December is an expensive time to be single.

[Arkansas Granny]

January is a month of disciplined eating for many attempting to drop extra pounds gained during two months of holiday parties and dinners. But for Lauren Peckman, four weeks of dining on lentils and rice were not an attempt to lose weight. The 32-year-old nonprofit worker maintained this strict diet to keep her grocery budget as low as possible. For many years, after celebrating Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s, she would spend January living as frugally as possible to replenish her bank account.

Peckman, who lives in St. Louis, is single. And she has found herself overwhelmed by the expenses of family obligations and expectations during Thanksgiving and Christmas — expectations that affect her married relatives’ lives in significantly different ways.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/amphtml/news/soloish/wp/2017/12/04/december-is-an-expensive-time-to-be-single/

I found this to be very interesting. Having been single with children and now, a single woman, I have noticed many times that my circumstances were regarded much differently than households with 2 adults whether children were in the home or not.

Has anyone else had similar experiences?

[Phentex]

1. In the end, I think it boils down to personality...

I am getting ready for work and I want to think about this some more but after reading the article, I think it may all come down to personality. I know many people who announce "I have to work" and that gets them out of the holiday travel expected. Or they have planned to go out of the country on holiday. Another handy one: I am singing in the church choir (nobody gives this person a hard time!) If a person wants to do things, they will find a way. Otherwise, there are those who have ways of getting around attendance. I think we have to set our own boundaries regardless of others' expectations. If a gift is required and I can only afford so much, I will try to take something meaningful within my budget.

When I was single, other family members used to lean on me to do their legwork and I resented it at times. I had a life too! So I became too busy myself (as it states in the article my time was just as valuable as theirs!)

What do you mean by your circumstances? Are you referring to time or budget?

[Arkansas Granny]

2. By circumstances, it seemed to me that a single parent household was not considered to be

a "complete" household. Since I didn't have a spouse to consider, some people acted as though I had fewer constraints on my time.

My mother was especially bad about that. She would expect me to come help her with chores on weekends, which I didn't mind, but she would make remarks like "I would ask your sister, but she likes to spend time with her family on weekends." My sister had 2 kids and a husband, I had 4 kids.

Maybe I was over sensitive on the matter, but I have known other single parents who have felt the same way.

[irisblue]

3. Familial expectations can be a beyotch.

Where are you in family hierarchy? Oldest daughter, often, not always gets the 'responsibility' of helping out Mom/Dad. That pattern got set in my family when I was a child...."Iris would you get me....
tell your {deaf} brother...would you pull the hamburger out of the freezer before you go to school...."
I am glad to read the woman in the article was able to learn to expand past just her familial behaviors. Single & in your 30s, saying, no I can't is a skill you need.

[Arkansas Granny]

4. Oldest daughter, middle child. That could explain my mother's attitude.

She would always introduce my sister as "the baby in the family". It would drive my sister wild.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

5. It seems sort of Grinchy to complain, but there's also this:

"Second in holiday stress to traveling is gift-giving, another festive ritual that can be financially inequitable to single people. For every gift jointly given by a couple, a single person bears the entire cost and often only receives one gift in return."

That's what happens in my family. I give separate gifts to everybody but the ones I get are from couples or family units. So I purchase and give 8 gifts and get 3. A first-world problem, I know; and it sounds kind of peevish and ungrateful even to mention it, since it's the thought that counts and all that (it's kind of like, "Oh, wait, we better get something for Aunt Ocelot. Maybe she'd like a calendar with pictures of cats" ) . But that's what happens and it does make one feel a bit slighted.

[Arkansas Granny]

6. I understand. It may sound Grinchy, but it's true.

Although it's about the giving and not the receiving, y the time I've included my kids, grandkids and great grandkids I have quite an extensive list. Then there's my sister, her kids and grandchild.

(BTW, I've received a few calendars or equivalents, myself.)

[Skittles]

7. she's a pushover

"expectations"

she needs to learn the art of saying NO