Posted at: http://www.imediaethics.org/kansas-city-star-apologizes-rape-op-ed-never-published/
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Let me preface this by saying that I empathize with women who have been raped. These women have
endured terrible experiences and need to know that what happened was not their fault and that
whatever they did to stay alive was the right thing.
I would also like to remind men that “no means no” (and if someone is too drunk to say no, then no is
implied); that no matter what a woman wears or does, she isn’t “asking for it”; and that if men witness a
woman being treated inappropriately, they need to step in and attempt to stop what is happening.
I saw a quote on Facebook that said, “When a woman drinks too much she expects to wake up the next
day hung over, not raped.” I agree.
But as women, shouldn’t we take responsibility for our bodies by not becoming so intoxicated that we
don’t know what is happening? Every woman should know her drink limit and stop there.
No, she’s not asking to be raped by being drunk. But isn’t it her responsibility to reduce the risk by not
getting to that point? And if you wake up the morning after doing the “walk of shame” don’t yell rape if
you regret your actions of the night before.
Accept your role in what happened, learn from the experience and move on. Women want to be treated
as sexual equals when it comes to desires, the ability to have casual encounters and the enjoyment of
sex. But some women act on this freedom then want to deny their involvement later.
Every woman who falsely accuses a man of rape makes the battle harder for women who are actually
raped. And the lives and reputations of the men who are falsely accused are often irreparably
destroyed.
When men drink, their decision-making abilities are also limited. If a woman was too drunk to know
what she was doing and should be excused for what happened, then why are men not allowed to be too
drunk to make good decisions?
And if a woman is so intoxicated that she can’t remember giving consent for sex, then how can she know
that she didn’t give consent?
If she was so drunk she was unable to make good judgments, then how can we be sure that she has any
idea what actually happened?
Maybe she forced herself on the man. Or maybe she initiated the encounter.
I am not talking about the extreme situations like group rape or the Stanford incident. Those men should
be held accountable for their inexcusable actions.
I am talking about the casual encounters many people have had — waking up the next day and realizing
they are next to someone in bed and being embarrassed and regretful that it happened.
Why not stop worrying about other people’s casual encounters and individual regret and start having a
productive conversation about sexual assault, rape, reeducation, equality, and all the other things you
clearly need help understanding.
I hate that I have to tell my son that if he sees a drunk, unconscious woman, he needs to either run the
other direction or find women to help her.
Men should be able to help a drunk female without thinking about calling a lawyer first. And people
should be able to interact sexually with someone they are attracted to without fear of being convicted
of a crime.
Bottom line: Men, stop acting like animals and having sex with anything that breathes, and intervene
when you see a situation that you know is wrong.
And women, take charge of your bodies and your sexuality by being sober enough to stop unwanted
advances and sober enough to actually enjoy sex when you choose to have it.
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