One of my wife's friends is a hoverer

[Major Nikon]

So my wife has a bunch of her friends over for a hen party. I know my place well. Help with dinner, make a big pitcher of margaritas, and then get the hell out until it's time to clean up. So I retire to my man cave which is very fortunately on the complete opposite side of the house. Later I make a visit to the can to find that someone has pissed all over the toilet, the floor, and everything else that's in range. So I clean everything up, and so far I haven't told the wife, because I know she'll go completely ballistic when she finds out. You might be able to understand it if our bathrooms looked like those in a truck stop, but my wife is a clean freak, almost to the point of being obsessive-compulsive about it. Our bathrooms are spotless, especially when guests are coming over. I guess I need help understanding this behavior. Why do some women do this? I'm debating on whether to tell my wife at all. There's no telling who did it and she might not feel so good about having her friends over at all over this.

[NYC_SKP]

1. Are you saying that one of the lady friends peed all over the toilet area???

I don't see that a lot.

[NYC_SKP]

2. ETA I have know "my flesh shall not touch the seat" women...

And even one who sat backwards on the pot, I still don't know why.

[Major Nikon]

3. I don't understand the behavior

Even if you discount the notion that it's completely irrational, it's just downright nasty to piss all over everything regardless of what sex you are.

[ellisonz]

4. Two Words: Nanny Cam.

[Major Nikon]

5. ...

[petronius]

7. Might want to think that one through to the end - when MN tells his wife he

caught the hoverer by spy-camming her friends on the toilet, her reaction will probably not include admiration of his detective skills...


(Although when your host/husband is named after a camera, I guess you take your chances.)

[ellisonz]

8. Why would he tell her the truth?

Use a cover story: I went to the bathroom and I saw so and so coming out. I went in and there was piss all over the place. This has happened before and now I know the identity of the hoverer.

Gosh petronius, get with the program!

[Archae]

6. You found the Saran Wrap MFM put on your toilet?

[Kaleva]

9. My advice is to cut a hole in the wall from an adjoining room.

Next time your wife's friends are over, sit in the next room and spy on them as they use the toilet. Make sure you are caught doing this. Your wife's friends will never come over again and problem solved. There will be some other issues that will have to be dealt with. One or two of which could be very serious but most will be minor and easily taken care of.

[Major Nikon]

10. I knew that posting this in the Lounge would result in the best advice

[gkhouston]

11. Maybe it wasn't one of the women.

Maybe you're expected to "get the hell out until it's time to clean up" so you won't know about the hired entertainment.

[Major Nikon]

12. That was my job

After all the women got drunk, I came out in a g-string and pasties.