Shedding toxic people

[vercetti2021]

So I got a bit of an issue. I got a "friend" who is a constant blame. Blames everyone else for what they do. So I'm having the problem. I was kicked out of a trip a few months back due to her belief I was in love with her and ruined two of her relationships. Which I have text evidence that she in fact ruined those relationships on her own and she always ran to me to vent.

So I did at one point have feelings for her and well go figure I told a friend of ours and they run off to tell her. So she thinks I was lying about not being in love with her and I said no. She's a complete opposite of who I am and just an all around mean person sometimes. So she literally tried to convince me I was in love and it kept going on like that for awhile. She is so convinced I am that everyone could see it around her and made them uncomfortable. But these other friends never said it to me. She just says they were. Now I believe it's time for this friendship to end. She claims she had to do damage control and already made it clear why we don't hang out in person now.

So at this point we are just text only friends and probably barely at that due to a huge fight that started when I respectfully said I didn't want to talk about her trip.

How do I remove this person from my life? Its hard since she wasn't like this before.

[True Blue American]

1. Cut her off!

Simple, stop having anything to do with her. Make new friends, move on.

Is this a joke?

[vercetti2021]

3. No I wish it was

Problem is in prone to give people too many chances

[samnsara]

7. being too nice can be toxic to yourself too...

...i pride myself in that i can be an outright bitch when have to. I channel my inner warrior...because it is 'survival'.

[vercetti2021]

10. I have a nice complex

I'm very honest to others about myself. Apparently that was a downfall for me in this friendship. Talking to mutual friends about the friendship between her and I. Somehow her having ene delusion of how I'm in love with her. I had feelings at one point and that's that. But that was before she showed her ugly side

[True Blue American]

12. I used to do that.

Learned it is best to cut them cold.

I had a friend a couple of years ago. Found out she was underminding me. She thought she was being so cute. End of friendship.

The only way you can do it.

Keep in mind as long as you hang on you are depriving yourself of a real relationship.

I know this saying is trite, but there are plenty of fish in the sea.

I flew over a few cow piles until I met my Husband and knew we were right for each other.

[vercetti2021]

17. Not so much in love with her

Not like she believed. She claimed I ruined two of her relationships because both of her boyfriends talked to me first and I obviously said hello back. Then it just got more ridiculous from there on.

I had feelings but I never wanted to be with her. She is not even my type. Shes too cold hearted and just all around mean

[tblue37]

26. I call it weeding my garden. Think of that Marie Kondo decluttering motto:

If it doesn't "spark joy," get rid of it.

[no_hypocrisy]

2. Take your hand away from the flame, and the pain will stop.

Cut off all contact with her.

[rainy]

4. She might be Borderline Personality

They are emotional vampires and toxic people. My sister is one and I have suffered so much mental anguish over the years until I learned about BPD. There is a book titled: Stop Walking on Eggshells. I’m so glad I found it!

[samnsara]

6. i have a sis like that too and shes a clinical psychologist!

[True Blue American]

13. Mother for me.

[rainy]

20. Was it difficult growing up with her?

My nephew left my sister, his mother, in elementary school to live with his father.

[True Blue American]

23. Long story

Not when I was little. After my Father came home from Service, divorce. He asked me what iwanted to do. Stayed with him. My life long, loving Dad. I also have loving support from my Grandparents. My Mothers Mother and Dad.

[vercetti2021]

8. Well she does have it

But I'm not giving her a pass on being an awful person.

[rainy]

21. Walk away, they are toxic.

[Phentex]

11. This is timely for me...

I was recently hurt very deeply by my sister and I just cannot figure out why. I am one of the few people in her life who always has her back. I know that she gets emotional, angry and vampirish at times but she does not usually take that out on me.

I've been thinking about the phrase people will treat you like a doormat if you act like one. But what if you don't realize it UNTIL it's happening to you?

I had to stop all communication with her because I'm just too hurt. There is NO way for her to think that what she did is at all acceptable and if she had just apologized at the start, I might have been open to talking about it with her. But she tried to act like nothing happened. I am normally an emotionally strong person but this was deep.

I'm ordering this book!!!!

[True Blue American]

14. The older they get

Last edited Sat Apr 20, 2019, 12:29 PM - Edit history (1)

The worse it becomes. They use people until they can not. Then move on to another enabler.

[samnsara]

5. RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...there are SO many red flags with this person.


Cutting toxic people out of your life can be really therapeutic. I have no problem separating myself from people who are toxic to me. Ive blocked some family from facebook. I've totally cut off communicating with some ppl i have known a life time...from grad school....from childhood. I cut off some ppl because they are MAGAS, and others because they revealed some part of themselves that were no longer compatible with my sense of well being.

We change. They change and so have I and its OK to say 'well our time is done'. Its just life.


Its like de-cluttering your house where the rule is : Only keep the best.

[vercetti2021]

9. Tapping out more like it

Stupid It started over my politely asking to not talk about la anymore. It exploded into a bunch of blaming me for why I'm not going and it being about a self pity party. Mind you this is a month after nearly dying of sepsis that she decided to pull this. Like thanks that's nice

[True Blue American]

15. I know this is the lounge

But do we know someone like that?

[vercetti2021]

16. Yep

They'd be good friends

[True Blue American]

18. :)

[SWBTATTReg]

19. Sometimes you can be (I am talking about us in particular) too nice to others. It's the way we ...

were all brought up, to be respectful and nice to others. My friends told me that I was always being too nice (why I was getting taken advantage of, money/loans, emotional things I got dumped on with, etc.).

Thus, even thought it took years to do so, I pretty well don't put up w/ any 'crap' from anyone anymore, I'm Mr. Not-a-nice-guy-anymore, since I've been burned and taken advantage of too many times for me to count/recall. This includes family who only call if they need money, etc., 'friends who needed a temporary place to stay but stay way too long', and the list goes on and on...

Easy to remove them from your life. Think of how much better your life would be already, if they were not there anymore. Go out and do other things and get involved with other things that will help you take your mind off this person, but personally, I don't think she's worth all of the energy you're wasting on her, that you should be spending this energy on things for you, not her.

[True Blue American]

24. Ditto!

We learned self protection, that does not mean we do not love and take care of our own..

[artislife]

22. You only have so much time on this planet

Fill as much as you can with joy.

[Baitball Blogger]

25. Stop responding to any of her calls or inquiries.

It's hard. Especially since she seems to have an audience of supporters that she can rely on. Been there before. Nothing you can do on your end in regards to those other friends, except to give them time to recognize the patterns.

A friend of mind found the perfect term to explain your situation. That woman is addicted to her own misery.

[vercetti2021]

30. Perhaps she is

And to the misery of others. She loves causing misery and drama with people. Especially with me.

[mercuryblues]

27. Block her number

block her on social media - but not her friends. Let them see the pics you post having fun, even if they are poses with strangers. They will see you thriving and her being bitter and know the score. Trust me, what she is saying to your face is nothing compared to what she is saying behind your back.

[vercetti2021]

29. Oh I know

She tossed in damage control and such she had to do. I know that means make me look like the bad person. Claiming how I was making others uncomfortable because she thought it was me being uncomfortable about her seeing her boyfriend in LA.

It wasn't that. The last trip was ruined because of her and tried to blame me. I was more worried about that. But claims I made others uncomfortable because I was reaching out to get to know them better.

[uriel1972]

28. be prepared for fallout...

like losing mutual friends and other high drama. Don't mean it will happen, but it may.

[csziggy]

31. Another vote to cut her off

Don't take calls or texts from her. Block her on social media. Do not acknowledge her existence. Treat her as a non-person.

I first did this with a toxic man I knew while I was in college. He was incredibly rude and obnoxious but would never take responsibility for his actions. I felt guilty for getting mad at him until I realized he was just using my anger to get himself ahead. So I cut him off completely.

Once I got caught in an elevator with him and two other people. He tried to engage me in conversation and I simply would not interact with him. Some friends gave him a ride to my place and I would not let him into my house. he spent the evening in their car waiting for them to take him home. It's now been fifty years since I declared him a non-person and I don't regret it at all.

Life is too short to poison yours with a toxic personality around all the time.