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DeSwiss

(27,137 posts)
Thu Apr 10, 2014, 03:56 PM Apr 2014

Kiss me, deadly: If Vance McAllister had hired a hooker, he’d be talking about Benghazi today

Rawstory
By TBogg
Thursday, April 10, 2014 4:58 EDT




December in Louisiana – sultry and damp as a Fox News blonde. I was working late, signing a stack of letters to district voters to go out in the morning mail. The usual song and dance. Looking for funding to repair potholes in front of their crackerbox homes, 90th birthday wishes to some drooling old-timer in a home for the nearly dead, promising to look into impeaching that ‘colored boy in the White House.’

We call it ‘constituent relations.’ I call it greasing the wheels for some 2014 campaign donations. Man can’t live on NRA blood money alone.

I picked up my glass and swirled the last of my workday blend of half-Johnny Walker Red, half-Red Bull. I call it ‘The Red Menace.’ After tossing it back I surveyed the office. Because it was the holidays and everyone was either itching to get in some last minute shopping or get an early start getting shit-faced drunk, I’d sent everyone home early. -- Well, almost everyone.

Melissa, my scheduler, was still at her desk. She had a tiny mirror in her hand and a small army of lipstick tubes spread out before her as she sampled colors. She’s a trained cosmetologist. You know: a pro. I tapped out a Lucky and fired it up, blowing a thin stream of smoke up into the ceiling fan that slowly stirred the swampy air. I watched Melissa try on a color, then make kissy-lips at her face in mirror like she was a 2016 presidential contender and the mirror was Sheldon Adelson’s ass. Someday that was going to be me kissing Adleson’s ass. I’ve got big plans.

Melissa’s not much of a scheduler, but I gave her a job because her old man is a pal of mine going way back. That’s what you do when you get into Congress, you spread the wealth. Sometimes you spread a few other things.

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