Does anybody have a good tip for me...

[LakeArenal]

I have gotten a few:

Don’t pick your nose on the bumper cars.

Don’t brush your teeth with a brick.

Don’t wear spurs in the life raft.

Don’t stick a steak knife in your eye.
(That is one from our life. My husband did it. It’s a good tip)

Anyway, DU must have some good tips for me. Thanks🤗

[benld74]

1. Don't spit into the wind

[Heartstrings]

2. Don't mess around with Jim.....

[LakeArenal]

3. Or release the ashes ...

[Sanity Claws]

4. Don't tug on Superman's cape

But I think he is good-natured and wouldn't react badly. But Batman ... now that is one dude whose cape you shouldn't tug.

[LakeArenal]

5. My husband just suggested...

Don’t bleed on the white carpet.

[csziggy]

13. Or in your mother's Cadillac

This is from a family story - my little sister cut her foot open on a piece of glass. Mom wrapped it up then put a bread bag around that foot before she'd let my sister into the car to take her to the doctor.

Mom's effort at keeping that car clean paid off. When they upgraded to a newer car, the interior was immaculate and the exterior was in really good condition - even after ten years of family trips with four kids.

[Major Nikon]

6. Don't pee on an electric fence

Don't sandpaper a lion's ass.

[lastlib]

24. (my brother did that...)

peed on a n electric fence when he was about fourteen (certainly old enough and smart enough to know better. He thought it was off--he was, um, shocked! to find out it wasn't!

[Civic Justice]

7. Don't be silent when its time to speak

Be prepared, be determined and be of courage to express ones truths. but know first what is truth

[Generic Brad]

8. Don't perform a do-it-yourself vasectomy

If you need one, allow someone who is trained to have the honors.

[MissMillie]

9. Don't fry bacon in the nude

And one "do"

Do find something to smile about every day

[LakeArenal]

10. Thanks Miss M. You made me smile. 😁

[N_E_1 for Tennis]

34. My wife's doctor told her this...

Getting old is like frying bacon naked.
You know it’s going to hurt, you just don’t know where.

[Ohiogal]

11. Don't stick your hand in the leaf mulcher while it's still running.

My husband did this a few years ago and cut off his finger tip. (And a great doctor reattached it)

[LakeArenal]

12. That makes it an extra good "tip" !

Pun intended. ☝🏻 😉

[LuckyCharms]

14. When on vacation, post on facebook that you are away from home.

[Xolodno]

15. Don't step in Bear Shit.

Aside from that....

1. Travel as much as you can.

2. Owning a home gives you financial "stability", but weigh that against how much you want to explore, willing to "will" down if any, what you will sacrifice for staying in one place.

3. Try food you wouldn't get at home.

4. Experience the local museums.

5. Go Hiking...a lot.

[gibraltar72]

16. Don't pee into the wind.

[Wounded Bear]

17. Don't rollerskate in a buffalo herd...

[consider_this]

18. watch out where the huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow!

[justhanginon]

19. Don't eat the yellow snow.

[backtoblue]

20. Do not EVER

Put a sanitary napkin on upside down.....

Unless you want a free waxing...

[LakeArenal]

25. Ouch!!!

[backtoblue]

30. Indeed

Some things are learned the hard way....

[Solly Mack]

21. Don't get between a dachshund and his divine right to all the toys.

[LakeArenal]

27. Hi Solly. Our daschie was named Ginger

She lived 18 years. Lots of doggie rights there!! 😁

[Solly Mack]

37. Oh, yeah. You served Ginger well.

[Mopar151]

22. The classic.

[LakeArenal]

28. Good one!!

[lastlib]

23. Measure it with a micrometer,,,,

Last edited Sun Jun 24, 2018, 07:49 PM - Edit history (1)

Mark it with chalk, Cut it with a brick. (advice for carpenters)

You're welcome.

[LakeArenal]

31. This reminded of a joke....

Little Billy’s mom was busy and Billy was under foot so she said: Billy go outside. Go watch the builders across the street, maybe you can learn something.

So Billy goes out. Stays out a long time.
When he comes home, his mom says:
So Billy, what did you learn out there.

Without hesitation Billy responds:
Well, I learned that you cut the damn board. When you hang the s-o-b the g-damned shit doesn’t fit. So you take the m-effer down shave off a c-hair and put the c-sucker back up.

Billy’s mom was shocked. She said: Go to your room and think about just what you will say to your father when he gets home.

Billy’s dad returns. Says: Your mother said I should hear what you learned today...

Billy repeats: board ... sob... fit... m-effer
....c-sucker.... etc.

Dad says: That’s awful go out in the backyard and fetch me a switch.

Billy looks him right in the eye and says:

FYou, that an electricians job.

The End

[lastlib]

33. LOL!!

-- --

[yellowdogintexas]

26. Dont Tutch The But!

Oldtimer DU reference here

[Doodley]

29. Don't vote for Trump.

[LakeArenal]

32. That's not just a tip....

It’s a public service announcement.

[N_E_1 for Tennis]

35. Don't smell your finger after you stick it in your bellybutton.

[LakeArenal]

36. Ummmm. Where has your belly button been?