"Pete Hegseth is f--king embarrassing"

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NEWS | POLITICS
Pete Hegseth is f—king embarrassing

SFGATE columnist Drew Magary on America's secretary of war


U.S. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth speaks to senior military leaders at Marine Corps Base Quantico on Sept. 30, 2025, in Quantico, Va.
Andrew Harnik/Getty Images

By Drew Magary,
Columnist
Oct 1, 2025

{snip}

Yes, the man in charge of our newly rechristened Department of War really took the stage in front of a bunch of seasoned, professional, high-ranking officers and proceeded to go epic bacon mode. Here’s the showstopper line from that clip: ... “Should our enemies choose foolishly to challenge us, they will be crushed by the violence, precision and ferocity of the War Department. In other words, to our enemies, FAFO. If necessary, our troops can translate that for you.”

(sigh) It stands for “F—k around and find out.” What a powerful message to send. Because until Trump took office, we all know that other countries were like, “You know, the Americans seem pretty chill. I bet they’d never violently overreact to any perceived slight!”

I wish that this were the only cringe-worthy thing that Hegseth said to the crowd on Tuesday. But this is 2025, where wishes are zip-tied and forcefully deported to El Salvador. So Hegseth took the opportunity to deliver a full speech of cringe to our troops; a sort of “F—k you for your service” message that surely left all of the men and women in that room confident that their new boss totally knows what he’s doing. With that in mind, I collected a few more choice passages from Hegseth’s address for your perusal so that you and I can say “F—k you” right back to him. Let’s hear more!

{snip}

“Our warfighters are entitled to be led by the best and most capable leaders.” … Does that mean you’re resigning? Because that would probably do the trick.

{snip}

[Eliot Rosewater]

1. He's just itching to kill all of us who do not support the piece of shit

Anybody here wanna disagree with that statement?

Just the other day right here I was told that I am overreacting to how bad things are, what the fuck is wrong with people.

[Bayard]

3. I totally agree with you

Anyone not paranoid by now is not paying attention.

[Eliot Rosewater]

4. Thank you, and technically paranoid is not the correct word for this

adjective
1.
unreasonably or obsessively anxious, suspicious, or mistrustful.
"you think I'm paranoid but I tell you


The correct word is worried fucking sick.

[Bayard]

12. That too....

[chouchou]

2. Birds of a feather. ...or should it just be: Sociopaths on Display. (Petey and Donny)

I love my life..except for those types in it.

[Arthur_Frain]

5. His speech actually gave me hope.

I think they overreached in a very big way.

[QED]

6. Heard him called "Brylcream Boy" today.

I can't remember which program.

[Attilatheblond]

7. Looks like a 'blow up dolly' for perpetually angry incels

Well, he does!

[struggle4progress]

8. Looks like poor Pete needs some electroshock therapy

[LudwigPastorius]

9. I'm waiting for him to cash in and launch his line of Tactical Male Grooming products.

Pete's Ballsack Bivouac™ - "Make your Privates feel like Majors."

[Dulcinea]

10. "No fatties, no beards, no women."

We're not interested in your Grindr profile, Pete.

[Aristus]

11. Fists clenched and screaming.

He looks like a toddler screaming at Mommy because he wants chicken nuggets instead of vegetables.

[Clouds Passing]

13. Looks insane