My great aunt turned 93 today.
My great aunt turned 93 today. In the words of my mother, “that tough old bird is going to outlive us all.” Mom may be right. As the oldest of six siblings, she has outlived four of the other five. She lost her husband before I was born, and never re-married. I can't even begin to count the host of cousins, in-laws, and friends that she has seen pass. It wasn't the point of my post, but as I stop to write this I find myself staggered by the sheer number of people that my great aunt has put into the ground.
And on her 93rd birthday, she's sitting at home, alone.
I live about 800 miles away, and I called her today to wish her a happy birthday. From the short conversation we had, I think it made her whole week. She and I were always close when I was young. She was my favorite babysitter, and we shared many celebrations thanks to having birthdays only one day apart. She seems so happy every time I go to visit or call her, but it's somewhat painful for me to do, and I realized why today on the phone.
She's sitting at home, alone.
To hear my mother talk, you'd think that my aunt was just an old grouch, practically anti-social and perfectly content to sit alone in that big house. I don't see that. I see that my aunt moved from the countryside into the middle of that little town to be across the street from her sister (whom she lost last year). I see that my aunt enjoys the company of others, not just me but everyone who comes to visit. I hear in her voice that she enjoys just being able to talk to company.
And on her 93rd birthday, she's sitting at home, alone.
Don't get me wrong, she hasn't been abandoned. She had a party yesterday (that I didn't hear about from anyone else) with over 30 people that she seems to have enjoyed. People in our extended family call her and visit on a semi-frequent basis. But far more often than not, my great aunt sits in her house, alone.
I can't tell you with 100% certainty if she is lonely, but I think that she is, and I think that is wrong, and I think it's the fault of our culture.
We are taught all of our lives that it is best by far for us to be independent. It is weakness for us to need others, and indeed our elders are made to feel as though they are burdensome when they seek out the company of younger generations. At the same time, living with other elders is stigmatized, regardless of whether “assistance” is provided. We create a catch 22 for everyone in our society, guaranteeing that as we grow old and our closest loved ones precede us to the grave we will experience a depth of loneliness that our society prevents us from attempting to mitigate.
Nothing I can do or say will change the path that my great aunt is on. She will spend the majority of her remaining time alone, and whether or not she is truly lonely will be anyone's guess because she is too proper to do anything else but hide such an emotion. But I wish that more of us could see this problem, and I wish that we as a society could do something about it for the future. We need not condemn our elders to twilights of solitude. We really should be better than that.
= new reply since forum marked as read
