"One day I was sitting in a restaurant with my wife..."

[DetlefK]

"One day I was sitting in a restaurant with my wife. This girl came over, said hello and walked away. My wife asked who she is, and I said, don't you start. I have enough trouble explaining to her who you are."

Rodney Dangerfield

[rurallib]

1. oh lord, I needed a good laugh right now.

[Submariner]

2. My all time favorite Rodney quote

[Ohiogal]

3. "I was so depressed that...

I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said, “On your mark....”

[Skittles]

4. my wife wants to have sex in the back seat of the car, but she wants me to drive

[ploppy]

5. Skittles!

Glad to see you! It's been a while.

[Skittles]

7. HOWDY PLOPPY

yes INDEED

[spooky3]

11. Welcome back!! Whose ass did you have to kick? Nt

[Yavin4]

6. I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake.

He told me, “Wait til it gets warmer.”

[JuJuYoshida]

8. He was simply the best!

[NightWatcher]

9. Before I married my wife I wanted sex in the worst way

And since we've been married, that's the only way we have it.

[Hotler]

10. I told my psychiatrist.....

I was having suicidal tendencies. He said from now on I have to pay in advance.