Stephen Colbert - Monologue and Opening (He's back!) - 8/9/21

[Rhiannon12866]

No, Stephen Colbert Did NOT Attend Barack Obama's 60th Birthday Party

While concerns over climate change and the global pandemic dominate headlines, tonight's Late Show monologue begins by addressing the real question on everyone's minds: did Stephen Colbert attend Barack Obama's birthday party or not?




Why Aren't Celebs Bathing Their Children?

Celebrity and concerned father Stephen Colbert checks in on famous friends like Mila Kunis and Kristen Bell to find out why they aren't regularly bathing their children.




Sen. Ron Johnson and Deadly Asteroid Agree on Value of Human Life

Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI) says on Fox News that he would not support a vaccine mandate "unless there's some incredibly deadly disease" before an asteroid joins to support Americans' right to needlessly die.




Captain Planet Has... Given Up

He might be a lost cause.

[nuxvomica]

1. "Sen. Ron Johnson and Deadly Asteroid Agree on Value of Human Life"

The headline alone made me laugh. It's funny and depressing at the same time. Little known fact: primitive amino acids have also been detected on Ron Johnson, telling scientists more about how life may have evolved in primordial swamps like the Republican caucus.

[Rhiannon12866]

2. I thought that was one of his best ones!

Especially since Ron Johnson is one of the worst!

[Fritz Walter]

3. Wow!

Woodsy Owl sure has changed over the past few... decades.
But that line is a keeper:
"Too late! I don't give a hoot...!"

[Rhiannon12866]

4. I remember Woodsy Owl!

But I don't remember him getting soused. That's all we need, the Covid numbers are bad enough, the last thing we need is a bunch of careless drunks on top of everything else...