'Seventy-Five Million Dollars for Absolutely Fucking Nothing' - jojofromjerz

[sop]

"Today hit like a brick to the face. Reporters arrested. Epstein files dumped like radioactive waste. Press conferences that felt like hostage videos. And somewhere under all that—like a rancid cherry on a shit sundae—was the premiere of Melania: The Movie, a thing that technically happened in this timeline whether we like it or not."

"While the world is actively shitting itself sideways—while masked goons who couldn’t pass a high-school civics test if it came with emojis, flashcards, a laminated cheat sheet, and a golden retriever pawing the correct answer are disappearing people, dragging children away, and turning sidewalks into crime scenes—these delusional, self-fellating, ass-clown shitmerchants stared into the wreckage and said yes. Yes. Now. Now is the moment for a self-serious movie about Melania Trump."

"A seventy-five-million-dollar movie about Melania Trump."

"Just saying that out loud makes my tongue feel dirty, like I licked a subway pole for a dare I don’t remember agreeing to. Nobody asked for this. Nobody needed it. Nobody lay awake whispering into the void, please God, give me ninety minutes of Melania in soft lighting. This thing exists the way a hemorrhoid exists—uninvited, throbbing, and insisting you deal with it."

"And nobody went. Boston’s biggest theater sold zero tickets. Not 'slow night.' Not 'light turnout.' A pristine, museum-quality zero. An auditorium so empty it felt offended by the idea of an audience."

Continued at link:

https://open.substack.com/pub/jojofromjerz/p/seventy-five-million-dollars-for?r=r38w4&utm_medium=ios

[Fil1957]

1. Do they still run the movie if no one shows up? Just wondering.

[littlemissmartypants]

3. Movie theaters used to. But then they were mostly very small

Community type buildings even in small towns. The time was set and you could walk in at any time, as long as you had a ticket.

[llmart]

2. Not one person showed up?

Not even the skeezy old guy wearing a raincoat and nothing on under it? She couldn't even get those guys to sit in the dark and play pocket pool while watching her?

That really is pathetic.

[SWBTATTReg]

4. Ha ha heh haw!! Serves them right, ZERO attendees!!!

These people have their heads screwed on backwards and the stupidity literally reeks off of them. Pathetic.

[Joinfortmill]

5. OMG! A must read!

[NJCher]

6. jojo from jerz

is freaking hilarious!

So far my favorite line: An auditorium so empty it felt offended by the idea of an audience."

[3catwoman3]

7. "...like I licked a subway pole for a dare."

Perfect!

[progressoid]

8. It wasn't for absolutely fucking nothing.

It was a payoff. A bribe. Whatever you want to call it.

$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$

[Cirsium]

9. She's monetized emptiness in stilettos

Importance cosplay. Manicure-deep mythmaking. Reverence sprayed over vacancy. Let’s not bullshit ourselves: she is not a passive victim of circumstance, not a hostage to history, not some porcelain doll stuck on a shelf. She chose this. She signed for it. She negotiated it. She keeps showing up, collecting checks, and standing there like a luxury brand of indifference while the world burns, because this isn’t restraint—it’s intentional emptiness packaged and sold as gravitas.

She isn’t elegant; she’s monetized emptiness in stilettos—a be-besting birther mail-order bride who figured out you can get rich as hell by saying nothing, meaning nothing, and letting men project their bullshit onto your face like it’s a fucking IMAX screen.

Every appearance is the same dead-eyed pause-and-pout routine, a platinum-plated absence clocking in to siphon forty million dollars for standing there like a human placeholder while everything collapses around her. This is just another cash extraction in couture—self-adoration polished, silence fetishized, a holy varnish sprayed over a blank stare—sold to theaters so empty they feel like a sociology experiment in mass refusal.