Another day, another new Facebook friend

[KamaAina]

who turns out to be "in a relationship" with some dork.

[ZombieHorde]

1. What happened? nt

[KamaAina]

2. Well, she replied to a post of mine

on a mutual friend's thread. Then I found myself with a friend request. Oh boy oh boy oh...oh, so that's why there was a guy in her picture. This happens WAY too often.

[ZombieHorde]

3. Meeting people can be tough.

Most people I know have met their significant other either through work, school, club, or religious cult.

[KamaAina]

4. Been out of school for years. No religious cult.

I am actually a lapsed UU!

As for coworkers, there are a couple, but I'd think it would have happened by now.

[Chan790]

5. I hate to be the wet-blanket tosser, but...

You really aren't going to meet someone on FB. It's one of the great myths of our age and time; it happens only often enough for people like me to be unable to say "It never happens" because I care about precision. It doesn't "never happen," it happens infrequently enough that it might as well never happen.

Most people, even if single, are not going to date someone that saw them on Facebook and sent a friend request; it has the vibe of the "unwilling meat-market" and I've heard female friends describe it as "stalkerish" somewhat frequently. You'd have marginally-better odds if you were a female seeking a male because men are seemingly less creeped out by it.

You're not a stalker, you're a nice presumably-attractive guy with a degree from Yale meaning you're not stupid. Put on a nice shirt, go meet people where people seek to be met. Relax, they're all on the same boat.

As I suggested to dawg yesterday, you should try the shitty hole-in-the-wall bar in your city that serves sangria with a mariachi band and a dance floor because the women outnumber the men about 6:1 and if works better if you can't dance because they'd love to teach you.

[KamaAina]

6. Which one?

you should try the shitty hole-in-the-wall bar in your city that serves sangria with a mariachi band and a dance floor

This is San Jose. That doesn't narrow it down very much.

[Chan790]

8. Pick one and go.

If that one doesn't yield fruit or you simply hate the bar or the women are not who you're looking for or the music sucks or you don't like the sangria...try a different one next time. It doesn't matter which one...or ask a female friend which one she prefers; odds are she likes that one because the dancing is hot, the drinks are cheap and she doesn't get hit on by throngs of scummy aggressive men.

That's the one you want. Good ratio, good drinks, good music, dance partners who are looking to have a good time. Either you'll meet a cute single woman or you'll meet a cute not-single woman who thinks you're awesome and wants to do all the work and set you up with her cute single friend.

[bluesbassman]

7. Never heard of that technique before Chan...

Heard of "bathroom tosser", "back of the theater tosser", and so on, but I suppose a wet blanket works too. LOL

Good advice BTW. I imagine Facebook matchmaking odds would be pretty slim.

[Myrina]

9. +100

You really aren't going to meet someone on FB. It's one of the great myths of our age and time; it happens only often enough for people like me to be unable to say "It never happens" because I care about precision. It doesn't "never happen," it happens infrequently enough that it might as well never happen.

Most people, even if single, are not going to date someone that saw them on Facebook and sent a friend request; it has the vibe of the "unwilling meat-market" and I've heard female friends describe it as "stalkerish" somewhat frequently

Amen.

[dawg]

11. In my short circle of acquaintances, I know of at least two men who found someone on facebook.

Of course, both of them found my wife, but it still counts.

[Chan790]

12. Oww! I'm sorry, dawg.

That's a shitty thing to do to a friend.

[dawg]

13. They weren't friends.

Just people that I knew or had heard of through mutual acquaintances.

What you said still applies though, because up until then I thought of her as my best friend. And it truly was a shitty thing to do to a friend.

I'm probably giving out too much pity party information the last couple of days. I'm finally starting the legal proceedings and it's making me feel all hollowed-out inside.

[Chan790]

14. The end of a marriage is tough.

Do and say what you need to.

[dawg]

10. Advice from me is highly suspect.

I am the most clueless man on Earth when it comes to these things. But "in a relationship" means nothing to me.

Whenever I finally get ready to move on with my life and seek female companionship, I'll probably disregard anything short of a wedding ring. If she's funny, smart & attractive, then of course she has a boyfriend. It's just that he isn't as good as me, and she'll soon find that out.

Seriously, facebook is for making and keeping in touch with friends. This woman could be a great friend to you. Someday, possibly more. But if there is a chance of having a relationship with her, it would be more likely to grow out of an established real-life friendship and not from a friend request on facebook.