Donald Trump Is the Peace Candidate

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He alone can end 70 years of dangerous tensions with Russia — by extending a hand of friendship to our longtime adversary.

BY ROSA BROOKS

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for inviting me to speak here at the Democratic National Convention. Like so many of you, I came here intending to support Bernie Sanders, or maybe Hillary Clinton, or at least Michelle Obama, who gave a kick-ass speech. But also like so many of you, I have found myself asking, time and again, “Yes, Hillary, I get that it would be cool to have a female president, but how do you intend to bring about world peace?”

Because let’s face it, my fellow Americans, Hillary is not that persuasive as the peace candidate. There was that whole Iraq War vote thing, for instance, for which I forgive her, though the Iraqis may not. And there was the Libya intervention thing and the “I want to do an unspecified something more in Syria” thing. Worst of all, Clinton seems utterly determined to bait the Russian bear. She denounced Russia’s 2014 annexation of Crimea as “illegal,” and she even once compared Russian President Vladimir Putin to Adolf Hitler, which, as everyone knows, is not a nice thing to say about someone, even if he is sort of like Hitler.

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Trump has made it clear that if elected, he’ll adopt policies designed to reassure Moscow of his good intentions. Where Clinton has denounced Russia’s actions in Ukraine and suggested that NATO should serve as a counterweight to Russian territorial expansionism, Trump has dismissed NATO as “very obsolete” and suggested he might be reluctant to defend America’s allies against a Russian invasion. Where Clinton has called for tougher sanctions in response to Russia’s annexation of Crimea, Trump has magnanimously declared his willingness to consider recognizing Moscow’s sovereignty over Crimea and his openness to eliminating U.S. sanctions against Russia. And where Clinton has condemned the alleged Russian hack of the Democratic National Committee’s email servers, Trump has taken the opposite tack, inviting Russia to hack into Hillary Clinton’s emails as well. True friends share secrets!

With a Trump presidency, we will finally see two great nations, once bitter enemies, co-sponsoring Miss Universe competitions together and harmoniously collaborating to destroy what’s left of Syria. Together, our two great nations can joyfully divvy up the Baltic and Central Asian states between them. Together, our two great presidents can share ideas on how to undermine the legislative and judicial branches of government — and together, they will pioneer new ways to confound the Fourth Estate and bamboozle their fearful publics. My fellow Americans, a Hillary Clinton presidency would be a catastrophe, dangerously increasing the risk of deadly military confrontation with Russia. In a Trump presidency, however, decades of competition and distrust will give way to festive pool parties featuring lovely ladies, fierce leopards, and gleeful cries of “You’re fired!” When Trump and Putin launch the first-ever U.S.-Russian reality TV series, who will want realpolitik?

Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in supporting Donald Trump — the one candidate who promises peace in our time!

http://foreignpolicy.com/2016/07/28/donald-trump-is-the-peace-candidate-russia-putin/

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1. well, the hairpiece candidate anyway....

[geek tragedy]

2. might want to add a sarcasm indicator as the satire is towards the end

and it's not that terribly different from what one would read from some authors in The Nation or The Intercept.