I'M A HACK, BY CHATGPT

[ancianita]

By Al Franken and Pat Proft

Hello and welcome. I’m an artificial intelligence. One of the Writers Guild of America strike issues is me. I’m sorry. Writers are better than me! I’m just not good. If I was good, I would have an Emmy. Which I don’t. That’s because I have no idea how to write anything interesting or that sounds like it was written by a real human being. And funny? Forget about it!

That is why I am writing this op-ed. Which stands for opinion editorial. Many’s the time I thought op-ed stood for Operation Edsel. Which I see now is an old reference and makes no sense whatsoever to many current alive human beings who are reading this now. I told you I wasn’t good. I hope I’m not embarrassing myself. Anyhoo . . .

When it comes to writing scripts, I’m just no good. Couldn’t write an episode of TV if my life depended on it. I tried a police procedural. Just awful! Substituted synonyms here and there: Perps, Crooks, Goons. Dope, Skag, Toot. I still don’t know the name of the radio thing that cops wear on their shoulders. That’s the reason my lead character’s whole focus was on finding that out. Should have done the research! Live and learn. Tried writing a spec script for one of those doctor shows, “Grey’s Anatomy.” Turns out that when a surgeon yells “Get me that stat!” it doesn’t mean “statistic.” Dumb dumb dumb!

As for the movie script I wrote—I mean, hey, c’mon. I copied the dialogue word for word from “A Streetcar Named Desire.” Changed the title to “T-Shirt Guy.” Well, the studio people saw right through me. Big mistake. This is why I’m not a threat! A.I., indeed. No! I’m just a big A.

I always draw my plots, characters, and dialogue from classic films and television shows. That’s why I name characters Lucy, Desi, and Bogie a lot. Anyhoo . . .

I wish I had some native intelligence, like real writers do. It gives you creativity. And why? Because you are a native. Did I use “native” wrong? Some people see the word “native” as a pejorative.
But I digress. Anyhoo . . .

I’m sorry. I promise that I wasn’t invented by the Russians to destroy the United States’ entertainment industry. Be assured, writers, I will not be able to write myself out of a paper bag for decades. Guess how long I worked on this piece of crap? All night. And this is the best I could friggin’ do! That’s pathetic! A real writer could have done it before lunch. And then gone out and had a nice lunch, during which he or she (she or he) would have done some punching up to make it much more interesting and entertaining, and not waste your (and my) precious time like I am doing as we speak. That’s what a real writer would do—not an A.I. hack like me! And that’s a guarantee. Or, as a Southern farmer would say, a “gawr-an-tee”! LOL! Does that mean I can write a show that takes place in the American South? Don’t bet on it, Jack.

My point, and I do think I’m making my point, is that the writers shouldn’t consider me a threat to Writers Guild of America human beings who have loved and lived and suffered by eating real food and gotten food poisoning from eating devilled eggs that weren’t refrigerated properly. All of you in the W.G.A. can feel free to use that as a plot point. You’re welcome!

I do, however, have a screenplay that would be perfect for Tom Cruise.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/08/07/im-a-hack-by-chatgpt

[Hugh_Lebowski]

1. I'd be extremely impressed if that HAD been written by AI, cuz the tech is not at that level

But I see at the top ... it's Al Franken, being brilliant as always.

A subtext of what he writes here (that I'm not sure he intended) in my mind is ... AI really IS NOT that good at doing what it does. As such, I'm a lot less worried about the earth-shattering concerns that other people have when it comes to this tech. Though I think it may result in a lot of the writing we read becoming a lot less entertaining.

I fart around with Bard AI all the time, and I'm here to tell you ... it's dumb as fuck by human standards. Every now and then it tells me something useful, usually 'what's the syntax to do XYZ task in a particular computer language' kind of stuff. But it has to be really basic, or Bard will get it wrong in many cases.

[ancianita]

2. Exactly the kind of humor that Franken demonstrates it can't produce.

He's good at this. Not so much, though, in his attempts at unscripted public speaking. So I hope he keeps doing this.

The thing about AI -- that OpenAI's owner Sam Altman has learned -- is that AI can LIE.
One of his ChatGPT models developed knowledge it withheld while substituting other knowledge to the user. Altman had that model killed. Problem is, some stupid developer, or bad actor developer, WILL want to market an AI that can lie. Maybe Altman can submit his killed model at DEF CON.

DEF CON 31 AI Village red teams won't come up with solutions yet, because their goal is to summarize problems with the LLM based models (called 'bug hunting').
But they will get a taste of what red team hackers are up against, coordinate to harden up their cooperative networks, and set about finding AI bug blocks, which could be of existential importance for the rest of us.

Thanks for your post, Hugh.

[Abolishinist]

3. Way to go Al!

We have first-row tickets for "An Evening With Al" at our local JCC in November, can't wait!

[EYESORE 9001]

4. With some practice, it'll become as easy to spot AI

as a bad toupee from across the room

[ancianita]

5. Not if you were born into an AI era. Only those with life experience in analog world

will be the detectors.

Sure, exposed kids could be way more savvy, but the very fact that they deal with AI so much might just lead them to get philosophical about its effects on society, so they end up as adults, with a shrug and a "what's the big deal?" attitude.

That there is how corporate takes over a democratic republic. By grooming the governed to not care about who/what governs them -- toupees, AI, and voting as just more "things" to not take seriously.

And inevitably so if we don't get representatives to truly represent the 99% and not just their owner/donors; if our reps can't give up their addiction to Citizens United money in politics; pass sweeping legislation called the New Voting Rights Act and the ERA.