-states

[Kurska]

41. So is homosexuality in many states, those laws were justly declared void.

Despite still being on the books. If a state tried to enforce adultery bans, they'd be struck down too.

[tabasco]

43. States have enforced adultery bans following the USSC decision in Lawrence v. Texas

There have been criminal convictions by states and the military commonly prosecutes and punishes adultery as a crime.

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/opinion/forum/2010-04-26-column26_ST_N.htm

It is not clear at all if the USSC would apply Lawrence to adultery.

So, adultery is still a crime in 21 states. On the books and still in effect.

I don't agree with it but that's the status.

[whatthehey]

28. Makes no difference at all. Why was he so ashamed of it?

If you have an open marriage and/or a libertine outlook on life, revelation of attempted or real adultery is cause for no concern at all.

If you think it is a foul shameful transgression and thus are likely to be driven to suicidal despair if shown to be adulterous yourself, don't you think it would have been better not to sign up and pay a membership fee to a website offering you (the illusion of most likely) adulterous liaisons? What blame can possibly attach to someone who merely revealed your deeds?

I speak not from a stance of moral purity or even prudery. Couldn't give a toss if anyone outside my own marriage is adulterous, and have done plenty of unethical and even illegal things myself. But, being a rational self-aware being, I would not even contemplate doing something that would drive me to suicide if revealed, and I'm not likely to blame a neighbor if they saw me at home at 3pm when I said I'd been at work. I have no contract for privacy with my neighbor and I chose to be home at 3pm and not at work. It's not their fault if they mention to my wife that the car was in the driveway. It's mine for being dishonest.

[4lbs]

34. According to the religious right it is, unless, of course, they themselves get caught.

Then they can just repent and all is forgiven.

[eggplant]

14. Correlation isn't causation.

How many Pastors commit suicide each year?
How many Pastors were in the AM data dump?
How many people not in the AM list committed suicide that same day?

Stories like this are offensive. What purpose do they serve except to drag private people in front of the camera?

[Maedhros]

54. It does allow for some much needed self-righteous grave-dancing.

[eggplant]

66. It does indeed. n/t

[coolepairc]

16. Sad reading

To the survivors of this man, condolences, may he rest in peace. There is an aspect to this story that I haven't seen discussed. That is the "business" of AM. AM is not a charity or non-profit or community-based help organization. It is an aggressive capitalist business. It's sad that we've adopted capitalism to the extent that it manages virtually every aspect of life, no matter how private and personal.

[rockfordfile]

18. to a point

Sympathy up to a point, but that's it. He should've known better. He took a risk and paid the piper.

Don't blame the hackers in this case.

[lobodons]

19. It's only sex

Jesus people, its only sex. Our Society is way too weirded out by sex. It's just sex people.

[Chan790]

22. +1! n/t

[Demeter]

24. No, it's a lot more. It's reputation, and hypocrisy, and loss of standing in his congregation

not to mention betrayal of his wife and family....loss of job, too, I expect.

It's a lot more than sex. It's tearing apart your local social groups, injuring all, especially your nearest and dearest, to whom you have given vows.

It's "only sex" when you are totally disconnected from the rest of the human social world. Which makes you a borderline or potential psychopath, by the way....

[LastLiberal in PalmSprings]

67. He probably couldn't (or didn't want to) face his family and his congregation

For a religion that emphasizes forgiveness it seems to me that his straying from the moral path could have been viewed as a teachable moment. It would have been unbelievably painful to stand before his congregation, but I imagine the large majority of the church membership would have ultimately forgiven him and possibly felt even more love for him because of his sinning.

Of course, the church board of directors could have asked for his resignation. Perhaps the prospect of that humiliation was the tipping point. Unless he left a note no one will ever know.

As it is, he chose a long term solution to what was a short term problem. As one who has faced the same choice several times (yay, depression!), the thing that kept me going was the thought, "How will my suicide affect my wife and family?" As much as my mind kept yelling, "They'll be better off without you," there was always a quiet voice that kept whispering, "This, too, shall pass."

The quiet voice was right. Things always changed. It didn't make the trip into the Abyss any easier, but each episode eventually ended. And each episode had its own gifts; I had to learn to ask for help, for example.

That said, I won't judge another person's choice on whether to live or die. All I can do is feel empathy for his family and friends.

[smirkymonkey]

75. I am sorry for him, but perhaps if he had not subscribed to such narrow minded values

his outing would not have had such an impact on him. It's very complicated. I'm not putting blame on anyone, but his lack of self acceptance played a large part in his final decision. It's tragic for everyone. I don't really know what to think.

[Demobrat]

40. If you have to sneak and lie to someone to whom

you have promised fidelity to do it, it's a lot more than "just sex". It's betrayal. People react badly to betrayal. Go figure.

[wolfie001]

23. He should've preached for more 'open marriages'

[EEO]

25. This sex shaming thing is typical conservative religion. He made things way worse for his family.

[MatthewStLouis]

27. Sad for his family.

If people would only stop to think about who they are hurting by taking their own lives. It's easy to call it a selfish act (when you aren't in the person's shoes), but it is.

[Indydem]

30. Can you imagine his thoughts?

The shame of his adultery (or potential adultery, assuming his track record was the same as most other AM subscribers)?

The shame of his family for his actions?

The shame before his students and congregation?

Maybe, perhaps, he felt that the pity and compassion for his family at his action of suicide would be better than the shame they would carry at the revelation of his unfaithfulness.

For some in society, shame is still a burden to be borne when a wrong is done. Others, have no shame.

[MatthewStLouis]

87. Shame is a strong emotion.

Yes, others will lie, make excuses, or confess and ask for forgiveness after the act has been found out. You have to give the guy that, he had that much honor, at least.

[Sunlei]

32. How sad to do that to his family.

[yellowcanine]

35. I do not believe the cheating is the only reason for the suicide.

People do not commit suicide just because they get caught cheating on their spouse. Depressed people who are suicidal already might though.

[Bradical79]

69. I think his particular job was a major factor

In his case getting caught cheating is pretty much the end of his career and loss of respect from his entire church community, in addition to the harm it does to his relationship with his family. I think that's enough to drive most into a deep depression.

[dorkzilla]

36. Both actions were HIS CHOICE

He chose to join Ashley Madison, then he chose to off himself. Not sure what the “Some here will say got what he deserved” when he got exactly what he wanted.

[valerief]

37. Stupid. nt

[AngryAmish]

38. Social Perfectionism

Men in middle age kill themselves because they think that they have ruined themselves, their families and cannot bear the humiliation of their failures.

In the last year two friends of mine took their lives. One was so baffling it made the front page of the NY Times, but he had some business reversals and legal trouble that was deeply embarrassing. The other was a successful lawyer who got divorced, his wife poisoned his kids against him.

This guy was humiliated and thought his life was ruined. I hope the members here of thr Junior Linda Tripp Anti-Adultery League are pleased.

[hamsterjill]

39. I'm sorry for his family, but I think his was a cowardly act.

I don't think he got what he deserved. I think he panicked and couldn't handle the fact that he was going to have to face what he'd done. Now, he's gone and it is his family that is going to have to face the situation.

Certainly, there are valid issues to discuss as to the invasion of his privacy.

Certainly, there are valid issues that the man may have been depressed or mentally unhealthy.

But there is also the issue that a married pastor, presumably a Baptist, was taking steps to be unfaithful, and trying to sneak around to do it. Sometimes, the rules that a religion demands are simply too much for a mere man. While I can forgive his actions, my heart breaks for the family left behind with questions, judgment, and notoriety.

[Elmer S. E. Dump]

52. People that commit suicide ARE NOT cowards. I have nothing but hate for that opinion.

Are you a physiologist? Or do you just play one on DU?

[hamsterjill]

57. Oh, cut the crap!

Re-read my post. I said "cowardly act".

No need to be such an asshole in your response. I am expressing an opinion, and while you may disagree, I still have a right to have an opinion.

[Elmer S. E. Dump]

59. It's not a "cowardly act" either.

If you knew the least little bit about depression and suicide, you would be ashamed to make that statement.

You have a right to you opinion, yes, but I don't have to remain silent when you throw that uninformed crap at the internets.

[hamsterjill]

60. You don't know WHAT I know and don't know.

You are making an awful lot of assumptions here about me. You act like you're an authority on the subject, and somehow, I don't think you're quite the authority you may think you are.

Now, go bug someone else.

[Elmer S. E. Dump]

61. Well, I am an authority. And they are not assumptions, they are observations.

My assumption is we are done. Sorry to come down hard (probably too hard, I admit), but this is VERY personal to me.

[hamsterjill]

63. "Well, I am an authority".

You ARE an authority? If so, in what capacity?

I've been very close to a suicide in my own life, as well.

[murielm99]

62. The people who post in our mental health group

often complain about the lack of empathy and just plain callousness shown by other DU members when it comes to mental illness. They are correct.

Some of the responses in this thread are stunning and jaw-dropping examples of ignorance.

People who are depressed, people who commit suicide, can hear, see and feel nothing but their pain. Their pain is real.

This thread is unbelievable.

I cannot judge this man. I wish he had sought help.

[Elmer S. E. Dump]

64. Thanks, Muriel

I think unless you really do some research, most people are going to use logic. Well, logic does not work when it comes to depression or suicide.

I hope some of these people do some much needed research.

[Skittles]

84. thank you, murielm99

you get it

[Skittles]

83. thank you

it makes me sick, seeing that opinion

[polly7]

42. I think what those hackers did was cruel.

They had to have known how many lives would be destroyed. My heart goes out to this man's family - total innocents who to anyone with functioning grey matter would have been expected to be affected at least in some way by the actions of those who should have just minded their own damn business.

RIP John Gibson - what horrible torment he must have gone through emotionally to find no alternative, and eventual peace to all those who knew and loved him.

Very, very sad.

[Elmer S. E. Dump]

65. That's correct, and so sad.

When you are convinced there is no hope, or no alternative, that's when suicide happens. It's not at all necessarily true, but logic and common sense become buried in hopelessness.

RIP Mr. Gibson, may you be in a happy place.

[polly7]

72. That's exactly it, Elmer S.E. Dump.

Hopelessness, the thought that those you love most will be better off without you - when you're in such mental turmoil and anguish it's, for many, impossible to see any other way.

My Dad ended his own life, we had just begun fighting what he'd been told by one doctor was probably a terminal illness, and I know he wanted to spare us seeing him suffer. I absolutely know how horrible it must have been for him to make the decision to leave behind a huge family who loved him so much.

No-one knows what the person standing right beside you might be suffering - I hope those hackers some day realize how many people, due to their actions, might just push over the edge.

Suicide is not a selfish act, it's desperation, hopelessness and stopping unbearable pain the only way they can see.

[cilla4progress]

46. Why the hell would the family go on TV

and expose themselves in this way? I thinks it's unhealthily exhibitionistic.

[DawgHouse]

56. His depression was magnified by the Ashley Madison release of information.

[freeplessinseattle]

58. Subsitute, say, "Cyber bullied teen kills herself"

Or, "Fired from mega-corp after merger, jobless widowed, father of 5 commits suicide"

etc etc, and watch how different the majority of responses are

[brooklynite]

71. So, god didn't forgive him?

I thought that was how Christianity worked?

[sarisataka]

74. More importantly

He couldn't forgive himself

[Manifestor_of_Light]

82. Being loaded down with Christian guilt and shame could drive a person to suicide.

Because you can never live up to the impossible standards of the supposed perfect man, Jesus. Therefore you are doomed to fall short. And plenty of preachers love to get up in the pulpit on Sunday morning and tell you what a horrible waste of skin you are.

[peacebird]

76. Very sad for his family. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem...

[marew]

81. I was betrayed after 32 years of marriage.

All the lies- it was extremely painful. Some bimbo went after him thinking our success was all because of him- not even close to being true! We split our assets. I own my home outright, retired at 53, have taken trips to Europe, have no debt, etc. He, on the other hand, has three foreclosures and a bankruptcy on his record and has NOTHING saved for retirement. He thought he was a genius who was going to flip properties. What a joke!
I agreed with every request he and his lawyer wanted prior to the divorce- in fact I could not sign the papers fast enough! He's not too bright obviously! SS is all gets for retirement and he is 69.
Karma's a bitch!

[knixphan]

89. Waste of a hack, too.

How about the KKK? Hack something that's actually hackworthy. Leave everyone's sex life alone.