I KNEW there was a reason I loved Graham crackers

[packman]

Graham Crackers Were Invented to Combat the Evils of Coffee, Alcohol, and Masturbation

Long before they were used to make s’mores or the tasty crust of a Key lime pie, graham crackers served a more puritanical purpose in 19th-century America. The cookies were invented by Sylvester Graham, an American Presbyterian minister whose views on food, sex, alcohol, and nutrition would seem a bit extreme to today's cracker-snackers. Much like the mayor in the movie Chocolat, Graham and his thousands of followers—dubbed Grahamites—believed it was sinful to eat decadent foods. To combat this moral decay, Graham started a diet regimen of his own
…
Graham’s austere philosophy was informed by the underlying belief that eating habits affect people’s behaviors, and vice versa. He thought certain foods were "overstimulating" and led to impure thoughts and passions, including masturbation—or “self-pollution,” as he called it—which he believed to be an epidemic that caused both blindness and insanity.

Graham's views directly influenced Victorian-era corn flake inventor John Harvey Kellogg, who was born a year after Graham died. Like his predecessor, Kellogg also believed that meat and some flavorful foods led to sexual impulses, so he advocated for the consumption of plain foods, like cereals and nuts, instead. (Unsurprisingly, the original recipes for both corn flakes and graham crackers were free of sinful sugar.)

In one lecture, Graham told young men they could stop their minds from wandering to forbidden places if they avoided “undue excitement of the brain and stomach and intestines.” This meant swearing off improper foods and substances like tobacco, caffeine, pepper, ginger, mustard, horseradish, and peppermint. Even milk was banned because it was “too exciting and too oppressive

More about this evil cracker:

http://extragoodshit.phlap.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/Graham-Crackers-Were-Invented-to-Combat-the-Evils-of-Coffee-Alcohol-and-Masturbation.html

[dchill]

1. Oh, those crackpot Grahams!

[dewsgirl]

2. I watched a documentary on this a couple years ago, I

forgot all about it. Wild.

[hlthe2b]

3. Nutbag-links or no, I grew up on them and have a lingering fondness...

Of course, nowadays I restrict carbs & sugar so much that a saltine cracker would seem like a treat.

[magicarpet]

4. Then all his friends named a pastry after him...

Ring Ding.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

5. So, are the graham crackers working?

[lapfog_1]

6. Even milk was banned because it was too exciting and too oppressive

so as a child I learned to dip my graham cracker in milk for the exact right amount of time. Not too long or the cracker would disintegrate, but just long enough to soak it.

I guess that was my downfall... because I masturbated quite a bit back then as a teen.

[Dem2theMax]

7. I must be really evil.

I made Magic Cookie Bars last night with a graham cracker crust.

It has sweetened condensed milk in it. That must be even worse than regular milk in this guy's eyes.

And it's loaded with chocolate chips. Caffeine anyone?