Millions of Americans Demand $130,000 for Not Having Sex with Trump

[niyad]

Millions of Americans Demand $130,000 for Not Having Sex with Trump

By Andy Borowitz

https://media.newyorker.com/photos/5a84522556b75c08a3e5b84e/master/w_813,c_limit/Borowitz-Millions-Americans-Demand-130000-for-Not-Having-Sex-with-Trump.jpg



WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans on Wednesday demanded that Donald J. Trump’s personal lawyer, Michael D. Cohen, issue them checks in the amount of $130,000 for not having sex with Trump. After Cohen revealed that he had issued such a check to Stormy Daniels, a porn star who he claims never had intimate relations with his client, there was widespread outrage among other Americans who had also not had sex with Trump but had not been paid for not doing so.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for Stormy Daniels,” Tracy Klugian, a florist in Santa Rosa, California, said. “I just want my check, too.”

Harland Dorrinson, a bank teller in Akron, Ohio, said that he had already e-mailed Cohen to demand payment. “I have never come close to having sex with Trump, and that should be worth something,” he said. “Specifically, $130,000.”

But, even as millions of Americans clamored to be compensated for abstaining from sex with Cohen’s client, others, like Carol Foyler, of Tallahassee, Florida, took a different view. “Never having sex with Donald Trump should be a reward in itself,” she said.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/millions-of-americans-demand-130000-for-not-having-sex-with-trump?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20021418&CNDID=49507232&spMailingID=12931975&spUserID=MTkwMDE4MjcxNzQyS0&spJobID=1341291132&spReportId=MTM0MTI5MTEzMgS2

[sheshe2]

1. I want my check too!

[niyad]

3. huggggggs. so good to see you. I think we should get at least double that amount, because

of all the bs we DO get from him.

[SoCalMusicLover]

2. But She Did Have Sex With Him

The payoff was for not talking about it.

Sorry to say, but first you have to have sex with Orange Man, then you get the payoff.

[niyad]

4. but the orange bloat says he never did. so the article stands.

[Major Nikon]

6. His lawyer also said the payout didn't mean she had sex with him

So obviously carnal knowledge isn't a requirement

[dchill]

24. If You See Kay....

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

5. Paying rather than getting paid not to have sex with him makes more sense to me.

I can't think of anything more disgusting than having that blob of orange suet sweating and panting on top of me, and if I had to I'd pay to avoid it. It would be a sort of anti-prostitution.

[niyad]

7. I nearly spit out my coffee!! THANKS!!

[PearliePoo2]

9. Blob of orange suet. A good and apt description!

But at least suet can provide nourishment to our feathered friends. BLOTUS provides NOTHING to others....EVER.

[KY_EnviroGuy]

17. K&R. LOL, not for my beloved birds.

If I hung him in one of my trees, all my lovelies would leave the county and a flock of buzzards would suddenly appear.

Thanks, you just reminded me I need to put out suet cakes!

...............

[sprinkleeninow]

30. Perhaps it was entrails and fat that became rancid and not fit for consumption by any living

creature. Destined only for the trashcan.

[I made myself ill with that one.🤤]

[sarge43]

31. Just seeing The Blob shuffling around in a ratty half open food stained bath robe

would cause any normal human being to run screaming into the night.

[RestoreAmerica2020]

8. Anyone here know the significance of 130K. Why not hold our for more?

Last edited Wed Feb 14, 2018, 05:18 PM - Edit history (1)

Or was the 130K the last installment of an agreed amount back in 2006. Also, if Ms Daniels broke the confidentiality agreement signed in exchange for payment what could possibly happen to her?

Daniels should just spill the sopa ( details, gossip) and write a tell all book, sell movie rights, hell would make a salacious Spanish novela, where in the end (novelas end unlike our American soap operas) the evil powerful group, person always get their just rewards.

[niyad]

10. you make most excellent points!!

[getagrip_already]

15. it was all the markets would bear...

She was shopping her story around to various outlets. She probably didn't have a lot of offers, certainly none exceeding $130k.

She just signed up with the highest bidder. She could have held out a little longer, but the day after election day her story would be worth a whole lot less, especially since most people thought he would lose.

[Gothmog]

11. I love good satire

[Floyd R. Turbo]

12. If it came down to it, I would

sell everything I own and pay to not have sex with it!

[Binkie The Clown]

13. The least he could do is give us each fifty bucks for not shaking hands with him. nt

[niyad]

14. yes, that would be a good start. and maybe a hundred every day we don't actually listen to him.

[sprinkleeninow]

32. Even have your tv dispense 💵💵💵 each time the face/voice shows up.

Compensation for daily pain and suffering.

[niyad]

33. I am sure we can come up with a figure for every moment of the day, in every medium.

[sprinkleeninow]

36. He is in debt bigtime and not with his floppy 'businesses'.

Class action suit.🤔

😉

[dchill]

16. Now THAT'S good!!!

[world wide wally]

18. We all get screwed by him everyday! Has to worth something.

[niyad]

19. you are absolutely correct!!

[IronLionZion]

22. And we talk about it. Would he pay us to keep quiet?

[calimary]

28. You just won the internet!

Outstanding point!

[Hermit-The-Prog]

20. equal opportunity hush money?

TrumPutin surely wouldn't be guilty of sexual discrimination! That would be illegal.

[niyad]

21. welcome to du--you have a most excellent point.

[Hermit-The-Prog]

25. thanks

Tell that thing to gimme my money!

[fierywoman]

23. I love you guys! I think we should get universal basic income out of this.

[niyad]

29. excellent idea!

[redstatebluegirl]

26. Lord, I think all of us need our money now

I would be celibate forever if he was the last man on earth.

[sprinkleeninow]

37. The thought....

Makes one wanna 🤤 and 🤧. For real.

[calimary]

27. Hey can I get in on that?

[niyad]

35. we are starting a list here, along with all our other demands.

[dlk]

34. Sign Me Up!

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

38. Nasty thought though

I mean I'm a straight but even if I was gay I'd still think sex with Trump would be repulsive.