How to talk to someone with cancer

[FloridaJudy]

The holidays are rough on a lot of us. They're particularly hard on those with cancer or other life-threatening illnesses, and on the ones caring for them. We all need to read this!

"But first, let’s talk about you, friends and family. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It feels overwhelming and complicated. But it’s not, I promise. When in doubt about how to behave, stick to the basic rule of thumb that a) It’s not about you, and b) It’s about them, you’ll be golden."

http://www.salon.com/2011/12/13/how_to_talk_to_someone_with_cancer/

[ZombieHorde]

1. Seems like good advice.

Thanks for posting.

[helderheid]

2. Excellent and simple advice. It's unfortunate that not everyone naturally gets his on their own. eom

[Warpy]

4. I can't stress #5 and #10 enough

No, I haven't had the big C, but I've been sick enough to scare the hell out of everybody, including doctors. Those two were the biggest irritants to me, trying to fix me and not bothering to listen or notice when I was so tired I was practically going into coma.

As for health care workers, every good bunch I worked with in oncology had a whole library of jokes, the dirtier the better. Getting someone with a terrible diagnosis to laugh was a way of convincing them they weren't dead yet, so they might as well live through the day. The hard part of knowing when to whip out a really inappropriate joke was #10, and they were damned good at it.

[supernova]

5. Excellent advice for anyone

trying to help a friend or family member with a life-altering disease: cancer, heart-disease, ms, whatever the situation is. Be there, be helpful, be respectful of their experience.

[Grey]

6. Thanks, really good reading....

I got caught up in the article and then the next and the next and the.....
Well you get the idea. What a good lesson.

[FloridaJudy]

7. I lost a friend to liver cancer this weekend.

And while it was horribly sad, the way his family and friends supported him was inspiring. No one should have to face that final journey alone, and he died surrounded by loving and caring people.

[slipslidingaway]

9. Very sorry for your loss ...

but I'm glad your friend was surrounded by family and friends. May the good memories of your friend be first in your thoughts.

[slipslidingaway]

8. Thanks for posting ...

"Rule 6: Don’t be hasty with the best-case scenarios.

...Even if things are going well, let it go at its own pace. I can’t count the number of times people have called me a “survivor” or said things like, “So, are you cured?” This happens a lot to those of us in the club. It makes us feel a little rushed here. Like you’re so eager to wrap this thing up and move on already.

...They live with their disease for years on end. Please, be patient with them.


Rule 9: Be useful.

... So use your ingenuity — and don’t wait around for a request. It’s not that the person with cancer is necessarily shy; he or she may just be a little preoccupied lately without having to come up with errands for you run. Bake a potpie. Or knit a cool hat. Or ask, “Do you want to come over on Tuesday and watch a movie?” Specificity is good. The words “sometime” or “tell me what to do” are not..."

And Rule 10 as well.


Some people have a gift to anticipate a need and do so without asking, others seem to wait for a specific request. It makes such a difference in the person's daily life!

As a family member said to me, you find out who is in your lfeboat and who is not. We thank everyone who has been in our lifeboat, some friendships and family relationships have been strengthened and unfortunately a few have become a bit strained. You just never know.

[DeathToTheOil]

10. I have to be honest

I really dislike Mary Elizabeth Williams. This is a RARE good column by her.

[NNN0LHI]

11. A neighbor is dying of cancer right now and this really helped

Thank you for posting this.

Don

[Uncle Joe]

12. Kicked and recommended.

Thanks for the thread, FloridaJudy.

[racaulk]

13. Kick

This really is an excellent article full of great reminders. Thank you again for posting this!

[Dystopian]

14. Thank you for posting this...

FloridaJudy~
Sometimes people simply don't know what to say....
I know I didn't ... so many years ago.
With age comes wisdom...
And words of wisdom...
Never too old to learn.


peace~