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The Borowitz Report: Trump and the Pope Debate the Bible
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-and-the-pope-debate-the-bible
(for paid subscribers only)
On Tuesday, JD Vance made headlines by offering this helpful advice to Pope Leo XIV: “I think it’s very, very important for the Pope to be careful when he talks about matters of theology.” Undoubtedly, the leader of the world’s 1.42 billion Catholics was grateful for this pro tip from a guy who converted to Catholicism 6 years ago.
But if JD thinks the pontiff is a little shaky on the Bible, what theological expert does he trust? Clearly, that higher power is Donald J. Trump, who, in 2016, declared, “Nobody reads the Bible more than me.”
Since this is Sunday, I thought it might be a good time to host a debate about the Bible between the head of the Catholic Church and the leader of the world’s largest theocracy. Read the following actual quotes by Pope Leo and Donald Trump, and then answer the poll question: Who understands the Bible better?
...
Pope Leo: “When the light of forgiveness succeeds in filtering through the deepest crevices of the heart, we understand that it is never futile. Even if the other does not accept it, even if it seems to be in vain, forgiveness frees those who give it: It dispels resentment, it restores peace, it returns us to ourselves.”
Trump: “I hate my opponent and I don’t want the best for them.”
...
Pope Leo: “Even today, there are many settings in which the Christian faith is considered absurd, meant for the weak and unintelligent. Settings where other securities are preferred, like technology, money, success, power or pleasure.”
Trump: “Part of the beauty of me is that I’m very rich.”
...
Pope Leo: “The Church, like a mother, accompanies those who are walking. Where the world sees threats, she sees children; where walls are built, she builds bridges.”
Trump: “I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall.”
...
- more at link, for paid subscribers only -
But if JD thinks the pontiff is a little shaky on the Bible, what theological expert does he trust? Clearly, that higher power is Donald J. Trump, who, in 2016, declared, “Nobody reads the Bible more than me.”
Since this is Sunday, I thought it might be a good time to host a debate about the Bible between the head of the Catholic Church and the leader of the world’s largest theocracy. Read the following actual quotes by Pope Leo and Donald Trump, and then answer the poll question: Who understands the Bible better?
...
Pope Leo: “When the light of forgiveness succeeds in filtering through the deepest crevices of the heart, we understand that it is never futile. Even if the other does not accept it, even if it seems to be in vain, forgiveness frees those who give it: It dispels resentment, it restores peace, it returns us to ourselves.”
Trump: “I hate my opponent and I don’t want the best for them.”
...
Pope Leo: “Even today, there are many settings in which the Christian faith is considered absurd, meant for the weak and unintelligent. Settings where other securities are preferred, like technology, money, success, power or pleasure.”
Trump: “Part of the beauty of me is that I’m very rich.”
...
Pope Leo: “The Church, like a mother, accompanies those who are walking. Where the world sees threats, she sees children; where walls are built, she builds bridges.”
Trump: “I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall.”
...
Is it possible for Pope Leo to run for US President? I'd vote for him!
