See this thing right here?

[LuckyCharms]

Below is a picture of a nose hair clipper.

I've always shied away from buying this type of clipper, because for some reason, I've always thought that they look like they inflict pain.

Well, I was wrong. I bought one this weekend, and these things are a Godsend. You can jam these things all of the way up your nostril, and you get that satisfying sound of your nose hairs being cut....ZZZZZZT....ZZZZZZT....ZZZZZZT. You can wiggle that shit around, jam it, poke it, twirl it, etc. until you no longer hear that sound. It is then that you know that ALL of the nose hairs are gone.

I'm so excited that I may take my flashlight to the grocery store with me, walk up to some strangers, tilt my head back, shine the flashlight up my flared and shaved nostrils, and say "Hey, check this out".

Well, let me rephrase that. I *would* do that, except that it's probably a pretty good way of getting the fucking Corona virus.

[jberryhill]

1. I donate my cut nose hairs to a charity for people who don't have them

"You can wiggle that shit around, jam it, poke it, twirl it, etc. until you no longer hear that sound. It is then that you know that ALL of the nose hairs are gone."

Either that or you've bored into your auditory cortex.

[LuckyCharms]

3. But on the bright side

If there were any hairs in my auditory cortex, they're gone now.

[unblock]

7. nice avatar update!

[jberryhill]

11. I'm not taking any chances

[unblock]

13. good thinking. computer viruses can be very scary.

[Harker]

2. Wait until the batteries run low

and it starts grabbing and ripping nose hairs out in slo-mo.

Your neighbors will hear your screams.

[LuckyCharms]

4. It's OK. They're used to hearing my screams...

when I poop.

[jberryhill]

5. You can cut those hairs too, you know

[LuckyCharms]

6. Poop has hairs?

[jberryhill]

10. Doesn't everybody's?

[LuckyCharms]

12. Just got out my magnifying glass.

You're right.

[Harker]

8. Maybe there's another use for that gadget. n/t

[LuckyCharms]

9. No no, I tried that once.

Had to go get an xray, followed by emergency surgery.