Raised to Obey, Ready to Break: How Authoritarian Parenting Shapes Extremism

[LearnedHand]

I don’t know who the writer of this Substack is, but they produce very good essays. This one is no exception, and it’s a difficult one to read. I was raised in an extremely authoritarian household. Not religious per se but one where the parent was the absolute authority no matter what. It did a great deal of damage whose trauma I continuously deal with even today. I have far less tolerance for or the ability to rationally deal with authoritarian government and institutions because of it.

https://open.substack.com/pub/therationalleague/p/raised-to-obey-ready-to-break-how

INTRODUCTION

Every family home is its own small laboratory of power. Some operate like open workshops, where curiosity is encouraged and questions are welcomed. Others are closer to barracks, where discipline is prized, obedience is rewarded, and doubt is treated as disloyalty. It is in these authoritarian households that a subtle but powerful inheritance is passed down — not a particular ideology, but a way of thinking about the world.

The real test comes later, when children raised in such rigid systems collide with pluralistic societies. A young adult who once learned that authority is infallible now meets institutions riddled with corruption. One who was told that morality can only be anchored in religion now finds neighbors who are secular yet compassionate. One who was taught that freedom lies in owning weapons discovers peers who see security in limits and restraint. The clash is not merely cultural; it is psychological.

This essay traces how authoritarian parenting plants a cognitive style that does not vanish when the ideology of childhood is abandoned. It mutates. Sometimes it hardens into far-right dogmatism, sometimes it flips into an equally rigid form of rebellion, and sometimes it collapses into nihilism. But it can also be transformed into moderation or even liberation, if the right conditions are present. To understand the roots of extremism, and the possibilities of escape, we must begin not with slogans or parties, but with the lessons first learned at home.

[ImNotGod]

1. I don't know the author either but the message is loud and clear. Sorry for what you endured growing up

I was very lucky in that my parents were progressive, thoughtful and caring though they were strict when needed I never felt threatened. Like many I did deal with plenty of authoritarian figures in school and work.

[LearnedHand]

2. I was surprised to learn that people don't fully escape it even when they do

It’s an interesting thought, especially with the other current ideas about why people are attracted to hating marginalized people.