There's No Such Thing as a Preventative MRI -- but There's Definitely Such a Thing as Political Bullshit
Kristoffer Ealy
I’ve heard a lot of nonsense in politics over the years, but every once in a while a phrase pops out of someone’s mouth that is so cosmically stupid, so profoundly unserious, and so deeply disrespectful to actual lived experience that it reaches a new stratosphere of bullshit.
Donald Trump’s recent claim that he got a “preventative MRI” is one of those phrases. It’s the kind of thing that sounds like it came from a man who wandered into a hospital, misheard two nurses talking, and sprinted out yelling, “See? I’m healthier than everyone!” MRIs are not preventative. MRIs are not routine. MRIs are not something you put on your 2025 vision board next to “read more books” and “drink more water.” MRIs are diagnostic instruments designed to tell you whether something in your body is about to change your life. So when I hear the president toss out “preventative MRI” as if it’s a seasonal flu shot or a Groupon, I don’t just roll my eyes. I get offended on behalf of every single person who’s ever had to lie in that tube wondering whether their life is about to split into “before” and “after.”
Let me establish something up front: I am not a medical doctor. I don’t treat patients. I don’t prescribe medications. I don’t diagnose anything outside of the shit-show that is American political behavior. But technically — I mean, if we’re splitting hairs — I am a doctor. I’m the kind of doctor who assigns APA papers, teaches constitutional law at 9 a.m., and lives off energy drinks and the occasional caffeine pill like a man who has made several poor life choices in a row. Anyone who clowned Jesse Spano for melting down over caffeine pills has clearly never taken one as an adult with grading to finish—every time I swallow one, I question my entire existence. Elizabeth Berkley, you are owed an Emmy in my opinion. But I digress. I’m the kind of doctor parents brag about until someone starts coughing. I can’t tell you whether your blood pressure is high, but I can absolutely tell you why your senator is. And while I’m not a medical professional, I am absolutely fluent in political bullshit. Trump saying he got a “preventative MRI” is bullshit at the doctoral level. If bullshit were an Olympic sport, Trump would be the Simone Biles of dishonesty—flipping, twisting, sticking the landing every time, and somehow convincing almost half the country gravity doesn’t apply to him.
But here’s why this particular lie hits differently for me: since 2005, I’ve had at least one MRI every single year of my adult life, sometimes two, sometimes more. I know MRIs the way other people know Spotify playlists or the McDonald’s menu. I’ve had MRIs of my brain, my spine, my legs — if a body part can legally fit inside that tube, I’ve had it scanned. And not once, not a single time in twenty years, has a doctor ever said, “We’re doing this to prevent something.” It’s always: “We need to check something.” Or: “We’re not sure what’s going on.” Or: “We have to make sure this hasn’t gotten worse.” If you want to say “preventative MRI,” fine — let’s all pretend we live in a world where vocabulary has no rules and people invent terms like they’re building IKEA furniture without instructions. Let’s just say it for shits and giggles. But even in that imaginary world, the only thing an MRI “prevents” is your disease silently cooking up new ways to ruin your week.
https://www.lincolnsquare.media/p/theres-no-such-thing-as-a-preventative
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