VERIZON WIRELESS RANT (and a little record keeping to boot) (also TLDR warning, heh)

[Kali]

As a few of you know, I have been on glacially slow dial up for more than 10 years. A couple of weeks ago I lost even that due to wind, a tiny bit of rain, and a bird nest. At least I have it back on because that event finally made me start the process to get a faster connection and apparently I REALLY need my dial up for that.

It has just been one fuck up after another.

All I have available out here is dial-up over 70 + year old phone lines, satellite (which everybody seems to say is almost as bad as dial-up, in some cases worse) or wireless broadband from Verizon. (despite at least 6 2-inch underground conduits' worth of fiber optic passing less than 150 feet from my house - fuck you AT&T) We have had cell phones with them forEVER. (although there were a couple years we had Altell when Verizon wasn't technically available out here - prior to that a whiz tech person had rigged up some route through Nogales for us to keep a Tucson number, but one time when we got a new phone nobody could figure out how we were even on the system) A few years ago Verizon bought Altell out so we were back with them again.

Mostly the service is pretty good and tech support is in-country which I appreciate. Things out on a ranch are hard enough to explain to urban Americans, trying to explain to people outside of the country are much more difficult.

Two of the squids have (now unavailable) unlimited data plans on their smart phones. One of them is ...um, hard on the brick-a-brack, if you know what I mean and goes through about 3 phones a year. The last time he destroyed it he went almost two months before he came up with the $$ for a new one. In that time I had the brilliant idea to see if I could transfer his data plan to an air card for my laptop. I called Verizon and whoever said sure we could do that. I didn't do it then because I needed to make sure it was going to be OK with the kid. So the next time I called to see about maybe going ahead with it and getting a new plan for him, the person almost laughed at me. No way to do that.

Next time I called I had looked on-line at their website and found a used, er "certified pre-owned" modem for $50 with a 2 year contract but when I tried to get the price for month to month bills it gave me the full brand new price. The person I talked to said she could set it up for me to get the month to month and the device at the used price. I can't remember why I didn't do it right then but it is probably related to my difficulty in justifying to myself the $50 a month for a LIMITED amount of data. Anyway, I finally got to that mental space and called to order the thing. Well as you can imagine, suddenly no I can't have a used one and month to month billing. Fuckers. I do not want to commit to a 2 year contract on this becasue I don't know if a) I can actually afford it and b) it will really work out!

So I did what we do when the kids lose or destroy a phone before contract renewal time - got a used device off the internet. (GoOverstock.com through Amazon gets a rec from me here) It got here in 3 days through the US Postal service. The way I prefer to have things shipped. Because then I have all day to go AT MY LEISURE, and pick it up at the post office. FedEx and UPS won't come down our road (and I DO NOT blame them - FUCK YOU AGAIN AT&T, fix your goddamn right-of-way once this century, huh?)

When I got it I called Verizon to see about getting the SIM card for it. "Oh you can just stop at a Veriozon store and get one for free!" Uh I live 20 miles from the nearest town and the "verizon store" is the local Radio Shack which I hate. (this was last Thursday I think) "Well we can ship it FedEx to you and it will get there by Monday free!" arrggg. I decide that somebody will be going to town before Monday so tell them I will get one in town. We go ahead and set up the account so all I will have to do is activate the thing when I get the sim card. Next day find out Radio Shack is no longer a Verizon vendor (I can imagine why, the owner is...let's just say he seems to enjoy his cocktail hour all day long). Walmart has Verizon products, though so send the kids over there to pick one up. They want $20 for it. Fuck that I am way too much of a tightwad for that! Another call to Verizon and another attempt by me to get them to pass a customer comment up the food chain about their delivery policies. I would rather wait extra DAYS and get things at the post office than have to try to meet a private-company driver who often has no cell phone.

I watch the tracking on line all weekend and on Tuesday call FedEx to make sure whatever office this is going to go from onto the truck knows to either call me or tell the driver to when he/she gets to Benson so I can meet them at the end of our road (or wherever) Yesterday I sat around all morning waiting and they finally called around 11. Got my new sim card - all excited - going to get on line, load some pix my sister emailed from Egypt that I can't even open on dial-up and maybe come post them on DU!!! yahoo, right?!! Oh HELL no.

Nothing works, can't get the frigging thing to connect, tech support can't figure it out, finally they decide my previous call didn't set up the new account right and they send me to sales...this person can't seem to grasp anything I tell her and finally INSISTS the company I bought the device from had set me up with a contract to go through them and that is why she can't activate - have to do it through them. I am like WTF? no way no way no way, the whole point of ordering a USED device from an ELECTRONIC RETAILER was to AVOID a contract. There is NOTHING about connecting through them or any kind of contracts ANYWHERE in the order, delivery emails, or paper invoice. So I had to contact them to ask WTF. They (GoOverstock.com - another little rec from me) were pretty cool and sent a good e-mail with clear instructions and mentioned sometimes the commissioned sales people have some "trouble" connecting you when they don't actually get a commission due to the way you are doing things. I try the instructions, which were to go on-line and activate that way. My first problem is entering the sim card's ID number - "a number on the card between 15 and 19 digits" mine had 20. Error message can not activate at this time call 800-xxx-xxxx.

SOOOO I call Verizon back AGAIN and get a pretty good tech guy that checks things out and runs interference for me with the next sales person so we can get the fricking thing set up right. Why? because when the damn device wouldn't connect right the first time the sim card got automatically "retired". Not only do I need to set up a new account again, but they need to send me another sim card.

JEEBUS

But wait it isn't over by a long shot! They try to kiss my ass a little by sending it free overnight! oooh. So yesterday evening these e-mails start rolling in. First an order confirmation. Ok good. Then a shipping notice - cool. Wait - it says it is being shipped USPS. WTF? I thought they couldn't do that? Wow that guy was good and he really listened to my bitching! Click on tracking number and get a "can't find" message. Ok maybe it is just not in the system yet, no biggie. Then I get another shipping notice. And a third one. The second one's numbers matched the ones in the original order confirmation but none of the tracking numbers get anything but an error not found message. Oh well I will worry about it in the morning.

Try everything again this morning. All error not found for the tracking numbers. Try to call customer service. not in until 6. go do some chores, try again. Talk to somebody. They are ALL confused. On hold while person confers with their "team". Comes back with a helpful message.

Current status/knowledge? My order should be here "soon", disregard those 4 e-mails - system errors, coming FedEx, no tracking number available yet, there was some "problem" with the 4G sims yesterday. That is it.

Oh wait, he offered to get me the FedEx 800 number. Hi FedEx? Do you have a random package from Verizon for me somewhere? No I don't have any numbers or any idea where it was shipped from, or even what address they put on it for delivery. Maybe your driver could just stop at a Verizon store in Tucson or Sierra Vista and pick up a new sim card for me? They are supposed to be free.

I'm just sitting here going

edit: just checked my e-mail and they sent me some spam about a sale on 4G smartphones!!!

[NV Whino]

1. God help me, I laughed

I laugh only because I fully understand what you are going through. I went through three months of hell trying to get Comcast set up, but it doesn't compare to your ordeal.

[Kali]

2. thanks! I was hoping SOME humor would come through...

my mental health depends on humor - a LOT

[NV Whino]

4. I know

If I couldn't laugh at these things, I would have jumped off the bridge long ago.

And trying to get an Internet connection in the boonies is a real challenge. I'm not as isolated as you are, but "high speed" has only made an appearance within the last year.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

3. and I thought I was having a bad day!

your post reminds me to be thankful to live where I do...looks country but has all the modern conveniences of suburgatory

[Kali]

5. wish I could do a poll as a reply

yesterday, just for the hell of it, I tried following the tracking links in those three e-mails and whadaya know, but they all three showed items at a facility in Phx, 2 minutes apart. Today all three are showing arrived at my Post Office.

Do you think there are THREE sim cards? Do you think I will be able to pick it/them up today, or do I need to sign for it/them? Postmaster is only in until about 9 on Saturday so if I do need to sign I won't be able to do that until Monday.

Maybe I shouldn't have rode this morning. (Joe the Horse is hanging in there for those following THAT saga)

I'm debating whether to waste the gas going for the mail today or just waiting until Monday. What do you think? I DO need to go to the feed store, but that is in the other direction, PO is about 8 miles out of the way.

[Kali]

6. OMFUCKINGG

there WERE three flat priority mail packages for me to pick up at the desk at the post office.

got home and opened the first one with some amusement. pkg of printed materials same as original box delivered by fed ex back whenever that was. BUT NO SIM CARD.

OK maybe the three were an error and only the one that matched the original order confirmation will have a card.


NOPE.


All three are the same. "getting started" folder, plastic donation/recycle envelope,guide to coverage and plans, customer reciept. NO SIM CARDS.



WHAT. THE. FUCK. ???

[pitohui]

9. verizon, eh? t hat isn't even the scary part

the bill is going to bear no relation to what you thought and it's going to be difficult/impossible to have them make it right

i don't have your patience in telling the whole long story but suffice it to say verizon makes BIG MONEY off screwing up, inflating your bill w. ridiculous stuff you supposedly asked for, and then turning it over to collections

how do you prove you received not one but three empty envelopes? you can't, not really

awful awful situation, i could tell some tales but it's too dispiriting and i think you're at least still at the state where you can laugh

this is likely to cost you money you don't owe, if my friends and relatives experiences are any guide

[Kali]

10. Oh I know

been with them for a long time, but the 24 Kbps dial-up just sucks too much. And it has been crapping out more and more too. Century Link or whatever the hell it is now is even worse than Qwest was if that could be possible.

[Kali]

7. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I just got the robot customer service satisfaction survey call.

Gosh I don't know why they don't have the option I needed. "press one if the last call rep did their job" (paraphrase) "press 2 if they just pissed you off"

what I need is "press 3 if you have no idea whether what they told you is going to work or not because you won't know for hours or days into the future"

I also need "press 4 if everybody up until now has been incompetent, but I stupidly still have hope"



by way of updating this comedy, the day I got the three empty priority mail packages, I talked to aguy who REALLY sounded like he was going to help - he told me to go ahead and get another sim card at wally world and he would set it up to reimburse me and make up for some of the trouble. He was going to CALL ME BACK on Friday. Of course he didn't. Not yesterday either.

So I called AGAIN this morning and at the moment I am downloadind some 42MB file (estimated time: 4 hours) that I may (or may not who the fuck knows at this point?) need to activate my connection. The guy I talked to last week works at the same call center as the person I talked to today and she said she would kick him an e-mail to call me about my reimbursement as (of course) she couldn't do anything about that...

anybody want to make bets on this working today or not? I bet I will have to go to the library to get that file and that means tomorrow at the earliest, but let's pretend it will load today. Think I will be able to connect even then? How many more phone calls?

[Ptah]

8. Your driveway marker is ready for delivery

I would be all Tombstone on them by now
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