Know any good one-liner jokes?
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows to high...She seemed surprised.
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Here are just a few of Steven Wright's one-liners:
- 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
- A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
- All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- Borrow money from pessimists-they don’t expect it back.
- Change is inevitable….except from vending machines.
- Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
- Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
- Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
- Half the people you know are below average.
- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
- How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
