There are raccoons under my porch.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

They're screeching and squeaking and thumping around under there, and they are probably either fighting or mating. I wish they'd stop.

[Kali]

1. better than skunks

is all I can say

[Phoenix61]

2. Raccoons aren't social animals so ....

this time of year it’s probably mating.

[Skittles]

3. put some mothballs under there

they really hate that smell

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

4. I'm not sure the moths will stand still for that.

[Skittles]

5. STOP IT

yer killing me

[yonder]

15. +1. A true, honest to goodness guffaw was just had.

Excellent!

[NurseJackie]

18. How do you get their little legs apart?

[Bayard]

6. Trap them, or have someone trap them

As cute as they are, they will go after your pets, and they carry rabies. Setting up housekeeping under your porch is not a good thing.

We had to start trapping them when they were killing our ducks and chickens.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

7. I'm in the city. Raccoons are all over the place

and there wouldn't be any point in trapping these ones. I don't have any outdoor pets so no worries there. There are always raccoons under the porch. These are just noisier than usual.

[brush]

12. Call animal control asap.They can be dangerous.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

16. They're under my porch in the snow. I don't see them at all

and they don't get anywhere near me. Animal control won't bother unless they're a problem, which they aren't; there are so many of them. Around here they are basically squirrels, only bigger.

[safeinOhio]

8. One of the smartest animals in America

except for crossing roads.

[pdxflyboy]

9. There are house wrens in our wall...

Above the double doors to our patio. We’re not gonna try to get rid of them. They need a warm place to snuggle during the winter season.

[Rockher]

10. good

thank you so much for this great work.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

11. ?

[dalton99a]

13. Get rid of them. They're probably using your house as a latrine.

Raccoon droppings are dangerous:

https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/baylisascaris/prevent.html

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

14. It's the dead of winter. Whatever is under there is frozen solid.

I'm not worried.

[sinkingfeeling]

17. They come through my cat door, onto the back porch,

and eat cat food. Sometimes with the cats. Leave them under your porch.