Vibes, prayer, good wishes ... needed in the worst way

[Bake]

My mother, age 85, is hospitalized for evaluation. We don't know if it's old age dementia, a stroke, or Alzheimer's. But right now, my mother is about 50 years in the past. I'm her youngest, her baby boy, she doesn't know who I am, and I feel like I've lost her, and I'm afriad this isn't reversible.

Thanks, DU, you're always there when we need each other.

Bake

[HappyMe]

1. Of course, Bake.

Comforting vibes and prayers for you & your mom.

[ScreamingMeemie]

2. My thoughts are with you, Bake

I'm so sorry and I hope they can figure out what is going on and return her to you.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. Oh, my dear Bake...

I"m so sorry, sweetie...

When your mom doesn't know you, it's like the foundation of your life has vanished. I don't even know how to comfort you, and I'm so sorry.

Hang in there......we've got your back.

[Bake]

4. There's no comfort to be had.

Just trying to deal with the harsh reality.

Life is cruel, especially when one's mind and body don't give out at the same time. I hope I never end up that way.



Bake

[PassingFair]

18. She might be suffering less than you.

My aunt is 87 and has "dementia". She doesn't usually know WHO I am,
but she knows WHAT I am... the nice lady that visits her every week, and
a person she is happy to see. She also makes kissy noises at
my husband (she always LOVED male attention!).

She does have intermittent moments of partial clarity. Sometimes she
knows I'm her niece, and she asks about other family members, although
she never can quite recall their names, so I finish a LOT of her sentences.

She is actually pretty happy most of the time. I always turn on the
Turner Classic movie station when I'm there, because it almost always
triggers her memory and gets her brain firing.

[Bake]

20. Mom's pretty mad at everybody right now, for taking her out of her house

And having her hospitalized.

I never knew my mother KNEW some of those words. Some of them, I'd heard her say on the golf course ...

Bake

[PassingFair]

28. So sorry.

My aunt was admitted to the nursing home straight from the
hospital and she worried about her "stuff" for about one day.

After that, she was afraid to LEAVE, that they'd give the bed
to someone else.

Now she is not ambulatory at all, and she seems pretty happy,
kind of like an infant. She get REALLY tired if I try to bring her
home for family holidays or even for a car ride.

I have to have help if I take her out, because although she is
light, she is easily hurt and scared and "floppy" to move.

Keep a close eye on the medications they're giving your mother!
They have tried to float inappropriate medications by me many
times. My aunt can be feisty, and they once put her on RISPERDAL...

I protested that after I googled it...the prescribing doctor must
have been getting a Caribbean vacation for prescribing that for her.

Don't let them dope her up so much that it INCREASES the dementia.

[Bake]

30. Thanks, PF

The thing that just kills me is that my mom has said for YEARS that she never wanted to go into a nursing home; that she didn't want to live like that.

And she sure as hell didn't want to become mentally impaired.

And now it's happening. Or happened.

Bake

[WillParkinson]

5. Absolutely...

Vibes and good wishes from my family to yours.

[Bake]

7. Thanks, WillP

Thanks so much!

Bake

[Baitball Blogger]

6. All good thoughts being sent your way.

Stay strong for your mum.

[Bake]

9. Thanks, BB

I'm trying. It ain't easy.

Bake

[siligut]

8. Vibes, prayer and good wishes for the best possible outcome

That must be so hard, to have your mother not know you. Vibes to you too

[Bake]

10. Thanks, siligut

It's hard. Makes me curse myself for all the times I said, I'll call her later ... and now I can't.

Bake

[irisblue]

11. positive energy and healing thoughts

my mom is 76...sigh

[Bake]

12. Thanks, irisblue!

But life is cruel, isn't it.

Bake

[bluesbassman]

13. Vibes on the way Bake.

I went through that with my dad about six years ago. Try to be as patient as you can. My best to you and your family.

[Bake]

14. Thanks, BBM!

Bake

[blueamy66]

15. prayers coming your way

[Bake]

16. Thanks, amy!!

This is why I love DU and DUers!

Bake

[blueamy66]

42. My Dad was diagnosed with cancer...then the dementia set in

He took off in his car and was missing for 24 hours.....picture on the local evening news....was found in an irrigation ditch about 50 miles south of our town....car still running....he blew out the motor....had to pick him up at the hospital....those 2 days were the most horrible days of my entire life....if my BF wasn't there to help, I wouldn't have made it....he died soon after

I wish you the best of luck.....keeping her in my thoughts and prayers....

[Kali]

17. Oh I am so sorry.

I took care of my Grampa when he didn't know who I was anymore. Don't argue with them or try to force too much reality, unless the Docs tell you to. Grampa thought I was a housekeeper his mother must have had around when he was a kid. It was painful, but if they aren't stressed or panicked it can be easier for everybody to just let them think whatever.

[Bake]

19. Thanks, Kali

And God bless you for what you did for your Grampa.

Bake

[Swede]

21. Well wishes for you and yours,Bake.

Peace to you and your family in these trying days.

[Bake]

22. Thanks, Swede!

Bake

[sharp_stick]

23. I hope all is well

It's so difficult when something like this happens. I'll be thinking of you and your Mom.

[Bake]

24. Thanks, s_s

It's not well, but it is the reality. It is ... what it is. We'll get used to it, I suppose.

Bake

[WhoIsNumberNone]

25. I feel you

I've had a few elderly relatives who developed Alzheimer's. I won't go into telling stories, but I know how tough it is when someone you've known all your life no longer remembers who you are.

Strength.

[Bake]

27. Thanks, WINN

I've heard stories but never had to deal with it directly like this.

Bake

[Flaxbee]

26. I'm so sorry, Bake

My mother has early Alzheimer's, its progress was arrested quite effectively by Aricept (not to sound like a pharma pimp, because I distrust big pharma, but Aricept has been a miracle for my mother) but I have gone through what you're going through - the feeling like you've lost your mom even though she's sitting there right beside you. It's really hard. You and she have all my best vibes.

[Bake]

29. Thanks, Flaxbee!

We're still waiting for the evaluation/diagnosis, but I'm doing a lot of reading on Alzheimer's now just in case. It seems like this came on more rapidly, but I'm not always there so I can't say for sure. Just waiting and hoping.

Bake

[TBF]

31. Sending positive vibes -

we have had similar issues with my husband's parents. Mid 80s and they have deteriorated the past couple years. It's very difficult. Almost lost dad last year, this year it was mom having a stroke. We'd like to move them closer but kind of afraid that would do more harm than good. It has been tough watching my husband deal with it.

I'll be hoping for the best possible outcome and that at the very least you can keep her comfortable.

[Bake]

32. Thanks, TBF

I'm not terribly optimistic that it's going to get any better. From what I've read so far, it doesn't--or rarely does, at best. So I'm just trying to get my head around the fact that I've lost my mother, for all practical purposes.



Bake

[FlaGatorJD]

33. Certainly sending good vibes and thoughts your way

I just lost my mom two weeks ago at 85. I was her baby too.
Do your best to take care of yourself and your family in this difficult time. Wishing all the best and comfort for you and your mom . .

[Bake]

34. Thanks, Gator!

That's what we're trying to do. But it's not easy being the baby of the family (and being treated like it by one's siblings, despite reaching the ripe old age of 56).

Bake

[mikeytherat]

35. All the best coming your way.

Peace be with you and yours.

mikey_the_rat

[Bake]

36. Thanks, Mikey!

Bake

[sarge43]

37. Vibes and comforting thoughts, Bake.

A terrible thing to happen to you both.

[Bake]

38. Thanks, sarge!

Bake

[LNM]

39. Vipes to you, Bake.

Hang in there.

[GoCubsGo]

40. I'm sorry.

I know how much it sucks to have a mom with an irreversible illness, unfortunately.

[Bake]

41. Thanks, GCG

Bake

[JitterbugPerfume]

43. my mom had dementia

It is rough .

Now that she is gone, I never think of her that way . She is once again my funny , smart, and loving mom.

I am thinking of you Bake. Be strong and know that she loves you.

[Bake]

45. Thanks, JP.

It's hard for me to think of her this way NOW. In my heart, she'll always be like she was before this.



Bake

[JitterbugPerfume]

44. mom didn't always know me

but she always knew that I was someone important to her. She sometimes called me by one of my sisters names but that was ok because she knew I was one of her daughters and that was enough

[riderinthestorm]

46. Thinking of you Bake and keep us updated!

I have no words of advice just a hug and some positive energy going out to you and your mom. Hope they find out what's happening so you can figure out the best way to help her.

[Bake]

47. Thanks, rider!

I'll update once they've completed the evaluation/diagnosis.



Bake

[hamsterjill]

48. I'm so sorry...

Sending prayers your way, and hoping that by the time you read this, the situation will have improved. It's hard watching our parents melt away from us...

[Bake]

49. Thanks, hj

At this point I almost find myself hoping it was a stroke ...

Bake

[beac]

50. Ask the doctors to check her for Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus too.

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/normal_pressure_hydrocephalus/article_em.htm

Many years ago, we went through this with my grandmother and she had NPH but was misdiagnosed for several weeks before someone figured it out.

Will be thinking good thoughts for her and your family. Keep us posted.

[Bake]

51. Thanks, beac

She's at the very best facility in the state for geriatric psych issues. We'll know more in a few days.



Bake

[beac]

58. So glad you have her in a good place. I know that will help you worry (a little) less.

In some ways, the elderly become like children again and we, the caregivers, become parent-like. Remember that you used to get mad at her for making you do things that you didn't want to but, in the end, were best for you. Somewhere, behind her anger, she knows that you want only the best for her.

[haele]

52. So sorry this is happening -

My grandfather began to mistake me for my mother and around 1994 ended up driving his car up onto a foot-high median on the Foothills Blvd (old Rt. 66) in Covina - 20 miles away from his home when he decided to go looking up one of his fishing buddies who had passed decades ago.
He got terribly lost and tried to make a U-turn across the Blvd into a no-longer-existant motel he was sure was still there from the 1940's. He was "missing" for two days until the hotel he did find to stay at figured out something was wrong and reported him.
My uncle knew Pappy - who was 93 at the time - had been starting to slide into senile dementia for three to four years prior, but because Pappy was a cranky old Scandihoovian who still wanted to be independent and refused to give up the keys to his car, all he did was "keep an eye on him" - until the state pulled Pappy's license for leaving the car on the median.

Hugs for you in dealing with your mom. Hopefully, she can have lucid times that you will be able to have a bit more quality time with her.

Haele

[Bake]

53. Thanks, haele!

I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

Bake

[Arugula Latte]

54. I'm so sorry.

We're dealing with dementia in the family. It's a hard road. Hang in there ...

[redwitch]

55. Big hug from me

I hope the docs can figure out what has happened and that she regains her memory of you at the very least. So sorry this is happening!

[Bake]

63. Thanks so much, redwitch!

Bake

[grasswire]

56. music can be useful

The music of her young days. Probably big band, considering her age, and Sinatra, and so on. My Aunt Ruth is just that age, and I know that she loves to hear the music from the forties.

[Whisp]

57. very sorry, Bake

[trof]

59. Getting old sux.

I know, I'm doing it.
Oh hell, I'm not 'doing it', I'm there.
All the best to you for a good outcome.
trof

[davsand]

60. Sending love and well wishes for your mom, for you, and your family as well.

This is such a difficult thing to watch our parents in decline. Please don't give up hope--sometimes confusion can be a byproduct of a new med or even a physical illness like an infection or some sort of chemical imbalance.






Laura

[UrbScotty]

61. (((((Bake)))))

All the best to you and your family.

[NCTraveler]

62. Vibes your way. I know how difficult this is.

I went through something similar. Take care of your self, your mother, and your family to the best of you ability.

[Bake]

64. Thanks to all you fantastic DUers!

I got busy and couldn't respond to everybody right now, but I appreciate each and every one of you! DUers are THE BEST!!

I'll update you on her condition once I know more, hopefully in a few days.



Bake

[femmocrat]

65. So sorry, Bake.

I'll keep you and your mom in my prayers.

[maddezmom]

66. prayers, good wishes, etc

going through something similar with my dad. Keeping you in my thoughts.