Know any good limericks?

[red dog 1]

There once was a man from Nantucket...

[populistdriven]

1. Who pasted "I Voted" on his Trash Bucket...

[Arkansas Granny]

2. There once was a lady from Lynne

Who was so excessively thin
That when she assayed
To drink lemonade
She slipped through the straw and fell in.

That one is from childhood.

[red dog 1]

3. There once was a pervert from Queens

Who liked to bang girls in their teens
He'd say to them, "Honey,
I'll give you some money
If you'll just let me take off your jeans"

(btw, this perv went on to become the 45th POTUS)

[cyclonefence]

4. There once was a hermit named Dave

Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
He said "What the hell--
"I don't mind the smell,
"And think of the money I save."

[DFW]

5. This is from Stan Lee (THE Stan Lee)

It's not quite a limerick, but it's close, and it's the only thing he ever sent me to use in such a situation:

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To do some things they shouldn't
But when they got
To the perfect spot
They forgot the Viagra and couldn't

[Docreed2003]

6. Love it...

My son loves Stan Lee, he's 8 and knows who Stan Lee is from his marvel movie cameos and his appearances in Lego games, plus he knows that Mr Lee helped bring to life most of the Marvel world he enjoys today! So sad that Stan's not able to make the rounds at conventions now, we missed him when he came to Nashville a couple years ago.

[DFW]

7. Stan will be 96 this December, and his health is finally starting to fade.

He's nowhere as mobile as he used to be. The pacemaker didn't really bother him, but he was also thrown for quite a loop when he lost his wife a short while back. They had been together for more decades than I can imagine. I haven't spoken to him since, and heard he was pretty down about it.

[Docreed2003]

14. Just based off social media...that seems to be the case

If you get a chance to speak to him, just let him know there's a little boy out there that loves him and his work and he idolizes him...EXCELSIOR!

[DFW]

20. My plans don't include the West Coast this year,

But in case we speak, will do!

[red dog 1]

8. That sure looks like a limerick to me!

(Stan Lee is 95 years young)

[DFW]

9. It doesn't scan like a limerick.

Not that Stan cared about the rules all that much.

Stan will be 96 this year on December 22.

[red dog 1]

10. Yeah, I read most of the Wikipedia article on him after seeing your reply

He was devastated by the recent loss of his wife.

[DFW]

11. In happier times, I was in his office once, and asked him for a message to DU

He reached into his desk, pulled out a piece of cardboard with a certain logo you might recognize, and wrote this on it:
[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

I sent the original to Skinner. If he does NOT still have it, he is in for fifty years of bad karma!

[ploppy]

12. There was a man from Grants Pass

His balls were made of brass
When he clanged them together
They played Stormy Weather
And sparks flew out of his ass.

[Aristus]

13. A tutor who tooted the flute,

Tried to tutor two tooters to toot
Said the two to the tutor
"Is it harder to toot?
Or to tutor two tooters to toot?"

[Xipe Totec]

15. There once was a man from Glass

whose balls were made of brass
when they clanged together
they played stormy weather
and lightning came out of his ass.

[backtoblue]

16. For Tom

There once was a man named Tom
He wrote number one songs
Who danced with Mary Jane
And had a long blond mane
My guitar weeps that he's gone

[Wolf Frankula]

17. There was a young lady from Exeter,

And all the young men threw their sex at her,
Just to be rude,
She lay in the nude,
While her parrot, a pervert, took pecks at her.

Wolf

[gratuitous]

18. Swiped from Isaac Asimov

A woman from North Carolina
Placed fiddle strings 'cross her vagina
With proper-sized cocks
What was sex became Bach's
Toccata and Fugue in D Minor

[red dog 1]

24. Excellent!

[UTUSN]

19. My original, not really a limerick except for the risque element:

If I were a louse in your shag,

my soul would ease and expand.

Gently would I nibble and nip,

Sweetly would I tipple and sip,

My *soul* would ease and expand!

If I were a louse in your shag!1

[bluecollar2]

21. The skippers name was Carter

By God he was a farter...

When the sun didn't shine...

And the wind wouldn't blow...

They got Carter the farter to start her...

[Glorfindel]

22. The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher

Called a hen "a most elegant creature."
The hen, pleased at that,
Laid an egg in his hat,
And thus did the hen reward beecher.

There was a young fellow named Herkin
Who was always jerkin his gherkin.
His mother said, "Herkin!
"Stop jerkin your gherkin!
"Your gherkin's for firkin, Herkin."

There was an old whore from Peru
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said, with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,
"They'll pay to get out again, too."

[red dog 1]

23. The last one is outstanding!